Mistakes and Regrets

"What the hell are you doing home so late?" Jared asked, looking up from the couch. I shifted my weight on my feet, leaning against the recently shut apartment door.

"I plead the fifth?" I said slowly, seeing if Jared would let it slide. Naturally, he didn't.

"Shay, what happened?" he demanded, inspecting my face closer. His lips were pursed as his gaze fell upon me. I looked down at the floor, refusing to meet his searching gaze.

"Nothing, okay? I just wanna go to bed now," I rushed out, trying to push past him. He sidestepped, stopping me in my tracks.

"Why are you awake anyway?" I snapped, gnawing on the inside of my cheek. Anything to get the attention off of me.

"I heard you walking around, and then leave. I was worried," he explained quickly.

I clearly wasn't as stealthy as I thought.

"Well, I'm fine. Nothing's wrong, I'm tired, okay?"

"Shay, if nothing's wrong, why are you crying?" His voice turned soft, and I pawed at my face.

Dammit.

In the whole mess of thing, I hadn't even realized the tears were falling. Jared wrapped his arms around me, and I felt my throat constrict. A sob escaped my lips, and soon, not even I could deny the crystalline tears streaming from my eyes.

He didn't say anything for awhile, just stood there, holding me, and I was so thankful. He rubbed my back soothingly and whispered words of comfort into my hair. I held on to his old shirt for dear life, because it was really the only thing that I felt I could do.

I hated Rosalie for being such a lying, cheating bitch. I hated John for putting me into this situation. Mostly, I hated myself for getting sucked in. I knew my feelings for John, and I shouldn't of let it go that far. I also hated myself for saying so much in my anger. Now, John knew all my secrets.

Well, almost all of them.

"I'm sorry," I choked out, burying my face deeper against Jared's chest. His grip around me tightened protectively as he chuckled.

"Why are you sorry?"

"I just ruined your shirt."

"It's just a sleeping shirt anyway. It's not a big deal, I promise."

I sniffled, my eyes running dry. Jared held me arm's length away, inspecting me again. I bit my lip and shrugged, then allowed him to lead me to the kitchen. I hopped up on the counter as he started the coffee.

"You do want some coffee, right?" he asked, leaning back against the shining speckled counters.

"Yeah. I don't think I'll sleep much anyway."

It was silence for a few moments. Jared tried to catch my eye, and me, well, I was trying to do the opposite.

"What happened, Shayla?" he asked quietly, his head tilted. I chewed on my bottom lip and picked at my dark nail polish.

"John and Rosalie broke up."

Jared blinked a few times. "Really? Good for John."

"She cheated on him," I confided. "I saw her making out with some guy at the party the other night. He didn't even know she was engaged."

"Damn," Jared breathed. "Did you tell him?"

"No." I felt the corner of my lip twitching a little bit. "She did."

"Oh my god. How did you manage that one?" There was an amazed tone in his voice as he rubbed the back of his neck.

"I played her game, and I won. If she wants to pull shit like that, I'm gonna call her on it!"

"I admire you so much right now. You are my hero," Jared teased, ruffling my hair. I tried to fix it to no avail. My whole appearance was hopeless at this point.

"She's finally gone, Jare," I said thankfully. He handed me a mug full of steaming coffee, and I clinked it with his.

"Ding, dong the witch is dead," he sang under his breath, and I nearly shot the burning liquid out my nose once my laughter bubbled over. I tried covering it with a cough, and looked at him sternly.

"That wasn't very nice at all," I said, attempting to keep a straight face. Needless to say, it did not work.

"Says the one who called her a bitch every chance you got."

"She was!"

"No argument here."

I shook my head, trying to hide my giggling. Jared had his hands up in defense, but his face read pure amusement. I sipped at the dark liquid, feeling the caffeine surging through my veins.

"So, Rose's gone. You should be happy, but you obviously aren't. Which brings me back to what the hell happened?" Jared deduced, and I froze mid-sip.

"John and I got into a tiny argument. It's really not a big deal," I downplayed, turning back to my coffee.

"Then why were you crying?"

I set my mug down, squeezing my eyes shut as I took a deep breath. "Just let it go, Jare. Please."

I walked without another word back to Kennedy's room, and snuggled into the air mattress. My head was spinning and my eyes burned. I clamped them shut, willing myself to sleep.



"You look rough, man," Kennedy's voice rang to my ears. I groaned, rolling over on the mattress. My eyes were sore and blurry, and my head ached. As I looked around, though, I couldn't see Kenny anywhere.

"It was a long night," a grainy voice admitted. I froze, cursing myself. My eyes fell upon the open bedroom door, and I realized they must be in the living room. I relaxed a little, and worked up the strength to creep to the doorway so I could hear better. Somewhere, I heard my conscious telling me eavesdropping was wrong, but I didn't give a damn.

"Yeah, I know," Jared's sour voice came. "I saw Shay when she got home."

I could almost feel John pausing nervously. "Really?"

"What am I missing?" Kennedy jumped in.

"Nothing," John blurted out quickly. Smooth, John, real smooth. That didn't make you look suspicious at all.

"What the hell did you do anyway? She was crying!" Jared accused.

"She what?" John stuttered, his voice strained. I could feel my throat tightening, and I tried to shake it off.

"I swear, if you hurt Shay-" Kennedy threatened, but John cut him off.

"I didn't mean to do anything! Rose and I are done, and Shay came over to try to cheer me up!" he defended.

"But what the fuck did you do?" Kennedy prodded, a harsh tone to his voice.

"I mighta kissed her," John said so softly, I barely picked it up.

"You did what?" Kennedy exploded.

"You're a fucking idiot, John!" Jared growled.

If I hadn't already been awake, I would've after that.

"I didn't know, I swear! If I had known," John's voice was filled with remorse, and I could hear his footsteps as he paced the hardwood floors.

"What did she tell you?" Jared asked cautiously.

"Everything."

"Like what?" Kennedy demanded.

"She told me that she loved me, and that she always has. I swear to you, both of you, if I had known, I wouldn't have...I had no clue."

"Yeah, well, it's a little late now," Kennedy snapped harshly.

"John, what the hell were you thinking?" Jared groaned, and I could picture him rubbing his hands over his face.

"I fucking wasn't, obviously. I-"

I couldn't bring myself to listen anymore. Instead, I grabbed my clothes and walked into Kennedy's attached bathroom. As I stepped under the shower, I could feel the tears welling in my eyes as last night's events replayed over in my mind.

The steam clouded around me as the water ran down my face. I honestly couldn't tell if it was water or tears at this point. At that point, I made a decision. I wasn't going to break down in front of the guys. Kennedy and Jared deserved the best of me and John...I wasn't going to let him see how much I was hurting.

I took my time drying my hair and putting on my makeup. My favorite ripped jeans and purple blouse were just the boost I needed. By the time my mane of curls was dried, and my eyeliner and mascara were done, I actually felt sorta pretty.

I took a deep breath, slipping on my charm bracelet, and walked through the hallway like I owned the place. A smile was plastered across my face, and all remnants of the girl I'd been the past few weeks were gone.

"Morning boys. Or is it afternoon?" I chirped cheerfully, rounding the corner, my eyes searching for the clock. "Morning it is."

Two sets of eyes were set on me, and two sets of lips were parted at me. I didn't hide my eye roll as I strolled to the kitchen, grabbing a granola bar from a box on the counter.

"Careful, I think you just hit someone in the basement with those jaws," I teased, popping back into view. I took a quick bite of the bar, watching them expectantly for some sort of response.

"Are you all right?" Jared asked cautiously, and I swallowed, cocking an eyebrow.

"Yeah. Should I not be?"

"It's just, John was here," Kennedy started, and I waited to see if he would go on. He didn't.

"What's your point?" I asked finally, and the two of them exchanged a look. As if I wouldn't see it. The boy were not sneaky at all.

"He told us what happened," Jared said quickly. They both looked prepared to face my wrath or my breakdown. The looks on their faces gave me the idea that they weren't quite sure what to expect.

"It's not a big deal," I shrugged. I swore for a few seconds, I thought their eyes were going to bug right out of their heads.

"Shay, he kissed you!" Kennedy screamed.

"And you told him you loved him!" Jared added. "How the hell is that not a big deal?"

They both watched me as if my answer were the most important thing in the world. I responded with a roll of my big brown eyes.

"It was pretty clear he didn't feel the same way, he just needed a rebound. It's over and done, not a big deal." I forced another picture-perfect smile. God, I really hate myself sometimes.

"But-"

"But nothing. Everything is great, fabulous actually," I exaggerated, looking them both in their eyes. I could tell they weren't buying any of it. "Where is John anyway? You guys did say he was just here..."

"He went to grab us some breakfast," Jared said grudgingly, still hoping to interrogate me more about last night.

"He should be back-" Kennedy was cut off by the front door swinging open loudly and conspicuously. "Never mind, there he is now."

My heart fluttered a few times, and I tried to swallow the lump in my throat. The guys were intently watching me, as if I were going to crumble. I blinked a few times, and I could hear the watery beat of my heart in my head.

I took a deep breath, giving them my very best grin. "Good, I'm starving."