Mistakes and Regrets

My eyes fluttered open, and I could feel the warmth of sunlight cast across my face. I realized immediately I wasn't in Kennedy's room. My eyes darted around the messy bedroom, from the topaz walls to the gauze-like curtains covering the window over the bed.

Shit.

John shifted beside me, and I turned without making a sound. In his sleep, he looked so peaceful. He was beautiful, even with his light eyelids covering my favorite feature. I could feel the content smile creeping upon my face as I watched him.

Shit.

What the hell was I doing? I took a deep, steadying breath before slowly sliding off of the bed. I held my breath, and John didn't make a sound or movement. I rushed quietly around the room, picking up my dress and slipping it over my head. I managed to retrieve my undergarments and shoes, and found my jacket draped over the dresser.

With my pumps in hand, I stood in the doorway to John's room, watching him for just a few more moments. He stirred, and I held my breath, retreating as stealthily as possible. I took caution with the apartment door, and only once it was shut did I dare to slip on my shoes.

I made my way to the elevator, and once inside, I just slid down to the floor. What was I thinking? Things had just gotten better, and naturally, we had to go and fuck things up. I banged my head against the metal wall, screaming a bit as the doors crept shut.

I dug my phone out of my purse as the elevator stopped on the second floor. On the bright side, it was only 9:33. I could make it home before the guys even woke up. On the not so bright side, I had five missed calls from Kennedy, and three from Garrett.

Shit.

I didn't know how I was going to get back to the apartment. If I called Kennedy, well, I don't know if I could handle his intense questioning, and the same thing applied to Garrett. I could already see their faces when I told them where I'd been. I imagined smoke billowing from their ears, forehead veins bursting, the whole nine yards.

The man who entered the elevator gave me an odd look, but didn't say much. I racked my brain for options. The elevator dinged open, and I reluctantly scrambled to my feet, dashing into the lobby. At this rate, I just wanted fresh air.

The sun was bright, and the fall air was brisk. I took a deep breath, pulling my blazer closer. I looked around for a few moments before cursing under my breath.

Screw it, I was taking a bus.



"Shay, is that you?"

I didn't even get to close the door all the way. I was in deep trouble, and I could tell from the sound of Kennedy's voice. Once I gained the courage to actually look at him, I could see it all over his face, too.

His eyes were marked with dark circles under them, and his hair was unruly, as if he had been running his hand through it all night. He was sitting on the couch, watching me with a frantic expression. I tried to lighten the mood with an eye roll.

It did not work.

"Daisy Shayla Royce, where the hell have you been all fucking night?" he demanded, standing to meet me. I cocked my head, raising my eyebrows at him.

"I'm pretty sure I'm 22, and that is none of your business," I countered, pushing past him to head to the bathroom. "And don't call me that!"

"I've been worried out of my mind! You should have warned me if you weren't coming home! You should've picked up your phone!"

"No offense, Ken, but you're over reacting! Every single time I leave your vision for over a minute, you get ready to call out the armies."

"It's because I care, Shay! You're like my sister, and I'll be damned if anything happens to you or you get hurt!"

"Kennedy-"

"No. What happened? Why weren't you and John answering your phones?"

From the look he gave me, I wanted to crawl under a rock. From my reaction, I'm pretty sure he was piecing together everything that had happened last night. I felt the blush creeping onto my cheeks, and all of my defenses rose.

"Kennedy, I appreciate you caring, but I can take care of myself. You aren't my parents. My parents aren't here, and I know you're trying to make up for it, but you can't, okay?"

His hand extended toward me, and his mouth opened and shut multiple times, giving him the appearance of a fish. I took it as my chance to escape, and slipped off into the bathroom.

I couldn't get his expression out of my head. Everything that had happened in the past twenty-four hours wouldn't stop replaying in my head. It was all too much.

The hot water of the shower scalded my skin, but it was a welcome distraction. As long as I was thinking about how bad the water burned, I wasn't thinking about John or Kennedy. However, it hurt like a bitch. I was stuck between wanting to stay in the shower forever, and wanting to find another escape.

Once the water was off, my skin was nearly as bright as my hair. I avoided the mirror, throwing my damp hair into a messy bun. I wiggled into a pair of old, ripped jeans and a ASU sweatshirt was pulled over my head. I hadn't taken this little time to get ready in a really long time. Clothing and appearance were the least of my worries.

I was nervous to face Kennedy again. I didn't know what to say, or how to say it. Luckily for me, he wasn't in the living room when I emerged from the steam-filled bathroom. I didn't want to take any risks though.

I picked up my purse and silenced my phone. My checkered Vans were barely on my feet before I was out the door. I still felt lost and confused, and I hated knowing there was really nothing I could do about that feeling.

So, I let my feet do all the work. Soon enough, I was standing in front of a beautiful brick building which I could navigate blindfolded. I walked up the concrete steps and through the glass doors. My lips twitched up a little bit, and I took a deep breath. Now, this, this was home.



"See, this is the Shay I remember. I think I'm having a flashback, here."

I froze at the voice, looking up slowly. His tall, lanky frame was almost to the top of some of the free-standing bookshelves scattered around the massive library. From my spot on the gray speckled carpeting, he looked like a giant.

I slowly pulled my thumb nail from between my teeth and carefully placed the book upside down beside me. John sat next to me on the floor, an odd look gracing his face.

"How did you know I was here?" I asked quietly, even though I was sure I wouldn't be disturbing anyone. This section of the library was always secluded and abandoned, which was why it was my favorite.

"Because, that first summer I met you, Kennedy and I dragged you out of here a thousand times."

He leaned against the same oak shelf that I was, his shoulder touching mine. My breathing hitched in my throat, but I tried not to let it show. I was watching the high ceilings, and the books climbing the walls.

"Oh."

"Yeah. And all throughout your ASU days, any time we were back from tour and wanted to find you, you'd be sitting right here, any time of the day."

"I like it here," I mumbled pathetically, and I could feel him chuckling.

"I know." The silence enveloped us, and he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "So, we should talk, huh?"

I bit my lip and squeezed my eyes shut. "You just always wanna talk lately, huh?"

I could hear the sarcasm in his laugh. "See, I thought it was the guys who were supposed to avoid conversation and such."

"Yeah, that's usually how it goes," I breathed out, scratching the back of my head.

"And I also didn't peg you for the type to sneak out the morning after."

He lolled his head towards me, and I could feel my cheeks heating up. I nibbled on my lip and shrugged, trying to find the right words. Unfortunately, I don't think there were any.

"John, we just worked things out, and then we gotta go and fuck things up like that!"

He wrapped an arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer to him. I leaned my head on his scrawny collarbone, burying my face in it.

"Maybe we didn't fuck things up. Yeah, we're a work in progress, but maybe this isn't exactly a massive leap back."

"What are you trying to say?" I murmured against the fabric of his flannel shirt I could feel him shift beneath me, pulling me a little closer.

"I dunno yet. But I swear to you, we're gonna figure this out. I'm gonna fix us, Shay."

"M'kay."

I listened to his steady breathing, wrapped in his arms. And in the moment, his strong arms holding me tight, I believed him.