Pearl

It is incredible what a human being is capable of doing. It is incredible that plans can be thrown out the window, how dreams can wash away like frothy waves. This night, the night I found out that Owen had turned the other cheek on me, changed many lives.

After Jake Merlotta had dropped Olive off, he and I sat in his blue pickup truck. We were parked in front of my house for a while, but I was avoiding going inside. It sounded awful: having to clean up dinner, finish up the washing, and tucking Sarah into bed. I wasn’t crying anymore, just staring into the dark and chilly street. Jake looked at me with tired eyes. “I’m real sorry about tonight. It’s an awful thing to learn about someone you care about.”

I shrugged. Feeling incredibly numb, I shifted in my seat to face him head on. “I don’t wanna go in there. Do you mind if I come with you for a while? Just for a little?”

Jake’s eyes widened. “That’s not a good idea,” he said after a careful half-minute pause.

“I promise I won’t be any trouble!” I reassured him.

He shook his head, but still murmured, “Alright. But if your Daddy or Owen found out I had you out this late, they’d kick my ass for sure.” I smiled brightly as he turned the engine on.

“I really don’t think either of them would care at this point,” I quipped under my breath. He chuckled at my annoyance.

We turned the corner and drove for a solid twenty minutes. It turned out that Jake lived in a small periwinkle blue house on the outskirts of town. It was a sweet place with white trimming and a pale pink door. “This is adorable!” I commented. Jake laughed.

“Uh, well. It was my grandmother’s. I really didn’t have the heart to change much after she died,” he said. He got out of the car and tried to open my door, but I beat him to it.

“Guess I should just expect you to not fall for gallantry,” he said. I nodded my head.

“You really, really should.”

He led me up the walkway that was lined with yellow roses. “You live by yourself?”

“Yep, for now. Thinking of selling it. Maybe move to Rhode Island soon.”

“Why Rhode Island?”

“I have a friend there who has promised me a job at an auto shop. I can’t be a boxer forever. It’s definitely not a career…for me.” He said all of this as he opened the door. I could sense the disappointment in his voice. We knew, despite his efforts and his training, that he was not naturally talented. He was not like Owen. I suddenly felt very sorry for him, and I reached over and touched his hand.

“Hey,” I said, “You will do wonderful things.”

Jake blushed and pulled away from my touch. “I hope so. That’s the plan.”

We walked in and he switched the lights on. It was quite obvious that he lived alone. The kitchen and living room were cluttered and there was still a mug and bowl on the wooden table from Jake’s breakfast. “Sorry,” he said and rushed to put them in the sink. I padded around, examining the crème wallpaper, the picture of Jake’s grandmother hung up on the mantel.

“It’s lovely,” I muttered.

“Thank you, Pearl,” he returned.

He stuffed his hands in his jean pockets in a sheepish manner. “Do you want some coffee?” he suddenly asked, “Or some leftover lasagna. My neighbor, Leanne, made it. It’s delicious.

“Ah, well. I’ll say yes to both,” I replied.

He grinned and set about the kitchen. I sat down at the table and absentmindedly played with my hair. “How long has it been since your granny passed?” I asked.

“About a year.” He reached for a container of thick lasagna from the icebox and placed two large rectangular chunks on ceramic plates, and then he placed it in the heated oven and turned to make the coffee. I watched all of this in silence. My endless stream of domestic monotony was jilted because it was nice to see someone take care of me, especially seeing a man doing it.

“Jake,” I suddenly murmured, but I had no ending to the beginning. I had just wanted to say his name. He looked up and grinned, “What?” he said.

“I don’t know. Hello,” I whispered.

He looked surprised. “Hi,” he replied and continued to press the coffee grounds in a glass pitcher.

I got up and stood right next to him. Looking back at it now, it was like I was possessed by another force. It happened organically, unthinkingly. I grabbed his arm, and he stopped.

“Pearl,” he said sternly, “I know you’re sad about Owen, but-“

I stopped him. “I am sad about Owen. Gutted. But we could just talk? Can’t we?” I whispered.

Jake shook his head, “No. We can’t just talk. And I’m not gonna take advantage of you.”

“Then why did you bring me here? We could have gone to the diner,” I murmured, “But instead you brought me here.”

Jake looked angry all of a sudden. He grabbed me from the waist and placed his lips on mine with so much force, that I was knocked backwards into the kitchen cabinet. “Pearly,” he whispered and ran his lips across my neck. Oh, oh, oh. It was so much more than I had ever done in my life, even with Owen. Owen’s hands were gentle, waiting patiently for the final union. Jake and I were impulsively running through a forest of inhibitions. Before I could even think about it, I was shifting out of my dress, he ripped open the last couple of buttons and I kicked it off from under me.

My fingers fumbled with Jake’s jeans and soon we were free of them too. He kissed my collarbone, my neck, my lips, until I had finally shrugged out of my slip and stood completely bare in front of him. It was like I was out of my body, enjoying the need in his eyes from afar, not as a participant. Jake looked me up and down with a hint of a smile on his face and then lifted me up and carried me to his bedroom. The room was a soft lilac color. I stared at the walls as he gently leaned me back on the soft white bed and said, “We can stop now. We can stop right now if you want and we will be okay, you and I.”

I pondered it for a moment. Did I want to stop? Jake’s chest was heaving. Instead I sat upright so that I was level with his navel. I kissed the skin above his boxers and he began to tremble. “OK,” he whispered and pushed me back. I sighed as he placed his weight on top of me. He looked straight into my eyes when we became one. He did not look anywhere else for the rest of the night.