The Mess I Made

"Thanks for the memories, even if they weren't so great."

-x-

It's amazing how the days have seemed to pass by since my rude encounter with Katherine. Tomorrow is the big day. Tomorrow I'll be seeing my best friends again. I just want everything to go okay because if it doesn't I don't know if I'll be able to take it. Seeing Katherine really put me on edge and for a moment I thought I was going back to drinking but I held my ground. I'm still standing strong. I don't know how but I am.

It took me longer than it should have to get out of bed this morning. I was just feeling so low and exhausted. I could barely keep my eyes open and my hands wouldn't stop trembling. My nerves were already getting the best of me and I still had one more day to get through. There was absolutely no way I was going to be able to stay home all day. I needed to just get out of the house and do something, anything.

I threw on a plain purple v neck and a pair of dark blue denim shorts. I pulled my long bangs back with a bobby pin and the rest of my hair up in a high pony tail. I didn't even bother to do my makeup. I just grabbed my sunglasses and left.

I got in my car and just drove. I didn't have any kind of destination in mind. It's been a while since I've drove around town. It's not like much has changed but a lot of hard memories still lie in these streets.

Before I knew it I was pulling up to a house. The same house from that one Halloween night three years ago.

I sighed, "I don't remember driving over here..." I whispered and took a look around. There were no cars in the driveway and there were also no lights on in the house. It looked almost vacant but there was a small pot of flowers on the front porch. For some reason I got out of the car and decided to walk around for a bit.

I walked over to the area where the stage was that night. I closed my eyes and in an instant I was right back to that party.

Flashback

Before the boys had gotten to the stage I saw Michael and Nikki talking in hushed voices. You could tell by the looks on their faces that it wasn't a pleasant conversation. Michael's fists were clenched and Nikki's face was turning red. I took a few steps closer to them to see if I could make out what they were saying.

"What were you thinking?" asked Nikki.

"Nothing happened Nikki. I told you."

"Then why did some random ass girl call me and tell me that you slept with her? Why would someone make that kind of thing up?"

"I don't know Nikki. You've got to know that I would never do that to you." Nikki rubbed her eyes and looked at the floor.

"I don't know what to believe anymore." Nikki began walking away but Michael grabbed her arm. Nikki flinched and pulled her arm away, "Don't touch me."

"But-"

"Michael just leave me alone. I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"You need to know the truth Nicole!" He shouted after her but she was already gone and walking towards me.

I quickly turned away and began whistling. I am so smooth aren't I?

"I know you were listening to my conversation."

I looked up and continued whistling, "Oh...Nikki. I didn't even hear you come up."

"Drop the crap Skye and just stay out of my business." That was the first time I realized that her eyes were completely bloodshot.

"Have you been doing drugs?" I asked.

"No! I just have something in my eye." I could tell she was lying about something but I backed off. She made her way through a bunch of people and she was out of sight.

End Flashback

How come I never rememberd this before? I don't understand how I could forget such a significant conversation...What else am I forgetting?

I continued walking around with my hands in my pockets. I took a seat on the front porch and put my head in my hands. I closed my eyes shut to try and remember something else.

"Hello-" My head shot up and I looked around but no one was there. Great, now I'm starting to hear things too.

The wind began to pick up and I held my arms close to me. Just then I heard someone whisper my name.

"This isn't funny!" I shouted, "Stop trying to freak me out. It's not working!" I tried to block out all of the noise around me.

"Skye, it's me." I heard a familiar voice and looked over to my right. There stood Nikki, not in the flesh of course. She was still wearing her outfit from the night of the party. I rubbed my eyes to check if I was seeing things, "Listen to me Skye. You need to do everything in your power to get the boys and Ariana to forgive you. You also need to learn to forgive yourself or you're never going to be able to move on. I need you to move on, Skyelynn. Please, do it for me." Nikki vanished like a trick of light.

Oh great. I'm not just an alchoholic. I'm crazy too. I see dead people.

I got up abrupty and went back inside the car and drove off. I couldn't stand being here any longer. The only place I wanted to be was the beach.

It didn't take long to get to the beach and I was thankful for that. The beach was Cameron and I's special spot. It's where we always went to get away from everyone. It was the only place where I was able to think straight and it's exactly what I needed right now.

I put my sunglasses to shield my eyes from the sun that was beating down on me. I walked close to the water where the tide was rolling in. It was so calming despite the fact that you could hear kids giggling only a few feet away but I didn't care. It felt like home.

The beach was where I spent all of my free time when I was younger. I remember the time where we would have water fights and practically throw each other into the water. I remember the time when Michael brought his first girlfriend. I remember the time when Cameron finally started opening up to me and even the time when Zach asked me to be his girlfriend. I kicked at the sand and looked up into the sky.

I had so many good memories here so why must it bring me to tears? Why did I have to go and get myself so screwed up during senior year? It was suppose to be our year. It was suppose to be the best year of our lives but I ruined it. I ruined everything just like I always do.

By then tears were stinging my eyes. I tried to wipe away but tears but I couldn't stop them from falling.

The beach wasn't only filled with good memories but bad ones too. I remember having my first beer at the beach and the time where I got so wasted that I made a complete ass out of myself. After that first time it just got worse and worse. Most of the time I couldn't even remember all of the things that had happened when I was drunk. I remember having to ask Cameron about all of the horrible things I had done while intoxicated.

I had to find someway to make up for all of the bad things that I had done. Not one simple apology is just going to make everything okay again. It was going to take days, weeks, months, or maybe even years to make up for all of the pain that I have caused.

I started crying harder and harder. I couldn't stand up straight anymore. I had no choice but to sit down and cry my eyes out.

"I'm so sorry for everything that I've done." My words came out in a soft whisper. I covered my mouth with my hand and just sobbed.

"Ecuse me miss are you alright?" I didn't even hear someone come up next to me.

"I'll be okay...just reminicing that's all." I turned to face the person standing next to me but my mouth dropped in horror. I quickly closed my mouth and gulped. The person standing next to me was a boy with dark brown wavy hair with green eyes. He was wearing a green wetsuit and carrying a surfboard.

It was Cameron.

He shook his hair out of his eyes, "Are you sure?" He looked down at me with a curious look on his face.

"I'm fine." I tried to disguise my voice hoping he wouldn't realize it was me now standing before him. We were silent for a moment and my hands started to get sweaty, "I uh- better get going."

He squinted long and hard at me, "Skye?" My legs began shaking and I bit my lower lip.

"Hi Cameron." I looked down at the ground. I wasn't sure if he would be all that happy to see me. "It's been a while..."

"You can say that again."

I joked, "It's been a while." I took my sunglasses off and wiped the remaining tears from my eyes. I looked up at him and smirked, "Are you going to give me a hug or are you just going to stand there?"

He leaned in and hugged me, "It's just weird...seeing you here. It's like I've seen a ghost."

"Believe me, you have no idea."

Cameron smiled, "It's really nice to see you Skye."

"You too." I said, "Look Cam-"

"It's okay. Everything's okay. Don't worry about it. I've told you so many times that I'll always be there for you no matter what and I meant it." He paused, "Why don't you stop by our show tomorrow? It's at the House of Blues and it starts at seven. We'll be able to talk tomorrow after the show okay?"

"I'll be there." Cameron began walking back towards the waves, "Cameron, please don't tell the boys that you saw me here today. I was hoping to surprise them. I know it may not be the best of surprises considering all that I've done but I feel like it's better to catch them off guard so they'll have to listen to me."

He nodded, "I wont. I promise.