Dark Before the Dawn

“WAKEY WAKEY EGGS AND BAKEY!”

I froze at the loud yell, the running feet and the slamming door. What the fuck?! This can’t be Alex. Where the fuck am I?!

“Pat, go away. How the fuck do you keep making copies of my dorm key?”

That’s John’s voice. Oh shit. I remember where I am now. I’m in John’s dorm. Alex kicked me out yesterday for not having sex with him. I stayed the night with a guy that isn’t Alex.

“Magic powers. Duh,” Pat grinned.

I barely had time to lift my head before someone jumped on my bed. Oh. It’s Pat.

“Morning Zack! Did John behave himself last night?” Pat asked cheerfully.

“Pat!” John hissed.

“What? Someone’s got to protect his virtue,” Pat shrugged.

It’s way too early for this.

“My virtue is fine. But you won’t be if I don’t get coffee asap,” I warned, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.

“I think that’s where I come in,”

Oh, cool. Jared’s here with Starbucks.

“Thanks,” I said gratefully, pushing Pat off of me to be able to take a long gulp.

Fuck, that’s better.

“Can you guys leave so we can get dressed?” John yawned.

“Fine, but Zack has a class in half an hour so he can’t be distracted!” Pat said firmly.

“Distracted by what?” I frowned.

“Out!” John demanded.

I pretended not to notice that he was blushing. As soon as Pat and Jared had left the room, John turned to face me.

“I’m really sorry about that. Pat doesn’t know boundaries. I’m used to him barging in here but it slipped my mind that you wouldn’t know. So yeah…sorry,” John sighed.

“Hey, it’s okay. At least I was awake when he jumped on me. And I got free coffee out of it, so I’m fine,” I insisted.

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to, like, hate me or something,” John mumbled.

That’s what he thinks? Wow.

“I’m pretty sure I could never hate you,”

A look of relief washed over John’s face before he blushed, his eyes looking down from my face. What? Oh. I’m not wearing a shirt. Is it that bad to look at?

“Uh, I have a shirt that you can borrow if you want. It might be a bit small on you because you’re fucking built, but, uh, I’m going to stop talking now,”

Oh. Oh. So he doesn’t think I’m bad to look at. Huh. That still isn’t necessarily a good thing, but still. At least he knows his boundaries.

“Thanks. For all of this,” I said softly.

Buying me food yesterday. Listening to me rant about my problems. Letting me stay in his dorm. Lending me clothes. Fuck – he’s just such a good guy.

“It’s no problem, Zack. Friends help each other out. Besides, I’m pretty sure my momma would kill me if she found out through one of the guys that I didn’t give you at least a fresh shirt to wear after staying over,”

Woah, what?!

“Your momma?”

This time John blushed deeply.

“Uh, yeah. When Jared, Pat, Kennedy, Garrett and I all went back for Christmas break, my momma took one look at me and asked who are you crushing on now? I said it was none of her business but then Pat came over with his momma the next day and Pat can’t say no to anyone and he caved. She was pretty pissed that I’m…sweet on you? I think that’s how she phrased it? Yeah, she’s pissed that I know you have a boyfriend,”

I just stayed silent. What the fuck am I meant to say to that?! John’s told his momma about me and I…I’m with Alex. John saw my expression and groaned.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make it awkward. Why don’t I just keep my damn mouth shut?!” he scolded.

“Hey, um, it’s okay. It’s not like you didn’t tell her I was with Alex, right?” I said.

“Right,” John sighed.

“Look, I’m not going to let this get awkward if you don’t let it get awkward too. We’re still friends, yeah?” I asked.

John smiled a little and nodded. Oh good.

“Yeah, we are. Uh, here’s the shirt. Feel free to use some deodorant in the bathroom, and there’s a spare toothbrush in there too,” John told me.

“Thanks,” I smiled.

“Any time,” John smiled back.

*

“Just on time, Zack! I was starting to think John was keeping you prisoner!” Pat grinned.

I winced.

“Yeah, about that…” I sighed.

“Uh oh, what did I say?” Pat frowned.

“No, it’s not you…um, John just said a few things, that’s all,”

“Like what?” Pat asked.

I sighed, rubbing the back of my neck. If I can’t talk to Pat about this, what can I talk to him about?

“John does know that I’m not going to leave Alex, right?” I asked hesitantly.

All of a sudden, Pat started to laugh. What the fuck? This isn’t funny!

“S-Sorry, I just…why would you ask that?” Pat giggled.

“Just some of the things he said. Like, the fact that he told his momma about liking me. Well, after you told her,” I said awkwardly.

“Ah, yeah, sorry about that. No-one can hide anything from John’s momma, trust me. But yeah he does know you love Alex and that you’re not going to leave him,” Pat nodded.

“Then why does he act like he has a chance?” I frowned.

Ooh, ouch. That was harsh.

“That came out wrong,” I sighed.

“It’s okay, I know what you mean. John…John’s complicated. He doesn’t flirt a lot, he definitely doesn’t sleep around a lot, so when he likes someone he tends to stick with it for a long time. John knows that you love Alex, but he’s just waiting,” Pat explained.

I couldn’t help but blush. Waiting? Waiting for what?

“Alex and I have been through a lot together – nothing’s going to change overnight,” I said softly.

“John knows that. He’ll wait regardless. That’s just how he is,” Pat shrugged, smiling.

I swallowed heavily and looked down at my feet. What the fuck am I supposed to say to that?!

“Come on, less thinking more studying – we have a pop quiz on the history of printing press,” Pat chuckled.

“And you know that how?!” I asked incredulously.

“Magic powers. Duh,” Pat grinned.

*

I held my breath as I opened the front door to mine and Alex’s apartment. Okay, no booby traps. That’s a good sign. I shut the door as quietly as I could behind me, taking off my shoes and putting my bag on the floor. Is Alex here? Is he asleep?

“Zack? Is that you?”

Yes to here and no to asleep. Right.

“Yeah, it’s me,” I replied softly.

In an instant Alex was in front of me, eyes wide and hands clutching. Woah, what the fuck?!

“Where were you?” he demanded.

“You kicked me out for the night, remember?”

“I didn’t mean it,” Alex frowned.

“Well it sounded like you did at the time,” I retorted.

“I…I just…where were y…whose shirt is this?” Alex asked sharply.

I swallowed heavily. It’s John’s. You know what? Fuck it. Alex kicked me out, he can deal with a verbal slap to the face.

“It’s John’s,” I said simply.

Alex’s hands dropped from the shirt and he stepped backwards.

“John…as in…John?” Alex asked incredulously.

“Yeah, that John,” I nodded.

Holy fuck, telling him was a bad idea. Too late now though.

“Why do you have his shirt?!” Alex asked shrilly.

“Well I had to stay somewhere,” I shrugged.

“You said you were going to a hotel!” Alex spluttered.

“Mm, but then he came into college after hearing I was upset and offered me a place to stay. His dormmate dropped out a few months back and he has a spare bed,” I explained calmly.

“You slept in his dorm?!” Alex growled.

“It’s not like I slept in his bed. And FYI, Lex, you have no right to get angry. You kicked me out for not having sex with you – that’s fucking low, even for you,” I said coldly.

A flash of hurt spread across Alex’s face and I almost apologised. Almost. Then he sighed, losing his angry stance.

“You’re right. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have kicked you out,” Alex said softly, looking at me with big puppy dog eyes.

Fuck those puppy dog eyes.

“No, you shouldn’t have. What’s gotten into you lately, Lex? Everything was so good and now it’s just…bleurgh. Again,” I frowned.

“I don’t know, I’ve just been feeling a little off,” Alex grumbled.

“Is it an epi…”

“No. I’m fine,” Alex interrupted, glaring at me.

Of course. Mention his disorder and he clams right back up. Fine. Have it his way.

“Alright, whatever you say. I just want to go to bed – I’m tired,”

“You don’t want dinner?”

I looked over into the kitchen and saw leftover Chinese takeaway. Go figure he couldn’t cook for himself for a single night.

“No, I’m not hungry. I just want to sleep,” I replied shortly.

Alex hesitated for a second, before taking my hand in his.

“Can I come with you?” Alex asked.

“Lex…” I warned.

“Just to sleep. I promise. I didn’t realise I’d miss holding you in my arms until I couldn’t,” Alex said softly.

Well that just melted my heart then and there. How can he be an asshole one minute and then know just what to say the next minute?

“Yeah, sure. Just don’t make me feel like such crap again, okay? I love you but you’re really pushing it,” I sighed.

“I know. I won’t do it again, I promise. And I love you too,” Alex smiled.

I forced a smile onto my face and leant forward to press a kiss to his lips, letting his embrace sooth me into relaxing. This is more like it. I broke away with a genuine smile and smiled a little more at the happiness in Alex’s eyes.

“Let’s go to bed, yeah?”