Unwritten Pages

January 27th

I haven't told any of my friends about my suspicions. I don't think I should burden them with my paranoia. Especially after I got 'pregnant'.

Ex approached me. Again. God, I didn't want to deal with him anymore, but honestly, he just had to but into things. Couldn't he just leave me alone?

“Winter,” he said, trying to hold eye contact with me. I refused to look at him and focused on kicking a rock away. “Winter, you have to hear me out.”

“Aren't we over already?” I asked him, feeling anger creep through me. I tried to force to down so i wouldn't start yelling at him to leave me alone. “Please go away. We're not friends, remember?”

Ex gave an exasperated sigh. “I don't care,” he said harshly. “Just listen to me!” He grabbed my shoulders and I jerked away from him, almost falling on the ground in process.

“Wow,” I said, “abuse much?” I started to leave but he stepped in front of me, blocking my way. Persistent bastard.

“Winter,” he said again, “are you pregnant?” Before I could answer, he added, “You could have told me! God! Why do you have to let the whole world know that you're pregnant because of my new girlfriend?”

I rolled my eyes. “I'm not pregnant,” I said calmly. I hated how he was shouting. A few people were giving us odd looks. “We never even slept together, if you can't remember. I was never at one of your drunken parties, so we didn't sleep together while we were drunk of whatnot. Is that clear?” I explained. I expected Ex to say something stupid like, 'I sleep with all my ex-girlfriends!'. But I was wrong and he didn't say anything.

“Sorry,” he said, frowning. “I just thought...”

“Is it because there's not a single girlfriend that you've never slept with?” I challenged. He opened his mouth to say something but I beat him to it. “Guess I broke your lucky record.”

He looked like he wanted to say something but thought better of it because he thought that talking to me was wasting his time. Like usual, I left the school. I didn't expect him to chase after me and he didn't.

Now I know what to expect from a popular egomaniac guy.

January 28th

The art class threw me a little birthday party. It was a nice day, after all. Liane didn't talk shit about me like usual. It was pretty good.

Though I had to relive the whole week because I wanted to tell Aiden. I didn't want to sound too paranoid, but I had to tell him what I saw during Thursday night. He looked troubled when I told him what happened. He asked if I called the police or not and I told him I didn't.

“You might be overreacting,” he said, “but be careful.”

Of course I would be careful. What did he think I would do?

January 30th

I just came to say that Ex has resorted to making out with Liane right in front of my face. It felt horrible, but I looked away and pretended that I didn't care, because you know what? I DON'T CARE.

But if I don't care...why am I obsessing over this? I have to stop. It's almost like the beginning of twelfth grade all over again. I don't need that. Ex can go make out with whoever he wants whether it's me or Liane. I don't care anymore. I'm not going to hurt over Ex. He can go screw himself.

January 31st

Again... It happened again...

I looked out the window at night (like I always do now) and I saw the person again. I was so frightened that I jumped away from the window. Seriously, I had to be imagining things. But three times in a row? That wasn't...

No, it's just a coincidence. It was nothing. NOTHING.

February, 2nd

Semester change is in a few weeks. I've stopped looking out my window at night. I don't want to see anything that I might see. It's scary... I feel...followed.

I haven't even told my friends. But I'm just too paranoid sometimes...right?

February 4th

I'm not even joking when I write this; Liane is such a bitch. I hope she dies in a hole somewhere. God!

So she came up to me in art class while I was attempting to paint a fruit with all the light and darkness. She watched me for a while (and to be honest, that was really annoying) and then she said, “Oh, that's looks okay.”

I didn't respond to that. I didn't even think it was a compliment. It was from Liane, after all. I doubted that she ever complimented anyone.

“So,” Liane said, “you broke up with Drew.” Whoops, sorry journal, I hadn't meant to write his name, but that's what she said. Oh, who cares? She said it, it didn't come out of my mouth.

“Yes,” I replied, “and you should know. You've been dating him for...what? A month now?” I had a feeling that she came up to me just to rub her 'victory' in my face. I hate her, I hate her, I hate her.

Her expression was very smug. “Yes,” she said, “oh, of course. I was just wondering if it was okay with you.” She pretended to bite her nails and look worried. God, the whole act was making me want to barf. I actually wished she would be plain out mean. But she was sinuous—very sinuous. “You know, when we make out and stuff. I mean, his kisses are wonderful. He tastes delicious,” Liane added, giving me a slight smirk that could have been mistaken for a smile. “I mean, I would hate to see my boyfriend making out with another girl who I knew was way more beautiful and—”

That bitch! I held up my hand to stop her. “I get it,” I said as sweetly as I could. “I'm fine with everything, honestly. He wasn't honest to me and I didn't really like him.” That was a lie. I really liked Ex at the time. Now...I still didn't even know what to feel for him. Just...a horrible empty feeling overtook me if I thought about him. “I just went with the flow when he asked me out,” I lied.

“Oh really?” Liane asked, not sounding convinced. “Well, just don't start cutting yourself over him,” she said, before leaving. Once she was out of earshot, Aiden asked me what that was all about.

“You know...my ex-boyfriend I told you about? Yeah, I never told you the girl he was dating. It's Liane,” I said. I actually felt like I was going to cry. I didn't want to cry right then so I focused on my painting.

“She's a bitch,” Aiden said, looking at her with disgust. She had her back to him, unfortunately, so she didn't catch the look. “You deserve better.”

Was it just me but did he lean closer to me when he said that? I wasn't sure, but he lifted up my chin with two fingers. He took one hand and wiped something from the corner of my eye. I realized that it was a tear and I felt instantly embarrassed.

“No tears,” he began, “should be wasted on Liane and your dumbass of a boyfriend.”

That made me smile instantly. Maybe it wasn't so bad to have broke up with Ex. At least I have Aiden.

February, 9th

One person I haven't written about in a while...is Peter.

I can't believe it. Since Ex had (basically) taken over my life, I've totally forgotten about Peter... Well, since That Thing happened... I haven't been usual.

So I don't feel anything for Peter anymore. Looking back at my entries, it looks like Ex would have ruined anything Peter and I ever had. I think he knows this because he's pretty bitter sometimes whenever we use to talk about Ex. That's why we don't talk about Ex anymore.

So I needed help with my homework today and he was happy to help. He's a good person, unlike Ex. I wondered why I ever saw Ex as a better person than Peter. I mean, Peter's honest and great. And best of all, he doesn't give a damn about stupid 'reputation'.

But now, all the feelings I've ever had for him are nowhere to be found. Stupid Ex. Peter didn't seem too keen to talk about Ex at all or us. Apparently, he had given up. Today, I realized that he had a girlfriend. Great. It was my fault for missing out.

I'm such an idiot. I knew I couldn't pick him up like a second choice. What good was that? I can be alone, it's just fine. In fact, I've been living my whole life single until stupid Ex came along.

I want my months back. I want the months that Ex stole from me. I want them back. But what use is it to ask for something that's already gone? It's like asking for a dead person to come back to life.

February, 11th

And the Liane monster strikes again.

You know what? I don't even want to talk about that bitch today. I'll save it for another day. I wish she would just leave me alone, but no...she wants to 'finish off' her prey.

And that prey is me. Hasn't she had enough already? I hope she doesn't write another stupid article about me.

February, 14th

Happy Valentines Day! Ex avoided me all through class, which didn't come as a surprise. I mean, honestly, Ex was a horrible boyfriend.

Oh, and Andrew and Desiree kept making kissy faces at each other. It was really annoying. And also kind of gross.

February, 17th

Okay, it's been almost six days since I've talked about Liane and it's Friday. I'll talk about what Liane did. Long story short, she basically told the whole art class of my 'pregnancy'.

In the rest of class, everyone kept on asking about it. I wasn't pregnant but no one believed me. Except for Aiden, of course. And the teacher. He got really annoyed with all the drama. He told Liane that if she caused something else to happen, she was going to be kicked out of art class faster than she could blink. I don't even think that Liane cared. All she cared about was spreading shit and drama. Sadly, that's what her life seems to revolve around. Shit and drama.

February, 18th

Luckily, in art class today, my 'pregnancy' seemed to have cooled down among the others. Liane didn't appear at class today. Big surprise. Sarcasm intended.

I bet she was off smoking pot somewhere. I hope she gets arrested for drug possession.

February, 21st
Alright... I've seen the person again today... No, they weren't outside my house at night. Was going home from school...and I swear someone was following me.

I looked behind and it was that person dressed in black... I don't know why anyone didn't find that freaky, but they were following me, I swear.

I ran home afterwards. I'm almost sure it's the same person. They know where I live...but... NO! I'm overreacting! Overreacting! It's nothing!

February, 23rd

It's Andrew's birthday today! I've forgotten about it and I didn't even buy him a present... Shoot! But Arianna told me it was okay. She bought something for him. She had wrapped it in a pink package so I didn't even think that Andrew would like it. I was sure Arianna bought to insult him or something.

I was right. After school, we went to Andrew's place (it's really quite nice there). He didn't want to party or eat (what a killjoy) so we went right to opening to presents. I thought Desiree would take a ring and propose to him, but she didn't sadly. She just gave him a (very long) kiss right in front of us.

I don't know what Tomas, Con, and Peter gave him, but I was pretty sure it had something to do with cold hard cash. Finally, it was Arianna's turn. She gave him the small square package. The guys instantly started to laugh when they saw it and Arianna gave a look of mock hurt.

“Don't be so mean!” Arianna said. “Happy eighteenth birthday! You're not legal unless you've seen my present,” she said.

Curious on what it was, Andrew opened it with all of us watching. You'd never guess what he pulled out.

Twilight.

You guessed it right. That Vampire book. Arianna thought it was hilarious and she started to laugh really hard. Andrew just gave us a confused look.

“You have to read it some day,” Desiree told Andrew jokingly, “you're not complete until you've finished it.” Andrew looked reluctant.

“Um...thanks Arianna,” he said, putting the book down on the table and I got the feeling that he was never going to open that book.

Surprising, Andrew had a little party planned out. So while everyone was partying inside, I went outside to his front porch and say down. It was quite late at night now...

I... I saw the figure again. I didn't know what to do. I saw them across the street. They were just standing there. I knew it wasn't a coincidence but...I didn't want to think otherwise. I wasn't even sure if it was a man or woman. Maybe it was somebody's idea of a joke. But I rushed inside quickly.

Arianna and I left early. I was sure that Andrew was going to bring out some alcohol or whatever. I didn't want any. But Desiree stayed.

I hope they don't do anything they might regret. It would suck if Desiree got pregnant.

“Andrew! You bum! Open the door! You've been isolating yourself for weeks!” Desiree calls, knocking at my door. I quickly throw the journal into the open drawer and pull a teen-fiction book I have from my shelf and pretend I'm reading something else. I don't want Desiree to see Winter's journal just yet.

“I never said you couldn't come in,” I tell her through the door. She opens the door and steps in, looking slightly annoyed.

“You've been cooped up in your room for a long time now. What the heck are you doing in there?” She sees me with a book in my hand and she frowns. “I've never seen you read on your own before... This is suspicious.”

She walks over and examines the book I have. I don't even know what it is. I just snatched the only book off my shelf... Wait—I only have one book in the teen-fiction section...

Desiree lifts an eyebrow and looks at me curiously. She hands me back the book without hesitation. “Twilight?” she asks, sounding surprised. “Whoa, Andrew. That's scaring me.”

I shrug. “I really have nothing to do.” Funny how I had been just reading about what Winter had thought about Twilight and then I pick up the book too. “I have to read the book that Arianna gave me as a birthday present one day.”

That causes Desiree to be more suspicious. “Since when do you remember your birthday presents?” she asks. “And since when do you start caring? The last time I checked, you didn't even remember half your presents. And I don't even think you give a damn what people think.”

“My memory is weird,” I say, “and I do care. It's Arianna. She's very sensitive,” I say, trying to contradict her. I don't want her to suspect the journal. I'm being selfish, but I don't want anyone to see it.

Desiree rolls her eyes. “No she's not,” she says. “Arianna doesn't give a damn whether you read it or not. I don't even think she expected you to read it. And since when have you started to read? Are you feeling okay today?”

“Fine,” I say. “You can leave now. I'm fine.”

“What have you done to Andrew Campbell and where is he?” Desiree demands jokingly. “Seriously, Andrew, you're acting so weird. Like a girl, almost.”

“How am I acting like a girl?” I defend, getting worried about the journal. I want to finish it before I show to anyone.

Desiree sighs. “Right now you are. You never defend yourself so seriously when I'm asking these things. Don't you usually just crack a joke? You're acting so weird,” she says again.

“Alright!” I say. “I'm feeling off today. It'll all be gone tomorrow, okay?” I say, trying to look innocent and like my usual self. But I'm so caught up thinking about the journal that I don't even remember what I usually say in times like this. Surely not what I had just said.

“Alright,” Desiree says, eyeing me suspiciously. “I'll watch some more movies later, okay?” She gives me a quick peck on the cheek and a somewhat worried smile. I return that smile, hoping to appear normal.

Desiree leaves my room and closes the door. I sigh in relief and put the book back on the shelf.

I pull out the journal again, keen to read. Winter's life... I didn't even know that she knew Liane. In fact, I didn't even know who Liane was until Winter...left.

Her life...it's so messed up. Of course, I remembered the whole pregnant thing, but just barely. I didn't think it was so big. I never knew that Liane was harassing her. I never even knew that Drew and Winter were at bad terms just months before she died. I had been completely lost in her life.

And by the sounds of it, it looks like during the last few months, Winter had been stalked.