Mistakes and Regrets

"Okay, I'll talk to you then. And again, thank you, so, so much," I said as I hung up the phone, feeling my lips tugging into a beam that covered half of my face. As soon as I hit the off button, I stood up on the couch, thrust my hands into the air and screamed, and I may have even jumped up and down on the furniture a little bit...

"Whoa, what's with the girlish freak out?" Kennedy asked, giving me an odd look from the kitchen table. I just squealed again, hopping over the back of the couch, sticking the landing, and sliding over to where he stood.

"I got the job!" I screeched, and Kennedy winced a bit, holding up his spoon in defense from the noise. I raised an eyebrow, and he just scowled before shoving another bite of soup into his mouth.

"When did you apply for a job?" he asked when he finished chewing, and I was dancing around the dining room. What can I say, I was excited.

"A few weeks ago. I didn't want to say anything to you guys in case I cursed something and blew it. But I didn't 'cause I got the fucking job!"

"Oh my god! Congrats!"

Kennedy laughed as I jumped up and down again. He stood up and hugged me. As soon as my arms were around his neck securely, he swung me around, almost taking out a chair and a painting on the wall. Neither of us gave it a second thought, though, because we were laughing too hard as we spun, happier than either of us had been in a long time.

"So, what is this job anyway?" he inquired, finally setting me on my feet and returning to his lunch. I sat down next to him, my leg still bouncing up and down.

"Well, it's an assistant job to a psychologist in Tempe, which gives me good use for that psych degree I got," I explained.

"That's awesome, D!"

"But wait, there's more," I said in my best sales person voice; Kennedy stifled a laugh and motioned for me to continue. "As long as I'm working there, the firm will assist me in going back to school and getting my master's and eventual Ph.D, which means I'm closer to being an actual psychologist!"

"Oh my god, that's fucking amazing! I'm so proud of you!" Kennedy exclaimed, reaching over and ruffling my hair. I was too excited to even protest.

"Which means today, I get to not only re-apply to the graduate's program at ASU, but I can start looking for apartments to get out of your hair."

"It's about time. Good riddance," Kennedy mumbled jokingly. I shoved him playfully and bit my lip.

"I wanted to thank you, K," I said softly.

"For what? 'Cause last time I checked, that was actually a pretty straight-forward insult..."

"Not for that," I laughed, hitting him on the arm. "For taking me in when I came back. For not hating me for acting like I did or when even I hated myself. For not letting me self-destruct when I wanted to. For taking care of me and picking up the pieces. For loving me when I couldn't love myself... For being my make-shift family, and my pretend big brother. You're more family to me than any living relatives I have left, and just as much family as my mom and dad were. I love you, and I can never thank you enough for everything you've done for me over the years."

Kennedy reached over and wrapped his arms tightly around me, his head resting on top of mine. I swear, I heard him sniffle, something he would vehemently deny when I asked him later. I could feel the soft thud his heart beating beneath his shirt, which had brought me comfort since we were little. He kissed the top of my head before he started talking.

"You don't have to thank me for anything, Daise. I was just doing what any big brother would do. It's not fair, about what happened to your parents, and I promised myself, you, and in a way, them, that I would look out and protect you. I know I haven't always done the best, but when it comes down to it, I love you, and I'd lay down my life to keep you safe and here with us."

It was my turn to fight back tears. For some reason, I wasn't nearly as good at it as usual though, and I could feel the moisture running down my face and onto Kennedy's shirt. I hugged him a little tighter and tried not to get mascara on his T-shirt all while remaining inconspicuous.

"Are you crying?" he asked, pulling away and looking at me.

"No," I mumbled, wiping my eyes and sniffling. Yeah, I know, my lying skills could use some work; they were just a little bit rusty.

"Uh huh," he murmured skeptically with a smirk, turning his attention back to his food.

"Don't ruin the moment," I grumbled, still trying to rid of all the watery evidence. He chuckled, slurping some broth from his spoon and successfully keeping his mouth shut for a change.

I stood up slowly, and as I passed him on my way out of the apartment, I hugged him from behind and buried my face in his hair. He reached up and grabbed my clasped hands, giving them a reassuring squeeze.

"I gotta go get registered and shit. I'll be back later," I whispered, resting my cheek on the top of his head.

"Okay. How does a celebratory dinner sound? We can get Chinese and then go out for ice cream," Kennedy offered, and I smiled.

"Just like old times," I commented, and he nodded. "Sounds perfect. I'll be back at six."
"Good. I'll see you then."



"Hey handsome," I said excitedly, giving John a kiss as he opened his apartment door. It had been a bit over a week since we announced to the guys and Mia that we were dating, almost three since we became 'official,' and honestly, I never could've imagined how happy he made me.

"Hello, beautiful," he responded, pulling away and slouching down to rest his forehead on mine. "You seem awfully cheerful today."

"Maybe 'cause I actually am," I teased, going on my tiptoes and kissing his cheek before leaning against the door frame. He stood up straight, a lopsided grin on his face.

"Is this the part where I'm supposed to be an attentive boyfriend and ask why?" he asked jokingly, and I nodded with a chuckle. "Okay, what's up?"

"I have news," I announced. John motioned for me to go on. "I got a job! Not just a job, like my fucking dream job, a really good job with a psychologist here in Tempe, and 'cause of the job, I also get to go back to school while being an assistant to get my master's and Ph.D and oh my gosh, John, I need to remember to breathe!"

I took a deep breath, my first since jumping into my jumbled rambling, and John's smile widened and he enveloped me in a hug. I rested my head on his chest as he kissed the top of my head.

"That's fucking amazing, Shay. I'm so happy for you!" he exclaimed, and I could feel the smile engulfing my entire face.

"Thank you," I murmured, looking up at him. "And now, I have a favor to ask you..."
"Oh boy," he chuckled, his fingers hooking in my belt loops. "I knew this visit was too good to be true."

"Funny," I said, crinkling my nose. "But I wanted to see if you'd keep me company while I check out some apartments. I figured it's about time I get out of Kenny and Jared's hair, and with the job and everything, the timing is perfect."

He pulled me closer to him and kissed me lightly before finally releasing his hold on me. I bit my lip and looked up at him, and the soft smile that I almost always had when I was with him took over my lips.

"So was that a yes?" I asked, and he chuckled, kissing my forehead and draping a scrawny arm around my shoulder.

"Yes, love. And that wasn't just a yes, it was an 'I'd be absolutely delighted to.'" he responded, leading us out of the apartment and shutting the door behind us.

"Babe, am I hearing things or did you just say delighted?" I asked, looking up and raising my eyebrows at him. He looked away sheepishly and shook his head.

"I'm doing you a favor, and you repay me by picking on my vocabulary?" he said with fake disbelief. I reached up and held his hand, giving it a quick squeeze.

"You're right, I'm sorry. I promise I'll play nice... For now, at least." I flashed him a beam, and he chuckled and ran his free hand through his tawny locks.

"Oh, god. I'm screwed," he said, his eyes directed at the ceiling. His clover eyes glinted as I watched him, an amused expression on my face.

"What? Don't tell me you're afraid of little old me," I joked, bumping into him as we walked to the elevator.

"You terrify me, actually," he said lightly as the metal doors slid shut with a ding.

"I terrify you?" I repeated doubtfully. He hesitated and looked down bashfully, leaning against the elevator walls as we made our descent.

"I seem to have fallen in love with you, and that terrifies the hell out of me," he admitted softly, playing with a strand of my hair. "I know we've only been dating technically for a few weeks now, and I know that by a lot of people's standards it's much too soon to be spilling my heart to you like this, but I've felt this way for a long time, Shay. I think deep down I've always known it, from the minute I saw you decked out in all black and reading Steinbeck at Kennedy's house. This feeling I get every time I hear your voice or see you or even hear your name, it's been building since we were seventeen, and it's not going anywhere. So if you think it's too soon, I'm sorry. But I just had to tell you the words I've known to be true since senior year. I love you."

My eyes were watering over and my lips parted as the elevator came to a stop. The doors opened with a metallic ding, but neither of us made any attempt to move. Our eyes were stuck in a deadlock and I was totally and completely frozen in place. John's voice, gentle, hoarse, and so genuine echoed in my head.

"God, I've been waiting to hear you say that for six fucking years," I finally choked out, my eyes wide with wonder and happiness. "I love you too, John. I've loved you from the very first day."

His arm dropped from my shoulder as his hands cupped my face. He lightly wiped away the spilled tears with his thumbs before kissing me. His lips moved perfectly against mine as I melted into him, and I wrapped my arms around his neck and played with his hair. I don't know how long we spent there in the elevator, but it was a moment that would be ingrained in my mind forever, from the gentle caress of his skin against mine to the feeling of his soft lips against my own as both of our heartbeats thudded against my chest.

Finally John pulled slightly away, his breath warm against my skin as his lips brushed against my ear ever so softly. I could feel goosebumps covering my body and my stomach was full of butterflies. I couldn't quite bring myself to open my eyes as his hands moved from my face to my waist, pulling us tighter against the wall.

"I love you," he whispered again in my ear, and my heart skipped a beat. "God, I'm so in love with you."