Unwritten Pages

Arianna being Avery—that whole thing has gotten me feeling so confused. I don't know exactly what I should think of Arianna now. She changed her name and moved schools just to forget Robert/Avery. And now he's appeared in her life again. If I were Arianna, I would hate myself because I'm the one who is friends with him.

I had told Desiree and Arianna that I would be up in my room. I need to sort things out before I leave my room again. To help, I take out Winter's journal and continue from where I had left off.

January, 1st

Funny thing—I was right. It was so boring at home. My mom didn't let me go out anymore. I guess I was kind of okay with that. But still...

Anyway, not to sound like a crazy...uh ex-girlfriend, but Drew hasn't made any contact to me at all.

Never mind. I won't talk about that at all. It makes me feel so...odd... Yeah, no more mentions of Drew.

But yeah... Can't wait to get out of this house for post-secondary... I don't like to go against my parents (even though I'm almost eighteen!) because...well, I know they do what's best for me. But sometimes they just get really annoying...

Anyways, Desiree, Andrew, and Arianna are off partying with a bunch of people because of the new year while I get to sit at home and write in this journal. Hooray for me. Sarcasm intended. Happy New Year to me. The only exciting thing this week was staying up yesterday until the countdown was over. I bet my friends were in that crowd somewhere...

January, 7th

So I would be at art class today if it wasn't still Winter Break. Unfortunately, it still is Winter Break so... I wish I was at art class today instead.

My parents had gone out today for work and I was in my room on the computer. Just...socializing. What else? But then...there was a loud knock on the door and I knew it wasn't my parents. I thought it was a mail man or something but even so, I didn't open the door.

I looked outside my window and I saw someone I didn't even know. They were standing at my door...and something about that person just...put me off. I felt like it was That Thing all over again.

Long story short: I freaked out and hid in the bathroom for hours. I was there until my parents came back. I didn't really know exactly what to tell them so I didn't tell them anyways. Drew would say I was overreacting...

Enough about Drew! I mean, I should ask Aiden about this again. He'll know how to help me.

January, 9th

I went back to school again today. Everyone was so excited to talk about their vacation. Of course, I didn't really have a vacation unless you called my boring week a vacation. With...the exception of That Thing.

Anyways, I figured I should just ignored the second time of That Thing and only tell Aiden about it. Only Aiden takes me seriously. But he'll probably tell me to call the police... I doubt that the police would really take me seriously. I mean...what real evidence do I have? And what am I accusing that person of?

Drew was in class today, surprising. I thought he would be, I don't know, hungover or something. Rude tone intended. Luckily, he didn't try to communicate with me in any way.

I hope that he knows we're over.

January, 13th

It's Friday... The only reason why I'm recording this day (I'm getting tired of recording every single boring day at school now) is because Drew had finally spoken to me.

I was just going to go home when Drew approached me.

“Hey, Winter. Winterlyn,” he called. I spun around to see Drew not far behind. I didn't know exactly what to do—pretend I didn't hear (even though I had clearly turned around) or tell him to screw off.

Instead, I answered him. “What?” I asked.

“Hey, I'm really sorry about the whole fight we had,” Drew said. I had a feeling he would do this but I wanted to hear him out. “I didn't mean it when I said that, you know. Well...not really... I mean, I didn't mean to hurt you.” He gave me a smile, expecting to win me over at once.

“I'm sorry Drew,” I said honestly, “but I'm tired of you. I'm tired of all your parties. I'm tired of your 'reputation' you have to maintain. I'm tired of all your games you play. I'm tired of it. Please leave me alone,” I said, turning to leave. But Drew put a hand on my shoulder, stopping me from leaving.

“It's alright,” he said, which shocked me. It was alright? Did that mean that he didn't care. I felt a squeeze in my chest and I shut my eyes tightly before opening them again. I couldn't show any pain in this. I assumed we were over, but I knew it would hurt to actually hear it spoken.

“It's over, Winter,” he said simply. I couldn't really believe it. “I found this other girl at the Christmas party.” He found another girl. Oh, so now we were all just some kind of toy at his disposal? “You don't have to worry with keeping up with me or whatever you're worried about. I just came to confirm things. You're alright with it, I assume.” He looked at me in the eyes. Luckily, I didn't feel tears pressing against my eyes. Just...a hollow feeling. “We can't be friends, or anything.”

“No,” I finally agreed, slipping away from his grasp. “We can't be anything. Actually, I don't think we were meant for the same world.” I gave a horribly forced laugh. Luckily, Drew didn't see through that. He gave me a smile like he thought we were okay.

“That's great,” he said. “We can still talk about school projects when we're in the same group,” he said, “but nothing more.”

“Nothing more,” I agreed. “We're not even in the same league.”

And it was I who walked away from him. I simply turned and kept going, pretending that we hadn't just had that conversation. He didn't even call after me, which I guess wasn't that unusual. It was a calm break-up, after all.

When I got home, realization hit me. I was just a stupid fling to Drew. Drew's little sister, Elle, was right. He was odd and I shouldn't have even dated him. We were completely different. I bet that he didn't even like me that much—seeing as he said he didn't want to be my friend afterwards. Well good, I didn't want to be his friend either.

It was like I was too difficult to keep. I mean, I must have lowered his 'reputation' and it was then that he decided that he didn't want me anymore.

I didn't cry at all. I didn't even shed a single tear for him. When I realized all this, I started to get extremely pissed off. Seriously, what was wrong with Drew? I couldn't even believe that I was about to cry over him.

I'm glad that we're officially over. Honestly, I think that I deserve better. Drew may be popular, but what was popularity, really? If all that meant was a stupid 'reputation' to hold, I'd rather stay unnoticed.

I'm sorry that I even had a period where I had obsessed over him. Seriously, I flipped through the pages of this journal to find the entries where I was obsessing over him. He's seriously such a manipulative bastard. I'm almost sure that I was just a bet in one of his stupid games. I even wrote that I LIKED him. How was that even possible? And I even wrote that I hoped that I wasn't just a fling. I was so stupid. God! I even shoved Peter away for Drew. Even though I hadn't mentioned him since Drew, Peter's been pretty pissed over it.

Now it's time to apologize to this journal; I'm sorry that Drew's name has contaminated these written pages. If I ever refer to him again...I'll nickname him. Right. I can't bare to write his name anymore. I'll just call him Ex. As in ex-boyfriend. He's the only ex-boyfriend I have.

Unfortunately.

January, 14th

Obviously I was still mad at Ex today(why wouldn't I be mad at him?). I don't even think it's going to be easy to forgive someone like him. And he found another girl at the party already, so that summed it all out. Though I tried to forget him today. I couldn't help but spill everything to Aiden.

Yep, Aiden is always there to help me. He told me exactly what I thought he would tell me; Ex was bad news and it was good that I dumped him. He seemed really relieved that I dumped him, it felt like he was actually interested in me.

The whole idea surprised me a lot and it felt really odd because I never thought of Aiden as something more than a friend. But of course, Aiden never mentioned any weird crush that he had on me so I assumed that I was just being stupid.

January 15th

My mom noticed that I was acting different today. She came and asked me what was wrong. That was a very awkward conversation. She knew I was dating someone (but she didn't know who) and I guess she had some unappealing paranoid thoughts in her head.

For one thing, I was not pregnant. Though the point was actually very hard to get across.

“Mom,” I said when she first came in my room, “what do you want?”

“That's no way to speak to your mother!” she said sharply. “Winter, dear, I thought that I taught you better!” I groaned inwardly, thinking that this talk would be another lesson on proper behaviour. I was dead wrong.

“Now I know you may be going through a very difficult time in your life,” my mom said, “but you can tell me anything.” Anything—yeah, that's what she said. And she actually believed that I would tell her anything.

“Alright,” I said. I wanted to be alone. Solitary confinement sounded very good at that moment. I hated when my parents invaded my privacy. “I'll tell you anything when I have something to say.”

She stood by the doorway expectantly like she had expected me to say something to her. “Yes?” I asked, “what's wrong, mom?”

“Don't you have anything to tell me?” she asked. Before I could say anything, she asked me. “Are you having problems with your boyfriend.”

I rolled my eyes, thinking that she knew about the whole 'reputation' problem that I was having with Ex. “We broke up,” I said simply. “It was about time to anyways. I don't want to be reminded of him.”

“Winter,” she said patronizingly. “I know teenagers make bad choices every day, but please don't tell me that you're one of them. I raised you to be better!” Her voice rose to an accusatory tone. I didn't understand what she was accusing me of, but I knew it wasn't a good thing.

“What are you talking about?” I asked, trying to sound as calm as possible. I didn't want to start yelling. It wasn't my kind of thing to do that.

“You don't go around sleeping in every man's bed!” she yelled, sounding furious. Of course, he yelling was making me furious too. She was calling me some kind of slut. What kind of mother called you a slut? But she was angry, so I had to give that to her.

And she was accusing me of something I didn't do.

“I don't go around sleeping in every man's bed!” I said, my voice louder than it had been a few moments ago. “In fact, I haven't been sleeping with ANYBODY. For all my life!”

“You're a liar,” my mom said. “You always lie. You think you can get away with it. You're pregnant, Winter, face it! I found your pregnancy test last week! I was waiting for you to speak up, but you haven't!”

“What?” I asked, sounding shocked. My mother took my shock as a sign of guiltiness. “No!” I said quickly, “I'm not pregnant! I haven't been sleeping with anyone! That's probably not even my pregnancy test thingy! Whatever you found in the house!”

My arguments were futile, of course. I was an only child. My mom wouldn't try and sabotage me like that and my dad wouldn't ever use a pregnancy test (why would he?). I was a 'liar'.

I had no evidence to support me so someone from the outside had been trying to sabotage me. But no one had been inside my house recently. I was sure that my mom found that test in the house. God! I was so pissed off. My mom told my dad when he came home from work later on. He came and had a talk with me about teenagers taking too many risks. I tried to tell him that I didn't even sleep with anybody, but of course, he wouldn't believe me. Not with that pregnancy test in their faces.

He told me that I had so much to look forward to, but I ruined it all with a baby. I wanted to prove to them—wait a few months and you'll find out that I don't have a baby bump. Wait nine months from now and you'll see that I wouldn't be giving birth. But that was so far away. I wanted to take them to a hospital and tell the doctors to check to see if I was really pregnant and prove my parents wrong.

God, I hate this.

January, 16th

Ex approached me today and said he was sorry about the break-up. I didn't even know why he was even talking to me about that. But I was too pissed at my parents to even care about that. I told him that I didn't really care about the break-up anymore and he could go sleep with his newfound hoe. And obviously when I said that, I was thinking about 'my' pregnancy test.

He got mad at me, of course. But he didn't say anything about it. He just let me go and say whatever else I wanted to say. I didn't have anything to say to him, so I just ignored him for the rest of the day.

I told my friends about the whole pregnancy thing. Andrew laughed it off. Seriously, he can piss me off sometimes too. But I managed to keep in the anger. Arianna and Desiree agreed to help me talk to my parents.

So after school, they came to my house and attempted to convince my parents. While we were talking it over, I thought about it—my parents rarely let me out of the house. Why would I be pregnant? Did that even make sense? In the end, Arianna and Desiree managed to convince my parents that it was nothing. My mom even said she found that pregnancy test in the trash can outside our front door and thought it was mine.

Immediately, I thought about that freaky person that was at our door on Saturday...

No, it should have been nothing... It was nothing...

January, 21st

I told Aiden about the pregnancy test and that everything was solved. He seemed happy for me, but slightly disappointed. I didn't know why, but he just seemed that way. Maybe something was bothering him, but I wasn't sure what it was.

January 25th

Word of 'my' pregnancy test spread in school this week. I was pretty mad but I managed to keep it quiet. But I was too mad to write about it for a while. And of course, it spread from Liane Chau. She's great at spreading horrible rumours.

She wrote an entire article about a 'mystery girl whose name shall not be mentioned' in her article. I was slightly thankful that she didn't mention my name. Though I suppose this is because she found out that I broke up with Ex... And I found out that she was the girl that Ex had found in his stupid Christmas party. Good. The two deserve each other.

Ex read the article once and knew it was me. He approached me today and asked about it. He seemed so sickened by the thought that I might be carrying his baby that he forgot that we never even slept together (thank God for that).

I didn't answer him. I left him to figure out if I was pregnant or not by himself.

January 26th

Well a happy birthday to me. My parents bought me a cupcake and my friends sang me a birthday song at school (though Andrew was quite reluctant and I swear that he was only mouthing it when Desiree forced him to sing).

But yeah. It was an okay day today despite all the drama this week.

January 26th Night

Okay...I couldn't sleep...so I looked out my window and wrote a bunch of poems (which I'll probably convert into songs). I also tried a few chords on my guitar just to see what sounded good and I started to put my poem lyrics to that.

It was a nice night. The sky was really dark and I had a lamp light on by my window. You couldn’t really see the stars because you rarely ever see stars in a city. I was use to it, so it was a nice night. It was really nice and quiet outside. Though once in a while, a car would drive down the road.

I had a crazy urge to go see Andrew for one moment. That may have been the ninth grade drug drama rubbing off me. I use to need to make sure he wasn't smoking weed every second.

But usually, when I fell like I need to see Andrew, it's usually because I have a bad feeling about something. Andrew's kind of like my bodyguard. Though if I told him that, he'd be completely freaked out.

But yeah... He kind of helps me...you know. A protector from all evil. Which is funny if you think about it because Andrew use to be my evil once. The drugs and all...

But I was just staring at the sky at that moment while I was thinking about it. I realized that when I wanted to see Andrew, I had a premonition... So...

I snapped out of my dreamy daze and I looked down from the sky and onto the sidewalk below me.

After what I saw, I completely freaked out and flew from my window and onto my bed. I don't know how long I was rigid and awake, but I know that I fell asleep soon.

I woke up on Friday and I wrote this... I don't know what to say about what I saw. It just...scared me... No, I'm overreacting. I have to calm down. It was probably nothing. Hopefully.

I looked down and there was that figure again. Dressed in all black. They were just standing on the sidewalk, looking up at my house. I don't even know how long they were there. I swear it was the same person. I don't know what the hell is going on. If I didn't know better...I would say that someone was stalking me...