Unwritten Pages

“Oh look,” Desiree says, holding a piece of paper in her hands. “I can't believe it.” Though from the sound of her voice, she sounds like she can believe it.

“What?” I ask, peering forward. Desiree passed the paper to me and picks another strawberry from the bowl she had gotten.

I read the paper closely. It's just a white piece of paper with a few lines scrawled on it. It's nothing fancy, really.

Hey Andrew. And Desiree/Drew/tranny,

Party on Friday night.
You know, like that song. What is it called again? But anyways, feel free to come. Oh, and bring a friend or...something like that. Whatever.
Come anytime after six!
Yeah, alright. Whatever.
-Chris

“What the hell is this?” I ask Desiree, looking back and forth from her to the paper. Desiree looks at me, seeming amused. “I'm serious,” I say.

“Chris's invitation card or whatever. I actually couldn't believe he would write an invitation. Sounds like he really wants us to come...kind of. Should we take Ari?” Desiree asks, actually sounding like she's seriously considering on taking Arianna to whatever party Chris is going to host.

“I'm not going,” I say as I put the paper back down on the table in disgust. “He's probably trying to rape you in there.”

Desiree shrugs. “Just...to...you know... Relax after the whole...Winter incident.”

Right. Winterlyn Evaline Lawly—the suicide victim. How could I forget? Maybe because with the journal now...I feel as if I have a part of her soul. A tangible part of her soul that isn't floating off wherever people go in the afterlife.

If there is an afterlife, a voice whispers in my head. Peter's cynical views are affecting me.

“Alright,” I finally say. “We'll go. With Ari, if she wants to come.”

“Great!” Desiree says before taking another strawberry. “You'll stay with me to make sure he doesn't rape me, right?” Desiree had meant it as a joke, but I couldn't really take it that way. Chris doesn't play around. He seems like all he wants to do is play around, but it's not true. I know his true colours. If he sets his sight on what he wants—he'll stop at nothing to get it. I hope that Desiree isn't what Chris wants next.

“I'll snap his head off,” I say, staring at a pencil on the table. I have a strange urge to break it in half. Desiree doesn't notice this.

“Aw! That's sweet!” she says, seeming to think that I had been joking this whole entire time. “But honestly, I'd rather that you not get charged for killing someone.” Desiree looks at me, smiling. She notices my expression and the smile drops off her face. “Andrew?” she asks. “What's wrong...?”

“Nothing,” I say. “I'm just... It's nothing.”

“Do you...” Desiree trails off, thinking of something to say, “do you want to go see Ari? Or...go watch a movie? Or play sports with you friends?” she asks. “I'm fine with it, really. If you don't want to sit around and do nothing, we can go play sports if you want. Peter, Con, and Tomas are here, right?”

“It's alright,” I say. “I'm just a little tired.” That's a lie and we both know it. It's still late morning and I can't be tired already. Desiree doesn’t say anything about it though. She just gives me a worried look. “We should just watch a film together. I have Titanic here,” I say. Desiree's face lights up again.

“Sure!” she says. She loves that movie. “I'll go a take a shower first,” she says before going upstairs.

I know Desiree is probably going to take a while. She always does that. To kill time, I go upstairs to my bedroom after Desiree has entered the bathroom and I take Winter's journal from my drawer. I open it to the page I left off at... What had been going on in Winter's life the months before she...left?

December 4th

Well! It's almost my birthday! Actually, my birthday is a month and a few days from now. I'm turning eighteen. Finally!

You know that accident earlier? Well... I didn't actually write about it, but I wrote it down that I was freaked out? Yeah...well it didn't happen again tonight.

I was just being stupid. It figures.

Anyways, throughout that time from November, I was so freaked out that I ran home from school every day and denied every party that Drew invited me to. I mean, he knew that I was freaked out over that, but he just laughed at me like usual.

“Lighten up,” he said to me one day. “You tend to freak over stuff like this.”

I can say that Drew Sorauren is officially my boyfriend. It's shocking, really, how he can...affect me like this. I mean, I had only met him...what—three months ago? I had known that he existed earlier...but I had never talked to him. I know that Desiree had dated him before too.

But anyways...yeah. Time to put that stupid accident about That Thing behind me! I was probably just looking into things and thought I saw something scary.

December 6th

Today is probably the happiest day of my life!

I finished that stupid PowerPoint!

I'm doing a little happy dance right now. Seriously. That PowerPoint has been killing me and keeping me awake every night... Wait...the thing keeping me awake was actually That Thing but...

So today I went to school like usual... Drew wasn't at school yesterday so he asked me if I was still completely freaked out about That Thing. Obviously the whole problem with That Thing was nothing. But seriously... That was a freaky month.

I told him that I was completely over it now. I mean, obviously it was an overreaction. Seriously...when had I become so paranoid?

But yeah, I told him I was fine and I was just being stupid. Yep.

December 7th

When I handed in the USB stick with my PowerPoint in it, it was like a huge burden had been lifted off my shoulders. I felt like I could BREATHE again. That PowerPoint was seriously suffocating me... Along with That Thing...

Why am I still talking about That Thing? I never told anyone other than Drew and Aiden about it... I haven't told Desiree, Arianna, or Andrew.

And speaking of Andrew, he can be so... I don't know how to put it in words... But he could be so...unknowing. Like...sometimes, he doesn't even see things that are right in front of him. He's not clueless, it's just that...he doesn't care and he doesn't look.

But seriously...that can make me think poorly of him sometimes. I mean...he's so caught up in his own problems. (“Why do I have four exams today?!”) I wonder what's going to make him realize that other people have their problems too. I mean...seriously...

I stop reading and think to myself: well, your death has woken me up from my own selfish problems. The thought of being so...blind makes me cringe. Am I really like that? But I know I can't deny it. I hadn't even noticed that Winter had a boyfriend for God's sake. I sigh and continue reading what I've been too blind to notice all this time.

Like...I mean... He hadn't even noticed Drew...which I find...slightly sad.

NOT that I'm saying the Andrew is sad or anything.

December 8th

So...I found out that winter break doesn't start until December Twenty-third. I mean...seriously! Two days before Christmas!

That disappoints me. Honestly.

December 9th

Instead of school ending next week...it ends the week after that... I'm so sad...

I told Drew this and he told me that he was going to skip every single class after next week. That made me scold him for an hour.

December 10th

So I told Aiden That Thing was a whole misunderstanding. Aiden didn't seem really convinced of that, though. He told me I should still watch out. That's good advice...

Hopefully That Thing doesn't appear again.

Oh my gosh! It's a double-digit today! Finally! Just...thirteen more days... I hope I don't get another PowerPoint.

And speaking of the PowerPoint, I'm sure many of the procrastinators are going to bomb the PowerPoint. Seriously. It's just that annoying/difficult/frustrating. I even feel bad for them.

I just imagined what it felt like to finish all forty slides of the PowerPoint the night before it was due...starting from scratch...

That just killed me inside. I must not imagine these horrible things.

December 14th

I haven't written in while. I was just trying to decide with my parents what to get all my relatives and friends for Christmas. It looks like I'm going to have to spend a lot of money... I haven't got a job this year... I think I should apply for a job soon... Hopefully I'll be hired.

Or...hopefully my parents will pay for the presents but that actually seems very unlikely.

I think I'll get my American cousins—especially Kat and Lina, something very...not-American.

December 15th

So our teachers are cramming all kinds of work this month.

I hope they don't give another PowerPoint. Honestly, that will be the end of me.

I stop reading there for a moment and think: maybe that's why she killed herself. She had another PowerPoint presentation.

It's a ridiculous thought, but a humorous one.

December 16th

So apparently, we have an essay due before the end of winter break.

Great. I mean seriously. Great.

I meant that sarcastically.

December 17th

So...art class today! Liane is seriously annoying. Honestly...you just want to kill her... She's just so...! All she does is talk about herself, herself, and herself. Oh my God, she's so annoying!

I wished that she would shut the hell up!

Today she went up to me and tried to act all interested in the fruit bowl I was trying to paint. Then she cut to the chase and asked about Drew. She was all like:

“Oh my gosh! So I heard that you were dating Drew Sorauren!”

“Yes,” I said, as nonchalantly as I could, “I am.”

I wanted to add: do you have a problem with that? But I didn't because honestly, that wasn't my style. I would rather not have enemies. Especially annoying ones like Liane Chau.

“Oh my God!” she squealed, “seriously? No offence, but he doesn't strike me as the type to like—you know. Never mind. Wait—do you get it?”

I absolutely hated the way she spoke. Like...seriously. That girl is just...so annoying. Annoying beyond words. She's just...such a...UGH!

“Yes,” I said coolly, “I get it,” I said.

“Good,” Liane said. Out of all the words she could have said, she said: good?! Honestly! That was plain out rude and I was pretty sure that she knew it. I didn't think I was being sensitive...but now it actually sounds like I am...

God! She's so annoying!

“Anyways,” Liane said, looking at me, “I was thinking he would go out with someone with more...ah...fashion sense...self-esteem...and better looks.”

And of course, Liane seemed stupid, but she knew what the hell she was saying for sure.

What. A. Bitch.

And that's what made me officially hate her.