The Mess I Made

I try to put on a tough exterior because I don't want everyone to know how broken up I am inside. Sometimes I spend my days crying because of how badly I have messed up. No one knows but then again I don't really have anyone to talk about the way that I am feeling. I pushed them all away.

I don't know if any of you know...but Ariana, Cameron, Michael, and even Zach showed up at my rehab center but I refused to see any of them. They didn't just come to my first trip to rehab either. They came the second time too...and I ignored it.

It's not their fault that they're still hurting. Cameron and Michael may not say it in so many words but I can see the pain behind their eyes. They're trying to except me into their lives again. I know it can't be easy. None of this is.

-x-

I lay my hands flat on the table in front of me like I was getting ready for a business meeting. "Oh don't play dumb. You knew I was going to be the one that found you. After years and years I still know how you tick Porter. Whether you like it or not."

"I'll choose not." He stood up to leave.

"Zach, come on please?" He hesitated a bit and looked around Starbucks. He could see Michael chatting with Cassidy at the counter. I saw him tilt his head to the side and squint.

He took a seat back in the chair, "Why does she look so familar?"

"Take a guess." He looked over at me and then at Cassidy.

"She looks like Nikki." I nodded, "I don't think that's a good idea."

"I don't either but he's not going to listen to us. He never does. He's stubborn."

"I can think another person who is just like that." He looked at me dead in the eyes.

"So can I." I folded my arms and stared right back, "I'm not giving on you. You may want me to leave you alone but I can't do that. I did that once and I realized what a huge mistake that I had made. I'm not going to make it again."

"I think you're waisting your time on me, Skye. I don't know if I'll ever be ready to forgive you."

"You never know." I smiled, "I'm not going anywhere. I'll be there when you change your mind."

"Don't hold your breath."

Sometimes it's really annoying how stubborn we both are. He's so...difficult but I guess from his standpoint I'm being just as difficult if not more.

"Why do you have to be so difficult?" I laid my head on the table and pretended I was hitting my ahead against it. To make it sound like I was actually hitting it I used my hand to tap against the table. Several people turned around to look at what was going on.

"Skye-" Zach tensed up a bit, "Skyelynn, people are starting to stare."

"Let them stare!" I cried. He grabbed a hold of my hand to try and stop me. We both noticed the banging noise stop. I looked up and let out a nervous laugh, "Well...this is awkward."

He glared at me. "Why do you always have to cause such a scene?"

"Why do you have to be such an ass?"

"I wouldn't have to be if you didn't pull shit like this."

"You'd still be an ass. Don't flatter yourself."

"You never called me an ass before all of this shit happened. You're only saying it now because I'm not letting you get what you want."

"So? You're the one still holding my hand."

He let go almost immediately and scowled. "You're so annoying."

"You never use to say that." I said sweetly.

"I beg to differ. Don't you remember that time when we went to the movies to see some 3D movie and you threw a bitch fit because the 3D wasn't what you thought it was? During the middle of the movie you got up to tell the manager how you were feeling!"

"That's not what happened."

"Enlighten me then."

"Okay, so maybe that did happen. My bad. Sorry I was having a bad day."

"You were also still drunk from the night before."

"I was not!"

"You were wearing sunglasses in the middle of winter."

My face dropped, "Oh yeah huh?"

"Mhm." Zach took another sip of his coffee and flinched.

"Oh, is it cold?" I asked innocently, "That's what happens when you leave coffee sitting out."

"Shut up."

"You shut up."

Michael came walking over, "Are you guys done bickering? We have a show to get ready for you know."

"I knew that." Zach stood up, "You guys didn't have to come looking for me you know. I would've came back in a few hours anyway. I just needed some time to get away from-"

"Me."

Zach shrugged, "Could you blame me? Did you see that scene she made earlier?"

"You mean that annoying pounding noise that wouldn't go away?"

"That would be Skyelynn." He rolled his eyes.

"Sorry." I said sarcastically.

"At least say it like you mean it."

"Would you two give it a rest? You sound like an old married couple."

"Well he," I emphasized the he, "doesn't have to make things so hard for everyone else. I don't get it. Everyone else has seemed to move on. Why can't you?"

"I'm not everyone else."

"Thank you for stating the obvious." I resisted rolling my eyes, "I'm only being difficult because I miss you."

He looked up at the ceiling, "I miss you too...well I miss the old you before all of that crap happened. No matter how much I don't want to. You're always there in the back of my mind. I try to push it away and focus on something else but I'm always reminded of you. If I listen to a certain song or even go to a certain place it's like you're there. Even by running away...I can't seem to get away from you because you always find me."

"Well...I did have a GPS planted in to you while you were sleeping back when we were still dating if that makes you feel any better."

Zach let out a small laugh, "Oh...That's why I always hear a weird beeping nose in my head."

We all laughed. It was really starting to feel like we were getting back to the way we were. Before everything had happened our relationship was just efortless.

"Do you think we'll ever get back to where we were?" I asked quietly.

"I don't think so Skye...A lot has changed since then. I've changed."

"So have I."

He sighed, "Maybe you have..."