The Past Ain't Through With You

When Gerard returned to the waiting room Mikey knew by the look on his face he was very upset.

“Did you find out anything?” He asked as his brother sat down next to him.

“Fuck no. Nobody will tell me anything. We’re just supposed to wait until the doctor comes to talk to us.”

“She was pretty out of it.” Christa said trying to relieve some of Gerard’s concerns. “Chances are she’s really not alert enough for the doctor to tell her anything about her condition.”

“You are concerned they will tell her about the spinal injury?” Arthur asked hoping he was not intruding on their conversation.

Gerard nodded, “Yeah, that’s what’s worrying me. Shit, that’s not something she should be told without someone being with her.”

“Yes, I agree.” Arthur nodded.

Gerard turned to his brother. “Did Adam leave already?”

Mikey looked uncomfortable, “Uh, no. He and Bob stepped outside for some fresh air I think.”

“No doubt the two of them are discussing how badly Holly’s life is fucked up because of me.” Gerard said angrily.

Mikey glanced over at Arthur not wanting to discuss this in front of him. “Gee, I’m sure they just wanted to stretch their legs a moment.”

They were both surprised when Arthur spoke. “I hope I’m not overstepping my bounds here but my concern for Holly makes me ask this. Gerard am I to assume you and Holly have some kind of a past?”

Gerard’s eyes narrowed. “Why?”

Arthur looked him in the eye. “While I will admit there are many things I don’t know about Holly’s past I was always under the impression that something had happened other than her daughter’s death to cause such sadness in her eyes.”

“You know about Sonja?” Alicia asked.

Arthur nodded, “Yes, Holly told me she was tragically killed in a car accident along side her husband.”

“Did Holly tell you anything else?” Gerard asked slowly.

“Not really but I will be honest with you. From the small bits of conversations I’ve overheard and from what I saw on the Net this morning I know you are Molly’s father.”

“Yeah, I am.” Gerard said softly. “So yeah, Holly and I do share a past.”

Arthur nodded, “I hope you aren’t angry with me bringing this up.”

Gerard sighed “You need to understand I didn’t know until Holly told me.” He hated the memory that came into his mind. “She told me right before the paramedics arrived.”

“You had no idea before than?” It was obvious this surprised Arthur.

“No, I didn’t. When Holly came here she told us that Molly was Sonja’s daughter. That was what we believed all this time.”

“I’m sure she had her reasons for telling you that.”

Gerard nodded but offered no other comment. His attention was taken away when he saw Bob and Adam walk into the room.

“We’re still waiting for the doctor.” Gerard told them.

“Excuse me.” Arthur said getting up to take his leave.

The tension in the room was thick.

“Uh, so.” Mikey said slowly. “Adam how long have you and Holly been close?”

Gerard exploded. “He fuckin’ knows I’m Molly’s father, Mikey. I don’t know why you keep dancing around this issue.”

Mikey was hurt. “Gee, I didn’t know that.”

“Well fuck obviously everyone knows it now.” Gerard spat. He glared at Adam. “Course it would have been nice if I’d known it before."

Adam ignored his tone. “Bob and I respected Holly’s wishes.”

Christa broke in. “Adam some of us here are confused. We’re just trying to figure this out.”

He nodded, “Yeah, I understand. Holly and I really became friends when I saw her at PR.”

Alicia spoke up. “Okay you have to understand we’re in the dark here. We just found out recently that Holly was there.”

Gerard’s stomach was churning, his head pounding. He wanted a drink and a cigarette. “Yeah, she was there for me but what happened was Worm fuckin’ let her on the bus knowing I was in the back with Lindsey.”

Alicia was immediately angry. “What? Did you know she was coming?”

The little patience Gerard had left snapped. “No I didn’t fuckin’ know she was coming. I thought she was through with me. I thought we were done.”

Alicia ignored him. Turning to Adam she asked. “So Holly saw Gerard and Lindsey together?”

Adam nodded. “Yeah, but they didn’t know it. When I saw her she had just come off the bus and I knew looking at her something was fucked up. All I knew at that point was the Holly and Gerard were really good friends. At first I thought maybe they’d had a fight or something but when I asked her what I could do to help her she said she just needed to get back to the airport. I knew something big had gone down.”

Bob joined the conversation. “That was the second date in Texas. The one that Adam almost missed. He was with Holly.”

Adam tried to play off his role. “I just stayed with her until she could get a flight.”

“Did she tell you what happened?” Christa asked.

“She really didn’t have to tell me.’ Adam said sadly. “It didn’t take me long to figure it out. The way she was acting made it pretty clear to me she and Gerard had been more than just friends and the fact that I knew he’d hooked up with Lindsey…”

Gerard broke in. “Really do we have to keep rehashing this shit? Yeah, Holly walked in on me and Lindsey, yeah I fuckin’ broke her heart.” He couldn’t seem to stop himself. “Yeah, we all know that now. No, wait. We also all know now that she was pregnant.”

“Gee.” Mikey said reaching out to touch her brother’s arm. “Stop.”

“Why?’ Gerard shot back. “That’s what everyone knows.” He leaped to his feet. “I’ll be back.” With that he was gone.

“I should talk to him.” Mikey said quickly getting up. Beside him Alicia’s face showed the worry she had for her husband. “Maybe you should let him cool off.”

Mikey shook his head. “I gotta talk to him.”

Once he was gone Christa spoke. “We really aren’t trying to rehash this, we’re just trying to understand what happened.”

Adam smiled slightly, “Yeah, I understand. Anyway I stayed with her until she could board the plane and I made her promise me she’d call me when she got back to Jersey.”

“And she did?” Christa asked.

Adam nodded, “If there’s one thing for certain about Holly she keeps her promises. It was really late but she and I talked a long time that night. It’s funny but I really didn’t know much about her until then. I was surprised by her, I guess. As much as she was hurting every time I talked to her she’d always want to know how I was. We became good friends.” He paused. “When I found out she was leaving Jersey I was worried at first she wouldn’t stay in touch. I knew she was going to leave her cell behind because it belonged to Gerard and again I made her promise that she’d call me when she got settled in Wyoming.”

“Another promise she kept?” Christa guessed correctly.

“Yeah, she did. It was kinda I guess an unspoken agreement but we never talked about Gerard. We would just spend our time talking about what was going on in our lives.”

“So how did you find out she was pregnant?” Alicia asked.

The question caused Adam to frown. “She was back in Wyoming when I found out. I’d called and Sonja answered. I could tell something was wrong as soon as I heard Holly’s voice. She and Sonja were in the middle of an argument. Holly tried to cover the phone but I could still hear part of it. Holly got on the line and said she’d have to call me back when I heard Sonja scream that it was all her fault they were in Wyoming. That if her mother wasn’t pregnant then they wouldn’t have had to move.”

“Oh fuck.” Alicia said softly.

Adam sighed, “I was shocked at first but then I just felt so bad for Holly. She got on the phone and said she’d call me back. I was really thinking she wouldn’t and she didn’t that day. It wasn’t until the next day she called me. She said she knew I’d heard what Sonja had said and she begged me not to tell anyone. So I promised her I wouldn’t.”

“And that was a promise you kept.” Christa said sadly.

“Yeah, it was. I knew it was Gerard’s baby but hell I was with him on the tour. I knew he and Lindsey were together, I knew he’d moved on. What was I supposed to do?”

Bob spoke up. “You did what she wanted just like me. For a while both of us thought Holly was moving on with her life too. It wasn’t until Sonja’s death that I knew that really wasn’t true.”

Adam looked over at him. “Fuck, I wish I could have been there for her.”

Bob smiled sadly, “I know and so did Holly but you couldn’t and she understood that.”

Ray had been sitting quietly taking this all in. Finally he spoke. “So both of you knew Holly was pregnant with Gee’s baby but didn’t tell him.”

Bob bristled, “Yeah, that’s right. She didn’t want him to know.”

“You didn’t think you should tell him before he married Lindsey?” Ray asked slowly trying to come to terms with his own thoughts on all of this.

“What good would have come from it?” Bob asked. “You were there, you know how Gerard was. He decided to get married on the spur of the moment and nothing was gonna stop him.”

“That might have.” Ray said thinking back to that night.

Bob shook his head, “I don’t believe that for a minute. And if you’re honest with yourself you don’t either. You know what Gerard was like that night.”

Ray sighed, “Yeah, I know.”

Adam spoke again. “So no one told him. But Bob and I both tried to make sure in our own ways that Holly was okay. I tried to keep in touch with her by phone as much as I could.” He smiled ruefully. “See I don’t want you all thinking that I was some great friend to Holly because the truth is she was really there for me over these past few years. Shit that went down in my life…well she was there to listen. No matter what time of day or night I’d call her she’d be there for me. I consider her one of my best friends.”

“So I guess then you were pretty shocked to see her with all of us again?” Alicia said sadly, “Fuck, I know you were and it’s all my fault. I’m the one that went and found her. I’m the one that brought her back into all of this.”

Bob shook his head, “You gotta stop thinking like that.”

Alicia’s eyes filled with tears. “But it’s true and look how it’s all turned out.”

Christa moved over to sit next to her. Placing her arm around Alicia she gave her a quick hug not knowing what words she could say to ease her pain.

***********************************************************

Gerard walked across the parking lot towards his car. As much as he wanted to be inside the waiting room so he’d be there when the doctor came in he just couldn’t stand the thought of being around the others. Not right now. It has been days since his last drink and his gut was aching for one. Slipping into the drivers set he shut the door, lit a cigarette and leaned back. He’d just closed his eyes when there was a tap on the passenger side window. His anger flared when he saw Mikey.

“Gee unlock the door.”

Gerard did so with a sigh. “What now?”

Mikey got in. “Just thought you might wanna talk about it.”

It was hard but he tried to contain his anger. “No, I don’t want to talk about anything.”

“Okay.” Mikey said softly. “Then I’ll just sit here with you.”

The emotion in his brother’s voice penetrated the veil of anger. “Mikey, I’m okay really. You gotta stop worrying about me.”

“Can’t help it.” Mikey shrugged.

Gerard took another deep drag then leaned back again. Closing his eyes he said softly. “What am I gonna do?”

Mikey wasn’t sure what he meant. “About what?”

“About everything.” Gerard answered tiredly. “Fuck, my marriage is over, I gotta move out of my house, we got a fuckin’ tour about to start and then there’s Holly.”

“You’ll do what you have to do.” Mikey said with emotion. “You’re a strong man, Gee. You’ll handle all this shit.”

Gerard slowly rolled his head to face his brother. Opening his eyes he asked softly, “Do you really believe that or are you just hoping that’s what will happen?”

Mikey forced himself to smile. “I believe it.” His phone alerted him to a text. He pulled it out and read the message. “The doctors there.”

Immediately he and Gerard got out of the car. Unfortunately by the time they arrived at the waiting room the doctor had already left.

“He got called away.” Alicia said to Gerard seeing the disappointment in his eyes.

“So what did he say about Holly? Did they tell her?” Gerard asked quickly.

Christa was the one who answered. “Gee, Holly wasn’t alert when the doctor examined her. So no, she hasn’t been told anything about her condition.”

Gerard nodded, “So can one of us go sit with her now?”

“They’ve taken her for more tests.” Christa said, “They are concerned by the amount of blood in her urine.”

“Because of the damaged kidney?” Gerard asked.

Christa nodded, “Yeah, so they said it could be a couple of hours before she’s back in ICU.”

Gerard sat down tiredly. “So more waiting.”

Alicia spoke up. “Gee since we are just waiting why don’t you go over and see Molly?”

His first thought was he didn’t want to leave but slowly he considered her idea. “Yeah, maybe I should.” He said slowly.

Alicia smiled, “Maybe you can help her with the picture she’s drawing for her mom.”

Gerard gave her a surprised look. “Oh yeah she was gonna drew something for Holly.” He frowned, “That was days ago.” At least he thought it was but truthfully all the days where blending together for him.

Mikey laughed, “She says it’s not done yet. It has to be just right. It’s so sweet to watch her. She takes her time choosing a crayon, then she’ll draw something then she keeps looking at it.”

“She wants it to be perfect for Holly.” Gerard whispered.

Alicia nodded, “Yeah, and until it is she won’t let us bring it to the hospital.”

“Wow.” Adam said, “And she isn’t even three yet.”

“She’s pretty advanced.” Alicia smiled.

Suddenly Gerard wanted to see his daughter. “Call me if anything changes.” He said standing.

“You know we will.” Mikey answered.

Gerard suddenly stopped then turned to Adam. “If you’re not here when I get back it was good to see you again.”

Adam nodded, “Good to see you too, Gee. I won’t be able to stay much longer. But I’ll try to be back in a few days. Hopefully by then I’ll get to see her.”

“Yeah, hopefully.” Gerard answered as he turned away.

***************************************************************

Donna opened the door. “Mikey told me you were on your way over.”

Gerard gave her a quick kiss and he walked inside. “Yeah, thought I’d spend some time with Molly.”

“Gee, you look exhausted. You can’t keep spending all you time at the hospital. Tonight I want you to go home and get some sleep.”

Gerard sighed, “Ma, I’m fine and I’m not a child.”

Donna’s eyes narrowed, “Well sometimes you act like one.”

The last thing he wanted was to get into an argument with his mother. “Where’s Molly?”

“She and Don will be back in a minute. They went over to take some cake to Hal and Molly wanted to show him how much better her chicken poxs are.”

With everything that had happened he’d forgotten Molly had been sick. “She’s okay now, isn’t she?"

Donna nodded, “Most of the marks are gone and she’s fever free.”

“That’s good.” He sighed. Since he’d seen his car outside in the drive he’d known his dad was here. “And it’s good they are visiting Hal.”

Donna laughed, “Yeah, your dad and Hal have become pretty good friends. They played cards last night.”

Walking over to the sofa Gerard took a seat.

“So I called Lindsey this morning.” Donna said sitting down across from him.

Gerard stared at her. “Why?”

Donna’s eyes narrowed again. “Because she’s my daughter-in-law and I wanted to talk to her.”

“Ma, we’re getting a divorce.” Gerard answered feeling his head begin to pound again.

“I know that.” Donna sighed, “But that doesn’t change the way I feel about her.”

Gerard rubbed his forehead, “So what did she say?”

“Not much, really.” Donna answered. “We just talked about Bandit and her future plans.”

Gerard stared at his mother. “Her future plans?”

Donna looked away, “She wants to get the divorce proceedings going as quickly as possible.”

Sadness washed over him. “Yeah, I know.”

Suddenly Donna couldn’t control her emotions. “Gee, can’t you do something to stop this? You two were so happy.”

He looked down. “Yeah we were happy once.”

Donna shook her head, “This just seems so wrong. I know you’re preoccupied with Holly right now but…”

Gerard’s head snapped up. “Yeah, I’m fuckin’ preoccupied with Holly. Shit, ma the woman is in critical condition. She might never be able to walk again.” He paused “And she’s the mother of my child. Yeah, I’m preoccupied with her.”

“But there are other things in your life you should be concerned with. Your wife has left you.” Donna answered angrily.

Gerard stared at his mother. “And here I thought you really cared about Holly.”

“I do.” Donna’s voice rose. “I’m the one that brought Holly into your life. But now I wish I hadn’t.”

Gerard couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “What?”

“Well look how this has all turned out.” Donna answered in a rush. “I never would have never believed you would have that kind of relationship with Holly. I thought she was smarter than that.”

Gerard stared at her in shock. “You thought she was smarter that that? What the hell does that mean?”

“She was a grown woman with a teenager. Why did she become involved with you? You had a girlfriend. She knew that. And how in God’s name did she let herself get pregnant?”

Gerard leaped to his feet. “I can’t believe I’m hearing this from you of all people.”

“I can’t believe you’re just gonna sit by and watch your marriage end without trying to do something about it. I can’t believe you’re just gonna pine over a woman who didn’t even bother to tell you about your daughter.”

Gerard couldn’t ever remember being this angry at his mother. He was so angry he couldn’t speak. Turning he’d just made it to the door when Don and Molly walked in.

“Son.” Don greeted him with a smile that quickly faded. ‘What is it?”

Even through his anger Gerard understood that his father was afraid something had happened to Holly. “Uh, nothing. Just thought I’d come by and see if Molly would like to go to the park with me?”

Molly immediately started jumping up and down. “Mes wants to.”

Gerard smiled, “Okay then and why don’t you grab your paper and crayons? We can work on pictures for your mom.”

“Otay.” Molly smiled then ran towards the bedroom.

Don lowered his voice. “What’s really wrong, son?”

Gerard glanced back at his mother. “Ask her after we’re gone.”

Don sighed. He’d been afraid Donna would speak her mind. She’s already voiced her opinions to Don earlier.

Molly ran back to them. “Mes weady now.” In her little hands she gripped her box of crayons and a sketchbook.

“Well then let’s go.” Gerard said placing his hand on her shoulder.

“Well talk tonight.” Don said to his son.

Gerard nodded.

They started out the door when Molly turned back. ‘Dampa Don youse bes here when mes gets back?”

Don smiled, “Sure I will Honey. I’m not gonna leave tonight until after dinner.”

“Dood.” Molly answered brightly.

They walked out and Don closed the door. Taking a deep breath he turned to his ex. “What in God’s name did you say to him?”