Status: NaNoWriMo - 21,112 words.
Exits and Entrances
cady grisham.
Am I not allowed to grieve? It seems the endless quantity of pain someone is giving me is never ending, always weighing me down like an anchor out to sea. But as I walk off the stage, towards people, but mostly Caroline, booking it down the aisle and practically jumping into my arms, whispering apologies I will never accept because it was never her. It was always me.
But I look for you too, Tommy. I look for you and I wait for you to come to, to hug me but say nothing, simply to be there for me because no one else could be. I was perfectly aware of my reality with you, Tommy. That I meant little, or nothing, to you anymore. But Tommy, I wanted you there. Even if you were just going to stand there and pretend everything was okay.
You didn’t come, Tommy. That broke my heart more than you destroying me did. You always promised to be there, and now, when I needed you the most, you weren’t.
I could have forgiven you for everything else, had you given me the chance to do so, but something about this makes me realize I can never fully forgive you.
Caroline wraps her hand around mine, one arm around my waist as she leads me towards the back room, tears rolling down her cheeks. And like the broken hearted always do, I buried my face in her shoulder and cried, thinking not only of Joe, who I’d never see again, but of you, Tommy, and how this year was ripping me apart until everything I had left simply meant nothing.
I forgave Caroline in an instant, her apologies meaning nothing but her actions, how she ran down the aisle and found me like no one else had. It showed loyalty, something you somehow longer possessed to me, Tommy.
And there you sat, staring at me like I was crazy and like something was wrong with me. Danny gently grabbed my hand, squeezed it and smiled a watery smile at me. And Caroline held me. We sat there for what felt like hours.
The back of the auditorium was dark, and I was glad. No one could see me cry for things that no longer deserved tears and Uncle Joe, he would have been proud of me somehow, because I was a survivor. Caroline kept a firm grip on my hand, and you sat there, murmuring to yourself, before you kneeled in front of me slowly, like you were afraid I was going to hurt you.
And all you said was two simple words, and I wasn’t sure what you meant or what situation or if you were just apologizing for everything in general, but somehow, you made everything okay.
“I’m sorry.”
But I look for you too, Tommy. I look for you and I wait for you to come to, to hug me but say nothing, simply to be there for me because no one else could be. I was perfectly aware of my reality with you, Tommy. That I meant little, or nothing, to you anymore. But Tommy, I wanted you there. Even if you were just going to stand there and pretend everything was okay.
You didn’t come, Tommy. That broke my heart more than you destroying me did. You always promised to be there, and now, when I needed you the most, you weren’t.
I could have forgiven you for everything else, had you given me the chance to do so, but something about this makes me realize I can never fully forgive you.
Caroline wraps her hand around mine, one arm around my waist as she leads me towards the back room, tears rolling down her cheeks. And like the broken hearted always do, I buried my face in her shoulder and cried, thinking not only of Joe, who I’d never see again, but of you, Tommy, and how this year was ripping me apart until everything I had left simply meant nothing.
I forgave Caroline in an instant, her apologies meaning nothing but her actions, how she ran down the aisle and found me like no one else had. It showed loyalty, something you somehow longer possessed to me, Tommy.
And there you sat, staring at me like I was crazy and like something was wrong with me. Danny gently grabbed my hand, squeezed it and smiled a watery smile at me. And Caroline held me. We sat there for what felt like hours.
The back of the auditorium was dark, and I was glad. No one could see me cry for things that no longer deserved tears and Uncle Joe, he would have been proud of me somehow, because I was a survivor. Caroline kept a firm grip on my hand, and you sat there, murmuring to yourself, before you kneeled in front of me slowly, like you were afraid I was going to hurt you.
And all you said was two simple words, and I wasn’t sure what you meant or what situation or if you were just apologizing for everything in general, but somehow, you made everything okay.
“I’m sorry.”