The Past Ain't Through With You

Sunday was a full day for Holly something for which she was very grateful. Keeping busy all day moving into the loft helped to keep her mind off Gerard. What he’d said to his young daughter about still loving her had been very difficult to hear. Holly’s first reaction had been anger. Didn’t he realize saying something like that to Molly could give the child the wrong idea? Holly knew in her heart that her daughter wanted desperately to have what she believed would be the perfect family, a mom and dad, together, who lived in the perfect house. However, as Holly had spent a sleepless night after Molly’s announcement, she had finally reasoned it all out. Gerard had simply wanted their daughter to believe that she was loved by both her parents who would always work together to secure her happiness. That thought had made her lose her anger and decide to let the subject drop.

So all day Sunday she and Molly had worked hard making their new loft home for now. They moved in their few belonging, then set about to make the place their own. Alicia had helped and Holly was touched when she’d even insisted on buying Molly new Disney Princess sheets for her bed.

By late Sunday night as Holly climbed into her own bed she was tired but happy. For the first time, in a long time, she felt as if she and Molly had a place of their own again. A smile covered her face as she fell asleep almost immediately.

**************************************

Monday morning Gerard found himself short tempered and tired. After leaving Mikey’s house Saturday night he knew without a doubt he’d made a mistake. He had pushed Holly into trying to discuss things obviously she wasn’t ready to discuss. But it was more than that, he was afraid she’d never want to discuss them.

Sunday he and Bandit had spent the day puttering around the house until it had been time to take her back to Lindsey’s. Then he’d returned home to spend a long night trying not to think about Holly but failing miserably.

So now it was nine in the morning and he was growing impatient waiting for Sally. She was supposed to have been at her office a half hour ago.

“Gee.” Sally greeted him warmly. “Sorry I’m late.” She said as she breezed passed him to unlock her office door.

“You said 8:30.” He reminded her in a chipped tone.

She threw open the door than moved to toss her messenger bag and purse on the desk. “Sorry, Monday’s are always a pain.”

He grunted something she didn’t quite hear as he closed the door. When he looked up Sally was staring at him.

“What’s wrong?” She asked.

Gerard sat down in the chair in front of her desk. “Got a lot of shit to do today.” He immediately opened his messenger bag and started pulling out papers. “We need to go over some character designs.”

Sally sat down behind her desk but made no move to look at the papers he was spreading out.

Finally he looked up. “What?”

She leaned back in her chair. “I’m waiting for you to tell me why you’re such a bear today.”

“I already told you, I’ve got a busy day. The guys are expecting me in the studio before noon and we have shit we need to go over now.”

Sally knew Gerard well enough to know his mood wasn’t caused by stressing over time. “Okay Way, spill it. What’s really wrong?”

He was about to give her an angry retort when he saw the concern in her eyes. “Shit, sorry. I am being a bear, aren’t I?”

Sally smiled, “Yeah, but it’s okay. Let me grab us some coffee then we’ll discuss.”

He sat back and closed his eyes until he heard her return. Opening them again he saw she’d placed a steaming mug of hot brew in front of him on the desk. “Thanks.” He said softly.

Sally sat back down cradling her own mug of coffee. “Okay, then.” She smiled, “Tell me what’s wrong.”

Gerard sighed, “I don’t like feeling like this. I don’t like being confused.”

“Confused?”

“Yeah, confused.” He nodded reaching for his coffee. “And…shit I don’t know how else to describe this.”

Sally took a sip of her coffee then said slowly, “Okay, I’m guessing this has something to do with Holly, right?”

He looked down. “Look, I’m okay. I’ll figure this out.”

“Gee.” Sally said softly. “I really want to help. I figure we’re close enough friends that you’d trust me.”

“Of course I trust you.” He said quickly looking back over at her. “But at the same time it don’t feel right burdening you with my shit.”

She smiled, “Uh, dude, what are friends for? Now tell me what’s going on. I know about dinner Friday night but have you seen her since?"

Gerard leaned back with cup of coffee in hand trying to get comfortable. “Molly spent Saturday with me and Bandit. Holly had to meet with people at the gallery so I told her I’d be happy to keep Molly all day.”

“That’s good. Bet you loved that.”

He smiled, “Yeah, spending time with my girls is great. But Molly did start asking questions.”

Sally grinned “Just like Holly predicted.”

“Yeah, exactly. She flat out asked by me and Holly hadn’t been married.”

“Leave it to a kid to ask that but I get it. She knows you and Lindsey were married so she wonders why you married her sister’s mom and not hers.”

Gerard took a sip of coffee then nodded, “Yeah, exactly.”

“So what did you say?” Sally asked.

He sighed, “Obviously something that pissed off Holly. I told Molly that sometimes things happen that are beyond our control.”

“Oh.” Sally said softly. “And you told Holly you said that?”

“She asked, so yeah. Man, the way she threw that piece of steak on the plate she wasn’t happy.” When he saw Sally’s confused look he explained, “Holly made dinner at Mikey’s Saturday night. She and I were talking alone in the kitchen when I told her.”

Sally thought a moment. “Well, I can kinda see why that upset her.”

“Fuck yeah, me too.” Gerard said shaking his head. “Beyond our control sounded wrong. I mean really it wasn’t beyond our control it was all me.”

Since he’d confided in Sally and she understood the situation and knew what he meant. “Gee, you gotta stop beating yourself up about what happened between you and Holly.”

“How can I?” He said sadly. “I fuckin’ hurt her and I know it. I just wish…”

“Wish what?” Sally asked.

He looked down. “I just wish she’d fuckin’ talk about it. I wish she’d just once and for all tell me the fuck off. Let go of the anger I know she has to feel.”

“Why?” Sally surprised him by asking.

“Why?” He repeated, “Because she needs to get it out.” Gerard said his voice full of emotion. “I just feel like we can never move on unless she does.”

Sally took a sip of her coffee giving herself time to think. “Gee, do you want her to tell you off for her or for you?”

“What?”

“Well maybe I’m wrong but it sorta seems like you want her to tell you off to ease some of your guilt about what happened.”

Gerard sat back in shock, “You really think that?”

“Yeah, I sorta do. I know what happened, I know you hate that you hurt her. I think in your mind she deserves the chance to tell you off.”

“She deserves the chance to tell me what a bastard I was.” He nodded, “Yeah, exactly. Shit, I told her I loved her.” His anger was once again being fueled by guilt, “I fucked her then left without saying goodbye. Then I married someone else a few months later without a word to her. Yeah, I was a bastard and she deserves the chance to tell me.”

“It sounds like you’re the one who can’t get past this." Sally said gently.

He stared at her. “Maybe.” He admitted slowly. “But damn it, I want to. I just want once and for all to get this out in the open. Say what needs to be said so we can move forward.” He shook his head sadly, “But she don’t want that.”

“You tried to talk to her about it?”

“I told her we had unresolved issues we need to discuss.” He admitted.

Sally sighed, “Gee, it’s too soon. I told you not to push her.”

Angrily he nodded, “Yeah, that’s what you said but obviously I don’t listen to a fucking thing anyone says.”

Sally knew his anger really wasn’t directed at her. “She needs time. Coming back here had to be hard for her. Just knowing that Molly had to know the truth I’m sure was hard.”

“Yeah and like a fuckin’ idiot I tried to push her.”

Sally understood, “You’ve been waiting a long time for her to come back. I get that, I really do. But don’t be discouraged. From what you’ve told me she’d gonna be here for a while. You have time. Let her get a chance to feel comfortable around you again. Think about it, from everything you’ve told me I see that this is like a new beginning for her. Shit, she almost died but now she’s got another chance to make a life free from all the guilt she used to have smothering her. What happened between you two was brutal, I’m not gonna lie cause I’m sure it was. But pushing her to talk about it before she’s ready isn’t good.”

He allowed Sally’s words to penetrate his anger. “Yeah, I know you’re right.”

“So what else happened?” Sally asked feeling there was more he hadn’t shared.

“God, how do you do that?” He asked.

“Know that you’re still not telling me something?”

He nodded.

Sally smiled, “Hey, close friends just have that ability.”

Gerard took a sip of coffee before answering. “I told Molly something else that I’m afraid might get back to Holly.”

Sally waited.

“Shit, Molly told me that her mom said that sometimes when mommies and daddies love each other they get a baby.”

Sally nodded, “Yeah, that’s a good way to try to explain things to a kid.”

“I agree. So I told her that was true but then she flat out asked me if that’s what had happened?"

“Oh.” Sally said beginning to understand more. “She wanted to know if you’d loved her mom?”

He nodded, “Yeah, but I told her I still loved her mom a whole bunch.”

“Oh” Sally said slowly. “Oh, my.”

Gerard sighed dramatically. “Well damn it, it’s the truth.”

“But not a truth Holly needs to hear right now.”

He nodded miserably. “Yeah, but hey, maybe Molly won’t repeat that.”

This time it was Sally who sighed dramatically. “If there’s one thing I know about kids that age they seem to always repeat things you don’t want them to.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of.” Gerard admitted.

“So you haven’t spoken to her since Saturday night?”

“Nope, and as much as I want to talk to her I’m afraid to. I don’t want to make the situation any worse.”

Sally got up, grabbed both of their coffee mugs then returned a minute later having refilled them. “Well Way, this is a pickle.”

Gerard laughed, “Yeah, that’s one way to put it.”

“So are they still at Mikey’s?”

He shook his head, “No, I talked to Mikey last night and he told me that Alicia had helped them move into the loft yesterday.”

“So want my advice?” She asked.

He grinned, “Yeah but I know you’re gonna give it to me anyway.”

Sally laughed “So true my friend. I’d say give it a few days. Let things calm down then stop by her loft. You know maybe with a small housewarming gift?”

He liked that idea, “Yeah, that would be good.”

Sally nodded, “Just act like nothing is wrong. If she wants to talk about things she will. If not just keep the lines of communication open. You know that’s not really too hard you two do have a daughter.”

“True.” Gerard said starting to feel better.

Sally grabbed one of the sketches he’d placed on the desk. “Good now that’s settled lets get down to business.”

“Sally?”

She looked up. “Yeah?”

“Thanks.” Gerard said softly. “For being such a good friend.”

“No problem.” She smiled.

**************************************************

Holly sat back eyeing the stained glass she’d just cut with a critical eye. Deciding she still wasn’t sure she was happy with the shape she stood thinking a cup of hot tea sounded good. As she walked towards the kitchen area she smiled. Even though she and Molly had only been in the loft a few days it was starting to feel like home. It was good to have their own space.

Placing the tea kettle on the burner she reached to turn it on. A knock on the door started her. Glancing at the clock she saw it was almost 10 pm. Had she been wrong about Arthur already leaving the gallery downstairs?

When she looked through the peep whole in the door her heart started beating faster.

“Hey, Gee." She said softly as she pulled open the door.

He smiled, “Hey, Holly. Hope it’s not too late to stop by?” Her truly hoped it wasn't. Waiting a few days had been so hard.

Holly pulled the door open a bit further. “Molly’s already sleeping.” She said noting the stuffed bear in his arms.

“Oh.” He nodded, “Well I tried to get by earlier but we were working on a song that was going great.”

Slowly Holly stepped back. “Come in. You can see our new place.”

He smiled, “I’d like that.”

As he looked around the large area his eyes were immediately drawn to the large front windows that overlooked the street. “This is really nice.”

“I think so.” Holly said starting back towards the kitchen. “I was just going to have a cup of tea. Would you like one?”

“Sure.” He set the bear down on the sofa then slipped off his jacket. “Sounds good.”

Holly waited purposely in the kitchen for the water to boil. It gave her time to get her emotions under control. When she finally walked back into the living area with the mugs of tea she saw Gerard had sat down on the sofa.

“Here you go.” She said handing him a mug. “Earl Grey.”

“Thanks.” He said taking the mug. He watched her sit down across from him in the large overstuffed chair.

“This chair doesn’t look like it but it’s great for my back.” She explained.

“How is your back?” He asked with concern.

Holly smiled, “Not bad today. But I’ve been working.” She nodded over to the large work table near the windows. “And sitting in one place too long makes me stiff.”

“I saw what you’re working on.” He admitted. “Very nice.”

“Not sure I’m happy with the shapes yet.” Holly said before taking a sip of tea. “But I love the colors of the glass. That used to be a church window. Arthur found it for me in an architectural salvage store.”

Gerard nodded. “So this really is a nice place.” He said trying to keep the conversation going. She didn’t seem to be angry he’d just showed up without an invitation. “Oh I have something for you.” He reached over and pulled his jacket towards him. “Here.” He said reaching over to hand her a small package wrapped in tissue paper. “It’s sorta a housewarming gift.”

Holly slowly pulled off the tissue. “Oh.”

He wasn’t sure she knew what it was so he explained, “It’s a Nazar Boncugu.”

She looked closely at the glass piece in her hand. “To ward off evil eye, right?”

He smiled, “Yeah, I wasn’t sure you knew what it was. Didn’t want you to think I was giving you some weird piece of glass.”

Holly grinned, “I’ve seen these before, it’s beautiful.” She said running her finger over the heavy layered glass that resembled an eye. “Thanks.”

“Well I just thought it would be good for your new place.” He said softly. “Picked one up for my house too.”

Holly glanced around. “See that nail?” She nodded toward one of the large wood support beams. “Could you hang it for me?”

“Sure.” He placed his tea down then took it from her. A moment later he stood back. “How’s that?”

Holly nodded, “Perfect, thanks.”

Gerard sat back down. “You’re welcome.”

An awkward silence suddenly descended.

“Uh so anyway.” Gerard tired to get the conversation going again. “I saw downstairs on the gallery window that the benefit is gonna be on the tenth of next month.”

Holly nodded, “Yep”

“I’ll definitely be there.” He said wishing she would start talking more. “Sally I’m sure will come too.”

Holly took a sip of her tea. “She seemed very nice.”

He wanted to make something clear, “She’s been a very good friend to me.”

“Friends are good.” Holly said softly.

He wasn’t sure how to take that comment. There was something in her voice that made it seem strange.

Gathering up his nerve he said, “So anyway next Thursday is Thanksgiving.”

Holly nodded. “Mikey and Alicia invited me and Molly for dinner.”

“Well I’m uninviting you.” Gerard said.

Her eyes grew wide.

Quickly he explained. “Uh, that sounded wrong. What I mean is I really want to have Thanksgiving at my house. This will be my first Thanksgiving there and well I want to start my own tradition.”

Holly stared at him.

“So instead of Thanksgiving dinner being at Mikey’s it’s gonna be at my house.”

“Oh.” Holly said slowly.

“That’s not a problem is it?” He asked.

Holly shook her head, “I’d planned on stopping by for dinner but not staying long. I really have a lot of work I need to get done before the auction. But I’m sure I could drop Molly off at Mikey’s and she could ride with them.”

It took him a minute to get what she was saying. “Holly I want you there too.”

She glanced away. “I really do have a lot of work to get done.”

He decided to level with her. “Look, I really want Thanksgiving to be special. Bandit ain’t gonna be there. Linds is flying back east to be with her family and B’s going with her. I need the rest of my family.”

“And they’ll be there.” Holly said firmly. “I know you mom’s coming into town, Alicia told me that. And if they bring Molly..”

He sighed, “Holly please. Maybe it’s dumb but I just have this stupid Norman Rockwell idea in my head. I want everything to be perfect in my new home for the holiday. I really want you and Molly there.”

Holly remained silent.

“It’s not cause of Ma is it?” He was afraid that because Holly and his mother had argued after Holly’s attack she wasn’t comfortable with the idea of Donna being there.

“No, not at all. I’m looking forward to talking to Donna. I hate the idea that there are any bad feelings between us.”

“Holly, ma ain’t got any bad feelings towards you. Believe me she’s asked a lot about you these past months. She broke down and cried she was so happy when I called her to tell her after that operation that you could wiggle your toes. She said she just knew you’d walk again.”

Holly frowned.

He understood, “Remember I told you Bob and I had kept in touch. He was keeping me updated on your progress.”

“Oh, yeah.” Holly nodded.

“Anyway.” Gerard said doing anything to lighten the mood and get her to agree to come. “I’m pretty damn sure it’s against the law to work on Thanksgiving.”

Holly smiled slightly. “Against the law?"

“Oh yeah.” He was happy to see she seemed to be slightly warming to the idea. “I’m sure.” He grabbed his phone out of his pocket.

“What are you doing?’ She hadn’t heard the phone ring and it seemed strange he was suddenly calling someone.

“I’m googling it.” He said trying to sound serious. “Oh yeah just as I thought . It says it’s definitely against the law to work on Thanksgiving.”

“Gee.” Holly laughed, “You didn’t google anything.”

“Sure I did.” He put his phone down. “Please?”

Holly sighed, “You’re gonna make a whole Thanksgiving dinner yourself?"

He nodded, “Yep, sure am. Even gonna make pumpkin pies. We’re taking off four days for the holiday so I’ll have time. Figure I’ll be very busy on Wednesday.”

“For how many people?”

He added quickly in his head, “Well lets see. You, Molly, Mikey, Alicia, Ma and me. But I want a big turkey so there are leftovers. Gotta have turkey sandwiches.”

She seemed to be mulling over the idea. “On one condition.”

He smiled “Sure, what?”

“I’ll being two pumpkin pies.” Holly said.

“Deal.” He agreed happily.

When he saw her yawn he got up. “Well I need to get going.” He wanted to leave before she changed her mind. “Thanks. Holly. This really means a lot to me.”

Holly stood to walk him to the door. “I understand. I’m just sorry B won’t be there too.”

Gerard sighed, “Yeah, me too. But I get to have her Christmas Day so I’m just trying to concentrate on that.”

Holly pulled open the door then stopped. “Gee, why don’t you take the bear in and put it next to Molly? That way she will see it first thing when she wakes up.”

He smiled, “Yeah, good idea.” He walked back over and grabbed the stuffed bear. From where Holly stood she could see him walking into the partitioned off area that served as Molly’s bedroom. A lump of emotion caught in her throat when she saw him carefully place the bear next to his sleeping daughter then lean down to gently kiss her cheek.

When he returned to the door Holly was waiting. “Thanks.” He said softly looking into her eyes.

Holly nodded not trusting her voice.

“Nite Holly.” He resisted the idea of hugging her but damn he wanted to so badly. “I’ll see ya on Thanksgiving.” He was determined not to see her again until then. He was going to give her some space.

“Nite, Gee.” She answered. “Have a safe trip home.”

Gerard was smiling as he got into his car. He was feeling good about the visit. But deep down inside he knew waiting a week to see her again was going to be hard.