Status: NaNoWriMo - 21,112 words.
Exits and Entrances
thomas shannon.
You were so beautiful on prom night, you know. Your hair was curled and left down. You wore a dress with Ariel and Flounder from The Little Mermaid on top, with a white skirt on the bottom, and high black heels, and you smiled all night long and had my arms around you all night because I loved you so much and you loved me. It was perfect.
Except for one small thing. Everyone else got laid on prom night, except for me, and except for you.
I always knew you were skittish about the whole thing, something I would have understood if you hadn’t constantly denied me of anything other than making out. And to make matters so much worse, you had bought a promise ring the day before.
I never understood why. I mean, I knew that the last time I tried, you had completely denied me and you have cried most desperately, like I was going to murder you in a terrible way by having sex with you. When in reality, I loved you enough to give you all of that until the day I died. But you ... something changed after I tried, and you flinched at my touch.
And then there was prom, where you curled up close all night, but when I offered up the hotel room, you raised your brows and held up your hand, showing me the silver band across your thumb, “love will wait” imprinted onto the side.
Cady, you just stood there with your hand raised and shook your head. “Tommy, I’m not ready. Can’t you just accept that and let me be? We had fun, now let’s go to after parties and just ... no, okay?”
At first, I thought it was me. Was I so repulsive that you didn’t want me inside you? But then I realized in reality, it wasn’t me. It was you. You were freaking out and were hating it all and wishing for something or someone different and wondering if I was right. But also, now I know that you were doubting yourself.
And to this day, I wonder why you didn’t try and talk to me about all this, Cady. I loved you, and I would have listened to you. I would have waited, and if you recall, I did, because you asked me to. Because I wouldn’t make you miserable if that wasn’t what you wanted and I wasn’t going to make you believe that this was what you wanted. I would have waited if you had talked to me about why.
But I had to find out through Caroline.
You wonder why I slept with that girl from the next town over? Here’s my reasoning, okay, Cady? I was angry, I was pissed, and you know what? I was still lusting after you from prom and some girl who I swear to God looked exactly like you came on to me and I lost it.
And goddammit Cady, I got laid and it felt awful. Because you weren’t the one who was with me, and worst of all, you found out through someone who wasn’t me, and you stayed with me.
That was the worst part, you know, Cady. You, through all of that, stayed with me. You were mad, and you yelled for a long, long, time. But you forgave me within a week. And that was what tore me apart inside.
I wasn’t going to cheat again, but dear God, Cady, you deserved so much better than a cheating asshole who is mad because you wouldn’t out out. Guess what, Cady? I loved you more than ever before, but not because you would have let me cheat again, but because you refused to believe that I did it because I didn’t love you.
But at the same time, I hated you. I hated that you let me do something as stupid as I did for something as stupid as a fling. I wanted it to be you, Cady.
I wanted it to be you.
Except for one small thing. Everyone else got laid on prom night, except for me, and except for you.
I always knew you were skittish about the whole thing, something I would have understood if you hadn’t constantly denied me of anything other than making out. And to make matters so much worse, you had bought a promise ring the day before.
I never understood why. I mean, I knew that the last time I tried, you had completely denied me and you have cried most desperately, like I was going to murder you in a terrible way by having sex with you. When in reality, I loved you enough to give you all of that until the day I died. But you ... something changed after I tried, and you flinched at my touch.
And then there was prom, where you curled up close all night, but when I offered up the hotel room, you raised your brows and held up your hand, showing me the silver band across your thumb, “love will wait” imprinted onto the side.
Cady, you just stood there with your hand raised and shook your head. “Tommy, I’m not ready. Can’t you just accept that and let me be? We had fun, now let’s go to after parties and just ... no, okay?”
At first, I thought it was me. Was I so repulsive that you didn’t want me inside you? But then I realized in reality, it wasn’t me. It was you. You were freaking out and were hating it all and wishing for something or someone different and wondering if I was right. But also, now I know that you were doubting yourself.
And to this day, I wonder why you didn’t try and talk to me about all this, Cady. I loved you, and I would have listened to you. I would have waited, and if you recall, I did, because you asked me to. Because I wouldn’t make you miserable if that wasn’t what you wanted and I wasn’t going to make you believe that this was what you wanted. I would have waited if you had talked to me about why.
But I had to find out through Caroline.
You wonder why I slept with that girl from the next town over? Here’s my reasoning, okay, Cady? I was angry, I was pissed, and you know what? I was still lusting after you from prom and some girl who I swear to God looked exactly like you came on to me and I lost it.
And goddammit Cady, I got laid and it felt awful. Because you weren’t the one who was with me, and worst of all, you found out through someone who wasn’t me, and you stayed with me.
That was the worst part, you know, Cady. You, through all of that, stayed with me. You were mad, and you yelled for a long, long, time. But you forgave me within a week. And that was what tore me apart inside.
I wasn’t going to cheat again, but dear God, Cady, you deserved so much better than a cheating asshole who is mad because you wouldn’t out out. Guess what, Cady? I loved you more than ever before, but not because you would have let me cheat again, but because you refused to believe that I did it because I didn’t love you.
But at the same time, I hated you. I hated that you let me do something as stupid as I did for something as stupid as a fling. I wanted it to be you, Cady.
I wanted it to be you.