Unwritten Pages

I can't believe how stupid I am.

I broke up with Lilian because of some stupid phone call. It's Drew's fault. Whoever this Drew guy is. Though I think he'll probably be at the funeral.

I shut my eyes and imagine Lilian's beautiful face. Wait—why am I thinking of her as Lilian now? Her name's Desiree. Desiree Lilian. I close my eyes and then I open them. Lilian...that was what I use to call her when she hated me.

So did that mean that we were back to hating each other again? I didn't want to think of it that way.

“I'm such a bastard,” I say out loud. What I had said to Lilian—Desiree was plain rude.

She had said that she never liked me anyways... I feel a tight squeeze in my chest. Is... Is it true? Was she...lying?

No, I tell myself, she was just furious at the moment... She doesn't mean it...

Right?

I wish Winter were here. Then she would tell me what to do. We had a fight once, months ago. Maybe near the beginning of the school year. We broke off for a while. Winter convinced us that we were being stupid.

Winter... She would know what to do now. She understands Lilian—Desiree.

I like to think that I understand Lili—Desiree too. But that's obviously not true. I mean, I do understand her in ways... But I don't really know everything about her. I don't know what she would do or how she handles certain things.

Sometimes, not knowing these things drive me nuts.

Like right now.

I swear to myself. Thank God that my parents aren't here. I'm swearing so much that they would wash my mouth with soap.

“Why am I such a fucking douchebag?” I curse again and I throw one of my binders across the room. It hits a wall and falls to the ground.

I hope my parents don't come up here to check on me. I know I was yelling at Lil—Desiree on the phone. I hope it wasn't loud.

I think about the phone call again. When I called Lilian a Famous Little Celebrity Bitch. I feel horrible for calling her that... It's just...unthinkable.

I indirectly insulted her for saying 'bloody'. She had been to England with me on our eleventh grade trip. A whole month in England. We both picked up some phrases. Saying 'bloody' was one of them.

I think about how I had swore at her. I wonder if she's...crying? I know it must hurt for your boyfriend to call you a mother fucking bitch.

I know that Lili—Desiree's insults hurt me—even though she swore to the minimum.

She had told me to go mess around in everyone's bed. Thinking about that really upsets me. Especially the part about Liane.

Liane disgusts me, that's it. And I would never get into bed with the slut of the school—Melinda Soares.

I want to talk to Lil—Desiree at the funeral, though I don't want her to scream at me during Winter's final moments above ground.

I know that Desiree doesn't let go of her pride easily. That's a flaw in her. Though I kind of admiral that kind of flaw (the brave, unyielding flaws), it gets annoying at times when I'm trying to talk to her.

I sigh and bury my face in my pillows. I can't believe what an idiot I was.

And the whole argument started with this Drew guy. I wonder who the heck he is, if he could set us off like that. I hate that guy—even though I haven't met him. And to tell the truth... When Desiree went on protecting that guy... I felt kind of jealous...

Lili—Desiree must hate me right now. She must hate me a lot.

Please don't, I think, as if I can talk to her, don't be mad, please. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry.

I know she can't hear my thoughts though.

“Andrew?” That's my mother again.

“Yes?” I call loudly. My voice is hoarse.

“One of your friends are over! Again!”

I wonder who it is. Desiree? Did she come to apologize? But it's too early for Desiree to forgive. And I think I should be the one to apologize. Maybe it's Arianna. Or Tomas, Con and Peter again.

“Coming!” I open the door and hurry down the stairs. I don't look at my parents because they'll know that I've been upset. I open the door and look out.

Curly reddish hair and glasses. Brown eyes, Asian and delicate features.

The one and only.

Liane fucking Chau.

I have to stop swearing in my head. It may become a bad habit that I don't want, again. I use to swear every second sentence in ninth grade. Now I don't swear...as much.

She smiles brightly at me. I almost puke. I think I'm going to swear at her, so I step out and shut the door so that my parents wouldn't hear whatever the heck we're going to say.

Her smile grows wider, as if she thinks she's succeeded at something. Perfect.

“How do you know where I live?”

She shrugs nonchalantly, as if stalking me didn't matter. “School records.”

And you just... You just came here?” I'm incredulous. She shrugs again.

“What are you here for?”

She smiles, and for a moment, it looks seductive. I want to puke. But as soon as it comes off, it flashes off again into an innocent smile that didn't look so innocent.

I guess it can be called a smile with...bad intentions.

I think I know what bad intentions Liane has planned for me.

“Oh! You know, the usual,” she says. She reaches out a hand and touches me on the arm. I recoil at her touch immediately. I can only hope she knows that I don't want this and gets away from me.

“Don't be so...tight,” she says. Tight? What the...heck is going on here?

She wets her lips. “Right here, right now. I need it.”

Is she...?

Am I thinking straight? She gives me a seductive smile—a real one this time. She puts on her hands on my waist. I'm in too much shock to even think. Oh God, this is disgusting—

“You know you want it,” she says and smiles.

Suddenly, I see Desiree's face, smiling up at me. And when I look down, I don't see Desiree. I see... I see Liane.

I push her back so violently that she almost falls. She stumbles back. Then she turns and glares at me.

“What the heck was that for?”

“What the heck are you doing?” I'm angry—again. I can't believe I almost cheated on Desiree. Well... Not really. Desiree's not my girlfriend anymore and Liane pushed herself onto me.

Nothing spelled more desperate than that.

Liane blinked, trying to look innocent and confused. “Don't you like me?”

Me liking you is a sign that the Apocalypse is coming, I think in disgust. But I don't say this. Instead, I say: “No.”

Liane still looks confused. I'm doubting this girl's IQ now. Is she just playing stupid and ignorant or is she really stupid and ignorant?

Then her confusion fades and I know it was an act. A sinister smile appears on her face.

“I heard,” she begins, “that you and that Lilian—”

“Desiree,” I growl.

“Whatever. I heard that you two are split,” she says. “Maybe time for a new relationship?”

“Uh, no thanks. I'm not a player who fucks every girl he sees,” I say, clearly annoyed. “And where did you hear that Desiree and I are no longer together?”

I didn't say that we were split. I just ask why she knew. So that way, I wasn't truly giving her any information. Any article-writer or reporter would know to focus on the words.

But I'm not so sure about Liane.

“Just a little bird that I happen to come across,” she says nonchalantly.

I narrow my eyes. Obviously I won't take that for an answer.

Liane sees my expression and rolls her eyes. “It doesn't take a genius to figure it out when you're yelling and swearing at your 'girlfriend',”she says.

“What are you talking about? I mean—how do you know?”

Liane looks at me like I'm an idiot. And maybe I am—for yelling at Desiree. “Let's just say I was here earlier.”

“You were inside my house?”

She shrugs. “Yeah, so what?”

“Who—I mean, why did my parents let you in?”

“I'm your friend,” she says earnestly. “Maybe we can change that to...friends with benefits?”

I'm already disgusted by just the word 'friend'. I doubt we'd ever be friends with benefits. Shudders. That thought makes me want to hurl.

“No thanks,” I say. “And my parents don't let friends in the house,” I say, eyeing her suspiciously.

“Okay, okay,” she says. “I said that you broke up with Desiree. And I'm your new girlfriend.”

I almost gag. Liane looks at me with something that almost looks like concern. “You okay?”

“Fine, fine,” I say.

“Anyways, they told me you were in your room, and I was about to join you there.” The thought really wants to make me hurl. What... What would have happened if she did come in my room?

I think I might have thrown something at her. Maybe the item would be one of my textbooks. Maybe it would have hit her nose and made her start to bleed. That thought almost makes me smile. Almost.

“We're still together,” I insist. Though I know that I'm not fooling anyone. Anyone...that has a brain.

Unfortunately, Liane isn't as stupid as she had pretended to be earlier.

She gives a short laugh and rolls her eyes. “Yeah right. I heard you scream that it's over. And then you cussed her name. What do think of that?”

“It's just a fight,” I say, “we're going to get back together.”

She puts her hands on her hips. “Oh, wait—what were you arguing about? Surely not about poor dead Winterlyn.”

This girl... Is she asking to be killed or what? But I'm a gentleman and I know I won't punch her... Maybe I can get someone else to do it for me...

“But of course, I know it's probably about my article,” she says and puts a hand on her chest, looking extremely smug and proud with herself.

Probably equals zero percent, I think.

“Oh I know I'm great at uncovering mysteries,” she says. Annoyance and anger creeps up me. “You didn't know that Desiree Lilian was a druggie? Thank God I finally put the light on that.”

You put the light on a made-up theory, idiot.

“I feel so bad for you,” she says. Though she's smiling, so I'm sure she doesn't feel bad for me. I know that all she wants is to somewhat win whatever sick game she's playing.

“Oh, yeah, feel bad for me,” I say sarcastically. Though she's too immersed to focus on my tone of voice.

“I know, right?”

“Now what are you going to do?”

She shrugs. “Well... I'm going to make sure that everyone sees that Desiree and Arianna are not to be trusted. And to think that all their drug work has tainted you! I feel so bad that everyone thought you were a druggie!”

Uh, that's because I was one, I think. But I don't say it.

“And it's such a shock that Arianna Golding's in this too!”

It's your freaking theory. Why would your own theory shock you? It's your own stupid, fabricated idea.

Suddenly, one of Winter's songs run through my head. 'Fabrications'...



'Fabrications' was created...this year. I remember because she sang it for a talent show... But she still went unnoticed.

Funny how you can be so colourful, unusual, and vibrant and still go unnoticed.

“Arianna's in a bunch of my classes. I can't believe she would sink this low! And kill her friend, Winterlyn!”

“It's your own theory, Liane,” I say, suddenly weary, “how are you sure that it's true?”

“Trust me,” she says with confidence. “I just know. And how they dragged you into drug business?” She looks ready to write about another scandal. And that's when I think of her friend 'Scandalicious' I speak.

“Where's Scandalicious?” I ask.

Liane looks genuinely surprised for a brief moment, which seems to be a foreign emotion on her face.

“Oh! You mean Natasha Nguyen,” she asks. I shrug. I just know of her as 'camera buddy' and 'Scandalicious'. Which probably means that she loves scandals. Since the word is mixed between scandal and delicious. It sounds like she's the person to devour scandals without second thought.

“Sure,” I say.

“She's at home right now. And that reminds me...” She gives me a seductive look. I groan inwardly. Not again. I definitely don't want her to push herself onto me...

“We can go inside the house, right?” She bites her bottom lip, trying to look cute. Though it makes me want to hurl—again.

“No,” I say simply.

“Why not?” She whining. Oh God, she's whining.

“Because I don't want someone who's barely my friend,” I say.

“But I'm your girlfriend!”

“Uh, no your not. I only met you two days ago,” I tell her. Surely she knows that can't already count as...friends. I don't even like her! In fact, I hate her!

“But we're perfect,” she says. “And besides, you and Desiree are over. Isn't it time to look for a new girlfriend?”

“It hasn't even been an hour since we broke up. In fact, it hasn't even been half-an-hour. Do I look like your typical player?” I glare at her, daring her to say yes.

Fortunately, she has the brains to keep quiet.

I'm relieved and I start to head back into the house.

“Actually, it's almost half-an-hour,” she says. “Half-an-hour is enough. Heck, you don't even have to date me! Just give me what I want. I can fill that void in your heart where Desiree left a hole in.” She points at my chest.

It's true. Desiree and I breaking up—it doesn't leave me with happy feelings. Tomas tells me constantly that when he breaks up with a girl, it feels like freedom to him. He doesn't have to return calls or take his girl out anymore. Freedom.

But to me, it feels like Desiree has took my heart and started to rip it up slowly. So slowly, I can't feel anything.

Feelings of emptiness, just what I want. And that's sarcasm.

Before I even know is, Liane has her hands around my waist and is tracing my lips. I want to resist her—I hate her. But at the same time, I do want to fill that void in my heart.

“You... You read me well...” I trail off. Reading me well? That meant she knew me! And that was something I did not want.

She presses her lips on mine before I can think. I feel disgusting and gross. But somehow, her kiss manages to push the emptiness away for now.

I see Desiree's face in my mind. And I begin to push Liane away. This isn't right. My eyes snap open...

...And I see her.