Our Guide.

I feel closer to Zeke now, somehow. Like eating out with him and buying his dog food made us friends. Or best friends. As close to it as we can get, anyway.

I liked buying him lunch, too. Nearly felt like a date to me, and I won’t lie, I pretended it was for a little bit. I like being able to buy him stuff, and I even don’t mind buying Boomer food, she’s a sweet girl and I hated watching her stare up at us with hungry eyes. Plus, I figure it was some brownie points for me. Zeke is a closed-off person, and I get the feeling he doesn’t love easily, but if there is anyone he does love, it would be Boomer. She’s always been there for him, I get that.

One day I’m going to get him to open up to me, too.

And Evan I guess. Honestly, I could care less if Evan got Zeke to open up. Which may seem selfish, but my best friend and I both had very different intentions when it came to the quiet boy. At least we better or there was going to be some problems between us.

On our way back to school, Evan sat in the front seat of my car and Zeke had back with Boomer. Glancing in my rear-view mirror, I see how blissed the dog is, tongue hanging out of her mouth and chin resting against Zeke’s arm. Zeke also seems happy, but deep in thought. There’s a little line between his brow as if something is troubling him, but then Boomer huffs and it disappears as he starts petting her head. I should probably be watching the road, but let’s be honest: Zeke is a much prettier sight.

Gah, I seriously wish I could just kiss him or hold him or fuck him or something!

“Watch the road,” Evan snaps obnoxiously, reaching over to punch me in the chest harshly. I wince and turn to glare at him, but Evan is giving me a weird look. I realize he caught me staring.

Instead of blushing like an idiot or doing something else stupid, I give him a weird look in return. Hopefully that will curb his curiosity. Although I know I have to tell him about Zeke soon; he is my best friend. He is the first person I want to know about what’s going on with me. I guess I’m just scared.

When we pull up to the school, I get out and let Zeke and Boomer out of the back, noting Evan's hesitance. He looks at me from across the car almost hopefully, and it doesn't take a genius to know what he wants. I roll my eyes but grin nonetheless, standing straight and turning to look at Zeke.

He is crouched down to Boomer's height, patting her head and kissing her nose. There's a few cars passing us, people who are coming back from their lunch, but for the most part the parking lot is deserted. Which is why I allow myself five seconds to stare longingly at the way Zeke's pants hug his ass while he's bent over like that. Evan clears his throat from within the car, and I blush heavily as Zeke straightens himself out, Boomer trotting on her way, and gives us both a weird look.

"Evan and I are skipping," I say, shrugging my shoulders. We don't skip often, but it's been known to happen. We don't get in trouble about it, either. Not really. It's probably because, like I said, it's a once a semester occurrence and the office has more important things to worry over.

Zeke's eyebrows raise as he looks to my green-haired friend for conformation. Evan nods enthusiastically and Zeke shrugs his shoulders, sticking his hands in the pockets of his jeans. "I'm not up for it," he mumbles, staring down at his sneakers.

I frown, but don't say anything. I don't want to pressure him into coming with us, he already took us with him to eat which I'm sure is the last thing he really wanted to do. So I just nod and get back inside my car, revving the engine and waving as Evan and I leave the school. Albeit, I'm severely disappointed.

Evan cranks the music up louder, some screamo band he had on his iPod that I honestly couldn't tell you the name of. I was otherwise preoccupied with my thoughts, but I laughed every time Evan banged his head down and then up, that green hair flying all over the place.

The entire way to my house, all I could think about was Zeke. How awesome today's lunch was. How great his ass looked. Even how... opened he seemed, as if he was finally coming to accept the fact Evan and I were his friends and weren't going anywhere. He seemed happier to me, eating lunch with us and watching his dog gobble up her own food. I'd do anything to see him smile like that again, and to see those cheeks catch fire.

As I'm pulling into my driveway, I decide I'm going to talk to Evan about him. It's time I told Evan; besides, maybe he could help me. I know, deep down, he isn't going to care. He loves me and we're brothers; although we've never talked about gays before, I see him as the last person to wind up being homophobic. I'm sure he'll laugh and tell me I'm an idiot for not telling him sooner and then nag me until I eventually tell him who it is. That's probably the only part I'm really worried about. We don't really know Zeke, but Evan likes him enough. Which doesn't mean he is going to approve of him as my boyfriend, but I really hope he will. Honestly, Zeke's the only guy I want to be with right now. The only guy I've ever wanted to be with.

"I say we play Halo in your room. We can eat some more later before Mom makes a kick-ass dinner simply for the fact I am present."

I roll my eyes but agree nonetheless, grabbing us a bag of potato chips and cokes on my way through the house. I follow Evan into my room, where he sets about getting everything together as if he lives here. Which he practically does, so I don't complain. Besides at least we're past formalities now. I don't have to do everything for him, thank god. No, I get to sit back and eat chips as he throws me a controller and changes the t.v. settings.

He flops down beside me, tossing Oli's journal to my bedside table. I remember I fell asleep in the middle of an entry and really need to finish it, but I can wait until I'm getting ready for bed. Right now I'm main priority is getting the courage to tell Evan the truth.

We're probably forty-five minutes in, and nearly finished with the bag of chips, when the screen begins loading for our next mission. I bite my lip, glancing through the corner of my eye at the way Evan lifts the can of soda to his mouth, gulping it down noisily and then stuffing an entire handful of chips in afterwards, some falling onto his chest where he doesn't even bother to pick them up. He's a slob.

I clear my throat, opening my mouth but no words come out. This causes my cheeks to burn bright red, but I just take a deep breath and try again. The second time I clear my throat Evan notices, glancing at me as the screen finally loads. Instead of beginning to play, he hits pause and cocks a brow at me, patiently waiting. He knows me too well, I swear.

I smile nervously before fiddling with my controller in an attempt to hide the fact my hands are trembling. My stomach is in absolute turmoil as I gather my thoughts together.

"So," I start, glancing up to make sure Evan's still paying attention. "Like, you remember that girl I told you about?"

"The one you like?" Evan asks. I nod and Evan smirks. "Yeah, did you ask her out? Are you finally going to tell me who she is?" I blush but shake my head, suddenly afraid I'm going to faint. How can this be so hard? Why can't I just say it? I'm gay. It's simply, really, but for some reason my voice isn't working. "Oh," Evan says, almost disappointedly. I look at him as he frowns. "Man, did you decide you didn't like her?"

"What?" I asked, confused.

Evan shrugs. "I told you I always figured you were asexual. I mean, are you? Did you decide you didn't like the girl?"

"What? No, I-!" I stop, my breath hitching in my throat. Shit, I can't do this. My face gets red in mortification as I press the butts of my palms into my eye sockets, willing the wave of panic to settle before I start crying or something equally as embarrassing.

"Dude, calm down," Evan says, moving to rest a hand on my shoulder.

I take several deep breaths, thinking of Zeke and what I hope we will one day become. It's those thoughts that give me the courage to lift my head and stare into Evan's concerned eyes. He seems nothing but genuine, so I tell myself repeatedly he is going to accept me. I just have to say it; for the first time, admit it.

"It's a boy," I say, my voice surprisingly strong. My next statement comes out a little shaky, though. "I'm gay."

Evan's eyes widen dramatically, his mouth forming a silent 'o'. He stares at me for god knows how long. Long enough for me to fidget nervously and tug at the collar of my shirt. Is it just me or did it get really hot in here? Because I think I can feel sweat slowly falling down my spine and it's disgusting.

"Cool," he says slowly, as if the word is foreign on his tongue. Then he shrugs and makes eye contact with me again, completely relaxed and normal. He turns back to the t.v. and starts the game, the sounds of gunshots hitting my ears as he begins the fight.

I blink several times, my brain slowly to process what exactly just happened. "Cool?" I ask incredulously, ignoring my own player that is at a standstill, waiting. "That's all you have to say, is cool?"

"Yeah," Evan says distractedly, biting his tongue as he tries to get out of an ambush. "I mean, I don't care, Sam. You should've known I wouldn't. You should have told me sooner, anyway, like when you first told me about the crush."

I sigh, slumping back against my pillows and tossing my controller aside. Fuck the game, I'm too emotionally drained to do it anymore. Evan notices this and exits out of it quickly, tossing his own controller aside and laying back like me. He folds his arms over his chest and stares at the wall.

This is what guys to. When girls get all touchy-feely and start talking about their problems and love lives, guys just sit back in silence until someone finally mutters something and there is definitely, under any circumstances, no touching.

"It's Zeke, y'know," I say, picking at my nails.

"I know," Evan chuckles, looking at me with amusement. "I guessed that as soon as you said you were gay. It makes perfect sense why you were suddenly so interested in being his friend."

"Shut up," I whine, blushing bright red. Evan just laughs at me and rolls his eyes, moving to put his hands behind his head. "What do I do?"

"I don't know," Evan sighs loudly, staring up at the ceiling. "Are you gonna come out to your family first, or?"

"I want to come out to Zeke before anyone else," I admit, biting my lip. "I'm just afraid of rejection."

"Well, the kid's a flaming homosexual, no doubt about it," Evan snickers, sitting up to look down at me. I furrow my brow and he gives me a are you stupid sort of glare. "I don't know how you couldn't tell, anyone can see it. Plus he told me." Evan shrugs, as if this means absolutely nothing.

"He told you?!" I exasperate, sitting up to and looking at him. I'm almost offended; I thought for sure Zeke liked me more than Evan. What if he likes Evan and not me? What if I'm the third wheel here and really Zeke just wants to fuck Evan? I don't know what I'd do.

"Not in so many words, no," Evan says, shrugging his shoulders. "But yeah. Don't get offended, I'm the one who asked him, anyway. He just answered truthfully. So, are you gonna ask him out?"

I blush, biting my lip and looking down in shyness. "No," I whisper. "I mean... How do I do that?"

Evan scoffs loudly and flops back down on the bed, sideways. "I forgot you literally have no experience. Just, like, flirt with him and stuff. See if he flirts back. If he does, ask if he wants to go out sometime. Simple."

"How do I flirt?" I bite my lip.

"Oh my god," he rolls his eyes, clearly annoyed. But I can't help it! Not really. "You're helpless. Say something suggestive, like you really like his eyes. Or his jeans-" this must be funny because he snickers "-no, don't say that. Uh. I don't know. It comes naturally, trust me. Hang out with him more, too. Invite him to stay over at your house."

"No!" I yell, glaring at him as if he is stupid. Which, by the way, he is! "That'd be weird, asking him to stay the night."

"Whatever, pussy. Fine. Ask us both if we want to stay the night this weekend. Then, make your move."

I blush thinking about it; the visual of kissing Zeke shows up behind my eyelids and I must admit it's a nice prospect. But if I ask them both that would mean Evan would be here, and how can I kiss the end with Evan here? "But you'll be here," I point out shyly, not wanting to admit he's already gotten me to agree to this plan of action.

Evan grins crookedly, crossing his arms under his head again and then cross his ankles. "I'll make myself sparse, don't worry."

And suddenly, I'm starting to think telling Evan was a good idea. He has some great ideas.