Unwritten Pages

October 2nd

So my mother and I talked a bit today and I guess my punishment is probably over because she told me to go to Desiree's house if I wanted to.

I didn't want to, so I just went out to McDonald and bought a burger instead. Yep, boring day, but at least I actually went out.

October 3rd

It's school again. I handed in my assignments. Things are normal. Drew isn't talking to me (or glancing at me). And ninth graders won't stop talking about the dance. I'm slightly jealous.

October 4th

Ugh! I had so much homework today! I had so much homework, I didn't even get more than an hour to practice my instruments! And I have ANOTHER project due by the end of this week! It's only October!

October 5th

I want to bash my head against the wall. Repeatedly.

One: I have way too much homework. I'm only half done my project. Which sucks. I'm stressing out over that.

Two: Drew talked to me today. I don't want to sound like an airhead, but I probably already do. But he talked to me and I almost yelled at him for calling Ari a dumb blonde. Arianna wasn't that stressed over that, but she appreciated it. Still a huge overreaction, though. It's so embarrassing once I think about it. Ugh!

October 6th

It's Thursday. Drew didn't avoid me today. He came up and apologized for being a jerk. I accepted his apology. I mean, I didn't want to be rude and all. He smiled at me which made me feel weird inside. Then I felt slightly guilty about Peter for that feeling.

Boy problems suck. Do I have a crush on Drew? Maybe.

October 7th

I finished my project late last night and I turned it in today. It turns out—most of my classmates hadn't finished the project and it was extended until Monday.

I felt like killing someone right there.

I'm still mad. Just cold and icy fury. Gr....

October 8th

Since I'd spent a huge part of my time working on the project earlier, I had nothing to do during the weekend. Basically I did the same as I did any normal weekend. Nothing.

October 9th

I got a phone call today.

I got a phone call today...

From who? From DREW.

I was just lying on my bed and trying to fall asleep in the afternoon and my phone started to ring. I thought it was one of my friends, so I picked up without even looking at the caller's ID.

“You better have a good reason for calling,” I said immediately.

“Um, no,” a male's voice answered. Definitely not Peter, Con, or Tomas. Or Andrew. I knew who it was immediately though. Because my heart went racing.

“D-drew?”

“That's me,” Drew said, “I was just calling because...I wanted to talk to you.”

This was odd. Why the heck would Drew call me just to talk to me? And...how did he get my phone number? I didn't give it to him—for sure.

“How did you get my phone number?” I demanded.

“Desiree,” Drew said, “I know her. From a while back.”

“Oh,” I said, “and you just...asked...?”

“Yeah,” Drew said nonchalantly, “I just came to ask...are you going out for Halloween this year? Not for candy—just out.”

“Maybe,” I said, “why?”

“I was wondering... Well, I have to go trick-or-treating with my little sister.”

Drew has a little sister?!

“And I was wondering if you could accompany me or something. You seem like the type to be good with kids. You were pretty good handling the ninth graders.”

Ninth graders aren't little children—but Drew's little sister might be a ninth grader. “How old is she?”

“Fifth grade.” Never mind, she wasn't a ninth grader.

“Um...uh...sure...” It was more of a question than a statement.

“Great! We can meet by our school on Halloween at six. Hope to see you there.”

He hung up and I was left there to ponder on my thoughts. And then write in this journal, of course.

October 10th

So the project was handed in and I glared at everyone with anger. I was angry, of course. But I managed not to spaz at anyone.

October 11th

Nothing today... Drew gave me smile. Does that count?

October 12th

I feel bad about Peter... He gave me a smile today...but I don't think I feel too much for him... Not as much as Drew...

I mean, yes, he's cute, but I just don't have that kind of feelings anymore—if I ever did have them.

October 13th

So today is the thirteenth. It's not Friday, though. So I don't have to worry about any Friday the Thirteenth bad luck omens or whatever.

If anything, today was lucky.

We had another project (alright, I'll admit that this isn't good luck, but projects are required) and I was paired with Drew.

We actually had a nice conversation...like the first days. Almost like we were friends. But obviously he has his group that he hangs out with so he didn't stick around...

Who am I kidding?

It doesn't sound so lucky now that I write about it. Until tomorrow.

October 14th

So along with singing the Friday song, nothing went terribly wrong. After writing the journal entry yesterday, I started to think... Did Drew really even like me? And eventually, I started to think that he would cancel on me, just for the heck of it.

Luckily, he didn't. We worked on our project together and it was fairly normal today.

October 15th

Yesterday, I had another huge assignment handed to me. I was to make a forty slide presentation on anything we wanted. It sounded easy, but we had to present it to the whole class. It was due (fortunately) by December break, so I didn't have much to worry about.

But I knew if I didn't start now, I was going to procrastinate, and procrastinate, and procrastinate....until the last minute. And then my project would be a load of crap. And I would fail. And get bad marks.

So I spent the whole day researching up stuff for it. I have a shit load of books and sites that I'm using for reference.

I hate this PowerPoint...

October 16th

Ditto. I only made it to the first five slides today. I. Hate. This. Stupid. PowerPoint!

This irks me. I almost swore out loud. That's how horrible this project was.

I definitely CAN'T procrastinate. It will be the end of me if I do.

October 17th

I went to school, hoping that our teachers wouldn't throw ANOTHER huge assignment on us. I mean, we may be leaving high school and they may want to prepare us, but seriously? We're human beings, not robots. We can only take too much at a time. I mean...seriously.

Luckily, I only had minor Math homework today. Thank goodness...

October 18th

No homework today...

But I still have to do the stupid presentation. Ugh!

October 19th

Wednesday...still two more days left of school after this...

Right! My father signed me up for this art class. I mean, I love art, but I wished that he had picked a singing class instead. It's going to be on Saturday. Every Saturday (except for the holiday breaks) until March. I really have to find time to finish my PowerPoint...

October 20th

Hm... Peter's avoiding me. I think he knows that there's something up with Drew. Drew and I have talked a bunch recently. It's been so natural that I haven't written it down in some sort of expression of ecstasy. That's good...I guess. I don't want to be some brainless naive girl.

October 21st

Yep, Peter is definitely avoiding me. He was talking to Andrew at lunch time. When I came, he just looked up and then continued to talk to Andrew.

He didn't talk to me once.

So while they were in some sort of guy talk (about sports, I guess), I socialized with Desiree instead. Arianna always went out for lunch.

“Hey, Winter,” Desiree said, “Peter seems kind of mad at you. You guys usually chat when you see each other, but he just ignored you there. Are you having some kind of fight?”

I shook my head. “I don't know what's up with him. It's like he got hit by a car...” I thought about Drew. If Peter had a crush on me (I was just assuming here) then Drew's appearance might as well have been a car. More like truck, actually.

Drew... That reminded me...

“Desiree,” I began, “you gave my number to...Drew?”

Desiree shrugged. “We dated in ninth before we broke up,” she said, “I guess you can say we're on friendly terms. So yep. I thought you wouldn't mind. You don't, do you?”

I shook my head. “Just wondering.”

Someone knocks on the door and I quickly close the book. I have just finished the entry for October twenty-first. I open my drawer and toss the book in before I go to open the door.

Desiree's there with last night and this morning's clothes in her hands. I guess she had brought a new pair of clothes in her backpack last night.

“Hey,” she says. “I didn't want to invade.”

“Don't worry,” I say, thinking of Winter's journal/diary, “you're not invading anything.”

“Good,” she says. She walks in the room and grabs her backpack off the floor. Then she stuffs the clothes she's holding in there. She catches me watching her.

“Don't get any dirty thoughts,” she scolds. “You can't go looking around in the bag for my undergarments.”

I smirk a bit. Maybe a good idea, once you thought about it. “Maybe I will. I can, can't I? I'm your boyfriend.”

“But not my husband,” she says, “I find it very disturbing for guys to look through my personal stuff.”

“Maybe I will be your husband some day,” I say. We're standing close. Very close.

She looks into my eyes. My heart is beating fast—very fast.

“Andrew...” she says softly. “Don't say stuff like that like you mean it...” she trails off. She doesn't look away, though.

“What if I do mean it?” I ask. I know I shouldn't be thinking things like this—I'm eighteen, for God's sake. But...there are times when I do think about these things. And it doesn't always end very pretty.

Like...will Desiree and I ever be together in the future? Will we meet some other person that suits us more? Right now, I actually can't think of anyone other than Desiree. Plus, Liane definitely doesn't suit my fancy. But...still... We're not just talking about Liane here. It can be someone we meet when we're in University... But we're going to the same University...so...it can't happen...

Can it...?

“Andrew, we're eighteen. Well...you're eighteen.”

“You just made me sound like a pedophile.”

“Alright, fine. You're just a few months older than me,” I say. “But do you ever wonder why they call teenagers...well, teenagers?”

“...no,” I say, “why should I?”

Desiree shrugs. “I think about the stupidest things. When you turn thirteen, you're basically a teenager. All the way until...well... Until you turn twenty, I guess.”

“Yeah...?”

“Thirteen to nineteen—they all have the word 'teen' at the end. So...we're basically still dumb teenagers.”

“No,” I say. “Dumb teenagers are the ones that are actually dumb. The ones that...were like me in ninth grade. Just wasting away their lives.”

“We're just eighteen, Andrew,” Desiree says.

I gives her a quick peck on the lips before I step back. “Right,” I say.

“Look,” Desiree says, “I don't mean to hurt you or anything—”

“I'm not hurt,” I say. Or at least, not very hurt.

“Right. We're just eighteen. So...um... Do you want to see a movie together? I've been wondering about what to do. We can take a bus downtown and yeah...”

“Aren't you going back home?”

“Maybe,” she says. “But I'd rather spend the night with you.”

Realizing that it had come out wrong a little too late, she says, “I mean—! I would rather...”

I smile. It's funny to see her like that. “It's alright,” I say. “I won't think dirty thoughts.” Desiree looks relieved.

But I can't help thinking... Just eighteen.