Dark Before the Dawn

“The first permanent photograph was an image produced in 1826 by the French inventor Joseph Nicéphore Niépce. His photographs were produced on a polished pewter plate covered with a petroleum derivative called bitumen of Judea, which he then dissolved in white petroleum. Bitumen hardens with exposure to light. The unhardened material may then be washed away and the metal plate polished, rendering a positive image with light regions of hardened bitumen and dark regions of bare pewter,”

Gotta love the history of photography, right?

“Joseph Nicéphore Niépce,” I mumbled, before writing the name down in my notebook.

I stiffened slightly as Alex wrapped his arms around me from behind, but smiled as his mouthed slowly at my neck.

“Mm, you look fucking good today,” Alex murmured, nipping my earlobe.

As opposed to not looking good any other day? Thanks! As much as I’d like to give in to Alex’s advances and let him ravish me right here right now, I actually have a lot of work that I need to get done today.

“Alex, stop,” I sighed.

Alex ignored me, starting to suck slightly on my skin. Fuck that feels good. No! I can’t get distracted.

“Alex, I mean it! I have work to do!” I whined.

Alex froze slightly, before stepping backwards. I hesitated before turning my face to see him scowling. Great. Just fucking great. How could I forget that Alex hates sharing me with work? How could I forget the incident in Senior year of high school when I wanted to study for my exams early and he hated it? Fuck.

“You’re choosing to study over me? What the fuck, Zack?” Alex said angrily.

I groaned, running my hand through my hair.

“Lex, I’m graduating in 6 months! I can’t slack off now!” I explained.

“You do work every day as it is – why don’t you just spend the rest of the day with me?” Alex frowned.

“Because this is important to me!” I exasperated.

“And I’m not?” Alex growled.

Fuck this. I am not getting into an argument with him, especially not over college work. Again.

“I don't want to deal with this. I’m going to college, I’ll see you later,” I muttered, shoving my books back into my bag.

“Fuck that – if you go to college on your day off instead of staying here with me, then don’t come back tonight,” Alex threatened.

I clenched my teeth and glared at him. Is he really being that childish?!

“I mean it,” Alex warned.

Asshole. What the fuck is wrong with him today? I thought his bad moods were starting to get better.

“I guess I’ll be checking into a hotel tonight then,” I sneered.

With that, I grabbed my phone from the side and left the apartment with my bag on my back, grabbing a coat on the way out. Luckily my college pass and my camera are in my bag already. What the fuck is Alex’s problem? I get it, our sex life is back to it’s regular sex after a year or so of pretty much nothing, but I’m not his sex slave – he can’t just come on to me and expect me to drop everything for him. My college degree, my photography, is one of the only things I have that I can call my own. He pays all the rent and bills. He supplies money for food. He owns the car. All I have is my camera and my clothes – if I can’t excel in the one thing I have of my own, what can I do?

15 minutes later, I’d reached college and was walking up the stairs in the building that the arts programme used for their design space. Each course had it’s own floor, and the photography department had three studio spaces (split into various booths for private work) and a dark room. Most of the students in my studio space were dicks, but I chose a booth in the far corner, where only one person could sit next to me.

This person happens to be Pat. And he happens to be in college today.

“Are you okay?” Pat frowned, tucking his pencil behind his ear.

Hi to you too.

“Just peachy,” I muttered, sitting down in my chair and pulling out my camera.

“What’s wrong, Zack? I didn’t think you were in today,” Pat said.

“I’m not meant to be. I had an argument with Alex and I needed out,” I muttered.

I probably shouldn’t be talking about my relationship problems, but I need to vent.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Pat asked hesitantly.

“Not really. Alex just doesn’t understand the word ‘no’,” I grumbled.

Pat’s eyes widened, making me smile weakly.

“Not like that. Well, kind of like that. I was trying to get work done and he…well, he had other ideas,” I shrugged.

“Oh, well, doesn’t he understand that you’re really passionate about your photography too?” Pat offered.

“Nope. He’s always been ‘me first’ and he’ll never change,” I growled.

Pat seemed to back away a bit, sensing my anger. I sighed and turned back to face my booth, pulling out the textbooks I was reading, as well as reaching for the sketchbook I’m using for my current project from the shelf in front of me. If I’ve made Pat mad at me too, I might as well get some actual work done.

I didn’t see Pat pull out his phone and text someone.

Half an hour later, Pat left the room. He didn’t say why. The reason became clear though when a chair pulled up next to me and a cup of coffee was thrust into my face.

“J-John?” I stammered, confused.

I took the coffee anyway though.

“Hey,” John said cheerfully.

I glanced at Pat, who sent me a hopeful smile. Ah.

“Why are you here?” I asked.

“Pat texted me and said that you were feeling a little down,” John shrugged.

“That’s not what I mean. Why did you come?” I sighed.

Out the corner of my eye, I saw Pat put his headphones in his ear and turn on his iPod. Oh that’s sweet of him, giving us space.

“Pat said that you’d had an argument with Alex and that you were upset. I hate seeing you upset because of him, so I wanted to help,” John said softly.

I blushed slightly but bit my bottom lip. I hate that everyone knows how much of an asshole Alex can be. What happened to the sweet boy that kissed me in front of our entire high school to prove how much he actually liked me? Alex would never do that now.

“Thank you,” I murmured, not sure what else to say.

“What happened, Zack?” John asked.

I sighed, looking down at my hands clasped in my lap. I really shouldn’t be talking to John about mine and Alex’s problems, but John cares so much – and he makes me feel peaceful, y’know? Like I can tell him anything and he won’t judge me. So here goes nothing.

“It’s kinda stupid, really. I’ve got a big project to do at the moment, and I have to do a lot of work every day or I’ll fall behind on it. I was trying to read through an important chapter and Alex slid up behind me and started kissing my neck. I tried to tell him to stop, but he didn’t listen and carried on. I told him to stop again and said that I had work to do, and he started to get angry. We had an argument like this in high school – Alex doesn’t like sharing me with anything, especially not with work. He said that I work too much and that I should just spend the rest of the day with him, but I said that because I’m graduating in 6 months that my work was important to me. And then he said so I’m not important? I didn’t want the argument to escalate so I said I was going to college,”

I hesitated slightly, my cheeks heating a little in shame.

“He said that if I left for college that I couldn’t come back to the apartment tonight. This made me angry so I said I’d be booking into a hotel, and left,” I finished.

I didn’t dare look at John as he processed my words. I don’t want to see him react to how pathetic I am.

“How can you put up with Alex being so cruel to you all the time?” John asked quietly.

“He’s not cruel, John,” I said softly.

“Yes he is! He’s pretty much kicked you out of your apartment for the night because you wouldn’t have sex with him – that’s not exactly nice!” John exasperated.

My cheeks heated up again. I don’t expect him to understand just how deeply I love Alex, no matter what.

“I love him, okay? I just…I love him,” I mumbled.

John sighed, running his hands through his hair, a flash of guilt spreading across his face. What?

“I didn’t come here to be angry and make you even more upset. I just…you deserve to be happy, Zack. I wish you could see what I see,” John said sadly.

“You don’t understand everything we’ve been through,” I said hesitantly.

“No, you’re right. I don’t understand. But right now you need a friend to support you and somewhere to stay, so I’m not going anywhere,” John said simply.

“W-What?” I said, confused.

“I still live on campus. My roommate dropped out a few months back and the housing office can’t be fucked to replace the roommate so late into my last year – so I have a spare bed. So you have somewhere to spend the night, if you want it,” John offered.

He’s offering me a place to stay? Really?

“That’s really nice of you,” I said honestly.

“It’s the least you deserve,” John replied with a small smile and a shrug.

I chewed my bottom lip, before nodding. It’s not weird if I share a room with John, right? It’s not like we’ll be sharing a bed.

“Great! Now, I brought sandwiches with me, so would you prefer cheese and red onion, turkey salad or chicken and bacon?” John beamed.

He brought food with him too? Fuck.

“Um, turkey salad?” I asked hopefully.

“Perfect. Chicken and bacon’s mine then,” John grinned, passing me the sandwich.

I stared in wonder as he poked Pat in the back and passed him the cheese and red onion sandwich. Pat took out his headphones and grinned.

“Aww John Ohh! My favourite!” Pat said happily.

Wow. It’s like he just knew. Maybe I should give him more credit. John really is a good friend.

“Aren’t you going to eat, Zack?” John prompted, pulling a sketchbook out of his bag, smiling at me.

I blushed but nodded. This is weird. This is a bit weird, right? Huh. Maybe not. Maybe I’m just overthinking things. Maybe John isn’t being perfect on purpose. As soon as I go back to Alex tomorrow, everything will be back to normal. I hope.

John winked at me as he drew a pencil out of his bag and took a bite of sandwich, making me quickly look back at my book.

Fuck, I really need everything to go back to normal.