Oh Baby, Let Me In

I could only imagine how Gerard felt at the moment. I didn’t know whether he knew what Sam and me were on about, but if he did, he was probably super pissed at me. Again.
Not that that would’ve been anything new.

What I found weird though, was that when I came back to my senses Sam wasn’t there anymore like she normally would have. I didn’t know where she went, but I couldn’t find her anywhere, not on the bus nor near it.
Someone I also missed was Gerard. Normally he would’ve locked himself in the bathroom or he would’ve been in his bunk, drawing and drinking. Neither was the case. When I asked the guys, who were all sitting in front of the TV playing X-Box, if they had seen him, the most of an answer I got was a shake of the head.

Great. So he had disappeared off the face of earth again. I didn’t have to worry too much, though. He was probably out drinking.. Or with this stupid girlfriend of his.

Yeah I know I was a hypocrite, but I couldn’t help but be jealous. I really fucking liked this guy and to be honest I liked him way more than Sam, but neither of them had to know that. I was pretty fine with making them believe I had this girlfriend whom I loved more than anything.

Don’t judge me. I bet every gay guy has a girlfriend as a cover-up at least once in his life.

Since Sam had vanished and didn’t come back all day, I sat down on the couch, a beer in hand and tried calling her a hundred times. To no avail.
She wouldn’t pick up. Not once. Neither did she answer any of the texts I had sent her, but you know what? Fuck it. I could live without her.

The whole afternoon consisted of drinking. I got one beer after another and soon couldn’t even walk to the fridge anymore. But who cares? I was old enough to get drunk once in a while, even if once in a while slowly became more frequently. It’s not like I was an alcoholic just yet.

I actually really liked how my day went. I know I was alone almost all the time and the main purpose of it was to drink myself into oblivion, but the thoughts that were swimming in my head made me smile every so often. He was just perfect.

Then almost at midnight I ended up being crushed worse than I thought possible. I always knew the possibility that Gerard was out with this chick was rather high, but the hope that he wasn’t had drowned the fear.
When I saw his face then, grinning, I knew there was something wrong. He was drunk, yes, but that hand of his that pulled someone in behind him was too much to bear. I didn’t want to see him with someone else. I really didn’t.

I was perfectly fine in my condition, thinking that he actually liked me and was just afraid of admitting it. But I guess, I was wrong.