The Past Ain't Through With You

Broken Again

The next morning Gerard was the first to arrive at the hospital. He’d gone home, grabbed a shower and a few hours of sleep then returned. The same nurse who had let him sit a bit longer than normal with Holly greeted him.

“Hey, you’re here early.” She said kindly.

Gerard smiled, “And you’re still here.”

The nurse laughed, “Twelve hour shifts but I get off in a few minutes. The doctor already checked on Holly but if you’d like I can page him.”

Gerard nodded, “Yeah, I’d like to talk to him if I could.”

The nurse agreed and Gerard told her he’d be in the waiting room. Twenty minutes later the doctor arrived.

“Good morning, Mr Way.”

“Gerard." He responded automatically. “Uh, so how’s Holly doing?”

The doctor took a seat. “Well her temperature is down slightly which is a good sign but her blood pressure is elevated. I believe that is caused by her blood sugar levels that we haven’t been able to regulate.”

Gerard wished he understood what all of this meant. “So she’s a little better?” he knew he was grasping at straws but he had to hold on to hope.

“She’s still in critical condition.” The doctor said kindly, “But we’re going to start to let her come out of the coma. I caution you it may take a while. And when she does she will be very disorientated in part because of the pain meds we are giving her.”

Gerard frowned, “Will she be in a lot of pain?”

“Not as long as we continue the meds” The doctor answered. “But they are not only for pain they also are to keep her calm. Often when a patient has been through an attack like Holly was their mental condition effects the body. We don’t want that to happen. We need to make sure her blood pressure remains within acceptable levels.”

“So it’s important she stay calm when she wakes?”

“Yes, very important. It is possible she may be very confused and not even remember what happened. Many times this is the case when an attack as brutal as Holly’s happens.”

“But it will come back to her? I mean there won’t be any memory loss?” Gerard asked nervously.

“There shouldn’t be.” The doctor sighed, “But until she regains consciousness we won’t know for sure.”

Gerard braced himself, “Doctor is she paralyzed?”

The doctor’s face took on a look of compassion. “I wish I could tell you no but again until she recovered enough from her other injuries we can’t address her spinal injury. It is very possible though with physical therapy she make good progress.”

“And she’s gonna stay in Intensive Care?”

“Definitely for several more days.” The doctor answered just as his pages went off. “Sorry but I have to go.” He said standing.

Gerard thanked him again then sat back in his chair.

“Here you go.”

He looked up to see the same nurse from before handing him a cup of coffee.

“Fresh brewed."

“Thanks, uh..”

“Delores.’ She smiled.

“Thanks Delores. I can really use this. Oh and I’m Gerard.”

She smiled, “Yes, I know. You and your band mates have caused quite a stir around here.”

Gerard frowned, “Sorry about that.”

“It’s not your fault.” Delores said kindly. “We deal with celebrities now and then.”

Gerard took a sip then smiled slightly, “We’re not exactly celebrities.”

“You couldn’t tell that to my granddaughter.” Delores smiled, “Anyway I’m about to go off shift but I wanted to bring you your coffee first.”

“Thanks again.” Gerard said softly. “I appreciate it.”

For a moment Delores seemed to be considering saying more. Gerard noticed this. He gave her a questioning look.

“I just want to say I’ve been very touched by your obvious concern for Holly. I know for a fact you’ve been here pretty much since they brought her in.”

Gerard looked down, “She very special to all of us.” He was surprised when Delores sat down next to him. Lowering her voice she spoke softly.

“Look, I shouldn’t tell you this but maybe I’m just getting too old and tired to deal with stupid things.”

Immediately Gerard was on edge. “Tell me what?”

“I’m not sure who but someone evidently overheard you say that Holly is the mother of your child.”

Gerard sat up straighter. “What?”

“If I find out who did this believe me I’m going to report them. But I just thought you should be aware.”

Gerard sighed, “Holly and I do have a little girl. Don’t really see what difference it makes who knows."

Delores looked at him closely. “But the fact is it’s your personal business. I just hate it when personal things become talked about. It’s not right.”

“Especially since you know I’m married to someone else?” Gerard asked.

Delores nodded, “Yes, I know that because of my granddaughter."

Gerard took a sip of his coffee trying to think.

“Hey, Gee.” Mikey followed by Alicia walked into the waiting room.

“Anyway, I’ve got to get going.” Delores said standing up. “I’ll see you on Tuesday.”

Gerard nodded, “Yeah, and thanks.” He said looking into her eyes.

She nodded then left the room.

“What was that all about?” Mikey asked seeing the look on his brother’s face.

Gerard sat back then sighed, “Oh she was just telling me that the talk around here is about how Holly and I have a child.”

He noticed that neither Alicia nor Mikey seemed very surprised.

“What?” He asked slowly.

They looked at each other trying to decide who should break the news. Finally Alicia spoke. “Gee, I was on the Internet this morning checking my e-mails. Seems somehow it got out about you and Holly.”

“I don’t give a fuck.” He answered angrily, “But you know I really wish my private life could be private.”

“I just worry.” Alicia said softly, “About what will happen when Eliza gets a hold of this info.”

Gerard snorted “What the fuck can she do? Try to use it to ruin my marriage? Well she’s a little late on that one.”

“I know.” Alicia said sadly, “but I just don’t want her spreading lies about Holly."

Gerard stood up and began to pace. “What a fuckin’ mess.”

“Hey.” Bob walked in. “What’s up?” He asked immediately. “It’s not Holly, is it?”

Gerard forced himself to calm down. “No, I talked to the doctor. She’s still in critical condition but at least her temperature is down.”

“Well that’s good.” He said talking a seat but still wondering what was going on.

“I’ll be back.” Gerard said suddenly needing some space. He passed Ray and Christa on the way out.

“What’s with Gee?” Ray wanted to know after they’d asked about Holly.

Mikey explained the situation to them.

“Fuckin’ bitch probably already knows and she’s the one spreading it around.” Bob exploded.

While the others knew he had always disliked Eliza they hadn’t realized his hatred ran so deep.

“Bob, calm down.” Alicia said softly. She glanced over at the clock. “Hey why don’t you go sit with Holly?” She suggested hoping the thought would diffuse some of his anger.

“Yeah, okay.” He got to his feet leaving immediately.

“Wow.” Ray said after the door closed. “He’s pissed.”

“Because he loves Holly.” Christa said softly. “He doesn’t want her to be hurt by all of this."

“So what, she and Gee have a kid?” Ray said not understanding. “I mean it’s out in the open now.”

“If she even remembers telling me.”

They hadn’t heard Gerard walk back in.

“Why wouldn’t she remember?” Alicia asked with concern.

Gerard explained what the doctor had told him earlier.

Christa sighed, “Well at least she’s gonna be waking up soon.”

“Yeah.” Gerard sat down heavily. “But it’s important she stays calm.” He reminded them. In his mind he was thinking that maybe it would be best for now if Holly didn’t remember telling him about Molly. As much as he wanted to talk to Holly about their past the most important thing right now was her health.

***************************************************

The rest of the day passed slowly but Holly didn’t awaken. Holly’s nurse for the day tried to reassure them it wasn’t unusual but as each hour crawled by Gerard became more and more concerned.

It was almost nine in the evening when Alicia rushed back into the waiting room. Only Mikey, Bob and Gerard remained.

“Holly opened her eyes.”

Gerard got to his feet. “Is she awake now?”

Alicia shook her head. “No, but she knew me, she said my name.” Tears filled her eyes.

“Thank God.” Gerard whispered.

Mikey put his arm around his wife.

“Her voice was like a whisper.” Alicia said softly. “But she knew me.”

They all sat back down lost in their own thoughts.

When it was time for someone to sit with Holly again Gerard looked over at Bob. “You want to go?”

Bob smiled slightly, “No, you go ahead.” He answered knowing how badly Gerard wanted to see Holly awake even though the chances were slim she’s say much.

Sadly Holly didn’t awaken again during Gerard’s time with her. The nurse kindly told him not to be discouraged that tomorrow Holly would be more alert.

At midnight Bob, Mikey and Alicia decided to go. They all knew Gerard would once again stay overnight at the hospital.

Mikey and Alicia had already moved towards the elevator banks when Bob spoke to Gerard. “You really should try to get some sleep.”

Gerard looked up. “Hey, I’m okay.”

“You’re exhausted, Way.” Bob said kindly. “But I understand.”

“Yeah, I know you do.” Gerard whispered. “I just wanna be here to see her open her beautiful eyes.”

Bob sighed, “Just remember she’s gotta stay calm.”

“I know." Gerard nodded, “I’m not gonna say anything that will upset her.”

While Bob understood that Gerard meant this he worried that just seeing Gerard could cause Holly be become upset. If she suddenly remembered she’d told him about Molly he wasn’t sure how she’s respond.

“See you in the morning.” Gerard said pulling Bob out of his thoughts.

Bob nodded then left the room.

The rest of the night Gerard sat with Holly when he could but her eyes never opened.

*********************************************************

Gerard had forced himself to leave the hospital just after four am. He’s neck hurt from sleeping in the waiting room chair and he knew if he didn’t give his body some much needed sleep there would be problems.

However when he returned to the hospital at nine am Jan 2nd he wished he’d never left.

“Hey, Gee.” Bob greeted him as soon as he walked into the waiting room.

Gerard stopped in his tracks. He’d expected Mikey, Alicia and Bob to be here and the fact that Ray and Christa were also waiting wasn’t surprising. However he hadn’t expected to see Adam Lazzara.

“Gee.” Adam said with a nod.

“Good to see you, man.” Gerard said walking over and taking a seat next to him. “I didn’t know you’d be here.” He admitted.

Adam’s eyes narrowed. “Got here as soon as I could. Bob called me the night Holly was attacked.”

“Oh.” Gerard nodded. “Uh, so has anyone seen her this morning?”

“I went in and sat with her for a few minutes.” Christa answered. “She woke up briefly.”

“She’s awake now?” Gerard sat up straighter in his chair. “How is she?”

Christa smiled, “Groggy, very groggy.”

“Well what did she say?” He asked excitedly.

“It’s still hard for her to talk. Her throat is sore but she asked me if I was okay.” Christa smiled sadly, “Her first question was if I was okay.”

Gerard smiled not surprised at all. “Does she remember the attack?”

Christa sighed, “She asked me what happened.” Her eyes teared up. “I wasn’t sure what to say. I mean…” Her voice trailed off as Ray placed his arm around her for comfort.

“What else? Did she say anything else?” Gerard asked excitedly.

Christa shook her head, “I had to leave because the doctor came in to examine her.”

Gerard’s face fell. “Shit, are they gonna tell her about the spine injury?”

“That’s what I’ve been worried about.” Christa admitted. “I’m not sure in a case like this what they are gonna tell her.”

Gerard got to his feet. “Someone should be with her if they do.”

“We can’t go in there now, Gee.” Mikey said softly.

“I’m gonna talk to one of the nurses.” Gerard said as he walked towards the door.

Adam looked over at Bob. “I see what you mean.” He said lowering his voice.

Bob nodded. “Let’s go get some air.” He wanted to talk to Adam in private.

Mikey watched the two men leave. “Wonder what the fuck they are gonna talk about.” There was a hint of anger in his voice.

Alicia shook her head. “Obviously they don’t want to talk in front of us. But I guess it’s probably because they have kept Holly’s secret all this time.”

Mikey gave her a surprised look, “Adam knows about Molly?”

Alicia nodded, “Yeah, I’m guessing he does. Don’t you remember how weird it was when he saw her at that party? I knew then something was going on I just didn’t know what.”

“How the fuck would he know?”

Christa had been listening to their conversation. “Bob said that Holly actually went to one of the dates on PR to see Gerard.”

Mikey nodded slowly. “Yeah, when she saw him with Lindsey.”

“So I’m guessing that since Adam was there he saw Holly.” Christa said thinking out loud. “I mean that would make since.”

“Maybe.” Alicia said slowly. “I knew Bob had called Adam because I overhear part of the conversation. It was obvious he knew that Holly and Adam are close.”

Christa nodded, “So he would have known about Molly.”

“But that still doesn’t mean he would have known Gee was Molly’s dad unless Holly told him. Why the fuck would she tell him and not any of us?” Mikey asked.

“You know why she didn’t tell us.” Alicia reminded him.

“Something doesn’t add up.” Christa said.

“I’m just straight up gonna ask Bob.” Mikey said angrily. “I want to know if Adam knew about Gerard being Molly’s father.”

“Fine but don’t say anything in front of Adam. Until we know for sure what he knows.” Alicia said.

Mikey was angry and confused, “Why? What difference does it make now? The truth is out in the open. Fuck it’s on the Internet for Christ’s sake.”

Christa and Ray both gave him a surprised look.

“What?” Ray asked.

Mikey explained the situation to him. Just as he was almost done Arthur Ravenell joined them putting an end to that conversation for now.

“Good morning. How’s Holly?” The gallery owner asked.

Christa smiled slightly, “When I was with her she was awake.”

“Excellent.” Arthur smiled, “That’s a good sign, I’m sure.”

“The first thing she asked was if I was okay.” Christa said softly.

“I’m not surprised at all.” Arthur nodded. “That is Holly’s nature, caring for others.” He grew serious. “So she remembers the attack?”

“I’m not sure how much she remembers.” Christa answered. “We didn’t have time to talk before the doctor came in.”

Arthur nodded. “Sadly I read in the news this morning that the attack is netting even more bad publicity for the shelter since Holly and Christa were headed there when it happened.” He gave Christa a sad look, “I’m sure you’re aware they now know you were the woman with Holly?”

Christa nodded, “Yes, I know.” She’s leaned that fact early this morning.

“This is sure to upset Holly. The auction we held for the shelters meant a lot to her, I know both shelters and the people there mean a lot to her.”

“That’s very true.” Christa nodded. “She’ll hate to learn about the bad publicity.”

“Yes.” Arthur nodded, “I’m sure she will.”

*********************************************************

Adam and Bob walked across the lot to Adams car. Neither man spoke until they were seated in the car.

“You think she ever would have told him if this hadn’t happened?” Adam asked.

Bob sighed, “I honestly don’t know.”

“I gotta admit I was shocked when I saw her hanging with all of them at that party. Fuck, I couldn’t believe it.”

Bob glanced over at him. “Yeah, Holly told me she saw you there. She tell you why she was back in their lives?”

“Not really. I mean she said she was just visiting Alicia and Mikey. She quickly told me that they didn’t know the truth about Molly. I guess that’s what shocked me even more than seeing her with them. Holly hates to lie. I know that. I tried to talk to her the next day about it but she was vague. She obviously didn’t want me questioning her actions. So I’m still sorta in the dark about this, she actually told everyone that Molly was Sonja’s daughter?”

Bob nodded, “Yeah, when Alicia tracked her down she had to come up with some sort of story.”

“So she lied and told them that.”

“Yeah.”

Adam thought a minute. “Why did Alicia track her down after all this time?”

“Because of Gerard.” Bob snorted.

“What?”

Bob sat back then pulled out a pack of cigarettes. Part of him hated that he’d fallen back into the addiction but for now he needed the nicotine. Lighting one he explained, “I don’t know if you’ve stayed in touch with Gee but he’s started drinking pretty heavily again. When that happened I’m guessing Alicia was worried Mikey would follow suit.”

Adam nodded, “Yeah, I can get why she would worry about that. Those two seem to feed off each others misery.”

“Yeah, and Holly told me that Alicia thought maybe Holly could help. She was there when Gerard was going through all that shit with Eliza. Back then she was one of the forces that kept Gerard from tipping completely over.”

Adam thought about that a moment. “Yeah, I guess she was. They were very close back then.”

“Yeah they were. They were very close but we both know that once he broke it off with Eliza it became more than friendship.”

“But the others never did now that.” Adam said with a nod.

“True. They didn’t know about Gee and Holly. So Alicia just thought she was finding an old friend from Gerard’s past who could maybe help him.”

“Why’s he hitting it so hard again?” Adam asked.

Bob took a deep drag. “His marriage is over.”

“What?” Adam was shocked, “When the fuck did that happen?”

“According to Gee it’s been coming for a long time. He said that he and Lindsey just grew apart.”

“That sucks.” Adam said sadly. “I had no idea.”

Bob shrugged. “So Holly, being Holly, agreed to come back into their lives to try to help him. She didn’t realize his marriage was over at first. I talked to her when she first arrived so I know that. But…”

Adam looked over at him waiting.

“Holly was attacked the day before she planned on leaving here.”

“She was leaving?”

“Yeah, she called me. She said she could see his marriage was ending and she didn’t want to be any part of his life while that was happening.”

“Did Gee ever tell Lindsey about his relationship with Holly?”

“Pretty sure, no. Fuck he never told his brother. They were all shocked when they found out he’s Molly’s dad.”

“Does Lindsey know?”

“Yeah, Gee said she figured it out before he could tell her.”

Adam was shocked, “Really? How?”

“I’m sure thinking back to when they got together things suddenly just didn’t add up. Gerard had broken up with Eliza but fuck you remember what he was like at the start of PR. He wasn’t hurt he was so angry. When he hooked up with Lindsey it was like he was running away from all of that never planning to look back.”

“He was running away from his break up with Holly.”

“Yeah well we figured that out but no one else knew.”

“So how’s Lindsey taking all of this?” Adam asked.

Bob took another drag off his cigarette. “According to Gee she’s not pissed. I was with him when she called and asked how Holly was doing? Weird thing is when Holly got here and met Lindsey they became friends.”

“That had to be hard for Holly.”

“I’m sure it was. I’m sure she genuinely likes Lindsey but knowing that Lindsey didn’t know about her past relationship with Gerard would be weird.”

“God, what a mess.” Adam said slowly. “But I can see why Holly thought it was best she leave. She didn’t want to be a factor in his breakup.”

Bob’s anger rose. “The truth is she knows Gerard. I’m sure she figured he’d turn to her expecting her to nurse him through all his pain.”

Adam heard the anger loud and clear. “You still have a problem with him.”

Bob sighed heavily. “Yeah, I suppose that’s true. I mean part of me understands that he didn’t know about Molly. I get that. But the part of me that saw Holly go through all the shit she’s been through is pissed. Yeah, he didn’t understand about Sonja’s illness.”

Adam interrupted, “Does he know now?”

Bob nodded, “Yeah, she told him.”

“So he understands why Holly couldn’t be with him during PR?”

Again Bob nodded but his anger wouldn’t let go. “Yeah, he gets that now. But still the way they parted. If he’d only waited instead of letting all his anger and hurt take over.”

Adam spoke softly, “I’ll never forget the look on her face that day.”

“I’m just glad you were there for her.” Bob said honestly. “You know I’ve never thanked you for that.”

“Why would you thank me?”

“Because I’m not sure what she would have done if you hadn’t been there to get her back to the airport. I know how much it meant to her that you stayed until she could board that plane.”

“Fuck I’d have missed my set if I had to. There was no way I was gonna leave her there alone. She was so broken.”

Bob sat back and closed his eyes, “And now she’s broken again.”

Adam looked over at him. “Mentally and physically?”

“Yeah, both.” Bob whispered. “And I’m not sure how she’s gonna be able to handle this. I know in my heart she thought she was dying when she told him. I just know it.”

“But maybe it’s good that once and for all the truth is out there.” Adam said hopefully.

“I honestly don’t know what to think.” Bob admitted. “I guess what worries me the most is how this will all play out. You saw Gerard in there. He’s been here almost the whole time since it happened.”

“He still loves her, doesn’t he?”

“That’s what he says.” Bob answered sitting back up in his seat.

“You don’t believe him?”

Bob thought a moment before answering. “I don’t know. Maybe he really does. Maybe he never stopped loving her. But right now he’s gonna be going through a divorce. And his band is starting a tour in a few weeks. There’s a fuckin’ lot of shit going on his life he needs to deal with. But we both know that he’s not always so good with pressure like that. All I do know is that Holly is facing a lot too. Fuck she might never walk again. How is she gonna handle that news? Caring for her little girl is her whole life. She can’t be worrying about Gerard now. She has to think about herself and what’s best for her.”

“And you don’t think Gerard is what’s best for her do you?”

Bob looked him in the eyes, “Can you blame me?”

Sadly Adam understood what Bob meant. “No, I understand.” He said softly.