Mistakes and Regrets

I leaned against the rough brick building, watching Garrett carefully. He was taking his time, his eyes searching through mine hesitantly. I took a deep breath and tilted my head slightly. If I wanted to figure out what this was about, I was gonna have to pry it out of him.

"Spit it out, Gare. What's going on in that head of yours?" I asked softly, reaching up to push some hair out of his eyes. He smiled for a minute, turning his face back up to the stars.

"What are you doing, Shay?" he asked finally.

"What do you mean?" I responded defensively. He could sense it and took a deep breath, regathering his thoughts. When he opened his mouth again, he was much quieter and less prodding.

"Are you happy?"

"Of course I'm happy. I mean, New York was like absolute isolation. There were a gazillion people, but I was all by myself, all the time. I missed Tempe. I missed all of you."
"That's not what I'm talking about."

"Oh." Of course it wasn't.

I could feel my heart beating a bit faster, drumming through my ears. Garrett slung an arm around my shoulder, leaning back against the wall. He was trying to get me to calm down. He had always been good at reading my expression, almost as good as Kenny. I rested my head on his shoulder out of habit, trying to regain my bearings.

"I just mean, I want to make sure you know what you're getting yourself into and what you're doing," he explained carefully. I could feel his eyes on my face, but I could not bring myself to meet his gaze.

"I do."

"Are you sure John is what you want? I mean, I just don't want to see you tear yourself apart for nothing."

"John isn't nothing," I shot back without thinking. Garrett raised an eyebrow, his gaze intensifying. "I mean, he's the only one that seems to be able to save me from myself. The rest of you can delay it, but with John, I'm more myself than I've been in ages. When I'm talking to him, or just sitting next to him, I don't feel like I'm drowning or suffocating. I can't imagine him not being in my life."

It was more than I'd admitted to a lot of people. Sometimes, I couldn't even admit it to myself. It was scary realizing how much you needed someone, sometimes. But there was really no use denying it anymore. With John and me, the damage was already done. I couldn't lie about it; they could all see it.

"Are you happy, Shay?" he repeated, more of a demanding note reaching his voice this time.

I bit down on my lip, my head nodding without me realizing it. The more I thought it over, the more it made sense. The time I'd been home had been, well, insane, but I was so much happier than I'd been in New York, or the months I went without talking to John.

"Yes."

Garrett reached over and wrapped me in an embrace. I snuggled my head against his chest, sighing contently.

"Good," he paused, almost as if he couldn't decide whether or not to say anything more. "Because that's exactly what Johno said."

My mouth dropped open and I pushed away from him. I barely saw the mischievous gleam in his blue eyes or his shit-eating grin. He had turned and disappeared back inside, leaving me standing behind blinking rapidly and utterly speechless. I tried to collect myself and figure out exactly what he had just said, but my head was buzzing and I felt stuck to the pavement.

"Wait!" I called. "What?"

I chased after Garrett, but lost him somewhere in the chaos of everything and everyone. I cursed him rapidly under my breath, running my hand over my face. What the hell was that supposed to mean? He was a pro at driving me insane, I'd give the kid that. I'd also give him a black eye, if I could just catch up...

I was about to step through into the heart of the crowd in an attempt to find him when I heard my name. Shit. I knew immediately who it was, and quite frankly, I was not the least bit excited. Reluctantly, I turned to face Mia. She had one hand on her hip and the other clasped a drink.

"Where exactly do you think you're running off to?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. There was a scary similarity between her tone and my mother's when I was a little kid. I shrunk back automatically, my lip jutting out just the slightest.

"I was going to try to find Garrett," I explained sheepishly, but she wasn't having any of it. That's where the similarities between her and Mom ended, I guess. She wrapped her hand around my wrist, dragging me towards the refreshment table.

"That boy got you out of this conversation once, I'll be damned if you weasel your way out of it on his account again," she declared, setting her drink on the table to grab some chips.

"I thought that conversation was over," I feigned innocence. She snorted, and I couldn't help the laugh that passed through my lips.

"Oh, until you and John are happily married with beautiful little singing gingers running around, it isn't," she informed me gladly. I scrunched my nose, which only fueled her smile.

"You're fucking insane. Honestly, you are," I said seriously, and she waved me off.

"Small detail. But I'm right about you and O'Callaghan. I know I am. And somewhere, deep in that pretty soul of yours, you know it, too."

"I don't know anything," I retorted, before thinking better of it.

I smashed my palm against my forehead and a round of giggles bubbled from Mia. I'd been spending too much time with Kennedy and his genius remarks. Apparently, I'd picked up the whole 'say-and-then-think' trait from him, too. God, I needed to find some girl friends.

"Never mind, just forget I said anything at all! I don't wanna hear it," I snapped out quickly. "Let's go watch the guys perform, yeah? I hear the music starting."

"Aye-Aye, Captain," Mia chirped, still attempting to stifle her laughter. "But is it really such a good idea to let you lead? I mean, do you know where we're going?"

"Shut up," I groaned, running my hand through my hair. "I'm never gonna hear the end of that one, am I?"

"Oh, hell no," Mia smirked. Fabulous.

We wove our way through the mob and towards the small stage. I leaned against the wall, wishing I'd remembered a drink. Mia sipped at hers, nonchalantly sending me pointed looks. It was making me all antsy. She wasn't even saying a word, but I heard her thoughts, loud and clear. Boy, that girl had a way of getting into your head. I didn't like it one bit.

It all disappeared once the boys started their set. I caught John's eye and waved. He smiled at me, never missing a beat or word of the song. Garrett's conversation was mush in my memory. The whole ordeal with Mia's delusional world was swept from my mind as well. The music surged through me, and I was in heaven. At least for a pretty little while.