So Lock And Load, Mercenaries

"Ronnie."

"Lily."

"Oh Ronnie."

"Lily."

Ronnie's hips move back and forth in time with the bass drum of the song that's blasting through his room. Four days after the sleepover I lay underneath him, staring up at him with half lidded eyes as I struggle to catch my breath.

We've had sex at his house every day since that sleepover, making excuses of ill aunts, important business, work, anything we could.

I still couldn't figure out what was happening between us, but now I knew it was a more than the physical need I'd felt standing in front of him in the moonlight.

I still loved Craig, but now I wasn't so sure.

I gasp and all the breath, energy and thoughts are torn from my body as Ronnie changes speed and moves his hips back and forth against mine faster than my body can cope with. I close my eyes and see spots dance on the lids. It's the best feeling I can describe, a thousand times better.

Ronnie comes and moans so he drowns out the song playing behind us. He pants as he pulls out of me, making my back arch and between my legs sting in pain. Ronnie falls next to me, body covered in sweat and I turn my head towards him.

"Can we just do that for forever and a day?"

"I can't promise you that." Ronnie says, still trying to gather his breath, "But I can promise you the next hour or two?"

I smile, and lead my hand to between his legs, and watch his whole body jerk and he sits up a little, eyes wide at me.

"Lily..." His voice holds a slight warning, but I just smirk, shuffling closer and throwing one leg over his hips so I'm straddling him.

"What do you plan to do to me in the next hour or two then, Mr Radke?"

"Anything you want Lily." He gasps back, as I move over his hips and initiate another hour of spontaneous, physical, fantastic sex.

Just like I'd wanted.

"Fucking hell Ronnie..." I murmur, as I lay on my back, in a post-orgasm haze that reminds me of that time I tried pot, only better. I catch my breath for a minute, just listening to the ragged way the breath forces itself in and out of Ronnie's lips, as his chest heaves and throat convulses in a way that makes me want to kiss it.

I shuffle over to where he's propped up on his forearms, lean over, and do just that, my tongue flickering across the dip in his clavicle, and I hear his regular deep breathing miss a beat and a handful of nails dig into my shoulder blade.

Ronnie pulls me up by my hair, so my lips meet his and his tongue springs to life. I identify the song blaring from next to us, and smile as Ronnie pulls away.

"All in the name of rock ’n’ roll, for sex and sex I’d sell my soul." He growls, pulling on my bottom lip with bared teeth. I bring our mouths together again for a few seconds, before pulling back again and licking my swollen lips.

"Anytime you want, you-" Ronnie starts, but I cut him off with a quick kiss and finish the line myself.

"You know you can have me." Ronnie leans up and brings our lips together again, rolling us over so he's on top. I moan as his body presses against mine, and his lips move feverishly across mine, in the way I love about him.

I think about how different Ronnie is compared to Craig. I think about how Craig would never dream of having sex at three in the afternoon, or pinning me down while he did all the work, whilst he kissed me like he wanted me, or touched me like he wanted me.

Craig never did that, and it’s the one thing I hate about him, about my boyfriend.

As we break apart Ronnie sighs happily and smiles, "Motley Crue, fuckin' legends."

"Any excuse for a good make out, eh?" I murmur through swollen lips, smiling and running a hand through Ronnie's hair.

"With you, fuck yes." He growls back, his hair falling like a black curtain round us. I catch a whiff of the hairspray in it, and for some reason it turns me on completely. I get a rush of energy, and forget that we've just had sex for the second time in the past hour, and pull Ronnie's face to mine.

"Fuck you? Yes please."

Those two lines summed up Ronnie and I in two seconds flat.

Sex, sex and sex.

I loved it, but I was scared of the other feeling bubbling just above my stomach. I lay in yet another post-orgasm pot like haze, with a dizzy smile on my face as I listened to Ronnie order pizza on his mobile next to me, seeming like he was in the next room.

I wondered whether I could just be with Ronnie, and just split up with Craig.

I wondered whether Ronnie and I would slowly turn into Craig and I, but I shake my head, telling myself Craig was never this sexually active in the first place.

But the feeling was still there.

I thought back to my thirteen roses, could this be the bad thing?

Could not splitting up with Craig be the bad thing?

Could fucking Ronnie full stop be the bad thing?

Could someone finding us out be the bad thing?

Or hell, could it just be Ronnie ordering a bad pizza, or the pizza turning up late, and was my mind just playing with me.

I shove all the negative thoughts from my head as Ronnie lies back beside me, both of us staring up at the ceiling in our post-sex pot states.

His hand reaches over blindly and links with mine, and I feel my heart leap into my throat. I turn my head to look at him, and he looks back, his eyes a softer green than ever before. The skin of his hand was warm in a different way than before, the warmth coursing up my arm from his, to my chest, where it fills the hollow feeling with something more than sex.

And it scares me.

Ronnie stares back at me with a softer smile than before, not a 'I wanna fuck you senseless' smile, or a wicked smile, or a self confident smirk, just a small, warm smile, one that bends his lips and makes his cheeks dimple, a soft smile that tells me a message.

He tells me this is more than we planned it to be.

We just lay there, staring and smiling at each other, unable to move, captured by soft eyes, wondering whether what we feel is real, until the doorbell rings from downstairs, and Ronnie swears softly.

"Here's the pizza."

He shrugs on a shirt and some boxers, nimbly slipping downstairs. I hear conversation, then the door close, and Ronnie slip back upstairs holding a pizza box and wearing a smile again.

He places the pizza box down, and quickly strips off, another thing I love. Straight after sex Craig would put his pyjamas back on and sleep. Ronnie and I could lie awake for hours and do nothing, or we could laugh and sing and joke and dance, all naked. I felt no inhibition around the boy, and it made me smile.

We eat the pizza, talking and singing along with the Motley Crue CD until it ended and repeated again. I hear my phone go off in my jeans and scramble forward, half hanging off the bed to snatch my jeans from their position thrown over the radiator. I put both hands on the radiator to push myself back up, but find I haven't got enough upper body strength to push myself up.

I feel Ronnie's body against my back, and his breath in my ear, "That's very inviting you know..."

I giggle and concentrate on getting my phone out as Ronnie pulls me back on the bed, sat on his lap, as I flip open my phone and put it my ear.

"Hello?"

"Lily? Where are you?"

Craig.

"I'm just on my way back now," I say, running my hand through my hair and arching my back and Ronnie's hands move a little further down my hips and a little closer together, "I'll be home in ten minutes."

I gasp as Ronnie slips his hands between my legs and pushes them against me. I shift and bite my lip, jabbing my fingernails into his stomach to try and stop him. Instead he just smirks and nibbles the cartilage across the top of my ear, his hands pushing against me a little harder.

I place my hand across the receiver and turn back, "Ronnie. Stop it!"

He smirks and kisses me, but I pull away and remember I'm on the phone to my boyfriend.

"I'll come and get you, we'll walk back together?" Craig says, so sweetly innocent.

"No, no it's alright, I'll be home soon. See you in ten." I say firmly, discontinuing the conversation.

"Alright, see you in a minute, bye." Craig says before hanging up, and I exhale softly.

"Finally." Ronnie says, somehow leaning round to kiss me harshly.

"I've got to go Ronnie..." I say sadly, not wanting to leave his arms, not wanting his hands to leave me.

"Cant you stay? I'm still horny..."

I laugh and kiss him again, "You're always horny."

"And you help me fix that." He says, nibbling along my earlobe again as I gather the energy to get out of bed.

"I've really got to go..." I sit up straighter, but Ronnie places his hands over my chest, squeezing a little and pulling me back. I sigh and realise the only way I can get Ronnie to let me go. I slide my hand behind me and between Ronnie's legs. His hands, which have moved to the top of my thighs, tighten round my skin and he groans.

"Lily..." He gasps, groaning a little. I wind my fingers around his erection and smile a little, moving my hand two or three times, before pulling away and hopping off the bed quickly, grabbing my underwear from the end of the bed and shoving it on.

"That's harsh Lily." Ronnie gasps, bending his knees and squirming to try and rid his erection.

"I've got to go!" I smile as I search for my shirt, shrugging it on along with my jeans.

"Fine!" He says, pouting his lips and looking up and me through his hair. I moan and feel my self control weakening. I drop my bag at the end of the bed and crawl up it into Ronnie's lap.

"Damn you..." I murmur as my lips meet his quickly and harshly over and over.

"Fuck you..." Ronnie murmurs, smirking against my lips.

"I'd love to." Kiss, "But I've got to." Kiss. "Go." Another kiss, long, harsher. "Craig, Ronnie..." I warn, pulling away and crawling back off the bed.

"See you tomorrow Ronnie." I say as I shut his bedroom door behind him, leaving him with a smirk, swollen lips and an erection.

"Can't wait!" I hear him call back as I take the stairs a few at a time, opening the door and slipping out of it, finding myself already wanting Ronnie again, my skin itching for his.

I hurry back home, diverting a little to take the route I would take back from the hospital, from my 'sick aunt', just in case Craig did come to look for me.

I see him looking worried as I walk up the path to the front door, one hand on the door he's just opened, the other in his pocket.

"Heyy." He says softly, leaning down to kiss my cheek, then moving slightly to the left and kissing my lips for a few seconds.

They're sore and swollen, so instead of prolonging the embrace I pull away and suck my bottom lip.

"Hey." I say, curving my lips to a smile.

"I've got something for you..." Craig murmurs softly, his eyes glittering in anticipation and excitement, and my eyebrows furrow, even though I have a sinking realisation of what this special something will be.

He takes both my hands and guides me up the stairs, smiling at me as he pushed open our bedroom door and I just manage to conceal a sigh.

The room's beautifully lit, with candles on every flat surface, the covers thrown back neatly, and there's one red rose on the left pillow, on my pillow.

Great.

Just like Craig, it's all planned, all precise.

After weeks of wanting this, now it's finally come, I really can't deal with it. I mean, I've just had the most amazing, spontaneous, orgasmic sex countless times with Ronnie, and I somehow don't think one thirty minute session of frankly boring sex in the exact same position as always, with Craig, would do anything for me.

Not to mention I'm completely knackered, and all I can think about is Ronnie, I'd probably end up yelling his name, then we'd all be up shit creek.

Craig twirls me round so I'm stood in front of him, and starts kissing up and down my neck. I just pray he doesn't smell Ronnie there, and start frantically thinking of excuses.

Usually I'd roll my head back, turn around and kiss Craig like it was the last thing I'd ever do. But now I just want to crawl into the immaculately made bed, in a completely non-sexy oversized shirt and sleep.

"Figured I wasn't treating you right Lily..." Craig says between kisses, "I just want you to know I love you."

"Craig..." I breathe softly, trying to figure out how to let him down without hurting his ego.

"Lily..." He breathes back, more urgently, pulling me round to face him, kissing my lips for a second, before leaning down and his mouth finds my neck again.

"Craig... wait..."

"What's the matter Lily?" Craig says, looking up into my eyes for a second, and I shiver, not in the good way.

"Craig... I'm really tired... I guess these last few days of looking after Auntie Kay at the hospital has taken it out of me..."

"Oh..." Craig says, his face falling so it makes my heart ache and the guilt leap into my throat and try to suffocate me, "So you don't want to...?"

I shake my head softly and bite my lip, "I'm sorry Craig..." I say, leaning up to kiss him to show I am truly sorry.

"It's okay..." He sighs and runs a hand through his hair, "It's okay… I'm okay."

He leaves me with a short peck on the lips, a squeeze of my hips, and a halfhearted smile before pulling open our bedroom door, slipping through the gap, and closing it behind him.

I feel a tear slip down my cheek as I pull off my shirt, jeans and bra, leaving me in the brightly patterned Primark boy shorts I loved. I wipe it away hastily and climb into bed, pulling the duvet over me, feeling the freshness and crispness that tells me Craig had changed them earlier today, something he never does.

I was truly sorry, I knew that.

I didn't regret it, this whole thing with Ronnie, I knew that.

But did I still love Craig?

I didn't know that.