The Past Ain't Through With You

“Gee, you totally nailed it.” Mikey smiled over at his brother who had just gone over some changes to a song they’d been working on before the Thanksgiving break. “You totally fixed what was missing.”

Gerard nodded, “Yeah, it came to me last night while I was driving home. I can’t wait for Ray and Frank to hear it.”

“Driving home from my house?” Mikey asked. The last he’d seen Gerard his brother had told him that after dropping him off he was going home. However he’d had a feeling Gerard was going to go by and see his daughter and Holly. Something he and Gerard had discussed.

Gerard knew Mikey was fishing for information. “I went to see Holly, pretty sure you knew I would.”

Mikey laughed, “Yeah, I figured as much. So how did it go?”

Suddenly Gerard frowned remembering that Richard had been at the gallery when he’d arrived. “Not bad.” He answered trying to put that out of his mind. “I got to spend a lot of time with Molly. She and I watched movies while Holly was downstairs in the gallery.”

“So why the frown?”

Gerard laughed, “Bro you never miss anything, do you?”

Mikey leaned back in his chair. “I know you, Gee. Wasn’t Holly happy to see you?”

“She didn’t seem to mind. She was pretty busy so she asked me to take Molly upstairs and feed her lunch.”

Mikey knew there was something Gerard was leaving out. “And?”

Gerard pulled out a cigarette. “And what?”

“And what aren’t you telling me?” Mikey asked looking into his brother’s eyes.

Gerard decided to tell him the truth. “That Richard guy was there.”

Mikey frowned, “Richard guy?”

“The guy Holly is doing the artwork for, the guy who owns that restaurant.”

“So?”

Lighting the cigarette first Gerard gave himself a moment to think. “So it just seems like he’s seeing a lot of Holly.”

“Oh” Mikey said slowly. “Well he did commission her to do work for him.”

“When I dropped Molly off Friday night he was there too.” Gerard explained.

Mikey hadn’t known that. “So what? You think he’s interested in Holly?”

Gerard shrugged, “I don’t know. But shit, I don’t know anything about this guy and he’s spending a lot of time around my daughter.”

Mikey rolled his eyes. “Uh, right. Not to mention the fact he’s spending a lot of time around Holly.”

“You think that’s the only reason I’m concerned?” Gerard challenged.

Not backing down Mikey nodded, “Yeah Gee, I do. I know how you feel about Holly.”

“Well too bad for me.” Gerard muttered angrily. “Cause I got no fuckin’ idea how she feels about me.”

“Give her time, Gee.” Mikey said softly.

Gerard glanced down at his watch. He and Mikey had been working in the studio for hours and he was ready to call it a day. “Hey, I gotta go.” He said suddenly. “Linds and B should be home soon so I’m heading that way.”

Mikey understood this was his brother’s way so saying he was done talking about this. “Yeah, okay. Make sure and give B a kiss for me.”

Gerard snuffed out his cigarette. “Will do.” He stood, “Uh, I’ll give you a call later tonight.”

Understand that this meant Gerard was going to pump him for information about how Alicia and Holly’s day had gone he nodded. “Sure.”

****************************************************

When Gerard arrived at his old home he pulled up on the street in front of the house and cut the engine. Taking out a cigarette he settled back to get comfortable and wait. He could see Lindsey’s car wasn’t in the driveway so he knew they hadn’t arrived home yet.

Almost thirty minutes later he saw her car coming down the road. Once parked in the driveway Lindsey glanced out towards the street.

“B your daddy is here.” She told her daughter as she released her from her toddler seat. “Come on lets go get him.”

By this time Gerard had gotten out of his car and was making his way towards the driveway.

“Daddy.” B squealed running towards him.

Gerard scooped her up in his arms. “Hey, B. How’s my girl?” He kissed her cheek.

Lindsey reached them. “Your girl is very tired and cranky.” She sighed. “She didn’t sleep at all on the plane.”

“Hey, Linds.” Gerard leaned over and kissed her cheek. “Have a good Thanksgiving?”

“Not bad.” Lindsey answered as they started walking towards the house. “But glad to be home. How come you were waiting in the car? You could have gone in.”

Gerard shrugged while shifting Bandit in his arms.

“Gee, you have a key.” Lindsey reminded him softly. “I wouldn’t have minded.” It was important to her that she and her ex maintained a good relationship.

“Wasn’t waiting all that long.” Gerard answered. “Me and Mikey did some work in the studio today.” He paused as they neared her car. “Want me to grab your bags?”

Lindsey glanced at Bandit. “I’d really like you to get Miss Cranky to take a nap. I can unload the car.”

Bandit frowned. “Not tired.”

Gerard had hoped to spend some time with his daughter but he could see she was indeed very tired. “Hey just a short nap.” He said tickling her sides.

Lindsey understood how he felt. “Hey, if you’re not busy you could have dinner with us. We could order a pizza.” She needed to talk to Gerard and this would give him a chance to spend time with Bandit once she awoke from her nap.

“Sure, sounds good.” He continued on towards the house.

Lindsey hurried ahead to unlock the door and disengage the security system. Once Gerard continued on down the hallway towards Bandit’s room she headed back out to unload the car. By the time she had the last suitcase to the door Gerard was waiting to take it from her.

“Thanks"’ She smiled. “God, it’s good to be home.”

“B fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.” He smiled, “Uh, want this in your bedroom?” He nodded towards the suitcase in his hand.

“Yeah, thanks.” Lindsey made her way to the kitchen to get them a couple of glasses of ice water. When she came back out she saw Gerard standing in the living room. “Sit.” She laughed.

Gerard sat down heavily in his old favorite chair. “Thanks.” He said taking the glass of water she offered. “And thanks for inviting me for dinner.”

Lindsey settled herself on the sofa. “Hey, I know you want to spend some time with B. But believe me now was not the time. That kid needed a nap.”

Gerard nodded, “Yeah, she did. So how’s the family?"

“Good.” Lindsey sighed. “But you know how stressful holiday time always is. Mom was already nagging about Christmas.”

“You planning on going then?" Gerard asked. He truly hoped not because he’d been led to believe that he’d have Bandit on Christmas day.

Lindsey shook her head. “Nope. And yeah, that pissed mom off but I want to stay here.” She paused, “I know it’s only fair you get time with Bandit too and…” She glanced away. “I want to spend the holiday with Jake.”

Gerard wasn’t surprised but asked, “So things getting serious?”

Lindsey grabbed a throw pillow to hug it to her chest. “Sort of.” She looked over at her ex. “Does that bother you?”

He smiled sadly, “Linds, I want you to be happy. If Jake makes you happy then I’m okay with it.”

“He’s really good with B too.” Lindsey said quickly.

Gerard nodded, “Yeah, she’s mentioned him a few times. She likes him.”

“I’ve been taking it slow with him.” Lindsey said softly. “Honestly the last thing I wanted after we broke up was another relationship.”

“Because ours was so bad?” There was definite hurt in Gerard’s voice.

“No” Lindsey said shaking her head. “That’s not why and ours wasn’t that bad. At least not at first.” She sighed, “Gee, we had a good marriage at first it just didn’t work out. But I’ll always treasure what we did have.”

He smiled, “Me too.”

“So.” Lindsey said slowly, “Tell me about Holly.”

Gerard shifted in his chair nervously. He really didn’t feel comfortable talking about Holly with her. “Uh, what about her?”

Lindsey laughed, “Gee, if nothing else we are still friends. I know you care about her so don’t pretend you don’t. Tell me how Thanksgiving went.”

He shrugged, “It went okay. Dinner was good.”

“This is like pulling teeth.” Lindsey laughed, “Okay tell me how it went when your mom and Holly first saw each other.”

“You thought there might be a problem?"

“I knew there had been tension between them and I knew how upset your mom was about that. Gee, I probably talk to Donna more than you do. She told me about what she said to Holly when she found out you and I were divorcing. I know how much your mom regrets that.”

“Yeah, well.” He paused, “It was a little tense at first but Ma came in looked at Holly then hugged her.”

“So Holly forgave her?”

“You didn’t think she would?” He asked.

“I think it wasn’t easy for her.” Lindsey said giving it thought. “Donna’s words hurt Holly because they were really about her daughter, your daughter. That had to hurt Holly deeply.”

“But Ma didn’t really mean it.”

“I know.” Lindsey said nodding, “And I’m sure once Holly thought about it she understood. Donna was so excited about seeing Molly again.”

“You talked to ma before Thanksgiving?”

Lindsey laughed “Told you I talk to her more than you. Truth is she didn’t just want to see her granddaughter again, she wanted to make things right with Holly. You know she always had a soft spot for her.”

“Yeah.” Gerard nodded, “That’s true.” He continued, “Anyway I ended up keeping Molly overnight because Holly and Christa were going to the shelter to help out the next day.”

Lindsey was surprised, “What shelter?”

“Not the one where she was attacked.” Gerard answered quickly.

“So Holly hasn’t changed, that’s good.” Lindsey said smiling. “I’m glad.”

“Oh she’s changed.” Gerard said quickly. “She’s much more confident and…”

Lindsey tilted her head, “And?”

He struggled to put his feelings into words, “I don’t know. She just seems different.”

Lindsey leaned back against the cushions. “She’s different towards you?”

Gerard remained silent.

“You don’t think she still has feeling for you?”

“Hell if I know.” Gerard muttered. “I really haven’t had much time alone with her. She’s so busy and Molly’s always there.” He sighed “I just don’t know.”

“Well she did spend Thanksgiving with you.” Lindsey reminded him.

“That was because of Molly.”

“Maybe partly.” Lindsey said slowly. “But just the fact she came back has to mean something. Yeah, she wanted Molly to know the truth but still…Gee, give it time. From what I know about the past you two share it was so rushed.”

Gerard took a long sip of water.

“Gee, tell me about the first time you met her.”

The question caught him off guard. “What?”

“Tell me about the first time you met Holly. I really want to know.”

“Why?”

Lindsey smiled, “Because this is important to you and I love you.”

“Love you too, Linds.” He whispered.

For a moment neither spoke then finally Lindsey broke the silence.

“So tell me.”

Slowly Gerard let his mind return to that place in time. When he finished he waited.

Lindsey was smiling. “That’s a great story. But oh Lord, a marshmallow coat?”

Gerard grinned happily. “Fuck, yeah it really was. But damn she looked so cute.”

“And you two never really got together until you’d broke it off with Eliza?”

He nodded, “That’s true. Holly was always there for me but as a friend. We didn’t hook up until after I’d broke off my engagement.”

Lindsey sat thinking about if for a minute. “So you two really weren’t together all that long. I was right your relationship was so rushed.”

He sighed, “Yep.”

“Well then.” Lindsey said sitting up. “Now you have the unique opportunity for a new start. I know you Gee. Patience ain’t one of your better virtues but you really need to work on that. Give Holly time to get to know the man you are now.”

“But what if she don’t like that man?” He whispered.

“And why wouldn’t she?” Lindsey asked.

He shrugged. “Cause of the past?”

“The past is over. Stop thinking about it.”

Gerard wished with all his heart he could. “Okay.” He had to admit something. “I’m a little worried.”

“About?”

“Tell me about this Richard guy.”

Lindsey looked surprised, “Richard?” It only took her a moment to realize who he meant. “Oh, that Richard.”

Gerard nodded.

“What about him?”

“He was at Holly’s place Friday night and then again at the gallery yesterday.”

“Oh.” Lindsey was starting to understand. “You think he’s interested in Holly.”

He couldn’t stop himself from blurting out. “Well fuck. I mean I’ve been waiting all this time for her and this guy just swoops in?”

It was hard for her not to laugh but she could see he was genuinely upset. “Gee, I honestly don’t know that much about him. I know he owns several restaurants and that he’s divorced. That’s about it. But you need to realize that by offering Holly the commission for her art he’s given her something she really needs.”

“Yeah, I get that.”

“So don’t let jealously make you act like an ass.” Lindsey counseled. “That would definitely be a mistake.”

“Yeah well obviously I’m good at making mistakes.” He muttered.

Lindsey got to her feet and a moment later she was across the room. “Gee.” She whispered leaning down to hug him. “Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

He inhaled her scent finding comfort. “Thanks Linds.”

Lindsey straightened back up. “Now come on. You can help me unpack. B got a ton of gifts.”

“For Thanksgiving?”

“No actually Christmas gifts. Since I told the fam I won’t be back for Christmas they sent them home with me. We have to find a place to hide them from B.”

Gerard laughed, “Oh okay.” When Lindsey turned he suddenly grabbed her hand then pulled her to him. “Really, thanks.”

Lindsey returned the hug. “We’re all gonna be happy.” She whispered. “I just know it.”

*************************************************

Several days passed and Gerard kept to his plan of giving Holly some time. That was until Thursday night. After a long day at the studio he crawled into his car but just couldn’t make himself start for home. He wanted to talk to Holly. After a moment he decided he’d call her using the excuse he was just calling to firm up the time she and Lindsey were going to drop off the girls on Saturday. Yes, he decided that was the perfect excuse to call. The only problem was she didn’t answer.

Gerard saw the rest of the guys pulling out of the lot and knew if he stayed any longer in his parking space Mikey would question why he wasn’t leaving so he started the car then drove slowly out of the lot. He drove a few minutes trying to decide what to do. Finally he turned the car around and started for the gallery. While he drove he tried her number again but this time his call went directly to voice mail. Something could be wrong, he worried. It wasn’t like Holly to ignore a call.

He had worked himself into a state of panic when he finally arrived at the gallery. Parking across the street he looked up and saw the loft was dark. Maybe she and Molly had gone somewhere he tried to reason with himself and he was worrying about nothing. He sat in the car trying to decide what to do when another car slowed to a stop in front of the gallery.

“Thanks again for dinner.” Holly said as she prepared to exit the car.

“Hold up there.” Richard laughed as he quickly got out then rounded the vehicle. He spoke again as he pulled open the passenger door. “Got to let me act like a gentleman.”

Holly laughed as she took the hand he extended to help her out of the car.

Slowly they walked towards the door which led up the flight of steps to the loft. Fishing in her purse Holly found the keys. “I really loved your restaurant.” She said turning to him.

“Thanks.” Richard moved a bit closer. “Thanks for agreeing to drive to Burbank for dinner.”

“My pleasure.” She turned and it was then she spotted Gerard’s car across the street. “Uh” She paused, “Well thanks again.”

Richard realized he was not going to get an invitation inside. “So talk to you in a few days?”

Holly nodded absently trying to keep her attention on Richard and not Gerard’s car. Unfortunately when she saw the driver’s door open her eyes grew wide. Richard turned to follow her gaze. Both watched as Gerard made his way across the street.

“Hey Gee.” Holly said slowly.

Richard took a step back. “Gerard.” He nodded.

Gerard’s temper was simmering. “Dick.”

Holly inhaled sharply but Richard simply laughed. “Actually I’m not much for nicknames.”

“Oh sorry.” Gerard ground out. “Richard.”

Richard turned to Holly. “Well I’ll just be going now.”

“Thanks again.” Holly gave him a quick hug then watched as he climbed back into his car. She didn’t speak until he was out of sight. “What the hell, Gerard?”

Gerard’s fists were clinched at his side. “Thanks again for what?”

“What?”

“What were you thanking him for?”

Holly’s voice was low. “I was thanking him for taking me to his restaurant in Burbank.” Her eyes narrowed, “If it’s any business of yours.”

Too late he realized his actions had angered her. “Uh, I was worried.”

“Worried? About what?”

“Well I tried to call you but you didn’t answer.” He said trying to defend his actions.

“I know you called. I was planning on calling you back when I got home.”

“So you just ignored your phone?” He asked, “What if it had been important?” His temper was again building. “What if it Molly needed you. Oh and by the way where is she?”

Holly’s patience was running thin. “If Alicia had called I would have answered. Molly is at your brother’s house. Alicia said she’d watch her for me and bring her home in the morning. I thought it was a good idea since she did so well staying overnight at your place.” Her voice rose. “Are you insinuating I’m not a good mother?”

Her anger was loud and clear. “I didn’t say that.”

“But it’s what you implied.” Holly shoved her key in the door. “Jackass.”

“Don’t be mad.” He said touching her arm.

Holly turned to glare at him. “Don’t be mad? Gerard you were just rude to the man I’m working for. You implied that I’m an unfit mother. Don’t be mad? Are you kidding?”

“I was just worried.” He said again. “I didn’t know Molly was at Mikey’s.”

Holly twisted the key in the lock. “Well now you know. Goodnight.” Before he could speak she pulled open the outer door then went inside and slammed it behind her.

Gerard stood on the sidewalk feeling like an idiot. She was right he had been rude to Richard. He understood completely why she was angry. “Fuck.” He muttered.

Walking across the street he got into his car then looked up at the loft. The lights were on telling him she’d gotten in safely. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” He muttered as he started for home. He’d really messed up this time.

When he arrived home he took out his phone. He didn’t expect her to answer but he still needed to say it. Quickly he sent a short text with one word…sorry.

He’d been right, she didn’t respond.

**********************************************

Saturday morning Gerard was dressed and on his second pot of coffee when the doorbell rang.

“Hey.” Lindsey smiled when he opened the door. “I’m here to deliver your daughters.”

Both girls rushed inside each clutching new dolls Lindsey had given them that morning.

Gerard glanced over Lindsey’s head to her car. “Uh Holly’s with you?”

Lindsey lowered her voice. “Yeah, we’re heading out to Jim’s place.” She glanced over and saw the girls had run to their bedroom. “Gee, what is going on?”

“She’s pissed at me.” He answered softly.

“Yeah well I got that. When we got here she said she’d just wait in the car. What happened?”

He didn’t want to go into the story. “Who cares?’ He sighed.

Lindsey touched his arm. “I do.”

Quickly he explained to her what had happened Thursday night.

Much to his surprise Lindsey laughed, “For real? You called Richard, Dick?”

Gerard cringed, “Yeah.”

“Oh boy. Well I get why she’s mad.” Lindsey said, “Damn you need to work on controlling that temper.”

“Well I fucked up.” He sighed. “So what’s new?”

Lindsey placed her hand on the door preparing to leave. “Have a good day with the girls. I’ll try to smooth things over for you with Holly.”

“Linds, don’t bother.” He said but secretly wished she could.

Lindsey grinned, “See you later.” With that she hurried back out to the car.

************************************************

“So” Lindsey glanced across the hay loft towards where Holly was squatting down looking at an old church window. “Gonna forgive Gerard for acting like an idiot?”

Holly’s head snapped around to look over at her, “What?”

Lindsey stood brushing off the dust that covered her hands. For the last hour she and Holly had been going through barns finding stained glass but now she decided to simply bring up the subject. “I heard what he did.”

“He told you?”

Lindsey nodded, “Yeah. But what I’m trying to figure out is if you’re admitting to yourself why he did it.”

Slowly Holly stood. “I don’t understand.”

Lindsey looked at her a moment then smiled, “Look, I can be sorta blunt at times. I try to think of ways to ease into conversations but I’m just not that good at it. I like to think we’re friends so…”

“I’d like to think we’re friends too.” Holly said softly.

Lindsey nodded. “Good. Then what I’m saying is I know Gee acted the way he did because he was jealous of Richard.”

Holly glanced away.

“You know that, right?” Lindsey pressed.

“Richard is just a nice guy I’m working for.” Holly answered uncomfortably.

Lindsey laughed, “I didn’t ask you about him. I asked if you understand Gee is jealous.”

“This is a weird conversation.” Holly admitted.

“Weird because you’re having it with me?”

Holly nodded, “Yeah”

Lindsey took several steps towards her. “Okay then lets once and for all clear the air. Yeah, Gee is my ex but I still love him. I always will. He’s the father of my child. But our marriage didn’t work out. It was over before you ever came back into the picture. I just want him to be happy and I know you are the one who can make him happy.”

Holly nervously wiped her hands on her jeans. “What he and I had once was so long ago.”

“Now who’s not being honest?” Lindsey asked softly.

“But that is true.” Holly wanted her to understand how she felt. “We were both different people then. Things have changed.”

“You both have changed.” Lindsey agreed. “But I know he still feels something very deep for you. Maybe you don’t feel the same. I don’t know. But all I do want you to know is that whatever happens I just want both of you to be happy.”

Holly stared at her a minute then spoke. “You’ve changed too.”

Lindsey smiled, “That’s true. At first when the divorce was final I was scared I’d made the wrong decision. But ultimately I knew it had been right. Then a few months later when I met Jake…well…”

“Jake?”

Lindsey grinned. “I’d like you to meet him. At first I was so scared but he understood. He told me straight out that he thought he and I had a future together but that he wasn’t going to rush me because he knew I needed time.”

“I didn’t know.”

“Not a lot of people know about Jake.” Lindsey said softly. “I didn’t want them to but now I feel ready.”

“Has Gee met him?” Holly asked.

Lindsey nodded. “Yeah, it was important to me not to hide the fact I’d met someone from him. Gee is happy for me.”

“So am I.” Holly smiled, “Your face lights up when you say his name.”

“Does it?” Lindsey laughed. “Well yeah it probably does. I’m in love with Jake. He makes me feel…” She searched for the right word. “Complete.”

“I’m so happy for you.” Holly said impulsively hugging Lindsey.

“Thanks.” Lindsey whispered then knowing she’d said enough for today she wanted to add just one more thing. “You know sometimes the path we take in life might be wrong at first but I think it’s all timing. A wrong path can actually be the right one but at a different time.”

Holly tilted her head.

Lindsey laughed. “Wow how philosophical of me.” She grew serious. “Jake and I first met in art school years ago. It was serious but I wasn’t ready and we drifted apart. I guess back then it just wasn’t our time.”

Holly simply nodded but didn’t respond. However what Lindsey had said stayed in her mind.

********************************************

It was almost 5 pm when Lindsey and Holly returned to Gerard’s. Holly once again elected to stay in the car while Lindsey went in. After about ten minutes Holly was surprised when Lindsey returned to the car with both girls.

“I thought B was staying.” Holly said once both girls were secured in the back seat and Lindsey got behind the wheel.

“Oh she has a birthday party to go to tomorrow.” Lindsey said softly. She hated lying but she hoped the plan she’d hatched with Gerard would work.

***********************************************

That night as Holly was preparing to go to bed Gerard called.

“Hey.” He said relieved she’d answered. “Hope I’m not disturbing you.”

Holly walked towards the sofa then sat down. “No, what’s up?” She asked cautiously.

“Uh well.” He tried to remember the words he’d planned to say. “I was just wondering if you and Molly could come over tomorrow..”

Holly cut him off. “Tomorrow I really have to work on finishing a piece for the show.”

He’d expected resistance. “Sure I understand but the weather is supposed to be really nice and I was going to throw some chicken on the grill. You guys could come for an early lunch and you’d still have the rest of the day to work..” Before she could respond he continued quickly. “Please Holly. I hate that you’re mad at me and I totally understand why. But it’s important to me that we maintain a friendly relationship.”

Holly sighed, “Gee, I’m not mad anymore.”

“Good then come out of lunch.” He paused then added, “Please.”

Holly relented, “Okay but just for a few hours. Really I do need to get my piece done. It’s the last one for the show then I’m planning on starting on the piece for the restaurant. The windows Lindsey and I found today got delivered about an hour ago and I’m really excited to start work.”

“Cool.” He exhaled. “I understand. So about eleven?”

“Eleven sounds good.”

“See you then.” He disconnected before she could change her mind. However, as he walked towards his bedroom. his head started to pound. He’d been feeling sluggish all day and just hoped in the morning he would feel better.