Edge of Desire

I awoke to my Yorkshire terrier barking excessively, “Quiet Koda!” I shouted and he jumped onto my bed and curled up by my feet. I didn’t get too good of a sleep; Kendall was on my mind all night. I couldn’t believe he got so angry when he found out about James and me. If you ask me it was quite hypocritical, I mean he had Kelly for goodness sakes. My eyes started to get heavy again and I thought I would get at least a few more hours of sleep.

Buzz, buzz

A text from Kendall, ‘Hey is there any way I could make it up to you for the way I acted last night?’

I sighed, I did want to see Kendall, however was it a good idea? No

It’s alright Kendall; you don’t need to do anything. I’ll be fine

I waited for a response, but nothing. I placed my phone face down on my night stand and got comfy under the blankets and began to close my eyes.

I got interrupted by my ringtone; I sighed and picked up my phone.

“Hello?” I said with a sigh.

“Hey, how are you?” Kendall asked.

“I’m fine, was actually trying to get a few more hours of sleep, but I don’t think that’s going to happen.” Was I sounding too harsh?

“Oh, Jess I really want to make it up to you. I want to see you.”

“Look, Kendall I don’t know if that’s a good idea you know with me seeing James and all.” I said, I was beginning to feel frustrated but not with him. I was frustrated with myself because deep down I had these weird feelings for Kendall that I didn’t know what to do with

Kendall sighed, “Look I want to be friends with you Jess. Please let me do this.”

I stood quiet for a few minutes, “Jess?”

“Alright, alright just as friends Kendall.”

“Thank you!” I could hear the joy in his voice, “Tonight?”

Kendall made me nervous, I felt like I couldn’t trust myself around him.

“Can we do it next week? I’m kinda busy this week with you know, James”

“It’s a date.” He said with a chuckle.



I stood looking at myself in the mirror, smoothing out any wrinkles in my outfit and I kept fixing my hair. Why was I trying so hard to impress him? He had a girlfriend, I had a boyfriend. We were going out as friends

That’s it.

But why didn’t I tell James that I was going out with Kendall? I couldn’t get my mind together.

Knock, knock, knock

I opened my front door to greet Kendall; wow he looked handsome as ever. “Hi” I said

“You look rather beautiful.” He said with a smile.

“Remember we’re just going out as friends tonight.” I stated.

“I know, just friends.” He said with a small grin.

“So what are your plans for us Mr.Schmidt?” I asked.

“You’ll see!” He said as he grabbed me by the hand and pulled me out the door, leading me to his car.

We drove for awhile, “When will we be there Kendall?”

“Soon, be patient.” He said as he placed a reassuring hand on mine, I slowly pulled away trying hard not to come off as rude.

We drove for another twenty minutes or so before I was instructed to cover my eyes and told not to peek.

“Kendall can I open them now?” I asked.

“No!” He said as he got behind me and placed his hands over my eyes and guided me to his planned destination.

“Kendall?”

“Okay, open.” He said as he let his hands drop from my eyes.

I was breathless

“Kendall, you didn’t have to do this.” I said.

“I know, but I wanted too and don’t worry I know the 'just friends' rule, this is just a sincere apology for how I reacted.” He said with a grin.

Kendall had set up an entire dinner on the beach for us, talk about romantic.

Too bad we were just friends

We sat down and he poured wine for the both of us, “I haven’t been a good friend to you Jess, I’m really trying here.”

“Kendall, really you’ve been great. You are great!”

“I just haven’t had a good, sincere friend in a very long time and I’m grateful that you’ve come into my life so suddenly when I needed it the most.” He said.

I smiled, Kendall was a really great guy, any girl would be lucky to have him . Kelly was lucky to have him.

We talked a lot about our lives, our pasts, excluding ‘him’ and I’ve never felt more comfortable with a human being ever in my life.

“Want to take a walk?” He asked.

I nodded and he took me by my arm and we walked side by side along the ocean shore.

“Kendall, tell me something” I began, “Why me? What is so special, so intriguing about me?” I asked.

He looked at me and he grabbed me to sit on the sand with him.

“You’re the first person who’s made me feel like Kendall.”

I smiled.

“But don’t you feel that with Kelly?” I asked.

“Well, sure I guess but it’s different. You’re different”

I began to blush.

He put his hand gently under my chin and pulled me into a kiss.

Before I could get even more emotionally invested into this guy, I abruptly pulled away.

“Kendall, we can’t.” I started as I got up and began walking back to his car

He ran after me and grabbed my hand, “Why not Jess?” He sounded hurt.

“Kendall, you have Kelly. I have James. We aren’t meant for each other, this can’t work. We can’t work.” I said.

“Jess, I’m willing to give it all up-” He began but I cut him off.

“For what? You don’t know me well enough to give everything you’ve worked for in your life up, I can’t let you do that.” I blurted out

“Jess, don’t you see, that’s what I want.” He said as he brushed my hair out of my face and behind my ear.

I pulled away, “I don’t want that Kendall. Please take me home.”

Kendall stood hurt and quiet for a second and without a word we walked to his car to take me home.

And this was the point I knew, I’m afraid of feelings, afraid of getting hurt

I knew I could no longer see Kendall.

He scared me…. the way he made me feel scared me.

And I don’t think I could handle what ‘he’ put me through ever again.