Some Days

I cried for fifteen minutes before someone – Garrett – sat beside me. I looked at him through watery eyes and instead of frowning, he offered me a crooked smile and cradled me in his arms. I scooted as close to him as I could manage without actually crawling into his lap, my face nuzzled sweetly in his shoulder. After another ten minutes, my breath finally came back to me and I separated myself from Garrett just enough to look at him.

“I know it’s difficult,” he said, gently knocking my hands out of the way so he could be the one to dry my tears. He cupped my face with both of his hands so he could hold my gaze. “We don’t have to do this.”

I thought about the kiss from the day before. I was overwhelmed with emotions. Kissing him ignited something deep within me that I had forgotten existed, something that hadn’t been alive since high school. Of course he was the perfect guy – from what I knew of him. Charming, hilarious, nerdy, artistic, kind-hearted, and perfect with kids. But would that be enough to ever top a first love – the one person that will always be flawless by nature?

I stared at his blue eyes. He squinted at me. He was confused but patient. He wanted to see inside my head, understand what I was thinking. Even if he could hear my thoughts, there would be no way he could understand any of it. It isn’t about comparing him to John, like John had questioned. Garrett and John are two completely different people, there is no single way to compare them. So I have to divorce myself from that mindset and look at them separately. But how?

He tilted his head ever so slightly. I leaned up and captured his lips with mine, softly. Innocently. He didn’t smile into the kiss or beg for anything more. He made no advances. I was allowed to explore him in the way I needed to. I kissed him for a few minutes, my hands resting on his cheeks to hold him to me – a slightly unnecessary move on my part because he had no intention of letting it end so soon.

“I’m sorry,” I finally told him. He tilted his head again and I brushed my fingers along his forehead, pushing his hair to one side. “I’m not used to this. It’s been just me for so long.”

His blue eyes pierced mine. He kept his silence for a few more minutes, digesting my words. “Can I show you something?”

I nodded dumbly as he took my hand. We wound up driving away from the city and towards the wilderness. I knew these roads from the getaways John and I had taken when we were younger. It was another handful of minutes before he turned somewhere unfamiliar and I stared out the window curiously. When we stopped, I thought it was just as a precaution, but then I heard the engine die and his door push open.

“We’re there?” I asked, stepping out of the car. Surely there was a mistake. He had stopped in the middle of the road with no real destination in sight.

“You’re never really there,” Garrett told me, his hand outstretched and waiting for mine. I gave it to him.

We walked a distance into the trees and flowers and if he hadn’t been with me, I would have kept going and missed it, but he knew exactly when and where to stop. The sight before me was incredible. We were higher up than I imagined. The neighborhood we were spying on was coming to life with street lamps and porch lights. It was nowhere near as grand as overlooking an entire city, but this felt cozy, like the neighborhood was ours to watch over and protect.

“I know this is hard for you,” he said. “I can’t imagine going through any of this. And I can probably bet that you didn’t think it would happen this way. But all I ask is that you give me a chance. I know I can never be your John – but I would never dream of asking to replace him for you or Regan. I know my place, if you’ll let me have it.”

My eyes stayed on the little houses but his words pummeled my chest. Every word, every syllable – it all went straight to my heart. My eyes flooded with fresh tears. I had gone from perfect high school romance to breaking my own heart, to somehow being granted this second chance at wonderful but knowing my reputation, I would ruin this – and him – too.

“Oh no,” he mumbled, seeing the tears. “Oh, no no no. Nolan please don’t cry. Please.”

I looked at him, lip trembling, tears slipping down my cheeks, and threw myself into his arms. I hungrily kissed him and raked my fingers through his messy hair and pressed my body to his. I could feel his body stiffen, confused by my actions, but after a second or two, he gave up the wonderment and reciprocated, shoving me against a nearby tree.

His hands were all over – under my shirt, on my hips, in my hair, unbuttoning my pants and dipping below the denim. I groaned into the kiss as every fiber in my being exploded. “Garrett,” I moaned and clamped down on my lip as my head lulled backwards against the trunk of the tree. He hadn’t done a single thing to me yet and already he commanded my every bit of attention.

“Do you really want to-?” he asked, his voice husky and laden with lust in my ear. My natural instinct was to roll my hips against his hand. He chuckled, dropping his forehead to my shoulder. “Okay. But you’re in charge.”

Maybe it wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t found a way to sneak into my heart. But he had, and it was happening, and I was definitely not going to question it. If I ever want to make a clear separation between John and Garrett – and any possible future guy – then following my natural instincts had to happen eventually. Maybe not with every single guy I meet, but I trust Garrett. I trust him with this piece of me.

My fingers fumbled with his belt. He removed his hand from between my legs and tugged my shirt over my head, breaking my concentration on his pants. I momentarily watched as my clothes fell to a delicate pile in the dirt, then pushed his khakis down. His hands were on my breasts, massaging, as he nipped at my neck to form little bruises that declared I was his.

“You have too many clothes on,” I grumbled.

“Let’s fix that,” he agreed, taking a step back so he could pull his shirt off. He dropped it on top of mine before his lips were back on my neck. I looped my arms under his and allowed my fingers to explore his back. One of his hands slipped back into my pants while the other adamantly attempted to push my jeans all the way down. A whimper escaped my lips as my eyes fluttered shut.

“God,” I whispered and bit my lip. Garrett smirked against my shoulder and this time he slipped his hand down my underwear, but he kept it there. “Fuck, Gar. Stop teasing.”

He lifted his head to look at me. I reluctantly opened my eyes. “I’m just going to double check. You’re sure?”

“It’s been, like, five years since I’ve had someone touch me, Garrett,” I warned. “If you don’t do anything about it at this point, I’ll do it myself.”

Garrett smirked again but took his hand away. I was about to groan in protest and call it a night when I felt him rip my panties off completely. I didn’t even have a chance to step out of them before he disappeared from my vision. My eyes followed him down and suddenly I grew nervous. The nerves vanished, however, when he kissed my inner thigh and kissed his way inward until I couldn’t control my volume level and a loud moan rumbled through the trees.

I weaved my fingers in his hair, tugging at the ends as he brought me to the edge. When he came back up, he kissed me roughly and fumbled with a condom. We spent the next few minutes completely devouring one another to the point of no return. After so long without a man’s touch, it felt good to let go again.

We spent a while coming undone and pulling ourselves back together, then he drove me back to my parents house. My dad’s car wasn’t in the driveway so I invited Garrett inside. The house was quiet, eerily quiet, as we tiptoed upstairs to my room, but I thought nothing of it. Kennedy had Regan tonight, not my dad, and my mother slept most of her days away anyway.

I tried to take a moment to clean myself up in the shower, but Garrett somehow managed to sneak his way in with me. I giggled as he started round two beneath the hot spray of the shower. By the time we were dried off and changed, I was exhausted and collapsed on my bed. He crawled in next to me and placed a tired kiss to my forehead.

“I promise I won’t hurt you,” he whispered.