Looks Can Be Deceiving

The nuzzling of Shadow’s head against my arm was what woke me the next afternoon. His small, stocky body was balanced half on my chest as he leaned forward and licked my face. I knew that was his way of asking for attention, and so I ran a hand down his fur coat before cradling him into my side.

Opening my eyes, I grunted at the sudden discomfort I felt as a steady stream of sunlight poured into the room through the window. I squeezed my eyes shut again and shielded them with my forearm, bringing it up to rest against my face as I turned away from the light. Shadow yelped and began pawing at my arm.

“Okay, okay,” I whispered hoarsely, pushing myself up on my elbows, “I’m up, Shadow.”

With another happy yelp he flew off the bed and out of sight, ears flapping behind him. I shook my head and slowly sat up, allowing a yawn to slip through my lips. I was exhausted, there was no doubt about that. I ached all over and the world spun around me in circles, though I wasn’t sure why. What had I done last night to feel this awful?

It hit me the second I pushed the covers off my body, revealing the royal blue dress I’d worn the night before. As if the breath had been knocked right out of me, I sank back onto the mattress.

”You ready to go?” Matt murmured into my ear, eyeing me carefully as we moved through the crowds of people.

I nodded, suppressing a yawn and holding onto his arm to steady myself, “Yeah. I’m ready when you are.”

“You’re tired,” he noted, placing a hand on my lower back as I leaned against him, “We’ll leave in a minute. I just have to see a couple more people.”

“That’s fine,” I replied with a smile, “I know you have to do this.”

He smile matched mine, “I’ll be quick, I promise.”

With that, I allowed Matt to pull me over to a small group of men, stationed around the bar and laughing loudly. I offered a polite smile and stood behind him as he greeted more of his colleagues, but he was quick to pull me in front of him and introduce me to the others. They all shared a few jokes and commented on the party, while I stayed quiet, lending my own comments or opinions every now and then.

I had tuned out of the conversation after the first few minutes. Instead, I took to people watching. I observed as other guests laughed and drunkenly exchanged jokes. I watched as others stealthily snuck leftover desserts right off the dinner plates and tucked them into their bags. You’d think rich people could simply afford to go home and make their own rendition of the meal or hire a personal chef to do so. Either way, they could keep that fucking food. I’d go home and cook up something a million times better than that filth.

Laughter filled my ears, pulling me right out of my thoughts, and I froze at the familiarity in the sound. It was as if my heart had stilled and completely dropped to my feet. My entire body had gone rigid as goose bumps rippled across my skin. Matt must’ve noticed my change in demeanor, because he broke his conversation and squeezed my hip gently.

“You alright?” he murmured so that only I could hear, eyes shining with concern.

I made a move to speak, but nothing came out. I closed my mouth and then opened it again. Nothing.

Matt was officially worried now, “Britt? What’s wrong?”

I stammered for the longest time, “I-I need…I…I-I…c-can we g-go now? I just…I—“

He cut me off, caressing my arm in a comforting manner, “If you’re really not feeling up to it, then of course we can go—“

“Ah, just the men I wanted to see!” came a voice from nearby.

I felt myself deflate as Matt turned, ready to acknowledge the newcomer to the group. I stayed put. Maybe if I closed my eyes and wished hard enough, when I opened them, he wouldn’t be there, and Matt and I would be in the car headed home.

I was sure I wouldn’t be so lucky.

Just thinking about it sent my heart into overdrive. I’d been given no time to think or react to what had happened last night. I’d had no time to prepare. And because of that, I was forced to face the dire consequences.

“Fuck,” I swallowed hard, feeling a wave of emotion overcome me as I practically leapt out of the bed and ran straight for the bathroom.

I needed to clear my head. That way I’d be able to think straight, think rationally. I hurried over to the bathroom counter and turned on the sink, wetting my hands with water from the tap and splashing my face.
I wasn’t sure if it’d help, but at the moment, I’d do anything to just forget what’d happened the night before.

One glance in the mirror confirmed that I looked just as shitty as I felt. My hair, once curled and piled on top of my head in an elegant style, now lay tangled and messy. My makeup was ruined. Black and blue eye makeup was smudged all around my eyes. Mascara had left dark tracks from where it had run, no doubt from when I’d cried myself to sleep.

Shuddering, I turned to the shower and quickly turned the water on. I just wanted to wash the remnants of last night away from my body. With haste, I stripped the dress from my body, as well as the undergarments I’d worn underneath. I left them in a pile on the floor, in the far corner of the room, and stepped into the shower.

The water was scorching. It took everything in me to not step away from it. I needed to do this, and I didn’t mind taking a little bit of pain with it. Finding my bodywash and washcloth, I lathered my body in soap. I scrubbed every inch of myself until I turned red, and then scrubbed some more. I didn’t feel much better after I rinsed off, so I worked up yet another lather as my mind wandered.

His icy blue eyes stayed glued to me for the next half hour. I could feel them examining me, scrutinizing me…undressing me, even. Even with his arm wrapped around another woman’s waist, he continued to stare. I refused to look in his direction. I knew that one look was all it would take to fall apart.

I’d tried so hard to ignore his presence. I’d had no idea what he was doing here, as he’d never been one for the business scene, and certainly didn’t make enough money to be invited here tonight, but yet, here he was.

I turned and braced myself against Matt’s arm, facing away from the others gathered at the bar as I hid in Matt’s chest. He carried on his conversation with his friends, though something in his voice had changed. His voice had become deeper, almost cold and intimidating in a way, and his responses had become short. His hand caressed my bare back, and I knew that was out of comfort. He could sense something was off about the newcomer to the group, and he didn’t like it. I was just counting down the seconds until he’d be put off enough to want to leave.

“So, how’ve you been, Jacobson?” one of the men asked, leaning against the bar and taking a gulp of the drink in his hand.

A chuckle sounded, sending chills down my spine, “I’ve been very well.”

“I’ll say!” another man laughed, “Judging by that obvious bun in the oven, you’ve been doing great!”

I froze right in my spot. Bun in the oven?

Turning, my eyes locked with his as he smirked confidently and confirmed the other man’s comment, “You’d be right. I never saw myself starting out this early, but I guess having the right girl by my side just makes it easier.”

I felt my stomach lurch and averted my gaze, staring across the room as I felt my eyes well up with tears. He was doing this on purpose, and I knew it. I didn’t know how things had gone so wrong between us, and I didn’t know how he’d come to act this way towards me, but it hurt. Even five months after our relationship ended, it still hurt. And after all this time apart, Tyler comes strolling back into my life, tearing open every wound I’d worked so hard to heal and throwing handfuls of salt in each one.

My mind worked on overload after that. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing me upset. He’d hurt me enough when we were together, and now that were through, I wouldn’t allow him to continue. No matter how hard I would cry when I went home tonight, he’d never see it happen. I took deep breaths in the most discreet way possible. My ribs screamed at me, but I ignored them. I controlled the sudden quiver of rage that shot up my spine, closing my eyes and willing myself to pull it together.

Tyler’s eyes were on me the second I turned back, as were Matt’s. They were darkened with anger, and I wasn’t sure why. I was hoping he wasn’t angry at me for completely ignoring his friends, but I just couldn’t take anymore for tonight. Surely, he’d understand once I got up the courage to explain everything to him.

“I’m ready to head out, babe,” he stated in a calm, chilling tone, “You ready to go?”

I was sobbing. My skin had been scrubbed raw. Still, I felt no better.

I didn’t understand how such a good night with my friends could be turned into a painful memory that I just wanted to push into the very back of my mind, never to remember again. Matt had worked so hard the entire day to cheer me up; allowing me to go shopping with his money and drive his favorite car with no questions asked. Riling me up for a big, fancy dinner with all the most powerful businessmen in the area – people he looked up to, or who looked up to him. Last night was supposed to be a huge success and a lot of fun, and it was, up until the end. Now it was something I’d do anything to get out of my mind.

I couldn’t forget how he had looked at me, or how he’d made several indirect jabs at me while I was standing right there. As if we had never happened, and I had never mattered. I was at a loss. I couldn’t wrap my mind around any of it, and that hurt me. But not as much as his new life. All of the sudden, he’d become the newest asset to the business world. Now, he was living the golden life. Instead of renting an apartment, he was working towards buying some huge house in the Hills. And he planned to live there with his fiancée, who was eight months pregnant.

I wasn’t stupid. Tyler and I had officially split five months ago, and this fiancée of his was already nearing the end of her pregnancy. I knew she was the other woman. That bra I’d found under the couch cushion that day had belonged to her. I’d recognized her face from a separate incident when I’d walked into the house and found her lounging there. Why I didn’t kick her ass then was beyond me.

But no, it wasn’t. I knew exactly why I hadn’t done anything.

I’d been in denial. I’d told myself that she was simply one of his friends that had come over to visit. I’d forced myself to relax and not jump to conclusions like my brain was itching for me to do. I hadn’t confronted him after she’d awkwardly left, and I hadn’t questioned him ever since when he simply said that he was going out.

I’d thought that love was enough. If Tyler could see how much trust I had in him, he’d understand just how much I loved him. How much I wanted things to work out between us, and how much I was willing to give everything I had to give him. But there was nothing understanding about Tyler anymore. He’d changed, and I knew that now.

I felt humiliated. I didn’t know how I could look anyone in the eye now, even if no one had figured anything out. All that mattered was that I knew. And I was barely holding on as it was.

I wasn’t sure how long it’d been, or how I ended up on the shower floor, but I was there, and I didn’t feel like moving any time soon. I’d be perfectly fine if I never had to face the world, ever again.

Well, a girl can dream.

A cold draft registered to my senses, though I paid it no mind at first. The water had long since gone cool, so any additional coolness did nothing but soothe my burning skin anyway. I continued staring at the white tiles around me, even as the water cut off. Had I broken the shower by being in here too long? Hopefully Matt wouldn’t be mad at me for that.

“Fuck.”

Looking up, I saw Matt’s face. I felt surprised to see him there, though I knew my numb expression would not alert him to that. It was as if I couldn’t make the muscles in my face do anything. He looked concerned, though I didn’t want him to feel that way. I would be fine eventually, I just needed time to thaw out some.

“Come here,” he murmured, and I felt his hands on my skin.

It was only then that I remembered I was completely nude, and while I felt inclined to cover myself, I knew there was no point. He’d already seen everything, and then again, why would it matter? I wasn’t worth anything, apparently. I was no great catch, nothing interesting. If I was, then would Tyler have stayed faithful?

Tyler.

As numb as I thought I was, once again, I proved myself wrong. In an instant, I was curled into Matt’s chest, sobbing even more pitifully than I had before. What had happened to me? I’d always been so happy and full of life. I was notorious for being a little spitfire; I did things my way and didn’t let anyone stand in the way of my happiness. Now, I was…this. Nothing but a shell of what I used to be, and clinging onto a man that wanted nothing to do with me. Always crying or sitting in isolation, feeling bad for myself.

Soft, warm material wrapped its way around my body. Looking down, I saw that Matt had cloaked me with a towel. I looked away from him. I felt ashamed that he had to see me this way, but the damage was already done. No doubt, he’d be running for the hills next, tugging his friends and Lyndsey and Raychel along with him. I wouldn’t blame him.

“Arms up,” came Mat’s voice again.

The familiar scent of his cologne filled my nostrils, and I knew we were in Matt’s room. I felt shivers roll down my spine as I thought about the first and last time I’d been in here, and what I’d found. I kept silent, complying with Matt’s instructions and lifting my arms. Sniffles left me as he covered my bare skin with a long shirt, no doubt one of his.

“Stand,” he commanded once more, and again, I complied. My legs were shaky so he had to help keep me steady as I put on the boxers he offered, “That better?”

I shrugged, unable to find my voice. I just wanted to crawl into a hole and cry.

A heavy sigh came from him, though I didn’t dare look in his direction. I knew what he was doing. He was thinking, and thinking hard. No doubt assessing me, analyzing my every move. That was what Matt did, and he was good at it. I wasn’t sure how I felt about him psychoanalyzing me the way he was.

“C’mon,” he said, patting the mattress as he sat on one side of the bed, “I wanna talk to you.”

I didn’t want to talk. I knew what it’d be about. What he’d ask.

It was moot point, however. Whatever Matt wanted, he got. He made things happen. I carefully crawled onto the mattress, keeping a good amount of distance between us and facing away from him. Maybe if I did that, he’d understand that I didn’t want to talk about anything. It didn’t faze him one bit as his large hands rested on my arms before turning me around to face him. With a smile, he pulled me towards his chest.

He was shirtless, but I didn’t care. His skin was warm and soft as I nuzzled my face into his neck, the cool chain necklace he wore tickling my skin. I sighed as he kept up with his bear hug. That was always his little way of saying that he was there, even if he hadn’t vocalized it. With us, we didn’t need to say everything out loud. I liked that about my friendship with Matt.

The feel of his large hand rubbing circles into my hip was enough to lull me to sleep, and I was sure he knew that. He soon moved on to rake his fingers through my wet hair instead. I knew he was giving me time to think, though that was the last thing I wanted to do. I kept myself busy by fiddling with the tiny chain necklace he wore. It was gold and short, and was barely noticeable at all. Perhaps he’d always worn it, but because it was so small and usually covered, no one realized he wore it.

“So, last night,” he began, and I squeezed my eyes shut at the memories flooding through my mind, “Jacobson didn’t take his eyes off you for a single second.”

I said nothing, though my trembling spoke volumes for me.

“You two have crossed paths before,” he noted, “That much is obvious.”

I laughed bitterly, “We’ve done more than crossed paths.”

He was quiet for a minute, “I see. Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve—“

“All I’ve ever wanted was to settle down and have a family, and he knew that. He wanted to break me, and had I reacted in front of him, he would’ve won,” I whispered sharply, glaring at the metal around Matt’s neck, “I get it now. I finally see the bigger picture, and I refuse to let him do this to me anymore.”

Matt sighed, pulling me on top of him as he rolled onto his back, “What will you do?”

I chewed my lip, “Never before could I imagine a life without him. I was stupid for that. If he can move on, so can I. It’s time to live for me now, not him.”

A smile crept onto Matt’s face, “Atta girl.”

I leaned down and hugged him gently, “Thanks, Matt.”

“For what?” he cocked an eyebrow as he stared up at me in wonder.

I grinned, “For always being there. In one way or another.”

“You’re very welcome, sweetheart,” he replied with a smirk, “You know…I don’t know which style you look better in: my clothes or completely in the nude.”

I narrowed my eyes and smacked his chest, causing him to howl with laughter. Rolling my eyes, I moved out of the bed and began walking towards the door, a craving for snacks suddenly hitting me.

“Hey, where are you going?” he called after me, throwing his hands up. I giggled, taking in his disgruntled expression as he sprawled out across the bed.

“I wanna get a snack,” I answered simply with a shrug of my shoulders.

I continued down the hall, Shadow appearing by my side as I got to the stairs. Taking them one by one, we walked together in silence and ambled into the kitchen. I decided to feed Shadow a little early, filling his bowl with puppy kibble before moving to the freezer. I found the Edy’s neopolitan ice cream that I kept stocked in the back and opened it right up, scooping a good chunk of it into a bowl. I threw some chocolate syrup and sprinkles on it before heading back upstairs.

“What’d you get?” Matt asked as I made my way back into his bedroom, plopping down on the end.

I shrugged, “Just a little something something.”

He narrowed his eyes, and before I knew it, he’d grabbed me by the waist and yanked me over to him. I glared as he eyed my ice cream before snatching my spoon and taking a bite of it. I protested and smacked his arm, though it didn’t faze him one bit. He took another bite and another before handing the spoon back to me with a smirk.

I rolled my eyes and ate the ice cream anyway, “So, what are we doing today?”

Matt shrugged, “Well, I had a meeting scheduled a few hours ago, but I decided to cancel—“

“Why did you cancel?” I frowned, looking over at him with curiosity, “You rarely miss meetings.”

He flashed me a simple smile, “I had more important things to attend to.”

“Oh yeah?” I countered, raising a brow as he nodded, “Like what?”

He rolled his eyes, “You. Duh.”

I blinked, “What about me?”

He sighed, “Sweetheart, are you really that oblivious or do you just like to frustrate me?”

“Gee,” I smiled sarcastically, “Maybe it’s a little bit of both!”

Shaking his head, he motioned for me to sit next to him, “Do you realize how worried I was about you last night?”

I looked away from him, “Why would you’ve been worried?”

He turned my face back towards his, “Don’t play that shit with me, Britt; you know I’m smarter than that.”

I refused to look at him still, “Okay.”

“You were upset…and hurt. You froze right up when he came over.”

“Of course I did,” I shrugged, “I didn’t wanna see him. I hadn’t expected to see him.”

“Sweetheart, if you simply hadn’t wanted to see him, you normally would’ve ignored him or told him to fuck off and leave your presence. You know how you like to pick fights,” he smirked, nudging my arm with his elbow. I giggled quietly, but didn’t say anything else, “With this guy, you just froze. You looked like you wanted to disappear, and had I not gotten you out of there when I did, you would’ve for sure lost it.”

I sighed and nodded quietly, “You’re right. When we were together, he changed me for the better…or so I thought,” I mumbled as Matt took the empty dish from me, setting it down on his nightstand before pulling me closer, “I smiled all the time, laughed all the time. I was a little more compassionate, a little more patient. Gentler, friendlier, even. Always on cloud nine. Tyler was the same.”

“What changed?” he asked curiously, hazel eyes burning with an unreadable emotion.

“I wish I knew,” I whispered solemnly, smiling as Shadow made a run for the bed and curled up between Matt and I, “It seemed as if overnight, the cheating and cold shoulder started. Out of nowhere, all at once. I knew it the second it happened, though I don’t why I denied it for so long.”

“Because you loved him,” Matt nodded in understanding, “No matter the shit you go through in a relationship, you always make an effort to fix things when you love someone, sweetheart.”

“I guess,” I shrugged simply, “Though it was all in vain. I can’t even count how many nights he either came home late and ignored me, or didn’t come home altogether for days on end. I couldn’t tell you how many times I found lingerie hidden around the house that didn’t belong to me. At first he came home with different scents on him, different lipsticks, After that, it was always the same one.”

Matt was silent.

“Scratches and bite marks hidden beneath his shirts, hickies on his neck. I stopped using his car; it always reeked of sex. At the end of the day, he would rather openly cheat on me and treat me like shit than to simply leave.”

“Why?” he demanded, eyebrows furrowed with anger.

I shrugged, “Because I kept things in order. The house stayed clean. Laundry always done. Food cooked. Because I was respectable enough to be allowed near his friends and family, and whatever girls he was with, weren’t. After a while, there was nothing sentimental about our relationship; everything simply carried on out of convenience.”

Matt was furious, “He should’ve never treated you that way, and why he fucking would is beyond me.”

“He shouldn’t have, but he did,” I shrugged, wiping a small tear from my eye, “And after a while, it was too much to ignore. I couldn’t pretend anymore.”

“And so you left,” he guessed, watching me intensely.

“I did,” I nodded, “And it may not seem like it at times because the memories hurt so much when I think of them, but I’m so happy to be here. I know that even with all the hurt I feel from the breakup, it can’t get any worse because he isn’t here. Because you guys are.” I smiled softly.

He had his thinking face on, “And that explains your reaction to seeing him last night.”

I sighed softly. “I guess. I’m worry if I upset you.”

“I’m just glad you’re feeling better,” he nearly growled, “And I hope for that little fucker’s own sake that he stays away from you, otherwise I’ll fucking kill him.”

I couldn’t help but to shiver at his comment. There was an edge to his voice that made him sound deadly serious.