I'm in Love With My Own Sin

Gerard’s P.O.V

First, came the explosion. The fiery glaze sweeping across the city, burning everything in its path. Then came the screaming. The screams of the hundreds of innocent people as they attempted to get away from this disaster. But, nothing would be able to stop this. You wouldn’t be able to get away from it.

I watched as people fell from the buildings, and onto the hard concrete. Fell to their sudden death. I watched as it all came tumbling down. The two twin towers were destroyed, and with it so many lives. And I was standing here, watching it all go down. The attack on the twin towers.

No, this wasn’t just some terrible nightmare that I would be woken up from. This was real, so very real. But little did I know that this would be one of the greatest events in history. And I was here witnessing it firsthand.

As I watched this dreadful sight I began to realize something. I began to feel something different inside of me. I needed to change. I couldn’t just sit down in my basement and draw comics all day. I saw today that life is such a precious thing and it could end in an instant. I needed to change. I want to change.

That’s when the thought hit me. I know now what I want to do. I want to save lives. I wanted to make a difference to all of those messed up kids out there. I want to show them that they can accomplish anything. That it’s okay that there messed up because I’m just as messed up as them. I want to save lives.

I stared out at the scene. The dust was beginning to die down along with the agonizing screams of the hundreds of injured people. I couldn’t so anything but stare. I was completely frozen. I was completely and utterly shocked. I was too shocked to even really realize what was really going on. All that I really knew at this point was that I had to change. I was going to take a different path than I am right now. I was going to turn to music.

I even knew exactly where to start. His name was Bryan. He knows all about my singing abilities. He always nags me to do something with the ability that I was blessed with. I guess I really could sing. Sure, I didn’t think that I was that great at it but everyone else seemed to love it. I really only sang for a few people. That and I was in the play Peter Pan.

The dust has now settled onto the streets below me. Symbolizing everything that has gone on this terrible day. But, I couldn’t help but think to myself how something so good could come out of something so terrible.

I knew that nothing was okay. People died today. Hundreds of innocent lives were taken. But I couldn’t help but feel as if a part of me has came alive today. I knew that this new found dream of mine was going to be hard to accomplish. It would be a big struggle. But, I had one thing on my mind. I need to find some band members.

…

I got back home and immediately began to think about my band project. But every time I got into something, I thought back to what happened today with the twin towers. I was fantasized by death. I was kind of brought into the idea of death at a very young age. When all the other kids were playing with G.I Joes, I was sitting in my room thinking of death. I was only around eight at the time when I really got into it. I used to be afraid of it. The very thought of someone dying frightened me. But now, I know it. I’m not afraid of it anymore. I respect it. Everyone needs to die.

But then with Death, also brought revenge. I guess you could say that I was obsessed with revenge. I became such a dark person in the past five years since high school. Revenge seemed to be the only way to handle things. Sure, revenge seemed dark and sinister, but to me it was life. It was the way I lived.

The worst thing is that I changed. I changed for the worst. I became depressed, thinking suicidal thoughts time and time again. That’s when I realized that I needed help. I got put on depression pills and I became addicted to them. I also became addicted to another thing, and that was alcohol.

You wonder why my life has become so bad. There are many answers to that question. I am not entirely sure why I turned out like this. But for me, I would give some blame to Frank Iero. The guy that I haven’t seen, or heard from in so long. The guy that I didn’t know for that long but had such a great impact on my life.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like he did this to me single handedly. He didn’t even mean to hurt me. I love him, and I am not afraid to admit it. I still love him after all this time. I have rarely even forgotten about him. I thought about him almost every single day.

News on the street is that he came back to Belleville. People were saying that he is in a band now. I have seen flyers for his band. They have had a few gigs in town but I never went to them. I don’t know what I would do if I saw him again. His band is called Pencey Prep.

As for the letter that Frank had given me the day he left, I still have it. It’s on my bedside table. I read it every night before I go to sleep. It’s like my lullaby. It soothes me, it takes me back to those fantastic memories that I could never forget. Those times when Frank was still with me, and everything was okay.