Dark Before the Dawn

Two days have passed since my birthday, and ever since that night something hasn’t felt right. I can’t put my finger on it. I can’t explain it. But something isn’t right. At first I thought it was me. Maybe the stresses of everything that’s happened this year had finally caught up with me. But then I went to a yoga class with Pat and relaxed, and realised I wasn’t the problem. Then I thought the problem was John. He held my hand when we walked around campus yesterday, and he put his arm around me when we went out to dinner as a group, and kissed me sweetly and unexpectedly when he dropped me off at class, and he held me in his arms after sex. But then he had a bad morning today where he snapped at all of us. Although he apologised straight after and even bought me flowers, this proved he is human after all – so he isn’t the problem after.

Then it hit me. The problem is Alex. The problem is always Alex.

The more I thought about it, the more I realised I was right. Something feels wrong concerning Alex. So I tried calling his cellphone. No answer. I tried calling the apartment phone. No answer. I even tried calling his workplace. They hadn’t seen him in 2 days – since my birthday. And then I started to panic.

Something is definitely wrong here.

When my classes took a break for lunch, I headed back to the dorm. John has to take his truck to the mechanic (something about an oil problem), and Pat and Jared have work to finish in the library, so I’m alone.

Perfect.

After kicking off my shoes and sitting down on my bed, I dialled the one of the only numbers back home that would know if there was something wrong with Alex.

“Brendon?”
“Zack? Hi!”
“Hey, um, I’m not calling for a random chat, just so you know,”
“Oh. What’s wrong?”

I hesitated for a slight second, before just deciding to blurt it out.

“Is Alex okay?”
“Alex? You’re calling about Alex?”

I could hear the disbelief in his voice.

“Don’t tell Martin. I just…I feel like something is wrong,”
“What do you mean?”
“On my birthday night two nights ago – thanks for the card and gift voucher by the way – Alex was in the same bar as me. He approached me only to bitch at me and he looked terrible. Like, really terrible. Ever since then I’ve felt like something is wrong,”

Brendon was silent for a few seconds before he sighed.

“I haven’t heard anything, Zack,”
“Oh,”
“I’m sure nothing is wrong,”
“But what if…”
“Zack, listen, Alex is a big boy, he can handle himself. And I know you two still love each other in only a way that you two can understand, but you can’t worry yourself like this,”

A lump rose in my throat at his words, and I blinked rapidly to get rid of the tears stinging my eyes. Damn.

“I can’t help it,”

Brendon sighed again.

“I know you can’t. Look, I’ll call around, call him, call his parents. Ryan might’ve heard something too. I’ll find out if anything is wrong and I’ll let you know,”
“You will? Thanks,”
“No problem. Just take it easy, okay? Chill,”
“I’ll try. Talk to you soon,”

Brendon ended the call. I didn’t realise I was staring at my phone until it buzzed with a text message 5 minutes later. Ryan. Huh, Brendon works fast.

Hey Zack. Brendon told me about your call. I haven’t heard anything about Alex but I’ll keep an ear out. I’m sure he’s fine. Try to relax, okay? X

A typical Ryan response. I can only hope he’s right.