I'm in Love With My Own Sin

Frank’s P.O.V

I sat in the couch in my living room, sighing wretchedly as I stared out the window. I watched as the cars drove hurriedly down the road from my apartment window. Sweet Pea noticed my mourning and jumped up on the couch next to me to lay her head in between the couch cushion and my side. I looked down at her chubby frame and pet her plump stomach absentmindedly.

I was having a horrible day today. It turns out that when I left Pencey Prep, they found a new lead singer and guitarist that they said was simply miraculous and they were all ready playing tons of gigs and were heading back out on the road soon. It hurt a lot, I was the founder of the band and they had already replaced me like I was nothing. Then again, if it wasn’t for me they wouldn’t have needed to find a new singer and guitarist, but it still hurt just as bad. So, I guess they can thank me for leaving because If I hadn’t they wouldn’t have met the “miraculous” Tony. Then they wouldn’t have been doing as good as they were now.

The second reason my day was horrible was because of my girlfriend. When I went to visit I was going to surprise her, show up with a bouquet of roses and a box of chocolate to tell her how much I missed her and how much she meant to me. But I was the one granted with the sweet surprise of her in bed with a guy. Not just with some guy, but with one of my best friends Travis. Then, she continued to tell me that it was my fault she was cheating on me because I was gone so often and I wouldn’t sleep with her. I refused to ever touch her in that way. I was still a virgin and I was set on keeping it that way until I was married. But, at this rate that wont be soon.

But last but not least, the third reason my day was going to the shit was because I missed playing music. I miss the way that my fingers felt on the guitar, playing for people that I have never even met before. I miss the way that they cheer for you when they think that you do good. That rush that I get every time I am up on stage, no matter the size of the crowd. How I felt when random people would go up to me and call me by my real name. How every night I felt like I was a somebody, not like in the seven something schools that I went to growing up. I never felt like an outcast. All in all, I miss being in a band.

It has only been a few measly days since I broke apart from the band. I thought that I needed a break from my music, but I was wrong. I just needed a break from that particular band. What I really wanted to do was find a new band to join, or maybe even start my own up again. I was thinking that a more type of heavy metal band would fit me best for right now. Or that was what I was in the mood for anyway.

Sweet Pea barked next to me as she pawed at my arms, trying to get my attention. I dropped my gaze from the window and looked down at her. She wagged her tail at me and began to lick at my hand. I let a small smile form to my lips as I gently scratched her behind her ears. She always knew how to make me better. She was all that I needed, Sweet Pea and me.

“You want to go for a walk Sweetie?” I cooed to her as I lightly stroked her back. She wagged her tail at me and jumped off my lap, running to the door where I kept her leash on a hanger.

I laughed at her eagerness and stood up to follow her towards the door. She began to jump up against the wall, trying to get her leash down all on her own, like she did when I first got her. I laughed and grabbed it off of the hook. I bent down to her level, only to be attacked with her kisses. I hooked the leach onto her collar and opened the door.

She took off down the hallway, as fast as her chubby body would carry her. She almost ran into a wall twice before we finally made it down the stairs and outside into the warm summer air. I didn’t really like this weather, due to the fact that I hated being hot. I just want winter to be here already.

I walked down the side road until I hit Main Street. I decided that since I was already out that I would check out the guitar shop. My mom lived right down the street so I could just drop Sweet Pea off at her house and just go to the store. I was nearing my moms place when we walked passed a gas station. Sweet Pea stopped dead in her tracks and just starred over at this man that had his back turned to us. He had an Afro. And I don’t mean those small dinky ones that you usually see. No, this one was huge. You could tell it wasn’t a wig, and was his actual hair and I was impressed. He was hanging something on the window of the gas station, hurriedly taping it and then briskly walking off. Sweet Pea barked and tried to run after him as he turned the corner, but I grabbed on tighter to her leash.

I was curious, so I walked over to the gas station and decided to see what that guy had tapped up there. There was a hand written sign that said,

“New band looking for a guitarist.
If you are interested, please come to the following address for a tryout,
722 Washington Ave
Try outs begin at three o’clock.”

I stared at the paper for a moment more before I smiled and ripped it down off of the window. This seemed like a great opportunity for me to not just pass up. I could play practically any type of music. But if this was some country gig then I am out. The paper didn’t give too much information except the address and that they needed a guitarist. But it wouldn’t hurt just to check it out. But when I looked at the address again, I couldn’t help but think that it sounded just a bit familiar…

I didn’t need to go to my moms and drop off Sweet Pea anymore because I didn’t need to go to the Guitar shop anymore. I had to go home and practice on my guitar until I headed off to that guys house at three. That address really did seem familiar. It was on the tip of my tongue but I just couldn’t put my finger on it.

I skipped up the steps to my apartment building and hurriedly opened my apartment door. I let Sweet Pea off of her leash and went straight into my bedroom to grab my guitar. I still had the same white Les Paul that I called Pansy. I’ve had her since high school and she was my favorite guitar ever.

I brought her back out into the living room and sat down on the couch. I tuned her up a little bit before I began to decide which song I would play for these guys. I put some good thought into it before I really found out what I was going to play then it just hit me. I would play the song yesterday.

…
I drove down the road where the band tryouts would be at. I was honestly very nervous even thought I knew that I shouldn’t be. But for some reason I was just on edge. I came to a long array of houses. I would be at the house any moment now.

My palms began to sweat as I gripped the steering wheel harder and harder as I drew nearer and nearer towards the road. These houses looked so familiar. This street looked so familiar.

That’s when I pulled up to the house. That was when I knew why this house seemed so familiar. This was Gerard’s house. I could never forget it. I lived with him for crying out loud. My hear rate sped up and I banged my head down on the steering wheel. How did I not notice this before?

I felt so stupid. I felt completely and utterly stupid that I forgot where Gerard lived. I felt even more stupider when I realized that I was still sitting in his drive way. I must have looked like a complete fool right now. My whole face was beat red in embarrassment and I was ultra sweaty. I bit my lip ring nervously as I turned off my car. Maybe he moved? He still may not live here anymore. I mean it has been like what? Five years? He couldn’t possibly still be living with his parents. That was when somebody walked out.

He had long silky black hair that shone in the sun as he walked down the sidewalk with a smile on his face as he neared my car. He had those thin lips that fit his small teeth nicely. He had that same breathtaking smile and same gorgeous pair of hazel eyes. He was thin, and had obviously lost a lot of weight since high school. He still had the same style and same beautiful face. He looked like a male model out of a magazine. His skin, was white and resembled porcelain. He looked phenomenal. He was gorgeous. He was Gerard Way.

My breath hitched in my throat and I felt as if I was about to cry. Then, it turns out that I was crying. I banged my head down on the steering wheel and cried into it. I was seeing Gerard for the first time in five years. I thought that almost all of my feelings for him were gone, but seeing him once more made me realize that I still loved him.

I want to go up to him and hug him and kiss him and swear to him that I will never leave his side again. I want to hold him in my arms once again. I want to breath in his scent, to make sure that he is actually here, standing three feet away from me and knocking on my car window. I want to tell him all about my life right now and I want to ask him about his. I want to tell him that I miss him. I want to tell him that I love him.

“Hey, man are you okay?” Gerard asked me in his angelic voice as he knocked on my car window again. That was the first thing that I heard him say in so long. It made me cry even more. It made me realize how much I missed hearing his voice.

I heard my car door open as he slipped inside. I felt his presence next to me. Then, he touched me. He actually touched me. He rubbed his hand up and down my back. It was so comforting and so gentile. I missed his touches, his caresses. That was when I looked up at him.

I was looking face to face with Gerard. He was even more beautiful up close. He had no flaws. He was all around perfect. His eyes searched over my teary ones, that’s when I think he began to realize that it was me. His faced looked shocked. I looked at him as tears began to well up over in his eyes.

I reached my hand out to him and placed it on his cheek. His soft skin felt so right against my calloused fingers. They gently lingered there for a moment, really grasping what was going on. I was actually touching Gerard again. He was right here next to me. This was not a dream.

“F-Frank?”