When I Grow Up, I Want to Be Famous

My life felt like it was going to be sort of like one long hangover. I’d had the best time of my life not worrying about the consequences and indulging in the excess and now I was paying for all of it.

I was determined to stay away from Surrey forever. I hadn’t just given up Josh – I had to give up Athina, Chris, Dan, Elliot, Georgina, Henri, Fiona, Lucy, Max, Matt, Nathan and Tom. But there was one person who was intent on not loosing me after just getting me back. Emily refused to sever contact.

Emily was the one who’d ran after me when I left Max’s that night. Josh had stormed into the house whilst I wandered to the street, unsure of where to go. Emily had come hurtling after me. She took me to her house. I didn’t know if it had been my apology earlier or the finality of seeing Josh and I broken up that had sent her to me but it felt so good to have someone to look after me. She gave me a bed that night as I wasn’t up for catching the train back or staying at Josh’s where I’d originally planned to stay. I had to painfully sneak round and ask Elissa for my stuff. She looked sympathetic as she watched me pack my bag.

I returned home the next day promising Emily that I’d come back and see her. I’d rummaged in my bag to find a series of missed calls from everyone – Alice, Grace, Lacey, Mia, Sophie, Harry even, my mother, Erin, Athina, Max and Josh. I shut my phone off but found a living room full of people looking stressed. I just looked at them, feeling like I was going to fall where I stood but held my ground. Last time I’d been a complete mess but I just felt so drained that no emotions were escaping me despite the raging war in my head.

Alice reached me first, giving me a hug of understanding which I returned. I looked over her shoulder at my half sympathetic my half smug mother, a concerned Erin who was leaning against the wall, a sorry Lacey and a frowning Harry.

“How did you all hear?” I asked, untangling myself softly from Alice, keeping my arm around her waist.

“Josh called us,” Lacey answered in a dry voice. This surprised me.

“All of us,” Harry said looking quite dark. A tiny part of me was curious how the conversations must have gone with the two people that disliked him the most. “Looking for you.”

I was surprise he hadn’t called Emily, or maybe she was ignoring him for my sake. I realised Emily seemed pleased that we were over. I shook this from my mind and focused on my confused looking friends.

“What happened?” Alice asked.

“He didn’t tell you?” I asked in a dry voice, slipping past to get to the kitchen. Last year he’d paraded everything around.

“No, he asked where you were and hung up the phone when we said we didn’t know.”

“So how do you know we-”

“His longest conversation was with me,” Erin chirped up finally, leaning forwards on the island in the middle of our kitchen. I stopped pouring water to look at her. We exchanged a long look with one another. “He mentioned to me why he was looking for you.”

I just shrugged, sipping at my drink.

“I don’t particularly want to talk about i-”

“But Jase-”

“I said I don’t want to talk about it,” I snapped firmly at Harry. I sat on the stool next to where Erin was leaning and forced a smile. “So, what did everyone else get up to last night?”

***

“Like hell,” I actually snorted down the phone.

“You know you want to come,” she said slyly.

“I really don’t want to be near that place ever again,” I said more seriously.

“Jase, this is your hometown. You’re just going to forget about the place you grew up?” Emily was getting frustrated now. “And all the people?”

I sighed heavily.

“Look Em, I miss you too but there are just some people that yeah... I want to try and forget about.”

“You may think that sounds healthy but one day you’ll hear a song on the radio, a picture on a magazine, there’s no escaping the media forever, the sooner you deal with it the better. Get your arse down here for my birthday!” she snapped at me.

“I really don’t think it’s a good ide-”

“No Jase you owe me this.”

I ground my teeth together and sighed.

“It’s been almost two months now,” she added quietly. I glanced across my room at the mirror. I stared at myself and then nodded. Two months. We were old enough to deal with this now surely? We weren’t kids anymore. It would be nice to see some other old faces. “Bring some of your lot if you need to.”

“Fine, thanks, I’ll come down on the Friday then? We’ll wine, shop and then party okay?”

***

I stared across the dark back garden, trying to steady myself, my head was everywhere. My inhibitions were completely out thanks to the amount of alcohol I’d managed to consume over the evening. The sun had set about an hour ago but the slightly warm March air couldn’t last as the stars came out but I barely noticed the cold against my bare arms as I stared across the lawn, my hands clutching a plastic cup full of some drink I wasn’t even conscious I was consuming anymore. My head was swirling, too many thoughts were merging into one and different emotions and thoughts I didn’t even know I had were bubbling their way to the surface.

Harry appeared next to me, holding out my small bag to me, which I took. We both sat down on the edge of the wall. I rummaged through it and pulled out my cigarettes. I’d smoked worse than ever recently.

“Do you want to go?” Harry asked in a small voice. I shook my head as I lit up. I was determined not to run away. I was going to be mature about this not only to prove to myself I could handle this but do it for Emily. It’s her birthday. I’m her friend. They’re her friend...

I took a long sip from my cup and just kept inhaling and exhaling. I wasn’t sure of my emotions at the moment.

I’d sort of felt some twisting in my stomach at the sight of them but I’d numbed that with a lot of vodka. Chris and Max flashed me a sorry smiles but didn’t come over to talk. They were obviously restrained by not wanting to upset their lead singer and best friend. I understood and returned the smiles before I turned back to Alice. Dan and Matt had barely acknowledged my existence. I spent the entire evening fretting over seeing the inevitable person I was keen to avoid. It was weird, despite my desire to avoid him, I couldn’t help looking around for his face every two seconds. My inhibited brain kept telling me that I was just stressed not that I was feeling anything. We both needed to move on.

“It’s okay if you want to go home,” Harry said more quietly, I only just caught it over the blaring music from behind. I snapped back to the present.

“It’s fine,” I insisted in a bit of a slur. “I’m not running away from this. From him. I’m old enough to deal with this.”

I sipped on my drink again.

“You ran out of there pretty fast,” he said, sounding more concerned than probing. I huffed and frowned at a weed. Yes. Okay. I’d run away but it was hard. I was still at Emily’s house and to me that was a huge achievement.

Josh was the last person I saw. My flickering eyes finally found him the same time he saw me. My heart had practically stopped in my chest and my face fell blank, unable to express anything. I didn’t stare long enough to register his emotion and my eyes flickered back to Harry. I know it was probably the worst thing I could have done but I grabbed Harry’s arm and pulled him to the other end of the room. I watched from there as Josh had caught up with old friends. I wasn’t sure if he was trying to avoid looking at me, as much as I was, so neither of us could tell if the other was looking, but it felt like it. I forced a smile and started to laugh more loudly than usual to emphasise that I was moving on, I was happy, I was fine. I was fine...

When I finally started looking over again, I noticed how much Josh was drinking. He never drank this much. I never drank this much. Then before my brain got to foggy I registered the bags under his eyes, the sullen expression he wore when he wasn’t talking to someone, he looked thinner than usual. His cheeks were a dull rosy red and he was beginning to sway where he stood. He looked so... wrong.

Feeling sick, I’d pushed past, ignoring his eyes and out the backdoor...

Now my head was a mess.

Stubbing my cigarette out, I asked Harry back inside for another drink. When he was distracted by Alice I staggered down the hall alone, kicking my shoes off, deciding they were too uncomfortable.

“So what’s with the cold shoulder attitude?”

I fell against the wall with shock, rolled myself over to face him, my brain working desperately to make sense of the words. I blinked before I answered.

“What do you want?” my words came out harsher than I’d intended.

“Look, fine, I just came to check you’re alright but if you’re just going to act like a-a-”

“Bitch?” I finished for him, raising my eyebrows. His sleep deprived eyes scowled. “I’m trying to enjoy Emily’s party, I’m sorry Josh,” I said, pushing myself off the wall. I was determined not to speak to him this evening. We couldn’t get back together. I refused to stop him living his life. He’d get over me. I had to be horrible to push him away. I had to be a bitch. He considered letting me past but then blocked me at the last moment.

“Oh for fuck sake,” I hissed. “Josh I’m not in the mood for this.”

He stared at me for a moment, his eyes looking so tired and drawn and dark. I could see his brain trying to process things in his head and if it was anything like mine, it was taking a while. I could see his patience drawing thin as much as I was.

“Let me pass,” I said, not looking at him, chewing on the inside of my lip. “I said move!”

“What happened to you?” he finally asked.

“Happened to me? I grew up.” My patience was wearing thin now. Ironically I felt the furthest thing from mature right now.

“Well you grew up wrong. You’re not the girl from my childhood. You’re not the girl-”

“Alright! I get it!” I snapped, cutting him off. “I am my own worst enemy, Josh, alright? Happy now. I know I’m a bitch I don’t need reminding off you.” My voice was getting thick now as I managed to shove past him.

“You’re not a bitch!” he called after me in a frustrated voice. Then I wasn’t trying hard enough. To me, in my head, the worse I was to him, the sooner he’d move on. The party became a blur.

I needed to forget this evening. Emily had turned up at that point, grinning, giggling and raising a shot glass with me. She was similar to Max, her mood was infectious and despite myself, I was smiling with her laughing. The music got louder, the party got more intense, I ended up on a table telling myself to suck it up and enjoy my life. We danced together until some boys took Emily away. Alice and I jumped off the table, Harry caught me around my waist otherwise I would have fallen. I must have looked like an idiot, but when you’re that plastered who the fuck could tell?

I smiled up at him, laughing like a moron, the bright lights blinding my vision. I ran my hands through the back of Harry’s hair as he pulled me up right, I meant to lean forwards and kiss his cheek but in my drunken state my aim was a little off. I think I must have caught him on the very edge of his lips and he sort of clung on to me as he buried his face in the side of my hair. I heard some form of smash and the small scuffle of feet. Harry had moved us around on the spot and I could now see behind him. Josh was half way through the door, being pulled back by a pissed off looking Dan and serious Matt. His eyes locked with mine and I slipped out of Harry’s arms. I’d never seen such fury.

Instinctively I stepped in front of Harry, hoping neither of them would try anything whilst I was in their way. Someone Josh had managed to shake of Matt and was shouting horrible profanities at his best mates. Shaking his head, Dan released him, looking so angry I thought he might hit Josh or myself.

“So this is it? This is the fucking reason?!” Josh started yelling at me, pointing over my shoulder. “This is why you fucked off? How long has this been going on for Jase?!”

“Calm down,” I managed to say in a calm voice. My head was foggy as hell and the world was spinning but I was going to keep my composure. “Consider this a warning Josh. I’m not going to stand here and listen to you point fingers or accuse anyone or hurt your friends for that matter.”

“Oh I’m sorry, I forgot you were all mature now,” he snapped, taking a step forward towards me and everyone seemed to do the same. “Mature was it to break up with me instead of telling me to my face you were fucking him behind my back up in posh St Albans? Saving my face was it? Saving the little dignity I had left with you?”

“Nothing has ever happened or will happen between Harry and I!” I snapped, unfolding my arms and clenching my fingers into fists. I finally flipped with the sceptical look he gave me. “Josh this is exactly why it would never work between us! I couldn’t be around another boy without you thinking I was going to go off with them!”

“That’s fucking rich,” he spat, chuckling darkly. It felt like we were the only two people in the room, except that room was spinning. I struggled to keep focus.

“Oh is it? What so I’m not allowed to worry about little fan girls that would do anything to sleep with the lead singer of a band?! You have a fuck of a lot more admirers than I do, and if you can’t understand that or how a girl you’re dating would feel about that then you’re fucked up Franceschi.”

There was a ringing silence.

“You haven’t called me that in years,” he said in a dark voice. Calling him by his last name seemed to have hit something, it seemed to really signify we really weren’t a couple anymore. I held my gaze with him, willing not to show any sign of backing down. “Fine then, miss Warne. She’s all yours,” he called at Harry. Now I was having to control myself not to hit him.

I made a deep guttural sound of disgust and shook my head. I finally dropped my gaze, snatched my bag off the table and stepped towards him.

“You’re being a pathetic dick, grow up.”

“What was that? Big words now?”

“Yeah and there's more where that came from,” I said in a smooth voice as I pushed past him and Matt. I had to collapse against the wall, disorientated and I could hear him calling at me.

“Call me when you’re sober darling.”

***

Emily wasn’t mad at me weirdly enough. She was too drunk to remember much of the evening I think but she didn’t really bring it up on my next few visits. I didn’t ask and she didn’t mention anything about the subject I was keen to avoid.

I managed to put on a face. I smiled, I went out, I tried to enjoy myself as much as I could over the next few months. Harry became my new best friend. I met new people. I was finally finding my feet in life, in my new home which I hadn’t managed to wrap my head around since I’d moved there. St Albans was my home now, finally.

I’d had a few interruptions. Lucy had contacted me and so had Amy and Rosie. They’d all asked me to fill in on the story, feeling some form of release in doing it, and in a very drunk state, I’d bitched my heart out about the boy I’d left behind. I had a feeling Amy and Rosie would report back to base but at the time I couldn’t have given a single fuck.

Max attempted to contact me too. One day in June he’d sent me a text telling me of a new single coming out and that he thought I should know.

Of course I was going to be the main focus, spurring the lead singer’s inspiration through his heartache. He mentioned that I should probably listen at least once so people didn’t bitch behind my back. I took this as a kind of a caring gesture but didn’t return anything he sent me. I tuned into Kerrang with Erin, Harry and the girls for moral support and came across it on the ‘Top 40 videos’ the channel featured. I was stunned to find it so high up the list, number 6?

I sucked in a deep breath and watched. It was another studio based one that looked a lot more grown up in comparison to their previous stuff. They were all dressed up smartly, no band t-shirts, no baggy jeans – they’d grown up here.

“You've got a nerve giving me the cold shoulder,
Giving me the twice over, that's not deserved,
And we'll talk again when you're sober”

I sighed. Of course, I knew our encounter at Emily’s would feature in a song. He didn’t deserve it, no, but I had to resort to desperate extremes to help him move on.

“You said that I've got cold and our heat has gone.”

Okay so Josh was filling some of the lines but I had said that our heat was missing. I chewed my lip and frowned. I thought I would be more mad than this.

“I wanna be your eyes So you can see what you've done,
I wanna be your ears So you can hear everything that's been missing”

I ran my hands through my hair. I had sort of left him in the dark. I’d made this decision on my own without really letting him in on my feelings.

“Finders keepers Will you keep me in mind? I like secrets 'Cause they keep me in line
Old habits die hard But I'm too young to die”

This wasn’t making me angry, this was making feel guilty.

“I guess it's a mess if you make your bed So why are we still laying in it?”

At least he’s acknowledging it wasn’t all his fault anymore. My heart sank as I realised for the first time that everything that had happened was my doing, my mess.

“And I could barely sleep, I could barely eat And it's been three whole weeks Since I heard you speak.”

“Wrote this a while ago then,” Erin muttered, sinking down next to me. I chewed on the inside of my cheek to keep my focus.

“So hard to take That eighteen months was built to break Oh, I love mistakes Especially ones you've made I bet you're sorry.”

I was sorry but I knew I’d made the right decision. We weren’t working.

“Finders keepers The whole thing is a lie You won't find her 'Cause she's too hard to find.”

Josh had made a point of noting my change.

“Take my advice and boy, run a mile.”

Everyone in the room glanced towards Harry who remained emotionless. The line was probably for every boy I’d ever meet but I couldn’t help but feel a tinge of acknowledgment in Josh’s words.

“And have another drink And then think this one over You dig yourself a grave everyday you're sober.”

I scoffed unintentionally but then bit it back. He was right, again. I’d drunken and smoked so much these past few months just to blur my mind.

“Do you see what I mean?”

Yes.

“Have your best interest written all over me I could never be what you need.”

What? Had I said something to Lucy or Rosie or Amy about breaking up with him was for his sake? I couldn’t remember and it was that last part that really got to me. Josh had been the best thing in my life, we’d been friends for so long it was sore without him.

“And I bet you guess me right (You guess me yes, you guessed me right) I bet you guess me right.”

I closed my eyes, dropped my head into my hands and groaned. This wasn’t the spiteful attack I was expecting. I’d never felt so guilty in my life. He didn’t seem as bitter as I thought he would – this was purely a break up song, a heartache piece.

Everyone was staring at me. I finally looked up and let out a long breath.

“Are you alright?” Harry asked. I nodded. I got up, switched off the television.

“That’s it I’m done.”

I was going to enjoy me life.

_______________________________________________________________________

(Max Helyer)

“Holy shit, ‘Finders Keepers’ has hit thirty three in the charts,” Matt shouted for the whole bus to hear. I opened my eyes slightly, blinking a few times to gain focus. I shifted my head forwards to see down the aisle from my bunk. Matt was standing down the front, facing us, reading off his phone.

“Bloody hell,” Chris replied from underneath me. I grinned.

“Fuck that’s awesome,” I said in a groggy voice, coughing to clear it. We’d done it. This was our first single in the Official Top 40! “That’s fucking insane!”

“Yeah it’s fucking amazing,” Josh grunted sourly into his pillow. I glanced across to him, he was opposite mine, he was scowling at the floor. He realised I was watching him and buried his head into his pillow and turning away from me. I looked down and saw Dan glaring at the bunk above him. There was a moment and then he suddenly jumped up.

“Yeah it is fucking amazing,” he snapped. “We’ve been working so fucking hard towards this and you don’t give a shit?”

Josh remained where he was.

“Some of us wanted to be in a band Josh, not use it to bitch about an ex, some of us are aiming towards something. Stop writing about her if you can’t take the response the songs are getting.” I hadn’t seen Dan this angry in a while. He’d tried shouting at Josh before to little effect. This seemed to have finally touched Josh, he rolled over, jumped out of his bunk and violently pushed past our drummer, heading for the door.

We must have hit Salt Lake City while I was asleep because he bounded out into bright sunlight. There was a silence at his departure.

“It needs to be said,” Matt murmured to Dan more than us. I was slightly annoyed.

I jumped down from my own bunk.

“Have you two ever had a relationship like his?” I asked calmly as I could. “Do you know what it feels like to lose someone you love?”

Dan and Matt exchanged a look.

“Don’t judge him until you know how he’s feeling,” I whispered.

“But we’re getting pretty sick of his attitude. It’s almost been 5 months Max, he needs to suck it up at some point,” Matt retaliated.

“He will,” I said firmly. I’d known Josh the longest on this bus. Yes, he was a bit of a drama queen but I don’t think everyone else understood how he felt about her. They weren’t the ones he’d talked to about their arguments, his problems, how much he loved her...

I looked at them both before heading out the door after my oldest friend.

I found him sat on a wall, twisting his pass between his fingers, squinting down at the ground. He had that look in his eyes again, the dull look like he wasn’t really looking at what was before him. At least this was an improvement. The weeks after they’d broken up he’d been smashed every night until we’d managed to coax him out of him, convincing him that he couldn’t keep this up. It took several bottles of vodka and a large amount of sick for him to come to this realisation. Then after his messy stage he’d sort of stooped into a dark place, snapping at everyone and moping around on his own. He’d only become passionate again when it came to the song writing and band practice. I didn’t even want to imagine what he might be like if he didn’t have this band as an outlet.

I jumped up next to him and he barely acknowledged I was there.

“Wanna talk about it?” I asked, staring across the field. There were a hundred tour buses parked next to one another and there was metal fencing everywhere. The grass had already been turned to hard mud. The air was hot. Each day had been hot and the sun always shining. I regretting not grabbing my hat before I’d followed after him.

“Not really,” he said after a moment. “There’s nothing to talk about is there?”

“There’s always something to talk about,” I said, sliding my hands together so my fingers interlinked, I leant forwards on my knees staring out across the yard.

“I want to go home,” he said after another long moment.

“No you don’-”

“Yes I do!” he sighed heavily. “This tour is utter shit, no one has a fucking clue who we are, we’re losing money, my band mates hates me and the most brutal song I’ve written about... her, has become our most successful.” He sank to put his head in his hands, rummaging his hands through his matted hair. He needed a shower but I didn’t say anything.

“This is the first time we’ve headed out to the states,” I said in a calm and rational voice. “We’re the small band some Surry building our way slowly. We need this tour to establish ourselves. I bet this time next year we’ll have a load more people paying attention.”

“I’m never coming back,” he muttered.

“You say now,” I said. “And your friends don’t hate you. You’ve just got to be careful, it has been a... while, and you’ve been doing really well, I just think the Finder Keepers news caught you off guard.”

I paused to measure his reaction. He just continued to stare at the dirt.

“And who gives a fuck? We have a song in the Top 40! You should be proud mate!”

He finally looked at me side wards, equally measuring me. His lips pressed together and he sat up.

“I am proud, don’t get me wrong, I just feel like my world’s crashing and something like that’s not going to surface me well enough,” his voice was getting thick. He coughed and turned away from me again.

“Josh, you’ve got all these negative feelings and we both know there’s only one way you can get your head straight.”

He sighed again but this was more of a groan.

“You’re right. I feel an album coming on.”

***

We could all finally see our friend appear again, stepping out of the shadow of himself and back into someone much more familiar and much more importantly tolerable. Writing really was his best venting method. We sat down together and I helped him with any mental blocks. We all figured if we got the words down on paper first Josh would fix himself up so we could really focus on the music. Plus the sooner we got Josh back, the better.

I was a bit reluctant to help him write such mean things about one of my old best friends but it needed to be done and he wasn’t in any other mind frame than bitter. Jase was a big girl, she could handle herself, plus she was probably moving on and happy up in St Albans. She would do her best to try and avoid all mentions of this band all together. I often wondered if she’d gotten my text about the ‘Finders Keepers’ video.

Josh and I began writing whilst on the Warped Tour to try and give him so focus to where this band was heading so he wasn’t about to drop out half way through a show. This seemed to work and a lot more heart went into his singing, especially the old songs about their previous split. This thought made me compare the reaction between the two. He’d taken this one a lot harder but I wasn’t sure if that was because she was the one to end things, insulting his dream at the same time, or because they’d actually fallen in love properly this time. I never understood their relationship, to me they’d always seemed to be friends, really, really, really close friends but I guess it made sense to be together.

When we finally got home it was nice for everyone to get some space because we were reaching the stage where we couldn’t stand to be in each other’s company. So we spent the rest of the summer with our own friends and family before we were about to hit the festivals.

Josh and I were the only ones to still meet up now and then throughout the remainder of the summer. It was the night that we finished off a song called ‘Playing the blame game’ that I finally saw my friend back.

“It’s just this chorus I can’t seem to get right,” he muttered, frustrated, his hands balling into fists in his growing fringe.

“Read it out?” I said blandly, taking a swig of my beer, staring at Josh’s that was almost untouched. At least he was off the drink.

“Desperate minds mean desperate measures,
You've got to get this one together,
You're young and in love...”

“That should be enough,” I said with a edge of finality, my eyes flickering to his. He stared at me for a moment before scratching it down in that notebook of his.

“I’m beat for the night,” he said, leaning back in his chair and rubbing his eyes. He blinked a few times. “I can’t write any more. I’m itching to get out.”

This caught me off guard.

“Heading out?” I asked casually, setting my drink back down and playing with the peeling label.

“Yeah,” he said and sort of smiled. He started dragging the back of the pen down the ridge of the book. I looked up and raised my eyebrows at him waiting for a better answer. He looked up too. “I’m heading out with Maddy tonight.”

I should have reacted quicker or better because his face fell slightly. I was in a small state of shock and closed my mouth that had popped open ever so slightly. I blinked and cleared my throat.

“Oh, I didn’t realise how well you two were getting on, I thought you liked that Sarah?” I asked, bemused, wrapping my head around it. He’d been texting Sarah since we’d gotten back from Warped, Overhill had introduced them to each other but he’d also introduced this Maddy.

“Well... I don’t know,” he said awkwardly, staring at his full bottle but he wasn’t really seeing it. The look worried me a little. He snapped out of it and looked down guiltily. “We were getting on but it wasn’t really working out.”

I could see how alien this was to him. Josh wasn’t used to all the female attention. He’d managed to ignore it in his relationship with Jasey because he was so stupidly head over heels for her. I could see him making the effort but there was one giant piece of proof that he wasn’t over her – the notebook in front of him.

“Do you really think it’s a good idea?” I asked my eyes on the book. His expression changed quickly to one of defence.

“I thought you’d be the most encouraging Max,” he snapped. “Everyone’s always telling me to move on, well here I am.”

“I know but I just don’t mess with these-”

“Mess? What you think that’s what I’d do?” he retorted.

“Woah! Calm down mate I was just saying. Just... be careful.”

He relaxed a little, sinking lower down in his seat. We stayed in silence for a while, letting the air settle.

“Thanks Max,” he said finally very quietly. I gave him a weak smile.

“Right come on then,” I said, getting to my feet. “You better get ready if you’re going on a date.”

“I wouldn’t exactly call it a date,” he said shyly, wrinkling his nose and hunching over. “I’m just... going out... with Maddy.”

“Right,” I said slowly before laughing. I snatched up my hoody and clapped him on the shoulder. “See you later mate.”

“See you.”

I let myself out of the Franceschi house without encountering anyone and started to wander home. Half way I answered the phone to Dan.

“What’s up?”

“Hey Max, you free to come round this evening?” There was something wrong. His voice was flat.

“Yeah, is everything alright?” I stopped walking.

“Where are you?” he asked quickly.

“Near Overhill’s.”

“Alright, Matt’ll come and get you now.”

***

“It’s bullshit,” I answered bluntly. “Complete utter bullshit.”

“I overheard them Max,” Matt muttered seriously, frowning at me. He and Dan had the same half seriously half angry expression, focusing on heavy frowns. Chris just sat quietly in the corner as if, like me, he was finding it hard to believe too.

“Yeah, you overheard them doesn’t mean he’s going to do it!” I retorted, sitting up a little straighter in my seat.

“Wouldn’t he?” Dan asked, one of his leg was shaking slightly, like he was full of annoyed energy.

“No!” I cried in disbelief. “This is our best friend we’re talking about! He’s not going to sell us out!”

Everyone was quiet.

“Unbelievable,” I hissed, getting to my feet. “Let me know when you’ve all cleared your heads from all this bullshit yeah?”

I stormed from the house, crashing out into the night for the second time that evening. Shoving my hands in my pocket I finally headed for home.

It was pure fucking rubbish. Josh wouldn’t do that to us. There’s no way he was going to listen to some American about who had the right to money. Okay some bands were like that but not us! We’ve done this our way from the start and as a team. My walking slowed as I realised that this team was slowly breaking apart. My heart skidded a little. I swallowed hard and pressed on.

No there was no way Josh would take 60% of the profits because he wrote the songs. He wouldn’t do that to us. Well... he wouldn’t do that to me. I’m the only one that had been supporting him these past few months not like everyone else. If Josh wanted to retaliated and make a profit out of it he could and I would suffer being in the backdrop of the band. I stopped walking, the guy’s words finally hitting home. Josh might turn from us.