Mistakes and Regrets

“Get up,” Kennedy ordered, pulling the blankets from my body. I shivered, looking up at him through half closed eyes.

“What the hell, man?” I groaned, pulling the pillow over my head. The air mattress shifted as my weight did, but it didn’t matter. The only thing that did was sleep.

Which I obviously wasn’t going to get.

“Garrett and Pat came over this morning. They just got here, and I haven’t told them about you coming home or staying here yet. So get your ass up and dressed, kay?” he explained, helping me sit up.

“They’re here?” I asked, a light tone in my voice. Just the thought of the two made me smile.

“Uh-huh. Now put on some clothes,” he teased. I looked down at my cotton shorts and tank top, rolling my eyes.

“Then you gotta get out of here, Brock,” I pointed out. He laughed, easily obliging and disappearing through the door.

I let out another groan, watching the goose bumps on my pale, bare legs. Kennedy took the damn blanket with him. He knew I would wrap back up in it and fall back asleep the minute he walked away.

Stupid lifelong friendship

I rummaged through the side of the closet Kennedy had designated as mine last night. I knew the guys didn’t care how I looked; they never had. Nonetheless, I pulled out my favorite ripped jeans, a black tank top, and white button up. I ransacked the two dresser drawers Kennedy had also given me, pulling out two socks. I didn’t even bother looking at them. If you found me wearing matching socks, it could honestly be called an accident.

My hair was a disaster, but I managed to tame it into a bun. After pleading, crying, and abusing them with a straightener, my bangs decided to cooperate and hang flat against my forehead, long enough that my eyelashes hit them when I blinked. I needed a haircut, but it would have to do for now.

I managed to stab myself in the eye a decent amount, with both my charcoal eyeliner and mascara, and hit myself in the face with my toothbrush. Stupid Kennedy, waking me up so early. I was the farthest thing from a morning person. For heaven’s sake, I didn’t know when the boys became such early risers. By my count, it was only nine. What happened to partying all night, and sleeping all day?

I hadn’t been gone that long, had I?

I rolled the sleeves up on my white shirt, and was still fumbling with a few of the buttons as I walked into the living room. Kennedy and Jared wore smug grins as all of the air was sucked from Pat and Garrett’s lungs.

“Holy shit,” Garrett gasped, his eyes widening to the point I thought they might just fall onto the beige carpet.

“Shayla-Bayla!” Pat screamed, jumping from his spot and running to me.

I giggled uncontrollably as he hugged me tightly, then proceeded to throw me over his shoulder and run around the room. It was nearly impossible to breathe between the laughter and the sudden altitude I gained. I squeezed my eyes shut; it was better that way. With them open, I was forced to see all the possible things he nearly ran us into. Closing my eyes was definitely a smart move.

“Put me down, Kirch!” I demanded, my stomach flipping.

“But if I do that, Royce, how do I know you won’t disappear again?” he asked tauntingly.

I sighed, a bit from relief and a bit from distress. At least he had stopped running.

“I’m sorry I scared you, Patty. I promise, I’ll never run again.”

He turned his head to face mine, a soft look on his face. I gave a reassuring smile, or as reassuring as I could make it when he had me slung across his broad shoulder and all the blood was rushing to my head. I really hated being the only girl and the smallest in the group. Things like this always happened to me.

“Pinky swear?” he asked, grinning.

I had him, thank god. “Pinky swear.”

My feet hit the ground, and I wrapped my small pinky around his callused one.

“What about me, Shay?” Garrett asked, and suddenly, he swooped me into his arms bridal style.

“I’m glad you guys think I’m some sort of doll you can play with,” I said, sarcasm oozing from my voice. Even so, I was glad to see Garrett’s flirty smile and copper hair. I hated to admit it, but I missed him.

“Trust me, you wouldn’t want to be Garrett’s doll,” Jared laughed from across the room. Garret shot him a dirty look before returning his attention to me. I was doing my best to suppress the laugh bubbling in the back of my throat.

“I missed you, gorgeous. I mean, the guys aren’t much to look at,” he teased, winking.

“Sorry handsome. I just had to go. There wasn’t enough room for me with your ego and all,” I retorted.

The other guys were cracking up, and Garrett pretended to look hurt. Still, he couldn’t hide the way his lips twitched up at the corner.

He bent his head so it was by my ear, and I could feel his breath tickling my skin. “I missed you, Shayla.”

He gave me a quick peck on the cheek, and I ruffled his hair, doing my best to embrace him awkwardly while still in his arms.

“I missed you too, Gare.”

He dropped me on the couch, and I bounced a couple of times, glaring at him.

Kennedy swiftly slapped him upside the head, his eyes inspecting me carefully, trying to make sure I was unharmed and okay mentally. I rolled my eyes at him. He wasted no time in making up for the four months he couldn’t go crazy overprotective. As much as I pretended to be annoyed though, I was happy. He still had my back. Deep down, I knew he always would.

“Ouch, dude,” Garrett grumbled.

“Stop hitting on Shay. We all know she’s way out of your league,” Kennedy mumbled, and the guys laughed again.

“Wait. When has that ever stopped Garrett?” Pat piped in, and I chuckled.

“Stopped Garrett from what?”

The grainy, melodic voice sent a shiver down my spine and caused my heart to thump louder at the same time. The guys abruptly stopped their laughter, and I looked up to make sure I wasn’t just hearing things. Even though I knew the odds were against me, part of me hoped it wasn’t him. As soon as my eyes landed upon the head of unruly hair, I regretted looking in the first place. It was as if all the breath was knocked right from my lungs and my eyes widened as they met his clover ones.

“We’re gonna get some food,” Jared mumbled.

One hand grasped around Garrett’s collar and the other was around Pat’s. Kennedy followed as Jared dragged them out. He mouthed a silent apology to me, and I shrugged my shoulders. None of them had been expecting this. Hell, I sure wasn’t. I hadn’t even heard the front door open.

I watched him, and judging by the fear, amazement, and other emotions in his groggy eyes, I wasn’t the only one caught off guard. So, Kennedy and Jared hadn’t warned him I was here.

John and I watched each other in silence for a few moments. I raised my thumb to my lip, biting anxiously, and his hands twitched, as if looking for a cigarette. I guess we still had the same stupid habits and security nets we’d always had, for as long as I’d known him. As much as the dynamic between us had changed, as well as ourselves, some things never would.

“Hey,” he whispered finally, leaning against the doorway awkwardly.

I pulled my legs up to my chest, shrunk back into the couch, and gave him a small smile.

“Hey yourself.”

Silence enveloped us again, and he tugged nervously at the hem of his flannel shirt. It was suffocating, the silence. Neither of us could think of anything to say, or any excuses for our actions anymore.

“I’m engaged,” he offered quietly, and I nodded, feeling the emotions hit me once more.

It was like being run over by a bus, and I struggled to keep the moisture from my eyes. At the same time, it was like something had cleared from the air. It offered no relief, though, because it was replaced with the shattering of the rest of my heart.

I had known he was engaged. I saw him propose with my own eyes. But something about him saying it out loud, about how the words hung in the air, it made it real. It made the outcome of his impending nuptials all the more clear, too. I would lose him, like I lost him when he first started seeing Rosalie, or like when I ran away after they got engaged.

How many times would I have to lose him before I could just move on? Quite frankly, I hadn’t a clue how much more of it that I could bear.

“I know,” I murmured back.

His lips parted a bit, and I could tell an apology and explanation were about to fall from them. Like why he didn’t tell me four months ago. Why he hadn’t called me frantically when he noticed I was missing. Why he never bothered to inquire where the hell I was, like everyone else had.

“Save it, John,” I choked out.

I shook my head furiously, my hair whipping around. I couldn’t stand to hear any of his excuses. I couldn’t stand to know why it made no difference to him whether I was lying dead in a ditch somewhere halfway around the world. I propelled myself off of the couch, brushing past John without ever meeting his gaze.

I ran again.

I heard my name mangled in his throat, but I couldn’t turn around. I ran through until I found Kennedy’s comforting arms around me. I was slightly aware of the others talking to John, but I couldn’t hear any of the words over my sobs.

“Shay, it’s gonna be okay,” Kennedy whispered against my hair, rubbing my back gently.

“Kenny, I’m not this strong,” I gasped between tears, and he held me tighter.

“Don’t worry. I’m here, and I’ll be strong for both of us,” he vowed, his chin resting on the top of my head.

My hands clutched his shirt as he cradled me, and as my hysterics numbed me, I vaguely heard what was going on around me.

The things I desperately wanted so badly not to hear.

“Lemme talk to her, I have to explain,” John pleaded, his voice broken and torn.

“John, just let her be. You’ve done enough,” Jared said, his voice a bit harsh.

“C’mon, bud, let’s go for a ride,” Garrett insisted, and I heard footsteps and John’s protests. The door closed after that, and I heard nothing but my own tortured cries.

“Is he okay?” I asked Kennedy in a small voice.

He let out a chuckle, holding me at arm’s length as he scrutinized my tear-stained face.

“He’ll be fine. What about you, Daisy?”

“Don’t call me Daisy,” I snapped back automatically.

He nodded, biting his bottom lip to stop the smile from spreading across his face. His arms snaked protectively around me once more, and my annoyance with him faded.

“Yeah, you’re gonna make it just fine.”