Oh Baby, Let Me In

Last night had been the best night in forever. Gerard and me had finally spent some time together and we hadn’t argued. I don’t know what had come over him, but the company was definitely appreciated.
I hadn’t had a proper conversation with my best friend for weeks. Last night felt like make-up sex, only we didn’t have sex. I wish we did though.

Okay, so maybe I still liked him, but that didn’t go away from one day to another, right? Right. I only had to convince myself of that fact and everything would be fine. I wished at least.

Believe it or not throughout the whole night I hadn’t once let anything regarding the topic slip. I was rather proud of myself to be honest. Everyone knew that I was a talkative and hyper person. I would talk constantly, not seeming to shut up at all. But I wasn’t high and I hadn’t drunk any alcohol, and I didn’t want to scare Gee away again, because this was what I needed. I needed him to be there, to understand that talking to me wasn’t an impossible thing just because I might’ve admitted to have feelings for him. He was still the same Gerard I depended on and I was still the same Frank he knew.

We had managed to stay up the whole night, just talking and laughing with each other. Only when the guys slowly started to get up and walk out of the bunk area did we notice that we had indeed spent the whole night awake, not closing one eye.

Amy and Sam both hadn’t noticed our departure until they woke up in the morning, letting their eyes adjust to the light and scanning over the bunk they lay in to find each one’s boyfriend. When neither of them found us next to them, Sam frowned. She asked herself where I had gone and was apparently too lazy too look for me.
Amy started crying as Bob, who was still there when they woke up, told us. He didn’t know why she was so desperate, but he didn’t question it because, like me, he didn’t like her all that much.

I just didn’t care. I didn’t care that Amy had cried over Gerard spending time with me and I didn’t even care that much that Sam felt rejected. I just didn’t care about either of them, because they were the only reason Gerard’s and my friendship had almost gone down the drain. Besides, I didn’t like her in the slightest. I might have felt good about her from time to time and I might even have liked her company in seldom situations, but I really didn’t care. She could’ve died for all I cared.

Around noon I left to take a shower and change, because I smelt really fucking bad. My mood hadn’t changed, I was still excited.
When I came back to the ‘living room’ however, my smile faltered. Gerard wasn’t there. He didn’t tell me he was going to go out, so I assumed he had told someone else, but no one knew where he had went.

Right then I felt crushed too my bones, rejected and just completely out of place.