The Mess I Made

"I'm so in love with you. My mind is set on you. This time and every time. I just can't get enough of you."
-x-

I began pacing back and forth with my hands on the top of my head breathing heavily. I had to keep telling myself that everything was going to be okay. At least I knew that Cameron would always be there for me.

I just wish I knew what the others were going to think when they finally see me. Zach may have approached me at that party before I was wheeled off in the abulence but it doesn't mean he'll speak to me now. I never even saw Michael after that night. As for Ariana, I took advantage of her. She let me into her home and all I did was get drunk day in and day out. I don't get how she put up with me that long.

What if they never forgive me? What if they have me escorted out of the venue? What if they hate me? I don't think I could handle it. It could even send me over the edge. I may not be able to be saved next time.

-x-

I pulled up to the venue about two hours before the show even started. There were at least forty people already standing in line. Almost half of them were wearing home made t shirts and the other half wearing tour shirts. I felt completely out of place. I was going to stand out like a sore thumb.

I made my way to the back of the line standing in back of two girls who were wearing identical shirts. The shirts were made to look like jerseys and on the back where it's suppose to say your last name but instead of their own last name it had Porter and Quiseng.

"Where's Martinez?" I muttered.

The girl with the bright red curls turned around, "Excuse me?"

I said a bit lounder, "Where's Martinez?" I raised an eyebrow. This time they were both looking at me.

"We just decided to go with our favorites. No big deal."

"No big deal? The drums are the beat of a song. With out the drums the music wouldn't be the same." I knew I was getting a bit worked up but it stuck a nerve.

"Whatever." The two girls turned around and began whispering about me. "Who the hell does she think she is?"

"You know I can hear you right?" I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Why don't you mind your own damn business."

"Why don't you stop being a b-"

Cameron came walking up to us. I didn't even see him walking down the line to meet the other fans. I guess I was just a bit preocupied. "Is there a problem here ladies?"

The two girls put on their fakest smile and moved closer, "No! Of course not! We were just getting to know each other. Right?" The girl with the curly red hair nudged me and I grimaced.

"Yeah." I said with fake enthusiasm. I saw Cameron shoot me a look.

"I like your shirts! Are you excited for the show?" asked Cameron. The girls nodded.

"We've been counting down the days since the shows been announced!" said the blond.

"What about you?" he asked.

"Eh, it's just giving me something to do for the night." The girls mouths dropped.

Cameron laughed, "At least you're honest. I should probably get going. We have to set up for soundcheck." He hugged each of us. When he got to me he whispered, "Meet us backstage after the show. I left your name and everything so you shouldn't have any problems." He smiled and walked to the girls who had just lined up behind us.

I sighed. Getting backstage was not the thing I was worried about. I was worried about how Zach and Michael were going to react. Once Cameron was back inside the venue I shook my hands to try and distract myself. It wasn't working so I reached in my pocket to pull out a single cigarette and my baby blue lighter. I lit the cigarette and brought it to my lips. I exhaled and purposely blew the smoke towards the two girls in front of me.

"This is a smoking free zone." I looked around.

"I don't see a sign." I continued smoking until I felt a tap on my shoulder.

"I believe she is right mam. Please dispose of that cigarette." said the sequrity guard. I tried my hardest not to roll my eyes. I put my hands up in a form of surrender and went over to the trashcan. I dabbed it out on the side and tossed it in.

"I'm all for saving the environment."

"What about saving yourself?" I turned and saw Ariana standing behind the sequirty guard. "What are you doing here Skye?"

"Coming to listen to music. A band called er...Allstar Week Day is performing tonight."

Ariana shook her head, "You got a lot of nerve showing up here."

"How else am I suppose to come see my best friends?" I asked, "Speaking of which what kind of best friend are you? No hug, no smile, nothing."

She narrowed her eyes at me, "It's been three years Skye. A lot has changed."

"It doesn't have to."

"It has. Everything changed the day you fell off the wagon."

"I'm better now."

"Sure you are. It's not like I've never heard that one before."

"Just let me explain later. Please?" Ariana shrugged and walked away leaving me standing in the crowd of fan girls. I don't think I've ever felt so alone.

-x-

The next hour dragged and everyone was beginning to grow restless. Whenever the front door of the venue opened many girls would scream their names and push their way towards the front so they could catch a glimpse of the boys. Not me, obviously. It would be a bit awkward considering my history with them.

Finally the line began moving and we made our way into the venue. Once we were inside the real pushing and shoving began. Since it was general admission everyone broke into a sprint to try and get to the front of the stage. I, on the other hand, stood in the back corner just watching everyone. I leaned against the wall and waited patiently. The lights flickered on and off signaling that the show was about to start. Everyone started pushing their way forward and already some of the girls were being squished.

A man I've never seen before came up on stage, "Are you guys ready for Allstar Weekend!?" The crowd cheered and clapped. The song "Allstar" by Smash Mouth started playing. I felt a smile spread acorss my face. I couldn't believe that they still played that song before performing.

Flashback

Zach and I were in the empty garage in his parents house awaiting for Micahel, Nikki, Cameron, and Ariana to arrive. Zach was starting to become a bit reckless.

"I just want this rehersal to go well."

"It will." I reassured him.

"It's just...I have a new song and I want them to like it." Zach always got nervous when it involved his music. He was so hard on himself sometimes. When he would mess up a note on stage he would pout about it all night and practive until he got it right. He was the same way with his songs. Sometimes he would work on one song for months just to get one verse right. I guess you could say that he's a bit of a perfectionist.

"Are you kidding me?" I looked up and smiled at him, "They're going to love it Zach. When have they not?"

"Well...that time where I wrote that song about Gettysberg-"

"It was for a project Zach! You can't beat yourself up about that forever. Your song is great okay? You're great." The garage door began opening and I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, "You're going to be fine. I promise."

"I hope you're right."

"Hope? You know I'm always right. Everyone says I am."

Cameron was the first to walk in, "Everyone says you're what?"

"Everyone says I'm right about everything." I smirked.

"What about the time-"

"Shush." I put my finger to my lips, "I told you never to speak of that again. That was one time!"

"What?" asked Zach. Michael, Nikki, and Ariana came in laughing while bringing in the rest of the stuff that they needed for band practice. They quickly set everything up and the beginning of the song "Allstar" started playing. The boys came out one by one. Ariana, Nikki, and I pretended that we were the fans in the crowd and started clapping and hollering. Michael came out first holding his drumsticks in the air while Cameron put an L to his forehead. That caused all of us to roll our eyes and laugh. After a few awkward seconds later you could see Zach standing at the garage door just watching us.

"ZACH GET OUT HERE!" I shouted.

"Let me make my grand entrance Skye. Don't ruin my moment." I laughed. He stood there for a few more seconds and strutted over to the microphone. "Before we begin...I was wondering if I could show you guys a new song that I wrote?"

Cameron and Michael looked at eachother and shrugged. Zach grabbed an acoustic guitar from the corner and started playing the first few chords to "Here With You". The moment he started singing the room grew quiet. You could see small beads of sweat on Zach's forehead. He gently started tapping his foot. I wasn't the only one who did that when I was nervous. During the chorus he turned to me and mouthed I love you. I could feel my cheeks turning red so I tried to avoid eye contact with everyone in the room. Once Zach was done everyone began clapping and cheering.

"You guys think it's okay?"

"It's perfect." I gave a small smile and bit the lower part of my lip.

"It was great! We'll start adding the bass and drums imediately."

"I told you they would like it." I walked over to him and pushed him slightly. "You worry too much."

End Flashback

I was beginning to think that I worry way too much. My palms were beginning to sweat even more. My heart was practically beating out of my chest and my legs were shaking. I felt like I was going to be sick with all of the butterflies that were currently filling my stomach.

All of the things that could go wrong were invading my mind. No matter what I did I couldn't get the nervous feeling to go away. This was going to be a long night and it's was only just beginning.