Dark Before the Dawn

“Guys! Zack’s waking up!”

“Zack? Can you hear me?”

“Open your eyes!”

“Come on Zack, let us know you’re awake,”

“Please, Zack, please,”

Those were the words I first heard as my mind cleared from the thick fog of sleep. This sounds like Jared, Kennedy, Pat, Garrett and John. Am I asleep? Why do they sound so worried?

“Nhn,”

“Zack! Come on, please open your eyes!”

That was definitely John. What’s going on? Slowly I forced my eyes opened, waiting for the blurriness to clear before frowning at all their relieved faces around me. Where am I?

“What’s going on?” I rasped.

“Y-You don’t remember?” Kennedy choked, clutching my left hand.

I bit my bottom lip, before shaking my head. Then I looked around the room. White walls. White sheets. Machines. IV drip. Holy shit, I’m in a hospital. And then it hit me.

Alex had an IED attack.

“O-Oh my God,” I whimpered.

“Hey, it’s okay, you’re safe now,” John soothed, clutching my other hand.

“N-No, you don’t understand. Where’s Alex?”

“How the fuck should we know? We left him unconscious after I tasered him,” Kennedy scowled.

“You what?!” I shrieked.

“Kennedy walked in on him repeatedly kicking your unconscious bloody body, Zack,” Garrett said softly.

Tears immediately sprung to my eyes. T-That really happened?

“You guys don’t understand,” I said softly.

“What’s to understand, Zack? He’s been beating you for nearly as long as us two have lived downstairs, and I stopped him beating you to death!”

“He wouldn’t have killed me,” I insisted.

“Are you seriously defending him?!” John asked incredulously.

How do I explain this?!

“It’s not as simple as it looks. I’m not an idiot – I wouldn’t live with someone who just beat me for the hell of it,” I said firmly.

The five of them exchanged glances, only making me feel shittier.

“Elaborate?” John sighed.

“Alex has Intermittent Explosive Disorder,” I mumbled.

“What?” Pat frowned.

I guess I’ll have to start right from the beginning.

“In January of his Senior year, Alex flipped out on a Junior boy, a boy from my year called Pete, unrelentlessly punching and kicking him until Alex was dragged off. Alex was one of the most popular boys in school, part of the football team and generally quite a nice guy. He had a perfect school record and didn’t really dislike anyone. No-one knew why Alex suddenly turned on Pete, including Alex. Pete was in hospital for three months, feeding through a tube before he recovered enough to go to a less intense facility, and Alex dropped straight out of school, disappearing completely for a year,”

I paused, running my tongue over my lips nervously, avoiding looking at them.

“Alex said he couldn’t even describe that tension that had taken over his body, and he can’t even remember what he did because he pretty much blacked out and something else was controlling him. He was told later on that he has Intermittent Explosive Disorder. IED is a behavioral disorder characterized by unpremeditated extreme expressions of anger, often to the point of uncontrollable rage, that are disproportionate to the situation at hand. Alex used to say disproportionate my ass because the attacks came out of nowhere! His parents were horrified and immediately sent him to a facility where he spent 8 months learning how to control and treat his disorder. He has no control over when the outbursts come, although because it developed late in his late teens, the outbursts won’t be frequent,”

“Isn’t there anything he can do to suppress the attacks?”

“He can take medication. 3 different types every morning, and a further three different types upon an attack occurring. But he hasn’t been taken his medication for over a year now,”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know. When Alex and I were together in Senior year, he was the perfect gentleman. Hell, he didn’t even kiss me until after 4 months of us dancing around each other. He was so sweet and he tried so damn hard at everything and…I don’t know why he stopped taking the medication. I guess maybe he thought he didn’t need it anymore. His mood swings were terrible. He could go from ecstatic to grumpy to clingy to furious in 10 minutes, all the time ranging from hating me, to thinking I was going to leave him, to finding something wrong with everything I did. I held on to our relationship because I know that this disorder isn’t the Alex I know. When he tries, when he really tries, he’s amazing. But I flipped him last night when I looked through his medicine cabinet and found all his unopened medication bottles. It wasn’t Alex that attacked me – it was the IED,”

“You’ve had to deal with his disorder on your own for three years?” John asked sadly.

I bit my bottom lip but nodded, tears pricking at my eyes again.

“Oh Zack,” John said softly.

I just whimpered, unable to stop the tears that trickled down my cheeks. I didn’t notice John send a look to his friends, but I did notice them all leave the room.

“They’ve gone to get a nurse and to get some food for us,” John told me, running his thumb over the back of my hand.

“Can you understand why I was never comfortable discussing Alex with you guys?” I said.

“Because the Alex we knew isn’t the real him?” John offered, smiling weakly.

“Yeah, pretty much,”

I tried to smile back, but I failed miserably, ending with more of a grimace.

“I’m so sorry, Zack. I’m sorry that you’ve had to deal with this alone and I’m sorry that none of us realised that everything wasn’t as simple as it looked,” John apologised.

“It’s not your fault. I didn’t exactly explain the bruises,” I mumbled.

John shook his head, his eyes darkening slightly.

“Seeing you bloody and unconscious was the worst moment of my life. Garrett called me, Pat and Jared after he called the ambulance, and we came over to your apartment while we waited for the paramedics to arrive. I’ve never been more scared in my life,” John admitted quietly.

He was that worried about me? Before I could reply, the door opened, and a Doctor walked in.

“Hi, I’m Doctor Jenkins, and I’ll be in charge of looking after you while you recover,” the man announced cheerfully.

I just nodded, not letting go of John’s hand. The Doctor noticed this and smiled slightly.

“First of all, I just thought I’d let you know that there are a pair of police officers waiting outside to ask you a few questions about what happened to you,”

“W-What do you mean?”

“I believe they have arrested a Mr Gaskarth in connection to your attack,”

“No, it wasn’t Alex. He came home and found me like that, and my neighbour got the wrong idea. He shouldn’t be arrested or charged or anything,”

“Then how did you come to be like this?”

“I got mugged on my way home and tried to clean myself up in the bathroom when I fell and hit my head. Alex found me, he didn’t hurt me,”

“Okay, I’ll be right back,”

The Doctor left the room and John immediately looked at me.

“Why the hell are you lying for him?”

“Technically I’m not lying. He couldn’t control himself – he literally blacks out and becomes a different person. I’m not pressing charges because it’s not his fault,”

“Jesus Christ, Zack,” John groaned.

I just stayed silent. Moments later, the Doctor returned.

“The police have taken your words into account and will return after questioning Mr Gaskarth about them,”

“Good. Um, how long do I have to stay here? Hospitals creep me out, no offence,” I asked sheepishly.

“None taken. Seeing as you have broken ribs, a fractured cheekbone, a broken noise, severe bruising and a gash at the back of your head which lost you a lot of blood, we’ll be keeping you in for at least another three days, if not a week, for monitoring,”

I whimpered, but nodded. I can’t be out of college that long! I can’t!

“Hey, I’ll sort everything out with college, I promise,” John promised, as if reading my mind.

I glanced at him and he just smiled supportively, so I nodded. I’m not alone any more. I can rely on John and his friends, right?

“A nurse will be back in half an hour to check you over, but for now just try to get some rest. You’ve got some good friends, Mr Merrick. They haven’t left your side since you got here. Especially this young man,” the Doctor smiled.

John blushed as the man left, making me smile slightly. They didn’t leave at all?

“Don’t know what he’s talking about,” John said gruffly, still blushing.

“Sure you don’t,” I chuckled.

“Yeah, well, I’m just glad you’re going to be okay. You’re not alone any more, Zack. You’ve got us. You’ve got me. We’re going to be right by your side – you can count on that,”

The strange thing was, I knew I could believe him. And I didn’t know whether that thought scared me or not. I can only wait and see what happens, right?