Unwritten Pages

I enter my house and I think about what Peter had said.

“Assuming we have souls.”

That thought is a little too dark for my liking. I've always thought there is more to life on earth. We have souls—we live eternally. But Peter had opposed that thought.

I would always think that when people die—they still exist. Their souls—they still burn bright even though a physical body has burned away.

But now, I wonder—is there anything to prove that souls exist? Maybe we just cease to exist when we die. That thought gives me shivers. Maybe Winter's truly gone—as in she doesn't exist anymore.

That's a haunting thought—I stop thinking about it and I head to my room.

I don't really feel like doing anything right now. I don't want to watch the television either. I see the green notebook and I decide to read it. I'll go shower after a few entries.

I open it to the third entry and start reading.



So nothing special really happened today... Joking! Everyday is special—okay, enough with all the hippie stuff.

I woke up late today. So I got to school late. I went to the office when I got at school and I went through all this bitching with the office—oh shot! A bad word! At least I didn't say it out loud. Instead of washing my mouth with soap, I guess I'll wash my hand with soap...or my brain.

So I walked in the office and asked for a late slip. I was about an hour late so first period class was almost over.

One of them looked at me (I still can't remember all their names) and said, “you're one hour late!”

“I know,” I said, “I overslept.” Happens to teenagers all the time, I wanted to add. But I had enough sense to keep my mouth shut. You couldn't talk with a bad attitude to adults—they'll punish you for it.

I thought she would let me go, but she didn't. She asked for my name and reluctantly wrote my name down on a piece of paper. But she didn't hand it to me. She looked at me in the eye and said:

“You're lucky it's only the second day of school—or else I would give you a full out detention. You only get a lunch detention. See me here right at the beginning of lunch and don't bother skipping or else I'll make it a month's detention.”

Lunch detention? For being late? On the second day of school? And she said ONLY a lunch detention! That lady is crazy!

But I knew better than to argue with her. So I just nodded and smiled politely—kissing some ass. I would love to talk back to them, but kissing ass makes them forgive you easier.

But she wasn't falling for that and she ushered me away.

I got to my first period class and gave the late slip. I saw some people look at me and heard them say 'who the hell is that?'.

Sometimes, I hate being unnoticed. I mean—I know it was the first day of school, but seriously. I've been in this school for four years already.

But being noticed isn't always good, so I just told myself that people not knowing me was a good thing.

I sat down and class was over in a few minutes.

I started to go to second period class. Arianna wasn't there—so I guess she was sick today or something. Or maybe she was late too. I bumped into this ass hole on my way out. I think it was Gregory Symons. I called me a bitch and threw my books at my face. Luckily, none of my books hit me.

I wish that I had told him exactly what he could do with himself. But that would be extremely rude. So I kept it to myself. It was the second day. I made it years without anyone becoming my enemy. Why should I make an enemy now?

So I picked up my books and sadly made my way to second period. Unfortunately, Gregory had made quite a scene and people were staring at me.

I heard Liane (this Asian girl) say, 'new girl'.

And that pissed me off.

But instead of going off at them or walking away like I didn't hear them, I tried to be very nonchalant about it.

“I'm not a new girl,” I told Liane slowly, hoping they would understand me. Liane and her friends looked surprised, like they didn't know that I spoke English. “I've been in this school for four years.”

“Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry! I didn't know!” Liane said, looking apologetic. I gave her a forgiving smile.

“I don't blame you,” I said. “It's alright. It's not like anyone remembers me.” That was meant to come out light, but it sounded bitter. But Liane and her friends didn't catch on that (or at least, they didn't seem to catch that).

When I got to second period class—I remembered that cute guy who was in most of my classes. You know, the dreamy guy? The guy who looked like Desiree's brother? So I saw him in my second period class (I don't know why I didn't notice him while I was in my first period class).

He waved at me and I blushed. Yeah, real smooth. Luckily, no one was looking at us. Or else someone might say 'who's the new girl?'. Like I needed to explain that again.

So second period passed in a blur (I got my first assignment already! Ugh!) and then it was lunch. Arianna wasn't in class, so I couldn't tell her to tell Andrew and Desiree that I had a stupid lunch detention with this bitch—sorry, female dog.

I hurried to the office so it wouldn't be extended longer. I could tell that she would make my detention a whole month if I was just a second late. So it would be better to be early than late.

So I walked into the office. No one really paid attention to me. I just sat down on the chair and looked around for that crazy lady.

A few minutes later, the crazy lady walked in the office. She looked at me once and then ignored me and went to her desk.

I groaned inwardly. She hadn't even said anything to me! That little—!

Soon after the crazy lady came in, another person came in. A guy around my age. I had thought she had given detention to another guy. At least I would have someone to share my misery with.

He had brown hair and was stocky. He was around Andrew's height.

He caught my eyes (well, I kind of caught his eyes, to be honest, he just glanced at me and I was the one staring). I realized it was that cute guy from class!

Luck? Suddenly, I felt like thanking the crazy lady for giving me detention. But I didn't.

“Hello,” I said politely and smiled.

“Hey,” he said. “Detention?”

“Yep,” I said, “with her.”

He looked at where I was indicating. “Oh,” he said. He sounded like he was trying not to laugh. “That's Ms. Quin you've pissed off.”

Ms. Quin... Ms. Quin... I racked my brain for that name. Then I remembered. I had her once for class. I can't believe I couldn't remember her. She was honestly a CRAZY lady. Insane...that woman.

“Oh,” I said in a small voice. He laughed and sat down beside me.

“So what's your name?” he asked.

“Winter,” I said immediately. “Do you have detention too?” Maybe he just dropped in to talk to me—that was the thought that made me blush.

“Yup. Ms. Quin loves to hate me,” he said, as if she couldn't even hear him. Luckily, she didn't hear that and he was spared from more punishment.

“She loves to hate everyone,” I say, smiling slightly. He laughed.

“I'm Drew,” he said. “Drew Sorauren,” he added, as if his full name might get some reaction out of me. And it did. Because my eyes widen as I looked over him.

“Drew Sorauren,” I repeated slowly. “Mister Popular.”

“I wouldn't call myself Mister Popular,” Drew protested. But there was a glint in his eyes that showed that he liked being called that. I recoiled from him.

The light in Drew's eyes fell and he was looking at me with a solemn expression.

We didn't talk for the rest of our detention. Ms. Quin made us sit there and eat our lunch quietly. After lunch, I went to third period class and explained what happened at lunch to Desiree and Andrew.

Andrew was annoyed (he doesn't know who Ms. Quin is—lucky boy) but Desiree understood the horrors of Ms. Quin's wrath.

During fourth period class, I was assigned a project with Peter (yay!). But he didn't show any interest in me (bummer). But I'm okay with that. I'm not desperate. I can do without a boyfriend for another ten years. Or fifty. I don't really care. But hopefully, Peter will realize that I'm here and just ask me out or something.

It feels weird writing that... What will I be in the future? An astronomer! I don't like thinking about the future because the future is ever changing.

Enough with the hippie sayings! I have to go to bed now, I can't believe I wrote this so late. Maybe because I had to finish my stupid homework... Until tomorrow!



Okay, a little more on yesterday. Drew Sorauren is—the most popular guy in school. Maybe not MOST, but popular enough. I can't believe I didn't know that he was DREW until he told me... Ugh... Makes me feel like an idiot.

Drew...he didn't have a reputation for being a player at school. That was his other friends. But I'm me—so I'm secretly wary and paranoid. I mean... Guys are known for being charming and tricky. I wonder if that the deal with Drew... Maybe he just wants to get me in bed... Shudders.

But still. He was pretty nice to me. But I know that might be just an act. It's not like I'm something extremely special. I'm not drop dead gorgeous. It doesn't make a lot of sense to have Drew all over me... Really...

Plus, it's only been a day—and he's being nice. So obviously there was something fishy behind that... Anyways: I'm keeping my guard up around him. But it seems to me that he's not going to bother me anymore after the part where we didn't speak after detention.

So today's Friday! It's Friday, Friday! Gonna get down on Friday!

Okay, okay. I'll stop singing (writing) the lyrics. It's a sucky song, everybody knows that... Except for the people who love that song...but honestly, I don't understand why they would like that song.

Today was like any other day in eleventh grade—it's written all over the pink eleventh grade journal. Almost eighty percent of that book is like this day. That's really sad. I hope this year it would be different...

It went like this: woke up, school, classes, lunch with Desiree and Andrew (Ari goes out for lunch), classes, home, homework, journal. (Oh, I skipped Thursday by the way because it was a seriously boring day.)

Sad, sad, sad. Usually, there would be small events in between, like drama club or something. But it's WAY too early for those clubs to develop again so... It's been a boring day—to cut the chase.

Thank God that the first week of school is over. But at the same time—it sucks. Because after the first week of school, there are tests and more assignments and more homework. Joy. Oh, and University/College applications. Perfect...

Drew didn't talk to me at all. He didn't look at me. I know I shouldn't obsess over it. I don't think I am. I'm just noticing things. Maybe he really does want to use me... I want to give him another chance though...we'll see if he's really sincere or if he just wants to use me.

Though I'm pretty sure that he just wants to use me...

Anyways: sleep time!

I close the book. So she's been seeing Drew Sorauren since the beginning of twelfth grade. I can't believe she didn't even mention him to me. It just...depressed me.

I put the book on top of my drawer and I stare at it. Winter sounds...different in that book than she usually does. Plus—she's never thought poorly of anyone.

But she's called people names in the book.

Do I really know her?

Do I really think that I know her? Or is she a completely different person from the one I think I know? Winter is... She's just different in the book.

She's never thought poorly of anyone—but here it is.

She's never swore—but here it is.

I tell myself it's just words. There's nothing surprising. Everyone swears at least once. Those are just words.

Just words, I tell myself.

Just words.