Let Me Love You

The warm sun licks at my still raw cheeks as I walk to the coffee shop for my 3rd coffee today. I really shouldn't be drinking this much coffee but I can't help it. I've been more than moody lately, I've basically been a bitch to Asher who takes it as I'm PMSing and brushes off my comments about everything, including this morning. I really should apologize. Maybe I will.

Walking across the busy street and right into the small shop, I got right over to Asher and I's normal booth, the smallest one in the shop, tucked away into the corner by the bar. Settling into one of the seats meant for too, I stare outside the window at the city. It's been forever since I've thought about my family as a direct factor and Matt, or at least it's felt that way.

I still feel that warm feeling spread through my body from time to time, that feeling I got when he looked at me. His hazels like lasers, burning my skin everywhere he looked. Sometimes I wonder if I had stayed with him, would I still be alive? Would he continue to hit me until he was consumed by a blinding rage and ended up kill me. Matt promised me a perfect life in some way, making subtle comments about having children and moving us into a better house. He would hold me, no matter how much I would fight, and tell me all his plans for us, all his hopes and dreams. Those were the rare moments when he let me see all of him, let me see the man who wasn't crazed, but in love and didn't care about the large age difference.

In a way, I should be smug that someone as good looking as Matt felt that way about me. He isn't even good looking, he's gorgeous. Girls probably threw themselves at him when he was in school and women probably threw their phone numbers and underwear at him after he graduated. Why would want to settle down with me? Someone with dull and thick brown hair and crazy eyes that can't decide weather to be black or brown. Her build is cute, B cup boobs, flared out hips, a small waist and long thin legs, but not as cute as her old friend's, Lily Doherty.

Lily was beautiful and curvy, to say the least. At thirteen, she had C cup boobs, wide hips that contradicted her tiny waist, thighs and short legs. She's perfect, or at least she was the last time I saw her. Always prettier and kept her mind set on things, unlike me who's can't compare to her beauty. She's blonde-haired and blue eyed, I'm brunette and brown/black eyed. Enough said.

“Hello mame, may I take your order?”

I turn my gaze from the window and look up at the brunette waitress, her hair silver and statue tiny and wrinkled but her green crystals lively. “Organic strawberry-banana shake and a blue berry muffin please?”

She writes down the order then smiles down at me, a small smile rested on her ruby lips. “Alot on your mind?”

“Yes mame.”Deciding to open up a little, I tell Millie, the waitress, a summary of my problem. My family's perishing, about a crazed older man who wanted me around (I saved the detail of his love for me, bless her old soul if she ever finds out the truth) and Asher. By the time, I finish, I've slurped up my shake and devoured my muffin. I even shed a few tears, all the while feeling lighter and lighter, like a weight's been lifted off my shoulders.

“You poor thing,”Millie reaches over and tabs my eyes with napkin, a soft smile on her chapped lips. “You've been through way too much to only be 16. I feel for you sweetie. I can't say that I've went through the same thing but I can honestly say that I've lost both my parents at a young age, 10.”

“Really?”

“Yep. Had to spend the next 8 years old my life in the orphanage. IT wasn't relatively bad, but it wasn't perfect either. It was home and I couldn't complain. With my high maintenance family,I wouldn't have lasted a day out there by myself had I ran away.”Millie laughs, sitting back in the booth with a sigh. “All I had was a few girls who I—sometimes—considered to be my sisters.”

Millie's eyes get starry for a moment, a smile smile resting on her lips as she thinks. I sit back in my booth, staring awkwardly into my empty cup. I wonder what it's like to have younger siblings, to have someone to help take care of and to love as if they're your own. Sadly, my parents didn't reproduce, leaving me an only child. I try not to ponder on the thought too long, thinking that Asher will give me children soon enough.

“So this Asher, he your boyfriend?”Millie asks, her attention back on me again.

“My boyfriend,lover,best friend, everything. He's all I have, remember?”

Millie laughs at my statement, reaching across the small table to pat my hands. “Oh dear I may be old but I have the memory of a 20 year old. He seems like a sweet fellow, also sounds like he's in love with you.”

“I hope so,”I admit, shyly playing with the bits of my muffins left over. “I'm in love with him too.”

“So you're planning on spending the rest of your life with him?”Millie grins knowingly, I don't even need to answer. She laughs lightly. “I hope you'll be able to bring him around here, I would like to meet him. He sounds sweet.”

I smile at her compliment, a light blush creeping across my face. “He is. He never gets upset or angry at me when it's my time of the month, he's considerate of my wants and needs, he takes care of me and always has a plan.”

“Sounds like a dream boy, if you ask me.”Millie says, resting her chin in her elbow. “Which means he has some skeletons in the closet. Big ones. He has something that he doesn't want you to know sweetie.”

Her statement hits me like a ton of bricks, settling in my stomach and making my mouth go dry. My hands grip my coffee mode in desperation for something to hold on to. No. He can't be hiding something from me. He trusts me with all his secrets, just as I trust him with all mine. There's nothing that he wouldn't tell me.

“I know how you feel, doll. Betrayed, hurt and confused. I'll leave you alone with your thoughts.”Millie gets up to leave but I stop her with a hand on her elbow. She sits back down with a sad smile.

“Tell me, why would you think that? Tell me why you think Asher's hiding something from me.” My voice more menacing than I intend it to, more darker than I expect it to be. I catch myself glaring at her through my hair and straighten my face. Maybe my expression matches my tone because Millie sits back in the booth, her hands folded neatly in front of her.

“I believe that Asher has some skeleton in the closet because he seems too...perfect. You are living in the perfect place, you always get what you want, the bills and mortgage is always paid and Asher has never gone to work a day in his life, right?” It isn't really a question, it's a statement. I look up from my cup, tears threatening to fall. Millie doesn't look happy or satisfied, like she even enjoyed informing me of this.

“Um, I'm gonna go now.”I'm sure she can hear the tears in my voice as I struggle to stand on my own two feet. This shouldn't upset me the way it does, but the fact that he promised he wouldn't keep anything from me makes the situation all the worst.

“I know how you feel, doll.”Millie repeats and reaches across the booth, pulling me back into the cushion with a light tug. “Everything's going to be alright because he'll tell you.”

“But why hasn't he told me already? I trusted him with every part of me and he still keeps something from me?”Four tears escape my eyes, my anger for the woman decreasing incredibly by the seconds.

“I only said I think he's keeping something from you. It's a great possiblity that I'm wrong. Maybe he is perfect. Maybe he has told you everything about him.” I hear Millie whisper something like 'though I highly doubt it' at the end of her sentence, bright eyes dulling for a moment.

I open my purse and slap a $20 on the table. “I have to go, nice talking to you Millie.” I rush out of the shop. Faintly, just before the door closes, I can here her yell “Come back if you need me!”

I elbow through the afternoon crowd, tears now flowing freely down my cheeks. Fuck her being wrong. Fuck listening to Asher lying to me every time I ask him to tell me all of his secrets. I wish he would just trust me not to run away.

“Hope, what's wrong?” Someone grabs my arms and pulls me to the side.

Looking up through tear-blinded eyes, I catch the hints of jade and black that make up Zachary.

“Nothing, I just have to get home. I'll call you later,” Tearing away from him, I continue through the crowd, now wiping the tears away in case I see someone from school. I don't want them to see me rushing through the crowd like an idiot, crying over something that's not true.

“Move!” I push a bulky guy in a hoodie out of the way, tear blurring my vision once again. The hood falls off but all I can make out is low cut black hair before I rush right past him.

I can barely remember the rest of the way home. I can't remember how I made it the rest of the way up the sidewalk, or how I made it across the streets without an angry driver running me or even how I managed to put the key in the lock, but I can remember the door flying open before I have the chance to unlock it and the questions thrown in my way. I can remember the loud sound of my hand connecting with Asher's cheek and the tears I cried into my pillow. I can remember feeling like I'm being watched before a warm hand strokes my back.

I can remember falling into a deep sleep, wishing Asher was a little bit more like Matt, who would never lie to me.