Never Feel Afraid

Her stomache did sommersaults.

Hundreds of butterflies flapped around inside her as she descended down the isle. Everything looked perfect, magnificent. This was the happiest day of her life and she was so releived to see that everything had gone accordingly.

" If I haven't said it allready," her dad whispered, " You look absolutely beautiful..."

They slowly approached the alter, stopping right in front of Jimmy and the pastor. Jimmy looked lovingly into his bride's eyes, admiring her beauty. " Who gives this woman to this man? " Her dad smiled and squeezed his little girl's hand. " Jasmine and I do.." The pastor nodded and Brian stepped down, returning to his spot next to his wife.

" You may be seated."

Jimmy and Lexxie turned to face eachother. " Lexxie..." Jimmy whispered. " Yea? "

" Lexxie..."

" What? "

" Lexxie..."

" Jimmy, what? " she whispered, trying to keep her voice low.

" You need to get up..."

" What... What are you talking about? " Lexxie glanced at the preacher. He was still talking, but for whatever reason, she couldn't hear a word he was saying.

" Lexxie, wake up..."

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

My eyes shot open. I kept hearing a voice, but my eyes hadn't adjusted to their surroundings yet.

" Lexx.. hunny, I know you don't want to but, you need to get up and start getting ready... The funeral is in 2 hours.." My brain registered those words and the voice it belonged to.. Sitting next to my bed, was my step mom, Jazz. " Lexx, you with me? " she asked, passing a hand in front of my face. I sat up and rubbed my nose.. " Yea.. sorry.. not fully awake yet..." she patted my knee " It's ok sweetheart. If today wasn't...... I'd let you sleep as long as you want.. But it's allready 7:30.." I nodded and pulled the covers off of my body. " Guess I'd better get in the shower then." Jazz nodded and stood, laying a hand on my shoulder.." Is.... is there anything I can do.... Anything? Do you need anything.. Something to eat?.. Or drink? " I smiled weakly. I know she was trying, but there was nothing she coukd do for me.. There was nothing anyone could do for me.. " No... " l replied, " I just need to get through today.. and the rest of my life.."

Jazz nodded and menuvered her way out of my mess of a room...

I walked out into the hall and grabbed a towel out of the closet... I was ready to get this damn day over with.. To make everything worse, my stomache lurched. I swallowed hard, and covered my mouth to keep from gagging. I leaned my head aginst the wall and took a couple deep breaths, trying to relax. I didn't need this, not this morning. I've been sick the past few days, but I guess hystericlly crying your eyes out will do that to a person..

I was never much for a believer.. But I prayed to keep whatever was rumbling inside me down.. Today was allready the worst day of my existance, I didn't need to puke up my guts on top of that.

• 45 minutes later •

After I finished getting dressed, I grabbed my jacket and headed down stairs to put on my shoes. All my uncles were gathered around my dad, when I walked past the living room. I'm glad none of them noticed me. I just wanted to be left alone until the it was time to go.

" Lexxie..." I looked up and noticed my Aunt Val leaning against the wall, by the entryway." I thought that was you." I didn't respond, I just continued to lace up my heels. Truthfully, I hated heels. But I didn't figure my chucks would look appropriate with my dress.." Stupid question to ask, I know, but... How are you holding up? " I rose to my feet and faced her. Her normally vibrant hazel eyes were red and glassy. Her make up, slightly smudged, probably from crying..

" I'll live... I guess.. What choice do I really have? "