The Mess I Made

You know how I'm always saying how psychic I am? Well obviously I'm not but a girl can dream. If I was psychic I would find out what the future has in store, not just for me but for all of us.

I just want to know if we're all going to be okay again. If I asked anybody what they thought they would tell me that everything would be fine and just to have a little hope. Well, I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of hoping. I just want to know the answers. I want to know what's going to happen whether it be good or bad so I'll be able to prepare myself.

As much as I want to know the future maybe it's best not to know. What's the fun in not knowing what's in store? If you knew what was going to happen you wouldn't try to reach it because you would just expect it.

Honestly...there's no fun in waiting to see what's in store for Zach and I since our entire relationship has been one problem after another.

It wasn't always like this. At first our relationship was just butterflies and rainbows. It was pure bliss. We were with each other nearly every day even when the boys had band practice. We couldn't get enough of each other's pressence even though we've been a part of each other's lives for so long. It was like we were rediscovering each other. To be honest I don't think Zach even thought of me as a girl until he saw me at the Snow Ball. What a stupid name for a dance right? Especially when it doesn't even snow in this part of California. Anyway, that's besides the point. Our relationship was fun and flirty for a while anyway. That was until I got tired of being known as Zach Porter's girlfriend.

It didn't bother me at first. I actually kind of liked it but one day I realized that was the only way that people knew who I was. Before I went out with Zach I was that quiet girl in the back of the room making stupid comments here and there about what the teacher was doing. Pretty hard to believe right? You would never think of me as quiet now. If anything you would just think of me as annoying, according to Zach anyway.

One day I got so fed up with people not knowing who I was and I took a different direction. I turned to alcohol. I went to parties and danced on the top of tables. I became known as the party girl but the party girl can only be fun for so long. For a while I was able to control my alcohol limit but then one day it just got worse. I couldn't tell you the exact day because a lot of what happened is a blur but I do know that it was bad.

Once I went downhill so did our relationship. We fought more and even broke up a few times. Somehow we always found our way back together which wasn't easy, believe me. It really took a toll on our friendship and even our friendship with the others as well. In the end we were just done. Neither of us wanted to continue fighting any longer so we gave up.

So why am I trying so hard to get it back to the way it was now? I don't know. Maybe it's because I still see the way that he looks at me even if he is scowling most of the time.

-x-

Zach and I followed Cameron and Ariana out of the storage room after being in there for over an hour. Michael was still busy chatting with Cassidy about God knows what. He barely even looked over when we were walking past him.

It's weird seeing him talk to another girl besides my sister but I'm glad he's starting to get a little bit happier. If anyone deserves happiness it's Michael. Underneath all of that cocky attitude he's still a great guy once you get to know him.

"Mikey, we're heading out-"

"Give me a second." He turned back to Cassidy and started talking to her again. She giggled at whatever he was saying. A small piece of hair fell into her eyes and Michael pushed it away. I smiled at the simple gesture and turned away when I heard the front door open.

Katherine came barging in, "Zach, I've been trying to call you-"

"No you haven't. I called you about a dozen times and got no answer."

She rolled her eyes, "Check your phone."

Zach took his phone out of his back pocket and sure enough there were about ten missed calls from Katherine. "Oops."

"You don't own him Katherine."

"You sure as hell don't. What the hell are you doing here anyway? I thought you would be gone by now. You're like a fly buzzing in on everyone's fucking business."

"I'm allowed to be here. Nobody told me I couldn't come."

"That's because they're all too nice."

"You better shut up before I spill another coffee on you."

"You wouldn't dare."

I smirked, "Is that a challenge?" I turned around and walked up to the counter. Zach grabbed my arm.

"Don't cause anymore trouble. You've done enough already." He whispered.

"Come on. She deserves it." I whined.

"Don't or you'll ruin any progress we have made in the past hour."

I sighed loudly, "Whatever you say mom." My eyes flickered to Zach's hand that was still on my arm. When he saw me looking at quickly moved it away. "Too late for that. I think you're girlfriend saw that."

I headed back over to where the group was and Zach rolled his eyes at me.

Katherine frowned, "Since when are you two all cozy?"

When Zach rejoined us I quickly went to his side and held on to his arm, "We kind of bonded a little while ago."

Zach gently shook me off and shot me a look, "We just don't hate each other right now. No big deal."

Katherine eyed me and took a hold on Zach's hand, "I really need to talk to you. Can we go somewhere private?"

"Sure." Katherine and Zach began to head for the door, "I'll catch up with you guys later."

I could feel my hands clench together at the sight of Katherine holding on to Zach's hand. When they were out the door I could feel my face turning red with anger.

"Don't go getting jealous now." Ariana nudged me.

"I'm not jealous. I'm never jealous."

"Whatever you say..." She smiled and looked over at Cameron.

I coughed obnoxiously which earned me a glare from Ariana, "Oh Cam, I need to tell you something."

"What?" He asked.

"I know someone who likes you. Remember when I told you that someone would? Well turns out this person has liked you for a-"

Michael came rushing up to us practically knocking Cameron off balance. When Cameron wasn't paying attention Ariana shook her head frantically and whispered, "Please don't. Let me tell him."

"You're never going to." I whispered back.

"I promise I will over the next few days. Just let me figure out how."

"Fine, if you don't I will."

"No, you wont."

"Challenge accepted." I nodded and smirked. Ariana stared at me with an angry look on her face, "I wont say anything. My lips are sealed." I pretended to lock my lips with a key and through it out.

"If only getting you to be quiet was that easy."

"I don't talk a lot what are you talking about?"

Michael adjusted his black Obey hat and looked over at me, "Baby girl, you talk more than Cameron when he's talking to a girl he likes-"

"I got over that."

"Then what about when you were talking to A-"

"A girl at the concert the other day? She just made me a little nervous that's all."

Michael put his hand on Cameron's shoulder, "You are such a bad liar."

I gave the two of them a suspicious look but shrugged it off, "Come on. We need to get ready for the road trip."

"Nobody said anything about a road trip." said Ariana looking around at the three of us, "Oh, you mean the rest of the tour."

"Yeah, nobody said anything about me going but I'm going anyway because you guys would be bored with out me."

"More like annoyed-"

"I wish you guys would stop saying that. I'm the life of the party." I cringed at my own choice of words remembering a night that I wish I could've forgotten.

Flashback

It was miracle I could even make out the chairs in front of me let alone the people that I was talking to. I looked up into a pair of blue eyes and messy blond hair. I took a sip of the beer that was in my cup and squinted trying to figure out who it was standing in front of me.

"Take a picture it will last longer." said the tall blond figure standing in front of me. I tried to place a name to the voice but couldn't quite figure it out.

"Can you get me another beer?"

"What's wrong with the one you have?"

I quickly chugged what was left in my cup, "It's all gone." The room slowly started spinning but that didn't stop me.

The tall blond boy handed me another cup. I could hear a fast song playing in the other room.

"I love this song!" I grabbed his hand and led him to the other room, completely oblivious to everyone who was staring at us. I started dancing to the song that was playing and the blond guy laughed. I put his hands on my hips, "Dance with me."

We started dancing to the point where sweat was dripping down our faces. I stumbled a bit and the blond boy steadied me. "Let's sit down for a bit and get you a glass of water."

"How about another beer?" I shouted over the music.

He didn't disagree but he lead me to the kitchen where the music was still blasting. The blond boy walked away to pour me another thing of beer. He went over to the opposite side of the room and poured me another glass. I could see him taking something out of his pocket. It was small, about the size of a pill but it was hard to make out since my vision was fuzzy.

I turned away and sat down at the table. A smile spread across my face as I thought of an idea. I got up and jumped on the nearest table and started dancing. The people around started cheering and I could see the blond boy cheering right along with them. I held my arm out for the blond boy to take it. He took it and jumped on the table as well. We danced for a few minutes and before I knew it his lips were on mine.

I didn't have time to pull away when I heard Zach's voice, "What the hell are you doing kissing Steven?"

I pulled away hearing Zach's voice, "Steven?" I squinted at the blond haired boy, "Oh god. It's not what it looks like I promise!"

Zach ran out the door. I jumped off the table and nearly fell over. I followed him, "Zach, please don't go! Listen to me. It's not what it looks like."

"It never is with you."

End Flashback

I cringed at the memory. Not just because I had cheated on Zach but because it was Steven that I cheated on him with. I didn't even realize it until now and knowing that just makes it a bit worse.

I bit my lip and looked around. Cameron looked at me with concern, "Are you okay Skye?"

"I'm getting there." I put on a fake smile, "What are you guys doing just standing around? We've got a tour to pack for!"