Common Sense and Confidence

He hadn’t taken two steps off the bus when I ran up and jumped him. “Aw, hey, girl,” he laughed, dropping his duffel bag to give me one of his signature bone crushing hugs that I missed so much while he was away on tour. “I missed you,” he told me after a sweet, slow kiss.

“It’s only been two months,” I reminded him, absentmindedly playing with the hair at the nape of his neck just like I always do.

“It felt like ages,” Zack argued, releasing me so he could grab his bags, but still holding onto my hand. After waving goodbye to Rian and Alex, we walked into our house and they drove the bus away.

The second our door was closed, Zack had me pressed up against it, his lips crashing down on mine. He was being rather rough, but I let it slide because I kind of liked it. I enjoyed the kiss. I missed being with Zack…I missed Zack, period.

Zack broke the kiss after a while with a breathless laugh. “Sorry, my mouth is tired,” he joked, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Why don’t you take a shower and I massage you afterwards? How does that sound?” I asked, already pushing him in the direction of the bathroom.

“I love you so much, Chelsea,” Zack sighed, plodding towards to bathroom.

I took the liberty of hauling Zack’s dirty clothes down to the basement where our washer and dryer was located. I sorted his clothes into darks, whites, reds, and stopped when I heard the water of the shower stop going, signifying that Zack was done. I loaded all his darks into the washer and got it going before going up to our room.

Zack was lying face down, sprawled out so he occupied nearly the entire king sized bed, with the sheets lazily draped about his lower body. “Are you naked?” I asked suspiciously, leaning on the bed and pushing his damp bangs out of his eyes.

“No…do you want me to be?” Zack asked with a smirk, taking my hand and kissing my knuckles.

I rolled my eyes and pulled away, clambering up onto the bed so I could sit on his ass and massage him just like I promised, starting with his those broad shoulders of his that I missed so much. We talked and touched the day away, ending it with dinner and a cuddle session on the couch as we watched the Baltimore Ravens game. I liked how we got to have some relaxing alone time today, because we would be partying so hard tomorrow…

---

Zack was never one to drink, but I was. Zack was a fitness freak and a borderline hypochondriac. I honestly don’t understand how we got together, but I’m glad we were. I drank like a fish at their welcome home party, hosted at Rian and Alex’s place. I got involved in a game of beer pong – me and Jack against Alex and Flyzik. We won, because Flyzik couldn’t hold his liquor tonight. We partied rather hard. Zack let me drink, but he didn’t let me get stupid. Beer before liquor, never been sicker; Liquor before beer, you’re in the clear.

When I felt like I’d had enough to drink, Zack and I went home. “Did you have fun, Zack?” I slurred as he helped me stumble to the front door of our house. I was the kind of drunk that rambled about anything and everything, and laughed nonstop and stuff. “I think I partied harder than you did, and it was a party for you guys! I feel bad!” I whined when he just picked me up already.

“It’s alright, babe. I had fun at the party, too,” Zack laughed, sighing when I fought my way out of his arms to get to my own two feet.

“I’m gonna shower and try sobering up,” I mumbled, staggering to the bathroom.

“Let me know if you need anything,” Zack’s muffled voice came from the other side of the door.

“Cool beans!” I yelled back, stripping down until I was naked and stepping into the shower. I made the water hot because I was cramping up like I was about to have my period..and I did. I shuddered at the sight of the watery blood pooling around my feet.

But…it started to hurt a lot more than normal. I had never experienced cramps like this. Soon, I was gasping for breath, the pain crippling. I had to sit down on the tiled floor, hugging my legs to my chest and waiting for it to be over. It took quite a while for the pain to end, but it did. “Chelsea?” I heard Zack’s worried voice through the rushing water. “You alright, babe?”

…When I saw the small, bloody, semi translucent mass of tissue not far from my foot, I had to scream.

Zack started banging wildly on the door. “Chelsea! Chelsea, let me in!” I just kept screaming and screaming. From the sound of the metal tearing from wood, I could tell Zack busted the door down. “Chelsea!” Zack ripped back the shower curtain. I just stayed where I was, hugging myself tightly and pressing my face to my knees so I couldn’t see..it. “Chel…Chelsea…?”

“I didn’t know,” I blubbered out. “I-I had no idea…” After a few minutes of staring – at me, or at the…at it, I couldn’t tell – Zack turned the shower water off. He grabbed a black towel from the linen closet and pulled me to my feet, wrapping the towel around me. “Zack?”

“I need to take you to the hospital, alright, Chelsea?” he said in a flat voice. He was mad, I could tell.

“Zack, I didn’t –“

“Shh,” he told me, kissing my damp hair and draping my fluffy blue bathrobe on me as well. He put my house slippers on my feet and walked me back out to the car. I was in the fetal position the whole ride there. I was still hurting so much from the miscarriage.

I didn’t know I was pregnant. I had no idea a baby was growing inside me.

And now it was dead.

What could Zack be thinking?

“Ms. Chelsea Bennet?” A doctor called my name, making the both of us perk up. We’d been in the waiting room for too damn long.

“Yes?” I croaked out, still shivering from the shower and the events of tonight.

“This way, please…”

---

When I woke up, I was alone in the hospital room, in one of those papery hospital gowns to boot. Doesn’t that just suck ass? “Zack?” I said his name, rubbing my sleepy eyes and looking about the room. He wasn’t here with me…That made my heart hurt.

I swallowed hard, laying back down and instantly laying a hand on my stomach. They put me under to take a good look at me, trying to figure out the cause of the miscarriage and stop the bleeding. But I was awake now, and it was morning. Where could Zack be?

I was awake for a while then, just thinking about things…about Zack in particular. He probably thought I had cheated on him while he was gone. But I knew I didn’t. I loved Zack too much for that. That baby…That baby had to be ours. I just don’t know how I didn’t know I was pregnant for that long. My period was never regular, so I just thought it would come later…

I don’t know if I was glad or sad that the baby was gone. I mean, that baby was our first baby together. I know we’re young, but I would have loved a little Merrick. And then, I don’t really know if we’re prepared for a baby. I don’t think I am. I’d have to stay at home and take care of it all the time. And it would grow up without a dad most of the time, since Zack toured so hard. Oh, goodness…

“Chelsea?”

It was like I blinked and then Zack was sitting down in the chair beside me. “Z-Zack…”

“Morning, girl,” he said with a tired smile, reaching out to cover my hand with his.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, feeling the tears already pricking my eyelids.

“Chelsea, don’t –“

“I swear, I didn’t sleep with anybody while you were touring,” I said quickly, sitting up now. “I never would. You have to believe me. I love you, Zack, I love you so much…!” A fresh wave of tears had begun.

“I know. I know, Chelsea. It’s fine,” Zack assured me, brushing my tears away. “Calm down, please,” he sighed, gently pushing me back down on the bed.

That sure threw me for a loop.“Y…You’re not…mad…?”

“Mad? More like…extremely worried,” he mumbled, playing with my fingers. “You scared me shitless with your screaming last night…I thought someone had, like, broken in and was trying to kidnap or rape you or something else like that…” We fell silent for a while after that. “The doctors said that the fetus was about two months old,” he added quietly. “I know you didn’t cheat on me. I know you wouldn’t cheat on me. I trust you. I love you, too, Chelsea. I guess…the…condom broke, or something, the night before we left for tour, and…yeah…”

And again, a heavy silence settled on us. “Are you…glad?”

Zack arched an eyebrow. “That you’re alright? Well, of course I’m glad!”

“No…I meant…are you glad that I had a miscarriage…?” Zack opened his mouth to say something, but seemed to think better of it. “I don’t think I am,” I whispered, looking down at and resting a hand on my flat stomach. “Zack, that was our baby…and…he’s gone.”

“I’ll be honest with you, Chelsea…I’m…I’m not ready for a kid… I mean, I’m not glad you had a miscarriage, of course not. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t relieved…that we don’t have a kid…” I nodded, lying back down and turning so he couldn’t see that I had started to cry. I don’t know, the idea that there had been life in me and now it was gone just depressed me so fucking much. “You wanted the baby, didn’t you,” Zack said knowingly. I didn’t respond. “Why did you call it a ‘he’?”

“Because big brothers are born first to protect the little ones that come after…” Zack laughed softly, and I felt him playing with my fingers. “It’s my fault, Zack, it’s my fault our baby’s dead…if I just didn’t drink so much…If I wasn’t so stupid…”

“Hey, don’t talk like that,” Zack scolded me, reaching over to turn my face towards him. “You didn’t know you were pregnant. It’s not your fault. It’s ok, Chelsea…Life sucks sometimes...but it all happens for a reason and a higher purpose.”

I scoffed. "After what just happened...You can't tell me that and expect me to believe it."

Zack sighed. “Chelsea, please don’t be so upset…it’s not like we can’t have more kids…”

I had to smile a bit at when he said that. “You do want to have kids with me?”

“Of course,” Zack said earnestly, and he did sound semi excited. “I just want to be prepared for them…I didn’t want it to happen like this,” he added, gesturing at me.

“Good idea…” I had to agree with him on that one.

“What would you have named him?” Zack asked quietly, lovingly stroking my cheekbone with his thumb.

I had to think about that for a while. “…Erin. Or Aaron. depending on if we had a boy or a girl...what about you?”

Zack didn’t have to think about it at all, which kind of surprised me “For a girl…I would’ve wanted to name her Ashley. And for a boy, I really like the name Toby.”

“Then when we have our children, we’ll name them that. And Erin or Aaron can be their middle name. Agreed?” Zack nodded, and I was in a much better mood after that. He took me home after checking me out of the hospital later that day. It felt weird being back at the house, but most of all, it was weird to see how clean the bathroom was. There was so much blood. I thought it would never be clean again...

“What are you thinking about?” Zack asked, hugging me from behind. I was craving macaroni and cheese, so I was making some for the both of us.

“Common sense and confidence and how I seem to have neither of those,” I said with a shrug. I should’ve known something was up with me when I started craving the oddest foods. I shouldn’t have been so self conscious of my weight, which had slightly increased these past two months. Could have, would have, should have – fuck it, it’s too late now.

“You have plenty of those, girl. And the latter is probably what attracted me to you so much when we first met. Even if you don’t have any of the former…I’ve got enough common sense for both of us, alright?”

I rolled my eyes, playfully slapping his face. “You jerk.”

“I’m your jerk,” Zack teased, turning me around and lifting me onto the kitchen counter.

“Don’t get corny with me…” I trailed off when our foreheads met, barely any space left between our smiling lips.

“I love you,” he sighed softly, his arms sliding around my waist.

“Thank you.” Zack pulled back with a start. “Sorry, I just wanted to see your reaction! I love you, too!”

“The moment’s gone, you jerk,” Zack teased, walking away from me.

I quickly jumped onto his back, wrapping my arms around his neck tightly. “I love you, I love you, I love you!”

Zack obviously didn’t expect me to do that. He ended up stumbling onto the couch, falling down onto it with me still on top of him. “Don’t you have something better to do that bother me?” he laughed.

“I’d rather do nothing with you than do something with anybody else.”

I yelped when Zack got up, shaking me off his back so I fell onto the couch. “Oh, you’ll do something with me, alright…”

Our time is always well spent.