Edge of Desire

I never dated much, I've had one real boyfriend that didn't last very long. James is interested in me and for once I was interested just as much as he was. I'm always afraid to put myself out there, I'm scared of rejection and pain.

I grabbed my favorite coffee mug and filled it with freshly made coffee and sat down next to the kitchen island. Last night was nice, I didn't feel pressured or unwanted. I felt a pair of hands squeeze my shoulders and it made me jump.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you. Good morning." James said.

"It's alright, good morning to you too. Would you like some coffee?" I asked.

"Yes please." James said as he rubbed the 'sleepy' out of his eyes and sat in the chair next to mine.

We stayed up late talking last night and James eventually fell asleep on the couch, so I let him stay the night.

I placed a coffee mug in front of him and his eyes followed my every move, "What?" I asked turning away.

"You're even prettier in the morning." He said with a smile.

"Why do you like me James? You barely know me." I said softly as I slowly began to sip my coffee.

"You're gorgeous and sweet. You're real." He said, "I would love to get to know you."

I smiled, "Well than get to know me."

He raised an eyebrow and kissed my lips.



We spent weeks together, getting to know each other, going on proper dates. This is how dating should be, we were doing this the 'right' way.

We were similar in many ways and we laughed constantly, there was never a frown on either of our faces, it felt wonderful.

I had no idea what exactly we are, we just hung out, occasionally held hands and kissed. I hadn't heard much from Kendall, I got a few hello and how are you texts, we just made small talk. This is good, this is what I need. I was unsure why I had such a strong attraction for Kendall, but James was amazing and made me forget about Kendall, almost completely.

"Jess, you and I have been hanging out, so to speak, for a month now and I really... I really would want you to be my girlfriend, you know, officially."

The word 'girlfriend' scared me, I've never been a good girlfriend and when people make it to the relationship stage, people get hurt.

"We've been having such a great time together, why do we need to put labels on it?" I asked.

"Jess, I want you as my girlfriend. I want to introduce you as my girlfriend"

"James, I've never really done the boyfriend, girlfriend thing."

"Trust me, I'll make it worth it." He said with a smile

I hesitated, "I trust you, I'll be honored to be your girlfriend"

He smiled and squeezed me into a hug.



"Where is James? He's always running late" Carlos stated.

"I'll call him." I said.

"Hello?"

"Hey dude, where are you? You were supposed to be here twenty minutes ago."

"Sorry, I got caught up in something, I'll be there in five minutes. Mind if I bring someone along?" He asked.

"Who?"

"You'll see!" He said, he sounded excited.

"Sure, just hurry."

"He will be here in five" I said to Carlos and Logan, all three of us had been waiting for James to arrive for us to begin recording new songs.

Five minutes pass, then other fifteen minutes passed, I pulled my phone out to text James and I stopped at Jess' name and I decided to shoot her a text, Hey, I'm needing time with a real friend... meet me l8er?'

"Hello everyone, don't worry I have arrived." James said as he waltzed through the door.

"Took you long enough." Logan said.

"Where's your friend?" I asked

"Hi Kendall." Jess said as she grabbed James' hand and he leaned down and kissed her lips.

"We're kind of dating now." He said.

I felt a pang of jealousy. Why though? Why am I jealous? I set them up, I have Kelly. I... I thought she was beautiful and she was the first girl to treat me like a real human being that's why.

"Okay lovebirds, we need to hurry up and get in the studio." Logan said as he began shoving James away from Jess and pulling him into the recording booth.

"I'm going to go get a drink from the vending machine, I'll be back." Jess said as she shot me a glance.

While the guys were preoccupied with getting everything started, I snuck out behind Jess.

"Hey," I said as I grabbed her arm, "What was that about?"

She pulled away from me, "What do you mean? James is my boyfriend now."

"What are you trying to do?" I asked.

"Kendall, we haven't spoken in weeks. If you wanted to be with me all you had to do was tell me."

"It isn't that simple." He said.

"Kendall, just forget it. We're friends, that's all we're meant to be. You have Kelly, I have James."

I sighed, " If we just..."

"No Kendall"

"Okay well, can we still go out later as friends?"

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"Great." I felt angry that James came in a stole something that could have been wonderful for me, I hit the vending machine making Jess jump.

"Kendall!" she said

"I...I'm sorry. I just, I'm-"

"Jealous?" She asked.

"No. Of course not, I don't know why I'm angry. I'm sorry. I-"

"Kendall, we... we don't even know each other that well as we should to be feeling the way we're feeling. I think we need to just-"

"Stop, I feel fine. I'm going to go, the guys need me."



I had no idea why Kendall felt like this toward me, I had no idea why I felt anything for him. It was so soon and so suddenly, but I feel like I've know Kendall for my entire life.

I needed Kendall out of my life as much as possible for James and I to work.

I want James and I to work.

I think.