In My Head.
It's only in my head.
Perhaps silent tears are emotionless, or perhaps they’re filled with emotion.
I don’t know how to feel, how to think after your bombshell. I have nowhere to turn, if it was anyone who hurt me my first move would be to find your arms for comfort. But there’s been role reversal, and you’re clutching at my heart causing it to strain rather than kissing the scars. I forget the courage I felt when your fingertips tickled my hand, I forget the personality that powered my smile. I can’t bring myself to remember the moments we shared; we were two different people then.
“We have twin cores,” you’d say, ‘We’re meant to be.”
But now the mirror’s tricking me, surely that can’t be me in front of it – all I see is emptiness and hatred for the reflection. Where have we gone, where has the happy girl you brought out in me? Your words hurt me more than anything else could, but it’s the momentum behind them which caused the scars to stay.
For months and months, you led me to believe this was all in my head; it was just the way I was interpreting your kiss not the way you delivered it. But it was you, it was all you. You led me on for months and months, and dragged my sanity along for the ride. I can’t bring nourishment to my body without the twisting of your knife in my gut, and the failure of a fallen girl lingering in the back of my mind.
I can’t remember the feel of your kiss, or the little smile you’d do once our lips parted. I could see your affections in your eyes back then, but the flag I set has been discarded, and now I’m staring out at unmarked territory. You have removed every element of me from your life and the pain is unbearable.
It’s a scary thought when you turn to someone you’ve trusted with everything and they’re just a stranger. A complete stranger. It’s as if the memories never happened. You can’t find the soul behind the eyes, the passion in the kiss or the meaning behind the words. It’s as though they’ve vanished from sight.
I never realised the tears fall silently at their own accord.
I don’t know how to feel, how to think after your bombshell. I have nowhere to turn, if it was anyone who hurt me my first move would be to find your arms for comfort. But there’s been role reversal, and you’re clutching at my heart causing it to strain rather than kissing the scars. I forget the courage I felt when your fingertips tickled my hand, I forget the personality that powered my smile. I can’t bring myself to remember the moments we shared; we were two different people then.
“We have twin cores,” you’d say, ‘We’re meant to be.”
But now the mirror’s tricking me, surely that can’t be me in front of it – all I see is emptiness and hatred for the reflection. Where have we gone, where has the happy girl you brought out in me? Your words hurt me more than anything else could, but it’s the momentum behind them which caused the scars to stay.
For months and months, you led me to believe this was all in my head; it was just the way I was interpreting your kiss not the way you delivered it. But it was you, it was all you. You led me on for months and months, and dragged my sanity along for the ride. I can’t bring nourishment to my body without the twisting of your knife in my gut, and the failure of a fallen girl lingering in the back of my mind.
I can’t remember the feel of your kiss, or the little smile you’d do once our lips parted. I could see your affections in your eyes back then, but the flag I set has been discarded, and now I’m staring out at unmarked territory. You have removed every element of me from your life and the pain is unbearable.
It’s a scary thought when you turn to someone you’ve trusted with everything and they’re just a stranger. A complete stranger. It’s as if the memories never happened. You can’t find the soul behind the eyes, the passion in the kiss or the meaning behind the words. It’s as though they’ve vanished from sight.
I never realised the tears fall silently at their own accord.