Some Days

I found myself sitting in Garrett’s kitchen, staring intently at him as he stared back. He had text messaged his older brother on the ride into town and assured me that his brother would be able to help with my car. It was just a matter of when his brother’s band would be making their debut back to town.

“So,” I drawled. “Do you know my mom?”

Although he was looking directly at me, he seemed surprised when I spoke to him. “Oh, uh. No, not really. I mean, I – uh – I see her when my mom makes me go with her to your house. I mean, I think it’s your house anyway. Not that I would know, I don’t go snooping.”

I smiled faintly, looking down at my fingernails so his rosy cheeks could return to a normal color. He cleared his throat moments later and I glanced up at him.

He decided to change the subject, so as not to embarrass himself again. “So, you know John, Max, and Kenny?”

I nodded, shrugging my shoulders slightly. “Max was like my big brother, Ken was practically my only best friend..”

Garrett didn’t skip a beat on my hesitation. “And John?”

I pursed my lips. The ride into town had been quiet, although I could feel the tension and questions ready to burst from the lips of the unknowing. As far as I knew, nothing had ever been mentioned to anyone outside of our immediate friends and family. I’d quelled any missing persons searches by keeping in touch with my parents for a while, then I eventually grew tired of being a burden to them. It had been a little over four years since I last spoke to them.

I looked into his blue eyes, swimming with curiosity and innocence. I was saved from answering Garrett’s question when the front door swung open, a slightly deeper voice calling out to him.

“We’re in the kitchen, Trey,” Garrett answered.

I stood up when he walked in. He was a spitting image of Garrett, only a few years older. He smiled as he tried to subtly look me up and down. “You must be Nolan, Garrett’s damsel in distress.”

“Shut up, asshole,” Garrett grumbled, and punched his brother as hard as he could in the shoulder.

My face turned quite a few shades of red and I was saved from thinking of how to respond to them when my phone started ringing. I looked at the caller ID and my heart began to race in a panic.

“Hello?” I answered, shyly stepping away from the boys – who were still bickering back and forth.

“Nolan,” Payton giggled. “We just landed.”

I sighed happily, shoulders resting. “Good. I had a little car trouble on the way but luckily some childhood friends were on their way back into town at the same time. I’m getting it taken care of now.”

“Oh good,” she commented thoughtfully, no doubt wondering how I felt about running into childhood friends so soon into the trip. “We should be on our way soon.”

I nodded to myself, calculating the time in my head. “Perfect. I’ll see you at home. You still have the address I gave you, right?”

I could hear her rustling around and then she hummed in approval. “Got it right here. Everything will be fine. And I’ll call you back if we run into any problems.”

“I promise I’ll try to be home before you get there,” I said. I exhaled deeply, realizing that the last five years of my life would soon be revealed to my parents. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Garrett was standing next to me. “I’ll see you soon.”

I hung up, shoving the phone into my back pocket. Looking at Garrett, I bit my lip anxiously. His eyes softened, eyebrows rose slightly with curiosity. “Everything okay?”

I gave him a small smile and nodded. “Just ready to get that piece of crap home.”

Trey nodded as he approached us. Without saying a word, he headed back outside, grabbing his car keys from a dish on a table by the door. Garrett offered me a reassuring smile and cautiously placed his arm around my shoulders, guiding me outside.

His car was yellow and little – and cute. It was messy, too, though. He had CDs everywhere, and little sketchpads with torn out pages splayed all over the passenger side floor. His backseat had a couple of wrinkled jackets and even more CDs. He had a little whale hanging from the rearview mirror, a decorative touch I didn’t quite understand but didn’t question. His music taste was superior; the moment he turned the ignition, Ryan Adams blared through the speakers. His ears turned red as he quickly moved to lower the volume – I grabbed his hand to stop him.

“It’s fine,” I told him with a smile.

He looked hesitant but subtly nodded and put the car into drive. We followed his brother for a while, silent as could be. Part of me hoped it would stay that way. There was something strange about Garrett Nickelsen. Watching him out of the corner of my eye, I noticed how he tilted his head back and forth, appreciating the music, and tapped his fingers to the slow, beautiful beat against the steering wheel. He slouched farther down in his seat the longer we drove.

“So, you never answered me,” he said and quickly stole a glance in my direction. I looked at him curiously. “About John.”

My lips formed into an o-shape before I rolled my head to the side and looked out the window. There were so many ways to describe what John was to me, and vice versa. Who knew what Garrett had been told or had overheard; he must not have been satisfied enough with just accepting that I had once belonged to the people of Tempe and had moved on.

“The truth?” I questioned, voice little and insecure.

“I mean, that would be ideal,” he paused very briefly for a chuckle, “but if you wanna make something up, that’s cool, too.”

Swallowing hard, I looked at him again. He stole another glance at me, his blue eyes shining against the big, lowering sun. The copper in his hair caught against the rays and it looked unreal.

“I used to think that.. That John and I were destined to be together forever,” I started, careful to choose my words strategically. “We knew each other since we were little. Not super little, but, like, grade 7 probably. We were at that age where it was cool to be in a relationship, so we kinda just.. got together. We never really ended.”

He nodded, pulling over to the side of the road. Trey already had the hood of my car up and he was halfway crawled into the engine. Garrett let the car idle for a moment, music still blaring.

“That’s cool, that you have so much history behind you,” he commented, eyes trained on his brother. I bit my lip, waiting for his blues to settle on mine; and when they did, they held a smirk. “Assuming your story is legit.”

I let out a soft chuckle as he twisted the keys out of the ignition and gracefully swooped out of his car. He stood beside his brother, rubbing the back of his neck as they exchanged words. I joined them moments later, helplessly looking on.

About ten minutes into Trey’s diagnosis, he stood upright, a little smear of black on his cheek. “Your battery’s dead. I’ll give you a jump so you can make it home, but you’ll need to get another jump once you shut it off.”

“I’m sure she knows how jumps work,” Garrett quipped.

Trey rolled his eyes. “Just get a new battery tomorrow and you should be fine.”

“Thank you,” I said to him. “I really appreciate this. I know you don’t know me, so it means a lot. Especially because you both just got back into town.”

Trey grinned and I could see the quick flash of fear in Garrett’s eyes. “Well, Gary here did say he met a pretty girl that needs help.”

I blushed and looked down at my shoes. Garrett shoved his brother then went to his car, grumbling about something under his breath. Trey grinned at me, almost as if to say it was all in good fun, and took the jumper cables from his younger brother. I watched as they fussed to jump my car, then thanked them again.

“I can follow you home to make sure you get there alright,” Garrett offered, cables still in his hands.

Without weighing my options, I said okay. Trey had left immediately after hearing our agreement, and we were going shortly after that. The AC blasted against my burning cheeks. Garrett waited in his car for me to start driving.

When we got to my house, I couldn’t recognize the car in the driveway so I parked by the mailbox at the end. But, for some reason, Garrett pulled into the drive and parked as well.

However curious I was, I got out of the car and opened the back seat. I pulled out my oversized purse, tossed it over my shoulder, and when I closed the door, Garrett was right in front of me.

“That’s my mom’s car,” he explained. I waited for him to continue, understanding that the inflection in his voice meant this visit was unusual. “She’s not supposed to be here. I just.. Honestly, your mom has taken a liking to me. I want to make sure she’s okay.”

I nodded. It was all I could do. Garrett sensed my hesitation and gently rubbed my back. He escorted me up the sidewalk and tested the door handle to see if it was unlocked. But I knew it would be – it always had been when I was younger, and, knowing my parents, it never would be locked for as long as they lived.

“Mom?” Garrett called out into the seemingly empty house.

“Gar? What are you doing here?” a woman asked from a room upstairs.

Garrett looked at me, lip caught between his teeth. He didn’t want me to know just how well he knew my house; I could see it in his eyes. The way he paused, almost as if he were unsure what to do next, gave me a sense of reassurance – but at the same time, he made me feel absolutely terrible. He cared more about my parents than I did.

Suddenly, from over the railing, a petite brunette leaned over to look down at us in the foyer. She and Garrett had the same eyes, the same kind smile. When she noticed me with her son, she tilted her head to the side and pondered. She racked her brain, wondering how she had known me without really knowing me.

“Mom, this is-”

But she cut him off, the spark in her eye glowing bright. “Nolan.”

I only looked at her. There was nothing to say; there was no room to explain where I had been, or why I hadn’t come home sooner. As she descended the staircase, her facial expression told me she didn’t care about excuses or stories.

“Nolan, please,” she said softly, gently placing her small hand on my wrist. “Please, come see your mother.”

I hesitated, looking over at Garrett. He nodded encouragingly, egging me forward. I almost took a step forward when, from behind us, a car door slammed. Both of the Nickelsens looked at me.

“I- I will. I just.. Garrett?” I asked weakly, as if I depended on him. He stepped even closer to me, ready and waiting for me to continue. I glanced over my shoulder, through the open front door. He followed my gaze but I knew he wouldn’t understand.

“Nolan?” Payton asked as she walked up the sidewalk. Her smile brightened even more than before when she saw me, assurance that she had found the right house. The toddler on her hip squirmed, causing her to bounce her and say, “Look who it is!”

Garrett’s eyes were on me and I finally returned the stare. It was a curious stare; no judgment or preconceived notions clouded his vision.

“Garrett,” I said slowly, swallowing hard as Payton approached. “Garrett, this is my best friend Payton.”

She gave a little wave, her smile gone as she assessed the awkward situation she had just walked into. But Garrett didn’t take his eyes off of mine. His mother, already two steps ahead of her son, gently placed one hand on my shoulder and the other on his. He remained silent, stoic – timid; while I stood in ruins, my heart plummeted into the pit of my stomach, head spinning wildly out of control.

“Garrett,” I whispered. “I want you to meet Regan. My daughter.”

The first thing he said completely wrecked me. It wasn’t that I thought it would be an easy thing to hide, but maybe I had expected it to be for so long that I convinced myself otherwise. Still, even after he recovered and showed that he really was happy for me – and interested in meeting her all the same – his first three words would stick with me.

“Does John know?”

I shakily picked up the payphone and inserted the coins that had clinked knowingly in my pocket on the walk here. Hesitantly my fingers punched in the familiar numbers, and slowly did they lift the receiver to my ear. I listened with baited breath as it rang.

“Nolan?” he demanded, worry in his voice. I could sense that he had received many phone calls today and he didn’t want to deal with anyone unless the person on the other end knew where I had run off to – or if it was me.

I stayed silent.

“Nolan,” he said softly, knowingly. “Baby, please come home. I don’t care what happens or what it said. I need you, Nolan. Please.”

With my heart racing in my chest, I dared to hold my breath. I closed my eyes and listened to him breathing. He knew it was me on the line but I couldn’t bring myself to speak to him.

I started to pull the phone away as I felt the sobs building up in my throat.

“Please, Nolan,” he pleaded pathetically. He sounded broken and defeated.

And I broke him a little bit more by hanging up the phone without saying a word.