Looks Can Be Deceiving

I was feeling it again.

Loneliness. Worthlessness. Any pessimistic emotion my mind could come up with, I was feeling it. There was no explanation for my sudden mood. Usually, there never was. It just happened. Today was surely no different.

Dragging myself through the mansion, I trudged around aimlessly in search of something to do. Something to keep my mind busy. Matt and Brian were locked away in Matt’s office, going over some business contracts from what Johnny had told me. Johnny had stayed inside with me to watch True Blood reruns, while Jimmy and Zacky horsed around with Raychel and Lyndsey out in the pool.

Johnny had long since fallen asleep on the couch, so I’d left him be and ventured off for something else to do. I’d tried baking for a while, but I just wasn’t inspired to really put my heart into anything. I’d baked and iced a couple of cakes, but I didn’t feel like eating either of them. Usually, I would go and talk to Matt when I got into these moods, but he was busy. I knew he had important business to attend to, and I wouldn’t stand in the way of that.

So I joined Anna, the maid, and cleaned the house. She came every day for a few hours to keep the mansion tidy, and I’d gotten to know her well since I’d been staying here. Anna was around her middle forties or so, and always wore a kind smile on her face. She was just a few inches taller than me and usually wore a dark clothes with her curly hair pushed back by a headband. I’d come to really enjoy having her around.

“You know I have this, sweetie,” Anna shook her head, swiftly moving through the den as she dusted off every surface, “You don’t need to help me with anything!”

I shrugged, “I have nothing else to do at the moment, so I don’t mind.”

She eyed me carefully, “Something on your mind?”

If I hadn’t learned anything else from Anna, I’d sure learned just how observant she was. She always claimed that it was simply a skill one managed to acquire through her line of work, and I believed it. Traditionally, the help stayed quiet and only spoke when directed. It’d been that way for years, and in a lot of ways, it was the same these days. While Anna didn’t have to wear a dull uniform, she spoke only when she thought it was necessary and even addressed us all with titles – even though she was nearly twice our age.

But Anna had the ability to sit back and simply absorb information – like a sponge. Anything and everything that went down in the mansion, she knew about. She never let on about most of her knowledge; you’d have to use your own analytical skills to figure it out. When asked, she was always hesitant to give out information, but eventually came around. Nothing happened in this house that she didn’t know about.

“Just…feeling a little emotional, is all,” I answered vaguely, though I knew my response was alerting to her. She sat down the cloth she’d been cleaning with and pulled me over to a couch so that we could both sit down.

“What has you feeling…this way?” she asked carefully, dropping her gaze to the floor before eyeing me again and adding, “If I may ask.”

“It’s fine,” I sighed softly, pulling my knees into my chest, “It’s just that every once in a while, I feel this way. I feel…lonely and hurt. It’s not the greatest feeling in the world.

She raised a brow, “Oh?”

I continued, knowing she wouldn’t ask me to do so, “Before I moved in with Lyndsey and came here, I’d been in a serious relationship. Well, at least I thought it’d been serious at the time.”

“I see,” her voice was grave, “And you still think about those days?”

I nodded, averting my gaze from hers, “From time to time, I do, When I’m feeling happiest. It’s like I can’t be content with my life long enough before reality just comes crashing down on me, y’know?”

“I understand perfectly, Miss Santini,” she nodded seriously.

I groaned, “Anna, please don’t call me that! You make me feel old!”

A hint of a smile played across her features, “Sweetie, you are anything but. You have your whole life ahead of you.”

“I know,” I whined, curling into the side of the couch, “But for right now, it feels as though nothing is going the way I’d planned. I don’t even know what to do with myself sometimes.”

A real smile spread across her face, “Life never goes as planned, Miss Santini. Things may happen that we are not comfortable with, but they do happen for a reason. They prepare us for something even bigger. Something better.”

I sighed, having heard the advice many times before, “I know. I just wish everything didn’t hurt as much as it did. As much as he hurt me, it doesn’t make me love or miss him any less. It’s like I can’t move on, when clearly, he has.”

Her eyes shone sympathy, something I didn’t want to see, “I know it hurts. I can only imagine how much it hurts you. But there are always bigger and better things out there waiting for you. You just have to open you heart and move on so that those things can find you.”

“Maybe,” I whispered, looking out the window to see Zacky wrap his arms around Raychel and pull her in for a sweet kiss. I felt a tug at my own heart, watching the happy couple as they laughed and enjoyed their time together, “What would you do in this situation, Anna?”

She smiled, standing up from the couch and retrieving her dusting cloth, “Live. You have nothing but time on your hands, Miss Santini. Make it count for something.”

I smiled at her, standing and pulling her into a hug. Despite what most people thought about the help, I considered Anna to be practically family to me. She looked out for everyone under the Sanders roof, whether they were temporary or permanent fixtures. She barely knew me and I was only a guest in the mansion, yet she always managed to help me when I needed it and I was thankful for that.

“Anna’s right.”

Jumping with surprise, I caught sight of Matt strolling into the room, Brian not too far behind him. They came from the direction of the office, just a few doors down. Both were dressed casually; Brian in his usual stylish attire, and Matt in his usual designer clothes. Simple, yet expensive button down shirt, dark slacks and dress shoes. The first few buttons of his shirt were left undone, and his sleeves were rolled up at the elbows.

Anna immediately excused herself and moved on to another room. Brian flashed me a smile and ruffled my hair as she headed towards the patio door. Matt nodded towards the couch, and I immediately took a seat where he’d asked. Slowly, he walked over and sat down, leaving some space between us. He didn’t say anything for a minute, and I figured that he was just gathering his thoughts. I turned my body towards him as he did the same, tucking my legs underneath me.

“So, you’ve been having a rough day?”

His voice was gruff, but his question was meant to be soft. I could tell by his demeanor; he didn’t keep eye contact with me and leaned back against the sofa cushions. It was his way of telling me that he wouldn’t poke and prod…not that he ever did.

“Yeah,” I whispered honestly, lowering my gaze as I lay my head on my knees.

I felt his fingertips on my chin, and it was then that he gently forced me to lock eyes with him, “Sweetheart, why didn’t you come and get me?”

“You were busy,” I shrugged quietly, “It could wait.”

“No, it couldn’t have,” he shook his head, reaching over and pulling me into his side for a hug, “If you need me, then you tell me. Business can wait.”

I sighed, but didn’t argue with him. He was just as stubborn as I was, and I knew it.

“So, what’s going on?” he asked after a few minutes of silence, making an attempt to change the subject.

I wanted to explain myself, even if he already knew. It made me feel better when I talked about things, though I was sure he had to be tired of my same old story already. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. I inwardly groaned, knowing that it was going to be one of those days.

Matt seemed to guess the same. Before I knew it, he’d scooped me up and carried me out of the living room. I simply clutched onto his silky shirt as I squeezed my eyes shut, willing myself not to cry. I heard a door open and close shut, as well as Matt’s shoes tapping against the hardwood flooring. The smell of smoke filled my nostrils, though I paid it no attention.

“Stop that,” Matt commanded quietly, patting my thigh as I opened my eyes, “You’re gonna aggravate your ribs by holding yourself like that.”

“B-but I—“

“Just let it out,” he whispered, setting me down on his desk, “It’s only gonna hurt you more if you hold it in like that.”

That was all it took. I let everything loose. I wasn’t much of one for crying, but apparently, this was one of those get-it-out-your-system cries. I cried for all the hurt I’d felt. The shame and embarrassment, not to mention the loneliness. I cried because I felt angry and betrayed. I cried because I was hopelessly in love with someone who’d tossed me to the side for another without so much as a backward glance.

Matt was silent, watching me from his chair with a frown the entire time. I knew he wouldn’t interfere, but would lend his moral support with just his mere presence. I was grateful; he always helped. When I was sure I was all cried out, I took a deep breath in, ignoring the protests of my ribs. Matt already had a glass of whiskey waiting for me.

“Thanks,” I croaked, taking the dark liquid from him and slugging it all back.

It was nasty as all hell, but the burn in my throat distracted me from the real pain I felt. He poured me another. I downed that one, too before handing him the glass so that he could put it away. He simply set it aside and pulled out a box of fresh cigars, something I knew he kept in here for business purposes.

“You need it,” he stated seriously when he noted my hesitation.

Snatching the cigar from him, I allowed him to light it for me before taking a long, painful drag. Then, I took another, and another. I thought that would do the trick, but ended up taking several more drags before I felt myself slowly starting to calm down. Handing the large cancer stick back to Matt, I allowed him to finish it off as I leaned back and took a deep breath.

“You said it would get easier,” I mumbled soon after, returning my gaze to Matt.

“I said it would take time,” he answered firmly, fixing me with an intense stare.

“Well, what am I supposed to do until then?” I asked exasperatedly, “It’s been months, and I still feel like this!”

“You’re supposed to live,” he answered simply, putting out the cigar and placing it back in his little box, “Like Anna said. For good things to find you, you have to be open and willing to receive them. You have to move on.”

“Move on like how?” I whispered brokenly, wiping a tear from the rim of my eye that had threatened to fall.

He chuckled, “Well, for starters, the guys and I have all been invited to a dinner tonight, and none of you girls have dresses yet. Start there.”

“Huh?” I was clearly confused.

“It’s a dinner hosted by some business associates,” he grinned, “You need a nice dress to wear tonight.”

“Me? What do I need one for?” I furrowed my eyebrows, tilting my head to the side as Matt began going all cryptic on me once more.

“Well, we’ve been reserved a special table!” he chuckled, leaning back once more in his chair, “As beautiful of a woman as my date may be, she still can’t show up in just anything!”

I blinked, “Who’s your date?”

He rolled his eyes then, “Britt, humor me. Seriously.”

With that, he reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet as I shook my head. Maybe in Matt’s head, what he was saying seemed to make sense, but over here in Brittanyland, we were not on the same frequency. I had no clue as to what he was ranting about.

“Take this,” he commanded, handing me a plastic card.

I shook my head, “What for? I don’t need money for any—“

“For the dress you’ll be wearing tonight and the stores you’ll be shopping in, you will. You ever seen Pretty Woman?”

“Pretty Woman?” I frowned, “Well, of course I’ve seen it, but—wait, is that your way of calling me a low class hooker? That’s real charming, Matt.”

He rolled his eyes again, “No, Britt. Look—my date for tonight has to drop jaws. And I know you will, because you already do, but for tonight, I need you to knock ‘em dead. So go out with the girls. Go shopping with my card. Buy what you want. Just make sure you bring back a dress.”

I took the card from him, “Wait, I’m your date? Since when?”

He didn’t say anything, he simply wiped the rest of my tears with his sleeve before picking me up and setting me back down on my feet. He placed his hands on my shoulders and pushed me in the direction of the door, “Take my keys and the girls, and go shop. Vent, eat, cry. Girl stuff. And don’t come back without a dress!”

I scoffed, tucking the plastic card into my back pocket as he closed the office door behind him. That little fucker. I didn’t feel comfortable using my friend’s limitless credit card, nor did I feel comfortable driving his foreign, flashy, expensive car. I felt weird enough just sitting in the passenger’s seat, let alone driving the damn thing.

“EEK, I’M SO EXCITED!”

Sounded like Lyndsey had just found out the good news. We were invited to some bourgie dinner, and now we had to go shopping in bourgie stores so that we could fit in and look just as bourgie. Perfect.

Raychel rounded the corner first, rolling her eyes – at Lyndsey, no doubt – as she slid a plastic card of her own into her pocket. Lyndsey skipped in after her, wearing a shit-eating grin as she tucked another plastic card into the front of her bra. I guessed that all the guys had had the same idea. Men.

“Well, don’t just sit there! Get your fucking shoes on so we can go!” Lyndsey screeched, clumsily stomping into her shoes and running off towards the garage.

I sighed, sending Raychel a helpless look. She simply shrugged at me in the same fashion. Lyndsey was hellbent on going shopping – of course – and I knew that there was no way of getting out of this trip now. From the look on Ray’s face, she had figured the same.

“Fine,” I grumbled, stepping into my own shoes, “But if I have to go and spend a whole bunch of his money, then I’m driving my own car.”

***

“Dude! This is the coolest fucking car ever!” Lyndsey screamed from the backseat, literally bouncing up and down on the tan leather.

Raychel snorted and shot me a look from the passenger’s seat, one which I ignored, turning my attention back to the road with a scowl. The second I took out my own keys to drive, Lyndsey had nearly had a fucking stroke and demanded that we drive Matt’s car since he was okay with us taking it.

“Lynds, you can’t even pronounce the name of this car,” Raychel shook her head with a small laugh, attempting to keep her hair from flying everywhere by holding her hands to her hair. The little child in the backseat – I mean Lyndsey had insisted we ride with the top down. Naturally.

“So?” she giggled excitedly, “Do you know how awesome this is?! Brian won’t let me anywhere near his favorite car, and I know for a fact that this is Matt’s favorite and most expensive car! He’s actually letting you drive his!”

“Yeah, cause he can trust me to not go absolutely crazy the second I get inside,” I muttered with a roll of my eyes, pulling my shades on as the bright sun began to blind me.

“Technically, she’s right,” Ray piped up with a shrug of her own, causing me to glare over at her, “Zack’s the same way about his…his…Buh…Boo…Boo-something.”

“Bugatti?” I guessed slowly, watching as her eyes lit up with recognition.

“Yeah, yeah! That’s what it’s called!”

“Uh huh,” I rolled my eyes, clutching onto the wheel with both hands as the car lurched forward. Lyndsey giggled and clapped as I quickly took my foot off the accelerator, shifting down a gear. I’d never been in a car so fast in my life. I’d forgotten that I didn’t need to hit the gas just to give the car a little push, “My bad.”

“I’m not worried in the least!” Lyndsey smirked from the back, “It’s just gathered us a wonderful welcome party.”

“Huh?” Raychel frowned, looking as Lyndsey pointed out the window, “Oh.”

Gathered outside the long strip of boutiques was a crowd of people, all stopped and gawking at the car as I pulled into a park along the sidewalk. Raychel went ahead and got out, ducking at all the attention, much like I would’ve. Lyndsey popped out of the car just waiting for the attention to rain down on her, and I couldn’t’ help but to giggle at her behavior.

“Now I see why you wanted to drive your own car,” Raychel muttered as she joined my side, “At least in California, everyone drives a BMW and wouldn’t look at us like we’re some sort of fricking celebrities.”

“We’re not the celebrities, the car is,” I snorted, causing her to giggle along with me.

“Miss! Miss!” I turned to see a guy who looked a bit older than us running towards us. Frowning, I stood stock still as he approached us, suddenly wishing that I’d had mace or something. Raychel laid a hand on my arm, something I found comforting. It eased my nerves right away.

I turned to the man and offered him a forced smile, “Yes?”

He seemed out of breath, “I saw you guys pull in and I just had to come and ask…is that a Koenigsegg CCX?”

I blinked, “I-I’m sorry, a what?”

“A Koenigsegg CCX…right?” he asked unsurely, looking from me to the car, then me again.

I scratched my head as I looked over at Ray, who simply shrugged, “Uh, well I thought it was a Porsche…”

He laughed at that, “Yeah, it is, but the name of the model is a Koenigsegg.”

Raychel frowned at that, “Well, if you knew what it was called, then what’d you ask us for?”

Now it was the man’s turn to blink, “I-I, uh…well, uh—“

“Well, we’re so glad you’re interested in the Kuh…Ko…Koen…the Porsche and everything, but the reason she doesn’t know anything about it is because it belongs to her boyfriend; perhaps you’ve heard of him? His name is Matt Sanders,” Lyndsey batted her eyelashes as she butted in, fixing him with a wide smile.

The man straightened up at once, most likely because of her mentioning a boyfriend, and stammered a goodbye before he hurried off. I glared over at Lyndsey, shaking my head as I continued walking. Raychel could sense my annoyance and kept quiet, though I knew she was itching to say something, too.

“What? I had to get him off your back somehow!” Lyndsey exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air.

“By telling him that Matt is my boyfriend? Really, Lynds?”

“Well, what difference would it make to him? He doesn’t know you’re just friends.” She shrugged, holding onto her purse as she caught up with Raychel and I.

“He doesn’t know either of us, so there was no need for all that. All you had to say was that the car didn’t belong to us!”

I really didn’t care about the car or the guy who’d asked about it; I just didn’t like Lyndsey tossing around the B-word like she had with me. I wasn’t in the greatest of moods today to begin with since I’d been having flashbacks of my failed relationship, and her comment hadn’t made things any easier on me. Sure, she’d meant no harm, and sure, we all knew that Matt and I were no real couple. It hurt to see or hear anything about couples, let alone in reference to me.

I didn’t think I’d ever be relationship material again, no matter who it’d be. I was simply damaged goods.

“Let’s just find a store,” Raychel stepped in like the savior she was, “It might take us a few stores to find exactly what we want, so let’s attempt to knock the first one out of the way.”

***

“He fucked her over bad, didn’t he?”

Matt turned to his blue-eyed friend, finishing the buttons on his shirt before turning back to the mirror, “She doesn’t say much about it, but yeah. I think he did.”

“It’s a shame,” Jimmy tutted with a shake of his head, stuffing his hands deeps into his pants pockets, “For such a pretty one, she always seems down. Holding herself back.”

“She tries to hide it from everyone,” Johnny nodded, walking in with a half-empty beer bottle, “But I can see she’s upset from time to time.”

“She doesn’t want to upset anyone,” Matt shook his own head with a sigh, “Even though she’s nearly beside herself with pain, she still looks after everyone else.”

“That’s my kind of woman,” Johnny muttered with respect, shaking his head in disbelief.

“Mine, too,” the others chorused, exchanging glances with one another before laughing together.

“You’ve found yourself a good one, Shadows,” Zacky nodded in Matt’s direction, “Make sure you keep her around.”

That’s when Matt sighed, taking a seat in the nearby armchair, “I can try, Vengeance. But she’s upset over that useless fuck she was with.”

“She’ll move on,” Jimmy shrugged, reaching forward and patting his friend on the back.

“Yeah, but she doesn’t know she will, no matter how many times you tell her,” Matt laughed dryly, “She can’t sleep. Somedays she loses her appetite just thinking about him. She shuts down and just cries about the kid. That’s real love right there, and I have a feeling that it’s not gonna go away anytime soon.”

“Ah, nonsense!” Jimmy exclaimed, clapping Matt on the back as he motioned for him to follow the others downstairs, “All you have to do is show her that you can offer her so much more than that asshole could.”

“She’s not like all those golddigging whores, man,” Matt shook his head, fiddling with the shiny, new watch on his wrist, “She can’t be bought with material things.”

“So? That means you’ve got yourself a real woman,” Zacky grinned, jumping off the last step, “And when you’ve got a real woman, you get to be yourself. That’s all she’ll want from you.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” he muttered with a roll of his eyes.

“So you own a couple of unusual business and associate with a few…illegitimate ones!” Brian shrugged, lowering his voice as he attempted to be vague with his response, “Once she comes to her senses, she’ll be able to look past all of that, man.”

Matt didn’t seem too convinced, but didn’t voice his opinions as they neared the room in which the girls had gathered in to change. Johnny was the first to push the door open and walk in, and the others silently followed suit. It was a suite after all, so the girls were most likely in the next room over, separated from the one in which the men stood by a solid wooden door.

“I may not hear voices, but I sure hear footsteps!”

Lyndsey came rushing through the door, causing a smirk to crawl across Brian’s face. Lyndsey was a sweet girl and happened to be very doting on Brian Haner, Jr. She wasn’t submissive in the least, but she loved being around him and smothering him in kisses. Brian never seemed to mind, not one bit. For a couple who’d gotten together on such a whim, Matt was amazed at how well they were doing, especially since they lived together.

Her hair was down and curled, and her makeup matched her dress perfectly. The halter dress she wore was purple – Brian’s favorite color – and hugged her every curve. It ended just above her knees, and dipped rather low in the front. Brian seemed to be rather satisfied with his girlfriend’s attire.

“Where’s Ray and Britt?” Johnny asked, looking towards the door through which she’d just come.

“They’re almost finished; I’m sure they’ll be out in a minute,” Lyndsey smiled, eyeing Brian with a smirk of her own, “Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes, Mr. Haner?”

Brian winked, “I’d like to think I am, but last time I checked, that was the line that I was supposed to give you.”

Lyndsey shrugged slyly, fixing her significant other with a look that Matt had rather he didn’t see, “I guess I just beat you to the punch on that one. But you wanna know what else you could give me?”

Brian smirked hard, “What’s that, baby?”

“Well, I was thinking—“

“Oh, fuck this shit! Make them hurry up so we can go!” Johnny whined impatiently from the couch, casing Matt and Zacky to crack up with laughter.

Jimmy was already on it, stalking up to the door and pounding furiously on it, “YOUR FRIEND’S OUT HERE READY TO MAKE BABIES AND WE DON’T WANNA SEE IT! BRING YOUR SEXY ASSES OUT HERE SO WE CAN GO!”

“Sheesh, where’s the fire?” Raychel ripped the door open, staring up at Jimmy incredulously. Zacky’s eyes went to her immediately, and Matt could see why. She was wearing a dark green strapless cocktail dress, one that, like Lyndsey’s, stopped just above her knees and flowed quite nicely around her body.

“In Brian’s pants from what I can see,” Britt smirked, stepping out from behind Raychel before bending over to step into her other shoe. Once she stood straight up, Matt began to doubt that Brian was the only one with a so-called ‘fire in his pants’.

Britt’s petite frame was covered with a small, kneelength dress that was ruched all the way around. It fit her like a glove and was a royal blue color – a color which not only popped against her brown skin, but also had suddenly become Matt’s favorite color. The dress was strapless and modest with a deep sweetheart neckline, something that Matt thought had suited tastes perfectly. In heels, she stood level with his shoulder, rather than level with his chest, and he smiled at that.

“You ladies ready?” Brian asked, detaching his lips from Lyndsey’s just as Zacky had pulled Raychel into his side. Lyndsey giggled and nodded her head, but Zacky looked rather disgruntled at the fact that he couldn’t ravish his girlfriend any further. While Matt wasn’t necessarily in the same boat as his green-eyed friend, damn did he wish was somewhere close with Britt.

“Let’s blow this joint!” Lyndsey grinned, skipping off towards the door.

“That’s what she said,” Johnny snorted quietly, causing Raychel to giggle until Brian slapped him round the head, “Ow, I was just kidding!”

As the rest of the group headed for the door, Matt stopped and turned off some of the lights behind him. He knew he would only need one or two of them on for when they returned later that night, so he quickly made his rounds. Anna had been dismissed several hours ago and wouldn’t be there to do it.

“You ready to go?”

Turning towards the kitchen entrance, Matt smiled upon seeing the redhead posed at the door, arms crossed over her chest as she fixed him with a warm smile. He grabbed his keys off the countertop and held them in his right hand as he neared her, taking hold of her hip with his left hand. The soft, tropical scent that cloaked Brittany’s skin appealed to him more than she would ever know, but he knew to be careful with her. Inhaling deeply, he took a step back and removed his hand from her waist.

“You look stunning as usual,” he smirked playfully, watching as her dark eyes slowly lit up at the compliment. She chuckled softly and looked away, “And you’re still bad with compliments, I see.”

“Is that a bad thing?” she smiled, pushing herself off the wall as she began walking for the front door, allowing Matt to follow behind her. Matt smoothly brushed past her so that he could open the passenger door of his car for her, before turning to get into his own seat.

As he started the car, he turned and offered her a real smile, “There isn’t a single bad thing about you…especially in that dress.”

She raised an eyebrow but he didn’t elaborate. He simply smiled to himself and continued driving.