Pearl

I hurdled through town, ignoring the worried glances from people. It was falling into place.

I hadn’t returned to the lake since Mary Weaver drowned, but I knew the path well. Exhaustion crept over me as I ambled quickly through the trees and shrubs, but soon I saw the calm blue water ahead. I stopped running and began to walk my way in. It felt right, maybe because the lake was the only place that felt like a corresponding piece to my irrational need to end this day. How could I have let this go as far as it had?

Slowly, just like the last summer day when I was twelve, I took off my dress and carefully folded it. I unbuckled my white shoes and tucked them under my dress. I stood naked at the edge of water and ran my hands down my stomach. It looked the same as it had, but my lower abdomen was hard as stone, as if preparing itself for what was to come. I tip toed in the cold water until it reached my waist, my shoulders, and finally, my head.

I let myself float face down, watching the transparent blue ebb and flow above the pebbled floor. This was for the best. I wouldn’t disappoint Momma, or Father, or my baby sister. I certainly wouldn’t disappoint Owen. But I disappointed myself above all and this crushing sadness needed to be destroyed. I began to sob underwater and the action caused me to breathe in and fill my lungs, quickening the process. My vision went white, my limbs went limp, and I felt the calm euphoria of numbness creep into my skin.

I was ripped away by a strong arm grabbing me by the waist and yanking me out. I don’t quite remember this part, but Momma later told me that I had been unconscious. Jake had to pump the water out of my lungs. Finally, I gasped and opened my eyes, spluttering out water from the mouth.

“Thank God. Thank God. Thank you, Father,” Jake was murmuring. He sat above me, looking deliriously lost. Momma then came around and wrapped her cardigan around my bare torso.

“Pearl,” Jake wiped the sweat off his brow, “Why. The. Hell. Would. You. Do. This?”

I was extremely confused, coughing and heaving, trying to finally free my lungs. I continued on this way. Jake rubbed my hands and feet while Momma combed through my hair with her fingers, whispering, “Breathe. Breathe, Pearly.”

Finally I gained control of my voice. Jake looked livid and Momma looked heartbroken. I didn’t know what to say to either of them. Instead I sat up slowly, wrapping Momma’s sweater around myself tighter. My stomach was exposed and Jake eyed the skin warily. “Jake, I’m pregnant,” I croaked.

“Your Momma told me,” he replied, “Why didn’t you tell me?” He looked like he was going to hit me, I knew he wouldn’t, but he sure looked angry enough to do it.

“How did you find me?” I muttered.

“Olive saw you running down the street like a maniac. I called her,” Momma said, “And then I got Jake.”

“Did you tell her everything?” I asked, dread dripping from my voice.

“Of course not. We have to figure out what you two are going to do,” she said sternly and looked between Jake and I, “Now Pearl, where in God’s name is your dress?” I pointed to the bundle of clothes to my right. Jake got up and retrieved them.

He stood above me with his arm extended and said, “Let’s go and sort this out. We’re gonna be alright.”

I said nothing, just nodded my head solemnly and stood up to dress. Momma looked away, but Jake didn’t. I think it was because we both knew what was going to happen, and there was just no point in being modest anymore.

Momma sighed, murmuring, “Let’s get to the house. We’re going to get some more food in you, Pearl,” she looked at my stomach pointedly, “And you two and I will have a little talk.” Then she pointedly looked at Jake.

He and I gravely nodded in her direction like schoolchildren waiting to be punished. Momma started walking away from the lake, she was wobbling a little, but she was steady because we had a purpose.

I tried to walk properly, but the exhaustion was making my steps meander. Jake finally grabbed my shoulder as I swayed and said, “Up you go.” He held me like I was a child; his arm nestled under my legs and another on my waist. I pressed my cheek on his neck and began to cry. He shushed me. “Pearly, Pearly, Pearly,” he repeated softly in my ear.

Jake’s truck was parked at the edge of the dirt road, its doors were wide open, and it became obvious that they had made a frantic run to save me. Jake placed me in the car and Mom sandwiched me next to him. I grabbed his hand and leaned against him again, holding on the entire ride back to my house.

_____

Claire took the girls to her house and left the three of us sitting in the kitchen. She was quite round now and it only made me more nervous to see her waddle about. Jake stared at her with wide eyes as well.

“When did this happen?” Momma asked then shrugged, “I suppose the night you didn’t come home...." she expectantly trailed off.

We nodded yes. “Mrs. Wilson, I’m so sorry. We didn’t mean for it to happen. It was all so fast and we weren’t thinking,” Jake spoke in serious tones.

Momma laughed. “That’s all very good and well,” she started, “But now my baby is having your baby, and here is where our interests conflict. I need to protect her.” She nodded in my direction.

“And you, Pearl,” she said softly, “You know why I’ve always been so hard on you?”

I didn’t respond.

“It’s because you weren’t meant to be like Claire and I, you were meant to do other things, go places. But now–”

I cut her off, “Momma. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry!” I wept.

“We all make mistakes,” Momma said, ignoring my cries. She straightened her collar and looked at Jake and me, “But sometimes we have to pay for mistakes. Mistakes we hadn’t planned on.”

I stared at the wooden table on which we sat. Jake squeezed my hand underneath; I felt steadier.

“So now, I ask you this question: What are you going to do about it?” Momma said firmly.

I looked at Jake. My face was on fire as I wracked my brain, trying to find words to convey my thoughts. Jake looked Momma straight in the eye and made an announcement.

“We’re gonna get married.”