Let Me Love You

The girl ducks as Matt throws another thing across the room. He'd seen the pictures, how the smile lit up her face. He'd been so busy with paperwork that he'd missed out on watching his Harmony all day. It's just his luck that his 'brother' is in town with his whores and happened to talk to her. He probably wanted her to become one of them, one of his 14-16 year old whores who pranced around in next to nothing while their mothers carelessly looked over the fact that Zacky hadn't actually told them what he was doing to them.

The though of Harmony, on her knees and pleasuring somebody or being bent over a desk by anyone but him ignites his mind and adrenaline starts pumping through his body. He needs to kill someone. That's it, just slitting someone across the throat would make everything better.

“Matt!”Her terrified shriek makes him stall for a second, his eyes darting the room for any sign of Harmony. Nope. She's not here.

Sadness suddenly fills his body, a feeling that he's managed to push down a while ago. The place is so cold and lifeless without her. He'd gotten everything she'd wanted and tried to make it like her old room. He's even got a few of her favorite things, her diaries in which he'd studied thoroughly,, some photos and most of her parent's jewelry. Ida kept many pieces that had been kept by the Furman(her maiden name) women for decades. Matt is so generous that he even pried her mother's wedding ring off her finger and planned to give it to Harmony as an engagement ring, trading her mother's ring for his when they finally say 'I do'. Her family didn't have much money, that much is obvious in the 10 carat ring, but he could tell they all loved each other. He could see it in Caleb's eyes when he looked at the women in his life.

He'd chased Harmony around their yard, a large smile spread across his face and his eyes sparkling with excitement and love. He'd loved her almost as much as he'd loved his wife. Caleb looked at Ida with such love and passion that it often made Matt's heart quench. I'd keep him up at night, staring into Harmony's room while she slept. He wanted what they had, he wanted the same passion and love to burn from Harmony's eyes as it did from her father's when she looked at him. He wanted to be able to hold Harmony in one arm and their child in his other arm while he told the child a Christmas story like her father did. He wanted to have his child fall asleep in his arm and Harmony to kiss him before he tucked the child into bed, just like the Curtis family.

He wanted to take long strolls through the park in the warm Autumn air, one arm wrapped around his wife's waist and the other holding their sleeping child to his chest. He longed to have their parents gush over their beautiful child when they came for the holidays. He wanted what they had, a complete family. But he would never have that.

Matt's parents died when he was 16. He can remember it like it was yesterday. He was only a kid, he didn't know what would happen if he shut off their alarm. His mother was a nurse who often worked long shifts at the local hospital. His father...was working in construction. At the time, Matt didn't pay any attention to notice that his father was always dressed in expensive suits that appeared out of thin air and never wore blue jeans and a t-shirt, like the regular construction worker. He had other important things to do, like actually get a B+ in History.

He shakes his head, removing the flashbacks from his head. They lied. His whole life was a lie. They had him thinking that his father was working long hard shifts at a construction company when he was really working in The Mob.

His father, Gary Sanders, was the head of a large 'family'.

“They only robbed when they had to, honey. They aren't bad people.” His mother, Kim, reassured his 14 year old self.

“Is daddy going to jail?” He'd asked, his hazels threatening to release tears. He loved his family, more than anything else in the world and the thought of losing someone in his family made him want to cry.

“I don't know baby,”Kim sighed and rubbed her boy's back, expertly manicured nails running through his curly brown hair. She honestly didn't know. Reassuring her boy that the man who robbed a bank, two convenient stores and a casino wouldn't go to jail if the police ever found out who is was was hard on her. She'd lied about so much to him that the guilt is eating her alive.

“It's time to go to bed, baby. We'll talk in the morning okay?”Kim smiled reassuringly at her nodding 14 year old and wiped a few stray tears away. She waited until he laid down, closed his eyes and soft snores emitted from his slightly open mouth to leave his room.

“I want out!”Kim yelled in a loud whisper.

“Darling, you look so...sexy when your mad,”Gary smiled at his wife over his large wooden desk, hands folded on it's surface.

“No! I'm so sick and tired of this Gary. Matthew is my main priority and he should be yours too! Not your gang, or 'family' I'm so sick and tired of trying to explain your crimes to him!”

Gary was silent for a moment, staring at his wife with a blank expression. Kim sighed inwardly. 'Come on Gary, show me the man I fell in love with.' She though, her hands coming together to clasp as she prayed in her head. Gary finally moved, laying one elbow on the wooden surface. Hazel eyes met brown, and with a blink Gary said,“So don't tell him,”

“What do you want me to do,Gary? Just lie to him?”Kim burst, her voice a full on yell. She'd had it. She hated her husband's nonchalant attitude. He used to be so amazing, so caring and loving. He used to teach his son how to play football, now all he cares about is play golf with some other men in 'the family'. She missed cuddling up to him at night, she missed knowing where he was.

“That's not what I'm saying, Kimberly. Don't lie to him, just make him feel like we're normal.”

“But we're not normal!”

“So make him feel like we are. Tell him I'm on a business trip when we have meetings over sees, tell him I'm working on a building when I'm out playing golf and talking to business men.”

“But that's lying, Gary!”

“Look, I know I'm contradicting myself but this seems like the only way now. I'm in too deep with The Family to just walk away. It would take several years to sell all of the land I own, to make sure the people that work for me have stable jobs that pay them almost as much as I do. It's just better this way Kimberly and I know you understand that.”

Kim leaned over his desk and stared right into his dull hazel eyes. “Let me tell you what you better understand. If there is so much as one of those little prostitutes around my son again, I will pack up our shit and leave.” She says, referring to the 18 year old stripper that Gary had let use the bathroom at their house. After 5 minutes of her absence, Kim went looking for her and found her in Matt's room. The girl was under him, his lips attached to neck and hand half sticking out of her underwear as she moaned.

Gary grinned. “Never knew our 14 year old could make a stripper moan like a whore, eh? Well news flash, he went through puberty at 11, baby. He was making 12 year old's flower panties drop.” He laughed whole heartily at his own joke, the sound echoing through this rather large office.

She shoved him back in his chair, her brown eyes cut into slits. “I'm serious.”

All laughter disappeared in a heartbeat as Gary grabs Kim's wrist and yanked her over his desk. She yelped loudly but bites back a scream when she landed awkwardly on her elbow and side.

Gary grabbed both of her wrist and yanked her face to face with him. He just stared into her eyes, a sadistic smile on his face. “Kimmy, you already know that you will never escape me, I'm your husband. Your powerful husband. No matter what, I will find you and if I have to, drag you back to this house by your hair. You're never going to leave me, darling. Okay?”

“I want out, Gary. I want out.” She whimpered, trying to calm her rapidly beating heart. The last thing she needed was to have a heart attack and leave her child in the hands of her husband.

“You're never leaving me!” Shoving Kim into the bookcase behind his desk, Gary pushed out from under his desk and retreated from the room, only stalling when he reaches the door. He looked over his shoulder at his young wife, blood spilling from her nose and her face as red as a ripe tomato, and grinned. “Oh and pick up the fallen books and put them back on the shelf. You know how I hate my house being dirty.”

He turned around and walked away, leaving Kimberly to dry her tears and clean up. Gary never knew his one and only son was watching from behind the couch directly in front of his office, his eyes once again bright with tears. Once Matt was sure his father was gone, he hurried into the office and began helping his mother.

“Matthew!”She said in a loud whisper, her arms wiping at the hardening blood under her nose. “Baby when did you wake up?”

“A few minutes ago. I saw dad hit you.”He muttered, his tone hard as he stared at his crying mother.

“He's not a bad man. He just made a bad decision, okay?” Kim reached over and dragged a hand through his hair.

“Whatever mom. Just know, Amy will never accept this.” Matt moved around Kim's distraught body, cleaning up and moving things back into their correct place. When he finished, he helped her back into her feet and sent her into his parents bedroom.

Never is Matt's life had been so made at himself. He sat behind the couch and watched as his father, symbolically, beat her to death. Her spirit seemed crushed, lively brown eyes turned dull in a matter of 2 minutes. She walked around unhappy 2 years before her unfortunate death. And all he did was watch. He watched her die a little every single day, watched her lose her youthfulness and did nothing.

He immediately made a promise that whoever he fell in love with, he would protect from the cruel world, from people like his father. But after several years of being denied the love that he craved so much, the loneliness drove him to join a group of his friends, most of them drug dealers. He lived with them for years, slowing rising on the “food chain” until they were a big deal. A group of 20-something year old men named Avenged Sevenfold. The group includes Zacky Baker, Jimmy Sullivan, Brian Haner Jr., Johnny Seward, Matthew and Jason Berry,Cam(who preferred to not share his last name) and himself. Avenged became his life, all he lived for. The group became his family, his brothers who he loved dearly.

“Mattie!”A loud squeal makes him jump, the memories leaving his brain almost as fast as her face appears in front of his. The girl's crouches in front of him, between his knees, with his head in her hands. Large brown/ black eyes staring at him in fear. “Baby, are you okay?”

“Don't call me that, ever again, okay?”Matt stands up from his spot, almost knocking the girl over with his knee as he stands up and walks away.

“What? Mattie? Baby?”

“Baby, because that's what she called me,”He calls from the kitchen, leaning against the sink with his head racing. How could he have not protected his own mother? He watched her die, he watched her fade away right in front of his eyes and didn't say anything.

“Honey what happened?” She comes into the kitchen and wraps her arms around his waist, slightly swaying them side to side.

Matt leans back into her touch, allowing the warmness of her smaller body against his to calm himself down and to get back on the task at hand. He's not going to let Zacky or anyone stop him from getting what is rightfully his. Not even the girl who's hugged up against him.