I'm in Love With My Own Sin

Gerard’s P.O.V

I woke up to this loud, obnoxious sound of somebody banging on my basement bedroom door. Ultimately, at first I was completely pissed. That was until I heard the person yelling on the other side of the door.

“Gerard! Wake your lazy ass up! We were supposed to be practicing like a half an hour ago!” Bob screamed loudly as he banged on the door once more. He was never a very patient person, especially when he had to get up earlier than usual.

That was when I jumped out of bed. I had completely forgot that we had band practice today. I was already late, having slept through my alarm that I had set so there was no time to get dressed at all. And, in the haze of my half sleeping form, I had completely forgot that I had only slept in my boxers that night.

I threw open the door and bounded my way up the stairs, trying to get up and into the garage before I had even more time wasted. Bob was already out of sight, which meant he must already be in the garage now. I ran my way through the kitchen before I reached the door that led to the garage. I took one deep breath, and then I walked in.

As soon as I walked in, I was greeted with three extremely less than amused faces and one face that was just booming with happiness. And while Mikey, Ray and Bob were standing there scowling, Frank was right beside them with that huge assed grin and a small giggle. I couldn’t help but just stop and smile for a second, even under the circumstances. He is just so adorable. I don’t see how I lasted the five years without him.

“About time you showed up! You realize how long we have been waiting for you?” Mikey yelled, arms crossed and face scrunched up like he smelt something horrible. Then again he may also just be acting snooty.

“I am really sorry you guys, I over slept! I was up kind of late last night…” I trailed off, trying my hardest not to glance over at Frank, but to my dismay, I did anyway. He was smirking at me, knowing the exact reason why I was delayed on sleeping last night.

Mikey followed my gaze over to Frank and frowned even deeper if possible. He shook his head and rolled his eyes before walking back deeper into the garage and grabbing his bass to hide behind. That gruesome look was still present on his face.

I get it, why he is so pissed off. He is just looking out for me, thinking that he is being a good brother with what he is doing. But really, he is just making me unhappy. I haven’t seen Frank in so long, and Mikey is pissed when he comes around again, just like he promised. I really don’t understand why Mikey would still be mad. Frank promised me that he wasn’t going to leave me again and I believe him. I just don’t see why Mikey can’t.

“Whatever, come on you guys it doesn’t matter. Lets just do this okay? No need to be all PMS and shit.” Ray came in then, just like he always did, trying to keep the peace. I admired him for that.

I smiled over at Ray, as if to say a thank you and went over to where I should stand. The rest of the guys, excluding Mikey smiled and went off into the appropriate positions. I sort of had a feeling that today, was not going to be that great of a day.
…
It has been three days since I had overslept and delayed band practice. I haven’t really talked to Mikey much, except for when he came over in the morning to practice, and then he would leave as soon as we were done. So lately Mikey has been so distant from me, and that was something I was not used to.

Right now, I was sitting in Frank’s small apartment, sitting on the couch and petting his little dog sweet pea. I had been over everyday since Frank had been back. Things seemed like they were back to normal. Well, as normal as things had ever been with Frank. Which, I could easily say that Frank and I were far from normal.

One thing that I know for a fact is that I still am in love with him. He is still the same Frank that I remembered if not even better. He treats me nothing but amazing. And, I try my hardest to treat him the way that he deserves.

Frank had even told me that he was dating Jamia for some short period of time. At first, I was extremely pissed because he had kept in contact with someone that he hadn’t really liked in the first place, instead of me. But I got over it because, you know, you can’t change the past. You can only learn from it.

Frank was in the shower when his phone began to ring. I was going to get up and answer it for him, but Sweet Pea just looked so comfortable, and not only that I think I am too lazy to get up and answer. So I decided just to let it go to the answering machine. And after just a few more rings, that is what it did.

“Frank! Answer your fucking phone once in a while, Jesus. We really need to talk and I am pretty sure you know about what. You have been ignoring me since you came back and I am tired of it. I told you before you even came back not to come back, and you even said you weren’t going to. And just so you know if you mess Gerard up again like you did last time you have a whole lot of shit in for you. Call me the fuck back dickhead.” Mikey’s voice rang in from the receiver.

I stopped petting Sweet Pea and just starred forward at the coffee table in front of me. What the fuck was that. Frank was talking to Mikey the whole fucking time? And Mikey told him not to come back and see me? They have both been lying to me this whole fucking time.

I thought Mikey was looking out for me, but now I see he is just trying to mess with my fucking head. In all the times I was crying to him, saying that I was going to kill myself, just wanting to see or hear from Frank, know if he was okay and he knew the whole time? He was talking to him the whole time and probably telling Frank every little thing that I was saying.

Frank knew my number, or he could have asked Mikey for it. But all that time he probably didn’t even try. My jaw tightened and I tried to keep the tears back from falling. Things were going so good, and now almost everything was just shot back down. I put Sweet Pea’s sleeping form on the cushion beside me, and I stood up. I grabbed my jacket and car keys from the coffee table and walked into the kitchen.

I saw a little pad of sticky notes and a pen next to the phone, so I ripped off the sheets that were written on and threw them aside. I scratched the pen hard and fast across the paper as I wrote.

‘Hey Frank, listen to your messages. Xo Gee.’ Don’t you just love sarcasm?

I put the pen down next to the pad and walked my way over to the front door. I walked out of it, just in time to hear the water go off in the bathroom. Just in time so I wouldn’t need to see Frank.

I walked down stairs and to my car, feeling tons of emotions surge through me. But one really stuck. I felt so betrayed. Not only by Frank, but also by my own brother. But you know, nothing a little alcohol cant fix. Just a little drink, and all of my feelings will be buried in the sweet, sweet liquid to be forgotten.

Its time to get wasted.