Dark Before the Dawn

“I’ve got to get to college. I’ll see you later, okay?” I said quietly.

“Okay. I’ll be home earlier so I’ll help with dinner,” Alex told me.

I couldn’t help a small smile. It’s been a while since he’s done that. Hopefully he’ll stick to his word this time.

“I’d like that,” I said.

Alex smiled a little and pressed a gentle kiss to my lips, before breaking away. I smiled a little wider and grabbed my rucksack, walking to the front door.

“Zack? Did you use all the fucking milk again?!” Alex yelled after me.

I cringed and ran out the front door, shutting it quickly behind me. Shit.

*

Classes ended at 4 for me today. I don’t want to go back to Alex yet. I know he was apologetic this morning, but after he yelled at me for forgetting to buy new milk I know his mood is ruined. He’s going to be so pissed off and I don’t particularly want to deal with that. Not right now.

I might just go to the park like I thought about this morning. One of my new classes this year is the study of black and white photography, and I’ve been set a project to bring in 10 different black and white photos and explain their significance to me. I don’t take photos in black and white usually, so I’m going to have to take a load of photos from scratch and decide their significance from there.

I can take a few photos of nature and explain how they calm me down, right?

I changed the settings of my camera to black and white mode when I got to the park, adjusting my rucksack on my back before starting to work. I tend to get lost in what I’m doing and I don’t want to misplace any of my stuff, do I?

Leaves falling from a tree. Click.
Water shooting from a fountain. Click.
People walking their dogs. Click.
Overflowing wrappers and cartons from a trash can. Click.
An old couple walking and holding hands. Click.

Seconds, minutes, an hour or two passed, and I was still taking photos. There’s just so much going on around me, and I want to capture it all. Everything is so fascinating to me. I crouched down as I saw two squirrels moving towards each other, one holding an acorn. Oh this will be good. I put my camera up to my face, waiting for the perfect moment…click.

Just as I took the photo, I felt something slam into me. Shit, I was in someone’s way! And they fell to the floor! Fuck!

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry! Are you okay?” I apologised frantically, putting my camera strap around my neck.

The boy stood up from the ground, laughing slightly as he nodded. Fuck, he’s cute. No, more than cute. He’s stunning. Light brown messy hair, green eyes, a wide smile, god-like face, skinny, super tall…holy shit, I knocked him down?!

“I’m fine, don’t worry. It’s not every day I walk into a beautiful boy like yourself,” he replied, his voice smooth to make me shiver slightly.

I blushed. What? I rarely get compliments any more.

“I didn’t hurt you, did I? I feel like such an idiot for crouching in your way,” I said, embarrassed.

“No, I’m fine, seriously. And it’s my fault, I should’ve looked where I was going,” he smiled, wriggling his book.

Ah, he was reading while walking. I don’t feel so bad now. The boy smiled a little wider when he saw me relax.

“I’m John,” he introduced, sticking his hand out.

“Z-Zack,” I replied, shaking his hand.

Holy shit his hand is warm.

“I haven’t seen you around here before. Do you go to CCA?” John asked, cocking his head to the side.

“Yeah, I do. Final year photography,” I said shyly, waving my camera awkwardly.

“That makes sense. Final year animation,” John chuckled, waving his book, “I always remember a face as pretty as yours though. Don’t you hang around campus?”

I shook my head.

“I spent most my time outside class in my apartment with my boyfriend,” I explained.

FUCK. Why did I have to blurt out about Alex?! Nice job Zack, really well done. John’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, but he didn’t lose his smile.

“The hottest guys are always taken,” John mused.

I just blushed again, not knowing what to say. I don’t understand this boy. He’s not like anyone I’ve ever met before.

“I’d better get going. Maybe I’ll see you around campus?” John asked.

“Maybe,” I shrugged, smiling a little.

John laughed and nodded, before walking away. Fuck, he has a beautiful laugh. I couldn’t help but stare after him, only snapping out of my daze when he was out of sight. Oh my gosh. A guy flirted with me that wasn’t Alex. I flirted with a guy that wasn’t Alex. Fuck. Fuck, I’m such a bad boyfriend. This isn’t too bad though, right? It’s not like I did anything, right?

It was just talking. And Alex never has to know.

I glanced down at my watch, before groaning. Fuck, I should’ve started dinner hours ago. Alex is going to kill me! Without any more hesitation, I turned and ran all the way back to the apartment. By the time the elevator reached my floor, I was panting and gasping for breath, sweating slightly from the journey. I’m fucked. I’m so fucked. Shit, I hope Alex stayed late at the music store. Fuck.

I opened the front door as quietly as I could, wincing when I saw the kitchen lights on, as well as the living area lights. Fuck, Alex is home. Fuck! I swallowed heavily as I shut the door, placing my camera carefully on the side before walking down the short corridor to the kitchen.

What I saw shocked me. Alex had made dinner. By himself. I hesitantly placed my finger against one of the chicken breasts. Fuck. It’s stone cold. Alex made dinner a while ago. Cursing under my breath, I took of my coat, hat and scarf, as well as my shoes, before walking carefully into the living area.

“Oh, Alex,” I whispered.

He was asleep on the sofa, his face peaceful and calm. It’s times like this when he looks so beautiful that remind me of how he used to be. So fucking beautiful. And the fact that he made me dinner while I was out flirting with another guy makes me feel even worse. Fuck.

“Z-Zack?” he yawned.

Fuck.

“Yeah, it’s me. I’m sorry I’m late,” I murmured, crouching down to his level.

“What time is it?” he asked.

I glanced down at my watch and winced.

“Half past 7,” I said softly.

“Dinner was ready at 6. Where were you?” Alex frowned.

“I was taking photos for class in the park after my lectures ended and I lost track of time. I’m sorry, it won’t happen again,” I apologised, averting my eyes.

Alex cupped my face with his hand, making me look back at him.

“It’s okay, Zack. I know how involved you can get with your work,” Alex smiled.

As well as involved in conversation with another guy.

“I know, but I feel bad because I wasn’t here to make dinner for you. And I haven’t cleaned the apartment,” I said guiltily.

“Hey, it’s okay! You shouldn’t have to cook and clean all the time, you’re not a suburban housewife,” Alex chuckled.

Wow. Today is a very good day for Alex’s moods. Wow.

“If you’re sure,” I said uneasily.

Alex just nodded and sat upright. I moved from my crouching position to sit next to him.

“Am I losing you, Zack?” he asked softly.

Woah. I didn't expect that question.

“No,” I replied, shaking my head.

“I just feel like…you’re slipping out of my fingers. There’s so much distance between us and I just…I can’t lose you. There are so many guys out there that would jump at a chance to be with you, but I can’t lose you to them,” Alex said worriedly.

I blushed slightly. John. Fuck.

“I’m not going anywhere, Alex. I love you, remember,” I said.

This is the Alex I do love. The one that’s level-headed and open with his emotions. It’s flashes of this Alex that keep me hanging on. As long as this Alex is still around, so will I be.

“I love you too. I know I don’t say it much any more, and I'm sorry for that, but I love you so fucking much,” Alex choked.

I smiled as happiness flooded my veins, and took the chance to lean forward and kiss him. Alex moaned softly as our lips pressed together softly, kissing me gently. Then he broke away.

"Do you want to go out to the movies or something?" Alex asked shyly.

I blushed at the sweetness of his thought, and nodded. Fuck, we haven't gone out in such a long time.

"I'd love to," I grinned.

"Great. Um, I need a shower, so why don't you eat dinner while I do, and then we can go?" Alex suggested.

I just nodded again, still grinning. Alex chuckled and pecked my lips again, before standing up and walking out the room. This is a good thing. I don't know where his good mood has come from, but I'm not giving it up for anything. This is the Alex I love and I'm not letting go of him.