Looks Can Be Deceiving

With a soft sigh, I buried my toes in the warm grains of sand, allowing my eyes to flutter closed as I tilted my face toward the sun. Its rays beat down on my skin, but the gentle breeze of the wind broke through some of the heat. The salty air filled my nostrils as I breathed in, exhaling slowly as I opened my eyes.

This was where I was meant to be, where I was most at peace with my life.

The beach always seemed to have a calming effect on me. When I was feeling down, it was always the first place I considered going because I knew it would make me feel better. Whether I was hurt, angry, or confused, I made it a priority to come here whenever necessary so that I could find myself again.

Today was no different.

With another soft sigh, I continued walking down the beach until I reached a rather familiar spot. While it was still under direct sunlight, it also had an area with shade provided by several palm trees. A few large rocks were also clustered together in the space, large enough for a person to sit on. The spot itself was further out from where most people congregated, but I liked the exclusivity of it for myself. I could still people watch from where I was, but it was quieter and more private than most other areas on the beach.

It was the perfect place for me to get lost in my own thoughts.

Taking a seat on one of the smooth, boulder-like rocks, I pulled my knees up to my chest and dropped my bag on the sand, just below the rock on which I sat. Looking back towards the ocean, I noticed that the sun was just starting to set, casting an orange and pinkish glow over the ocean. The waves crashed back and forth against the shore, and parents began preparing to leave, most likely so that their children could wind down for the evening. I stayed in my spot and continued to observe.

Within an hour, the majority of the families had left, leaving the beach to the couples and loners. Usually this was my favorite part of the day, as I witnessed quite a few cute moments between significant others that were enough to make anyone's heart swell. Today was one of those days where seeing something like that only reminded me of what I used to have.

"Tyler, baby, stop!" I giggled feverishly, screwing my eyes shut as my boyfriend's fingers danced across my skin, tickling me until I was near tears.

His chuckle met my ears, sending butterflies shooting through my stomach, "Hmm, I don't think I should,"

"You have to!" I squeaked in between short breaths, feeling tears slide down my cheeks in the midst of my hysterical laughter, "I-I can't b-breathe!"

I could practically hear the smirk in his voice, "Well, you know what to do."

"I d-don't know what you're t-talking about!" I shrieked, causing him to laugh loudly as I grabbed at his arms, attempting to lift them off me in vain.

"Are you sure?" he asked teasingly, pressing his fingers further into my skin. I threw my head back and laughed, continuing to writhe and squirm underneath him, as he had me pinned to the ground.

"Positive!" I squeaked, and the clicking of his tongue met my hears.

"That's not the right answer," he said in a sing-song tone, increasing the intensity of his tickling. I screamed shrilly and giggled, feeling as though I was ready to explode.

"T-TYLER!" I protested, "I-I'm gonna p-pee on myself i-if you don't stop!"

"Only you can make it stop," he chuckled, continuing his assault, and I shook my head in protest, "Say it."

"Nooo!" I wailed, attempting to slap his hands away from my body.

"Alright, then I'll just keep on--"

My eyes widened and I shook my head vigorously, shrieking with laughter, "No, no, no, please no! No more, no more!" I pleaded, looking up at him with the biggest pout I could muster.

It didn't seem to work on him, "Then say it."

"But I--"

"Say it."

I sighed, slumping my shoulders with a pout, "I love you, Tyler," I mumbled, and he laughed heartily, pulling me into his chest and pressing a kiss to my lips. I felt as though my breath had been snatched away from me in that moment, and melted into his touch as his lips left mine, moving on to my neck, causing my eyes to roll into the back of my head.

He pulled away from me and smiled down at me, "I love you, too, baby. I always will."

I turned my eyes away from a couple near the shore, waves splashing against their legs as they laughed together and eventually shared a kiss. It was clearly a sweet and meaningful moment for the two of them, something I wasn't in the mood to see. It hurt that I used to be able to watch things like that and smile, knowing just how happy they probably were, just from my own experience.

That was no longer the case and it hurt more than anything.

Babe, where have you been? It's past three in the morning, and I haven't heard from you all day!" I exclaimed, fixing my boyfriend with a displeased look as he came stumbling into the bedroom.

I could tell he wasn't expecting me to be up, but truth was that I usually found it hard to sleep unless he was there beside me. I'd sat up all night waiting for him, knowing I couldn't sleep without him, and worried because he'd been MIA all day. Without so much as a single word, Tyler stripped down to his boxers and climbed in bed, turning on his side with his back facing me.

What the hell was that about?

"Babe?" I said, wondering if he was actually ignoring me, or if he was simply spaced out and hadn't heard me speak. I was hoping for the latter of the two. However, he didn't answer, "Babe."

Nothing.

I frowned and looked over at him, noting that he was still wide awake, "Tyler, what's the problem? I'm trying to talk to you--"

"Then what the fuck do you want?" he snapped, and I jumped slightly, having never heard him raise his voice to me in the two years we'd been together.

I was slightly taken aback, but I quickly recovered, "Excuse me? What do you mean, what the fuck do I want? You've been gone all day and night, and I had no idea if you were just having a guy's night or dead in a fucking ditch somewhere! Excuse me if I give a shit!" I scoffed, fixing him with an incredulous look.

He didn't say anything, though he did shrug his shoulders before closing his eyes.

I couldn't believe how he was acting, "Tyler, what is going on here? Am I missing something?"

He chuckled sourly, "Yeah. You're missing a lot."

I didn't like the sound of that, "What's that supposed to mean?" I asked calmly, sitting up straight and watching his facial expressions for anything that would give him away.

His eyes remained closed as he answered, "It's nothing I can't fix on my own."

"What do you--"

"Look, babe, I'm tired. Can we talk about this some other time?" he asked dispassionately, eyes still closed as he spoke in an uninterested tone.

I was simply confused, "I--"

He cut me off, "Great. G'night."

With that he reached over to the beside table and cut the lamp off, allowing the darkness to take over the room before he pulled the comforter over his body. Not another word was spoken between us, leaving me more confused than ever before. I watched as Tyler scooted closer to the edge of the bed and frowned, having never seen this cold side of him before.

I stayed awake a little longer, playing and re-playing the last few minutes over and over in my mind as I tried to fathom what was going on with my boyfriend. I hadn't heard from him in the past twenty four hours, and when he finally came home, he not only came home late, but completely ignored me and was rude when he couldn't ignore me any longer. He didn't kiss me or tell me that he loved me, and he turned his back to me before going to sleep.

All of those facts didn't make sleep come to me very easily, especially the fact that a fruity perfume radiated off his skin and permeated the entire room. A fruity perfume that smelled of cherries, not my signature strawberry scent.

No, sleep didn't come easily to me at all that night.

I should've known that things were no longer the same the second he'd come home that night. The way he'd acted, or the ways in which he didn't act. It should've been a dead give away that something was wrong, that something had changed.

But I was blinded by love, I guess.

I was in love with the idea of being in love. And because of that, I simply decided to ignore the red flags, to ignore the clear signs that my relationship was going downhill. I ignored the fact that my boyfriend came home late most nights, with a different scent on him and with lip gloss on the corner of his lips. I ignored the scratches and welts on his back, and the small hickeys on his neck. I ignored the fact that he always had something to do, rather than spending time with me. I ignored the fact that my boyfriend no longer had an interest in our relationship.

That certainly did me a lot of good.

I didn't even know I was crying until a hand appeared in front of my face, wiping away my tears. I sighed, turning to see who had found me, and smiled softly upon seeing one of my best friends, Lyndsey, sitting on the rock next to me. We didn't speak as I leaned my head on her shoulder and she wrapped her arms around me in return, offering me a hug that was greatly needed at the moment.

I didn't know how long the two of us sat there, unmoving and not speaking. The sun had already set, and most of the people who'd once occupied the beach had packed up and left, aside from the occasional couple or bonfire group.

"C'mon," Lyndsey spoke, hopping off the rock and holding out a hand, brown eyes settling on me with an expectant look. I watched as she grabbed her sandals off the ground, but didn't bother with moving. She seemed to notice that and sighed, walking back over and standing in front of me. "I know you still love him, and there's nothing wrong with that. But you can't sit here and wallow in your self-pity."

I barked out a laugh, "And why can't I?"

"Cause it does you no good. If that asshole can move on with his life without another thought, then why can't you attempt to do the same?" she asked with a small smile, and I laughed bitterly.

"Because when you love someone, you can't just move on," I mumbled brokenly, "Not after they've completely broken and betrayed you. It's hard to move on from the reality of the situation at hand."

"No one ever said it'd be easy," she sighed, taking a seat next to me again, "But no one ever said it'd be impossible, either."

I shrugged my shoulders, "I guess."

"No one said you have to start today, so long as you decide to give it a try someday." she smiled reassuringly, attempting to instill a bit of optimism in me, I was sure.

I sighed, standing on my feet and following her back to her car, seeing as she'd driven here, whereas I had walked, "And I guess someday, I'll be able to move on."

She chuckled, cutting the car on as we both got inside, "You will. And when you do, the guy you deserve to have will be right there, waiting for you."

I wasn't holding my breath, that was for sure.