The Mess I Made

I've never been able to handle loss well but no one does really. Loss can be a lot of things. Loss can be when someone you love dies or when they move. It can be when your favorite pet is no longer here with you. It can even be when you lose your favorite teddy bear.

Before Nikki died I always found myself wanting to cut ties with everyone. I thought it would be easier because then I wouldn't have to miss them if they died but I was wrong. I learned that after not having any friends or family around for three years. I couldn't stand being alone. The silence was just too much. I spent so many nights crying myself to sleep and longing for someone to talk to.

Don't ever wish to just be alone. Everybody needs somebody sometimes.

-x-

Katherine snapped, "What are you laughing at?"

"I was coughing..." I began coughing again trying to hide my sheepish grin, "See, just a cough."

She glared at me and flipped her hair, "I'm not stupid you know."

"Never said you were." I batted my eyelashes, "Why would you ever think such a thing Kat? I think very highly of you."

"Cut the crap Skye."

"Why does everyone always say that to me? I was just trying to be the kind person that I am."

Ariana lowered her eyes at me, "Quit while you're ahead Skyelynn."

"Since when are you best friends with her?"

"Never said I was." she mocked.

Cameron said while walking towards the door of the venue, "I don't mean to interupt this-er-thing you guys have going on here but we have to go set up. We have a show to get ready for."

I mouthed a quick thank you and Cameron smiled. I could feel Zach's eyes burning in the back of my head. I shot him a confused you and shook my head, "I'll catch up with you guys later. There's something I need to take care of first."

-x-

I got back in my car and just started driving. I knew where I needed to be but I wasn't sure how it was going to go. I wasn't sure how they were going to react. It's been about three and a half years since my parents had last seen me. The last time they saw me they were practically shoving me out the door of my own house.

Everyday my parents and I fought. Sometimes it was about me cutting classes and other times it was my drinking. The fights would start out small but it would increase over time. I knew just how to push each of their buttons and they knew how to push mine. One day they just got sick of. They got sick of me.

Flashback
It was fall. The air was cool and windy. The leaves had already fallen off the trees and the winter season was fast approaching. It's only a month and a half since Nikki died and if you thought things were going downhill before you are certaily mistaken.

I was upstairs minding my own business when my mother came barging in. Nikki and I are the spitting image of our mother. We have her facial features and her hair color. The only thing we didn't have are her green eyes. We have dad's eyes.

Mom and I are more similar than just our looks. We're both hard headed and sarcastic while my dad is a bit of a pushover. Nikki was a lot like dad. She balanced mom out while I was often pushing her over the edge. I'm pretty sure that she preffered Nikki over me.

"Skyelynn, your teacher called." she said in a calm voice.

"Hm?" I didn't even look up from the computer.

"Your English teacher called. She says you haven't showed up for class in a month."

"So? I already know everything I need to know in English anyway."

"Your education is the most important thing. You can't just throw it away because you don't want to go."

"I'm just tired mom."

"I'm tired too!" She started raising her voice a bit, "I work all day and then I have to come home and clean the house. I barely have time to relax."

"No one told you that you had to clean. You just do it."

"I do it because I have to."

"I really don't care." I didn't once turn my head away from the computer.

"Listen to me when I talk to you young lady!"

I sighed and raised an eyebrow, "You have my undivided attention."

"Don't get smart with me."

"I wasn't. I was just saying-"

"Go to your room!"

I looked around my room and laughed, "I am in my room."

"Skyelynn, I have had enough of your shi-"

Dad came walking in the room, "What's going on?" Thank god dad was here. He'll take my side. He always thinks mom's being a bit too hard of me.

I shrugged, "She told me to go to my room when I'm in my room."

"Skyelynn's been skipping English again."

Dad sighed, "Skye, I've told you so many times that you have to go to class."

"Obviously talking to her is not working. Nothing works with her. She just doesn't give a damn. Well you know what? I don't either. Get the fuck out of my house."

"I live here-"

"Not anymore." I didn't move from my chair, "What are you doing? I said get out!" I began to grab some of my stuff, "Don't bother. I'll pack it and you wait on the porch."

"Honey don't you think you're being a bit hard of her considering all that's gone on in the last month?"

"She caused it all. We wouldn't be in this situation if it wasn't for her." She looked at me with disgust.

"I always knew you liked Nikki more than me." I whispered. I grabbed my phone and ran down the stairs. My mom followed me close behind practically shoving me out the door when I finally had the chance to open it.

End Flashback

I pulled up to my old house which still looked exactly the same. It was a small light yellow house with white shutters. The paint was slowly starting to chip away towards the bottom of the house. The yard was neat with only rose bushes since they were mom's favorite flower. The only thing that was missing was mom's beat up old Chevvy camaro.

I got out of my car and just stood there staring at the house. It was as if the house was still frozen in time. It was amazing how nothing had changed. You would think that there would be different flowers or even a mailbox but it was as if two teenage girls and their parents still lived there.

I slowly made my way towards the front door. I sighed before ringing the doorbell, hoping that my dad would be the one to answer.

I crossed my fingers behind my back and waited patiently. Nobody came to the door during the first ring so I hesitated before pressing it again. I waited for a few more seconds but gave up since I didn't want to bother them.

I started making my way back to my car when I heard my name being called out, "Skyelynn? Baby is that you?" I turned my head seeing my father stand at the front door. When he saw me his eyes lit up and he opened his arms, "Come give daddy a hug."

I ran to him and gave him a huge hug, "I'm so sorry daddy. I'm sorry for what happened to Nikki and all of the problems that I caused you over the years. I know I was hard to deal with but I'm better now. I missed you so much."

He patted my back, "It's okay honey. I missed you too." We stood like that for a few moments, "Come on inside Skye." He walked in and pushed the door open a little wider.

"What about mom?"

"She's at work right now and wont be home about fifteen minutes."

I sighed, "Thank god."

We made our way into the lviing room and everything was just the same. There were no new furniture or applicances through out the entire house. There were still pictures of Nikki and I scattered around the living room. I was surprised to see all of the pictures still there especially since mom kicked me out.

"She misses you Skye."

"Good." I took a seat on my favorite chair and looked around the room, "I'm surprised you guys didn't change anything around."

"Your mom wouldn't let me."

"Why?"

"She never said. I tried updating the place a little bit but she refused." He shrugged, "Do you want anything to drink sweetie?"

"No, I'm okay. Thanks though."

A few awkward seconds ticked on by, "You look a lot better."

"I feel better." He nodded. He obviously was too afraid to ask me about rehab because he would open his mouth and close it, "You can go ahead and ask. I know you want to."

He hesitated for a minute, "How was it?"

"Rehab? Oh, you know just a whole bunch of crazy people stuck under one roof. They had to check our water bottles to make sure we weren't using it for vodka. We had to be in bed by a certain time. It was a lot like being home actually."

He shook his head, "Oh Skye. You never change."

I raised my eyebrow for the millionth time that day, "Are you serious? Do you not see me? I've been sober for months thank you."

"No, not that. I just meant that you're personalities the same."

"Well I would sure hope so." I replied sarcastically.

He chuckled, "I love you."

I grinned, "I love you too daddy."

He checked his watch and sighed, "I guess our time is up sweetie. Mom will be home any minute and I'm not sure how she would respond if she saw you here."

"It's okay. I understand. I don't want her getting mad at you." I got up from the chair and walked back to the door, "I'll come by again soon okay?"

He nodded and I slipped out the door. I pressed my back to the door and sighed. What a day.