Secret Safe Behind a Pretty Smile

It all started with a pink envelope.

Just a simple pink envelope, casually resting on top of his books. Alex stared at it, just stared. Surely it should be for someone else. He would be certain of that fact if his name wasn’t written neatly on the front in cursive script. With a frown he opened it, pulling out a piece of paper, also pink.

Roses are Red,
Violets are Blue,
I think you’re cute,
And adorable too.

Alex gazed at the poem, his face scrunching in confusion. This was not what he expected to find in his locker on his first day of Senior year. What the fuck?

“Dude, what’s that?” Jack asked.

“I think…I think it’s a love letter,” Alex frowned.

“What?” Jack laughed.

“Someone must’ve pushed it through the grate at the top of my locker,” Alex said, flipping it over to see if there were any clues about the author. This cursive handwriting was not one he recognised.

“Rian! Rian, check it out! Lex has got a secret admirer!” Jack said, beckoning their other friend over.

Rian’s eyes went wide in what Alex assumed was shock (because there was no reason for a blush on his friend’s cheeks), before he cleared his throat and composed himself.

“Someone wrote you a letter?” Rian asked, raising an eyebrow.

“A poem, actually,” Alex nodded, still frowning.

Rian’s lips curved into a small smile, and he read the note over, chuckling softly before handing it back.

“Looks like they’re old school romantic,” Rian said simply, opening his own locker, which was coincidently next to Alex’s.

“You’re a romantic, Rian. Who do you think would write it?” Jack asked, cocking his head to the side.

“I don’t know every romantic in the school,” Rian shot back, narrowing his eyes at Jack.

Alex frowned. Well that was strange.

“I bet it’s just a joke. Someone looking to make a fool out of me in Senior year before I leave. Well, it’s not going to happen,” Alex said firmly, shoving the pink note under a pile of books in the top shelf of his locker.

“People don’t joke about things like this,” Rian frowned, Jack agreeing.

“Alex Gaskarth is not someone to laugh at,” Alex said angrily, before slamming his locker shut and storming down the corridor.

“Did he just talk in third person?” Jack snickered.

“I’m surprised you even know what that is, Barakat,” Rian teased, slamming his locker shut.

“Fuck you, Dawson. Come on, we’d better follow him and make sure he doesn’t scare a load of freshmen,” Jack grinned.

*

Alex had almost forgotten about the love poem, until he arrived at school a week later. Until he opened his locker and found another pink envelope with his name on just resting on top of his books. He looked over his shoulders to see if anyone was watching him, there was no-one, before he opened the envelope, pulling out a sheet of pink paper similar to yesterday’s note.

If I could,
I’d write you a sonnet,
Or proclaim my affection,
Standing on a car bonnet,
Maybe then you’d believe,
That my feelings are true,
And then you’d understand,
How I love you.

“Okay, so maybe the note wasn’t a joke,” Alex murmured.

“You got another one?” Jack asked excitedly, bounding up to Alex’s side.

“Yeah, I guess I did,” Alex nodded, his eyes still scanning the words.

“Rian! Check it out! Alex got another love letter!” Jack squealed.

Alex winced at how loud his best friend was, wincing again as Jack grabbed the letter from his hands.

“Another one, huh? Looks like your secret admirer is serious,” Rian mused.

“I just wish I knew who he or she was!” Alex whined.

“It’s definitely a he. No girl writes love letters, they just expect to get them! Hah, Lex you’re the girl in this scenario!” Jack grinned.

“Shut the fuck up, Jack,” Alex grumbled as Rian and Jack laughed.

“The only person in this school camper than you, is Jack, let’s be honest,” Rian snickered.

Alex scowled, glaring at his two friends.

“I’m going to find out who he is. You wait and see,” Alex said firmly.

And with that, he stalked off.

“20 bucks he doesn’t figure it out?” Rian said to Jack.

“You’re on!” Jack giggled.

“I heard that!” Alex yelled over his shoulder.

This only made his friends laugh more.

*

When Alex didn’t get a letter all week, he was a little relieved. Maybe the ‘admirer’ had given up. But when Jack pointed out that both letters had been posted in his locker on a Monday, Alex was hesitant to get to school the following week. He didn’t know what to think about the notes. Half of him was freaked out that someone was actually writing them to him, but the other half of him was butterflying in happiness that someone liked him like this. It was a strange notion.

When Alex got to school, Jack was waiting by his locker, leaning against Rian’s locker next door to it, making him frown.

“Have you been here for long?” Alex asked.

“Nah, Rian drove me in this morning and then he went to talk to a teacher about something. There were a few people around, but no-one that I could remember. I went to the bathroom and then came straight here to see if I could catch anyone,” Jack explained.

“And did you?” Alex asked eagerly.

“Nope. No-one’s even stopped near me,” Jack replied, shaking his head.

“Great. If you’ve stopped me getting my note, I’ll kick your ass,” Alex grumbled.

Jack just snickered, Alex opening his locker in silence.

Don’t try and figure out who I am.
You won’t.
Just know that wherever you are,
I’ll always care for you.

“Hey, this isn’t a poem!” Alex frowned.

“I thought you didn’t like the notes,” Jack mused.

“Yeah, well, they could at least be consistent,” Alex grumbled.

Jack burst out in laughter, only making Alex scowl more.

“Oh lighten up, Lex. If they don’t want you to find out who they are, then you can’t. You’ll just have to wait to see if they slip up at all. Or wait until they decide to tell you themselves,” Jack pointed out.

“I don’t like waiting,” Alex groaned.

“Maybe these letters are a good thing. Maybe they’ll teach you to be patient. Love is never rushed, it takes it’s time to grow and nurture,”

Alex narrowed his eyes. “Do you know something about who’s writing these?”

Jack’s eyes went wide and he quickly shook his head. “Fuck no. My mom made me read that stupid Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars book during the summer to ‘mature’ me for the ladies this year,” Jack shrugged.

Alex frowned a little, but nodded. It would’ve been reassuring if Jack had known something, but if he didn’t, what could he do?

“Come on, let’s find out if Rian’s fucking that teacher for extra credit,” Alex smiled.

Jack nodded, so Alex walked down the corridor, not looking at his friend. Alex should’ve looked. He didn’t see a wave of relief pass over Jack’s face, or Jack biting his lip in worry. Alex didn’t see that at all.

*

Alex got into school early the next Monday, the fourth Monday of September. He was determined to find out who his secret admirer was, no matter how hard they protested that they would never reveal themselves. They had to slip up at least once, right? He grinned as he saw Rian’s car in the school parking lot, knowing that Jack would be here too. At least now he could recruit the both of them into staking out his locker in wait.

But when Alex got to his locker, he saw Rian standing in front of his own open locker, a pink envelope in hand.

What?
Why was Rian holding a pink envelope?
Unless…

Unless he had a secret admirer too!

“Dawson!” Alex called out cheerfully.

Rian froze, his eyes wide in panic as he realised Alex could see the envelope in his hand.

“Dude, do you have a secret admirer too?” Alex asked, grinning as he opened his own locker.

Rian let out a sigh of relief. Alex didn’t understand why.

“Uh, nah, this is yours. They, uh, must’ve slotted it through the wrong locker. Easy mistake, y’know, right next to each other,” Rian rambled, rubbing the back of his neck.

Oh. Well, Alex guessed that was fair enough. Still, it would’ve been nice to see someone interested in Rian too. Rian rarely dated, and Alex could never find out why.

“Okay, thanks,” Alex smiled, taking the envelope.

Rian chewed his bottom lip, watching as Alex pulled the letter out.

You don’t understand,
But you do know me,
Even though I won’t reveal myself,
I’ll be yours forever Alex G.

Alex couldn’t help but smile. At least it was a poem again, no matter how strange. And it was kinda sweet how the admirer said they’d be his, not that Alex was theirs. Kinda sweet.

“Interesting rhyming,” Alex commented, placing the letter in the top of his locker.

“You prefer the poems then?” Rian mused.

Alex shrugged. “I kinda like all the notes, actually. It makes it different, to have a mixed variety, I guess,”

“Fair enough,” Rian smiled.

~

First week of October.

I really liked the purple plaid shirt you wore this week.
It really suited you.
Purple is definitely your colour.
I can’t say I liked how many other people appreciated it too.
But I can say none of them appreciated it like I did.

Alex smiled at this note. That shirt was brand new, and no-one had commented on it at all on the day he wore it, so for the admirer to notice made him happy. He’d definitely be wearing purple again if this was the reaction he got.

~

Second week of October.

I swear that I can go on forever again,
Please let me know that my one bad day will end,
I will go down as your lover, your friend,
Give me your lips and with one kiss we begin ,
Are you afraid of being alone,
Cause I am, I'm lost without you,
Are you afraid of leaving tonight
Cause I am, I'm lost without you.

Alex really smiled at this note. Blink 182 were his favourite band, so for his admirer to quote their lyrics to him? That really made him happy. So happy he almost walked away from his locker with the note still in his hand. Almost.

~

Third week of October.

Rain is pouring,
Your mood is black,
I could put a smile on your face,
If only you’d like me back.

Alex did have a bad week, to be honest. Amongst class tests that he wasn’t ready for and chemistry experiments that nearly burned his hands, and the shitty weather, it was a really bad week. It wasn’t all that surprising that his admirer noticed. His weekend wasn’t much better, his parents seeming to be in bad moods themselves too. So the note actually cheered him up when he read it on Monday morning. Maybe this admirer was good for something after all.

~

Fourth week of October.

Your laugh is enchanting.
You laughed a lot this week.
It might have been because of Jack Barakat,
But I sometimes pretend that I can make you laugh like that.
But I can’t. I never have been able to.
Maybe one day. Maybe.

Huh. So the admirer knew Jack. That was a development. Alex had never had anyone compliment his laugh though. He thought it was quite brash and annoying, to be honest. So for the admirer to think his laugh was enchanting? That was new. A nice kind of new. And for the admirer to think that they wouldn’t be able to make Alex laugh told him something else too – they were extremely underconfident. At least about relaxing around him, anyway. Two new pieces of information he didn’t know before.

Not that this information helped. He still had no idea who his admirer was.

The notes kept coming, every Monday, like clockwork. Sometimes they were poems, sometimes they were song lyrics, sometimes they were just notes. Still Alex had no idea who sent them. He kept the pink letters in a shoebox he’d brought into school for that very purpose, keeping them in his locker for safe-keeping. Every time he got a new letter, it felt like his heart skipped a beat.

Sometimes it was frustrating, having someone like him without even knowing who they were. Some days Alex just wanted to throw away all the letters and just forget about it all, forget about the teasing and dissatisfaction. But he couldn’t. He just couldn’t bring himself to do that.

It was the last Monday of November. There were only two weeks left until Winter Break started, and Alex didn’t know what he would do when the letters would stop for the month holiday. He decided just not to think about it. Instead he just went to school as he usually did and went to his locker before Rian and Jack got to school, like he usually did.

Alex couldn’t stop the smile that spread across his lips as he saw a familiar pink envelope resting on top of his books.

You play the guitar so beautifully,
Sending adrenaline straight to my heart,
I just hope that one day,
We will never ever be apart.

Alex grinned, putting the letter with the others. He wondered if it was a coincidence that he’d brought his guitar in today, ready for band practice at Rian’s tonight. This note didn’t exactly help him get any closer to the ‘admirer’. The band had played a lot of local shows – loads of people from school had been to them. Still, it was actually quite nice to get a compliment about something so important to him.

“Get another letter, Alex?” Rian asked, arriving with Jack next to him.

“Maybe,” Alex smiled, walking to first class.

“Got any closer to figuring out your admirer?” Jack grinned.

“Maybe,” Alex smiled.

Rian and Jack froze.

“R-Really?” Rian stammered.

Alex raised an eyebrow at his friend’s strange tone, before laughing.

“Nope, not a clue. Now come on, we’ll be late!” Alex chuckled.

Rian rolled his eyes, Jack just shaking his head. If Alex really had been close, he wouldn’t’ve laughed.

*

December. The month where snow started to fall and alerted everyone that yes, the money sucking holiday of Christmas really was approaching. Alex’s dad had been forced to put snow chains on Alex’s car just so he could actually get to school, and it meant that Alex had also been forced to wrap up in a thick coat, hat, scarf and gloves. Alex hated winter. Hat hair was not a good look for him. But as soon as he’d unwrapped his many layers and his hair had returned to normal, he went about his daily business.

Alex was walking down the corridor on his way to meet Jack and Rian for lunch, when he crashed into someone, sending his books to the ground. Alex groaned, and bent down to pick them up, surprised when the person bent down too.

“Sorry about that, I was completely distracted. Let me help you,” the boy smiled.

Alex looked at the owner of the deep smooth voice, and fought to keep his jaw from dropping. This boy was gorgeous. Short messy black hair, beautiful hazel eyes, a bright smile and a lip ring? Perfect. Alex blushed as their hands brushed, smiling as the boy handed Alex his books back.

“What’s your name?” Alex asked, standing upright.

“Matt Flyzik. You’re Alex Gaskarth, right?” he asked, standing up too.

“You know my name?” Alex blushed.

Matt just nodded, smiling in a way that made his lips ring glint in the light. Smiling in a way that made Alex’s stomach fill with butterflies.

“Are you new here?” Alex asked, trying to start a conversation.

“No, I’ve been in at least one of your classes every year since freshman year,” Matt chuckled.

Now Alex felt like a dick.

“Sorry, I just thought I’d recognise someone who looked as good as you,” Alex said without thinking.

Matt smirked at Alex’s words, raising an eyebrow. Then Alex realised what he said, and blushed deeply.

“I can’t believe I just said that,” Alex groaned.

“I didn’t mind,” Matt shrugged, smiling.

Alex blushed a little more, but smiled back.

“I’ll see you around, Alex. Maybe now you know my name we can actually talk,” Matt mused.

All Alex could do was nod, watching Matt walk away in a trance, not even looking away when Rian and Jack joined him.

“Who was that?” Rian frowned.

“The love of my life,” Alex sighed happily, before walking down the corridor.

Jack and Rian shared a pained glance, before following Alex.

*

Over the Winter Break, Alex and Matt spent a lot of time together, just getting to know each other. And, y’know, each others lips. And as soon as they got back to school, the love letters increased, now two or even three a week just telling Alex how beautiful he is, and how the secret admirer would do anything for Alex, and how Alex was perfect in their eyes.

The way your eyes shine with passion
Makes me wonder if I could ever be a cause for that.
I wonder if I could ever be your passion,
As much as you are mine.

You blush a lot.
It’s a beautiful rosy tint.
I wish you’d listen to the words I say,
And finally take the hint.

See the sky,
See the stars,
All of this,
Could be ours.

You are perfection,
My words are true,
No-one on this earth,
Could ever be as beautiful as you.

Alex couldn’t have been happier, he really couldn’t.

Why?

Because Alex was convinced that Matt Flyzik was the writer of the letters. Why else would the letters have increased since they met in person? Matt had always known Alex, but Alex had never noticed him…it was perfect! And Matt was such an adorable romantic. He even held Alex’s hand in public. What more could Alex want?

Alex decided to tell Matt to just come clean about the love letters. Why hide behind an anonymous writer now that they were practically together? Hell, Matt had met Alex’s parents over dinner. And they’d made out on Alex’s bed multiple times, as well as Matt giving Alex a handjob. Matt was perfect. How could Alex be wrong?

February brought about a bad case of the flu. So many people were absent from school, including Rian, Jack and Matt. Alex hadn’t caught it, luckily, but it did mean that he spent his days at school alone, not even having the letters for company. That only strengthened Alex’s resolve of Matt being the love letter writer though. Why else would they stop when Matt was ill off school? The only person Alex really had to talk to who wasn’t ill was their friend and bandmate Zack, but seeing as he went to a school in Towson he really didn’t have much company during the school day.

Nevertheless, when the flu passed and everyone came back to school, Alex couldn’t have been happier. He had his friends back, he had Matt back and he had the letters back. Hell, even the first note back was an apology for being away.

I’m sorry I was gone so long,
I really hated being ill,
I hope my absence hasn’t changed things,
Because I truly love you still.

“Of course nothing has changed,” Alex breathed.

“You alright there, Lex?” Rian asked.

Alex yelped in surprise, blushing as he realised Rian must’ve been standing next to him while he said it. Well, that was embarrassing.

“J-Just fine, thank you!” Alex squeaked.

“Uh huh,” Rian mused.

“Shut up, Dawson. Where’s Jack?” Alex grumbled.

“He’s talking to Miss Barnes about letting us use the practice room at lunch time,” Rian shrugged.

“Then let’s go and find him!” Alex said quickly.

Rian just grinned to himself.

*

February quickly became March, leaving only a week until Spring Break, a week for Alex of just goofing around and chilling out with his friends. Of course, Alex hoped he’d get to spend time with Matt this year, but that was yet to be decided.

“Hey Lexy,” Matt grinned, greeting Alex as he got to school.

“Hey yourself,” Alex grinned back.

Alex blushed as Matt pinned him to his locker, Rian and Jack just rolling their eyes as the not-quite-yet couple started making out.

“Really? First thing in the morning?” Rian sighed.

Alex broke the kiss with an apologetic smile. Well, kind of apologetic. It’s not like he didn’t want to make out with Matt.

“We’ve got to get to class,” Jack said firmly.

Since when did Jack care about getting to class on time?

“Before you go, I want to ask you something,” Matt smiled down at Alex.

“Save me a seat?” Alex asked Rian.

“Sure, whatever,” Rian muttered, walking away with Jack following.

Alex frowned slightly at his friends’ strange behaviour, but then promptly forgot about it when he looked back at Matt.

“What did you want to ask?” Alex grinned.

“Would you let me take you to dinner Friday night?” Matt asked smoothly.

Saturday mornings were band practice mornings – his friends would understand if he was a little late, right?

“I’d love to,” Alex nodded.

“Perfect. I’ll pick you up at 6?” Matt suggested.

“Can’t wait,” Alex said happily.

Matt grinned and pressed a slow kiss to Alex’s lips before winking and walking away. Alex barely had time to grab his books out of his locker, as well as today’s love letter, before running to class. Dinner with Matt – how romantic! His life could seriously not get any better.

*

Friday night came before Alex even realised. He moaned as Matt pushed him against the side of his car, latching his lips to Alex’s neck. They had parked up outside the restaurant, but Matt clearly didn’t want them to go inside yet.

“You’re so fucking sexy in a shirt and waistcoat, you have no idea,” Matt groaned, sucking Alex’s lobe into his mouth.

Alex’s breath hitched in his throat, a slow smile spreading across his lips. If there was something he could never get enough of, it was Matt Flyzik’s touch. Fuck, this boy knew how to use his lips.

“Why don’t you show me?” Alex breathed.

Matt made a soft noise of surprise, before he kissed along Alex’s jaw, pressing their lips together firmly. Alex couldn’t help but moan, kissing Matt with just as much enthusiasm as he was kissing Alex. Before Alex knew it, Matt’s tongue was tangling with his, their bodies flush together, no space left at all. Alex gasped as Matt’s hands crept under the hem of his shirt, his thumbs pressed firmly against the indents of Alex’s hips, blushing as he felt his blood start to tingle. Then Matt broke the kiss, looking in Alex’s eyes. Alex swallowed heavily at the lust in Matt’s gaze.

“If we don’t go inside now, I’m going to ravage you where you stand,” Matt growled.

“Why go inside?” Alex said innocently.

Matt closed his eyes briefly, trying to compose himself, before he stepped backwards.

“I said I would take you out to dinner, so damn it we’re going inside,” Matt said firmly.

Alex chuckled and pressed his lips to Matt’s in a chaste kiss, before linking their hands together.

“Don’t think we’re not going to continue that later,” Alex grinned.

“Fucking right we are,” Matt smirked, tugging Alex towards the restaurant.

Dinner was great. Matt was the perfect gentleman after his hormones settled, and Alex enjoyed being spoilt for once. The food was amazing, the atmosphere of the restaurant was great and their conversation never faltered. And Matt refused to let him pay for any of it, no matter how hard he tried. It was the best date that Alex had ever been on, hands down. But what made the night even better was getting back to Matt’s house and finding that his parents weren’t home.

“Fuck Matt, harder,” Alex groaned, tugging on Matt’s short hair.

Matt moaned around his dick, his lips wet and shiny as he sucked, his lip ring giving just that extra bit of friction. Alex groaned again as Matt took even more of him into his mouth, burying his nose into the short dark curls at Alex’s base, Alex’s erection brushing the back of his throat.

“So…good…” Alex moaned helplessly, throwing his head back into Matt’s mickey mouse pillows.

Matt chuckled at how wrecked Alex sounded, only making Alex’s head spin even more. Fuck, this boy really did know how to use his lips. Matt moved his mouth back up Alex’s dick, dragging his tongue along the throbbing vein, sucking hard on the head to make Alex whimper.

“C-Close,” Alex choked.

Matt’s eyes looked into his own, the dark lust making Alex stiffen impossibly. A few more hard sucks were all it took for Alex to release into Matt’s mouth, crying out in pleasure, Matt bobbing his head to ride out Alex’s high before he swallowed. Alex moaned as his body collapsed, managing to smile at Matt as he crawled back up Alex’s body, their bare skin pressing together.

“So fucking good,” Alex groaned.

“I know,” Matt grinned.

Alex laughed softly and batted at Matt’s chest with his hand before grabbing his boxers off the floor and pulling them on as Matt did the same. Alex had already given Matt road head on the drive back to Matt’s house, so it wasn’t like Alex needed to return the favour now.

“So perfect,” Alex sighed, smiling as Matt pulled him against his body.

“Night Lex,” Matt chuckled, pressing a kiss to Alex’s lips.

Alex fell asleep with a smile on his face.

*

Alex was still smiling as he woke up in Matt’s arms the next morning. This felt right. He couldn’t believe when he started getting those love letters that he’d end up in the arms of someone so amazing, but here he was. Alex waited a little while longer, just watching Matt sleep peacefully, before he woke Matt up with soft kisses to his neck.

“Mm, morning,” Matt said gruffly, pecking Alex’s lips in a kiss.

“Morning to you too,” Alex grinned.

Matt smiled and pecked another to Alex’s lips, before lying on his back and yawning.

“You know, you don’t seem like the love letter writing type,” Alex sighed happily.

“That’s because I’m not?” Matt scoffed, rolling onto his side and propping his head up with his hand.

“What?” Alex said, confused.

“As if I would ever write a love letter! They’re so tacky and outdated,” Matt said, rolling his eyes.

W-What?

“I don’t think they’re tacky,” Alex muttered.

“What’s your problem, Alex?” Matt frowned.

Alex swallowed heavily, before looking at the newly-awakened boy sadly. All the laughing, all the flirting, all the conversation, all the touching and feeling…it had led to this?

“I just…you’re not the guy I thought you were,” Alex sighed.

“Excuse me?” Matt said, anger seeping into his words.

Alex couldn’t believe he was saying this. Especially over a bunch of love letters. But if Matt didn’t write the letters, the letters that he loved so much, then what was he even doing here?!

“I’m going, okay? And I’m not coming back,” Alex grumbled, getting out of Matt’s bed.

“Just because I don’t write fucking love letters? Are you serious? No-one does that romantic bullshit anymore,” Matt scoffed.

Alex pulled on his jeans, glaring at Matt. “Actually some people do. And I happen to like it,”

“Good luck finding that person, Gaskarth. You’re going to need it,” Matt snorted.

Alex roughly pulled his t-shirt over his head. “Fuck you,”

Before Matt could even reply, Alex had grabbed his hoodie, phone and house keys, and was out of his bedroom. So much for romance.

*

It took Alex half an hour to figure out where he was, and then another half an hour to walk back to his house. Not how he wanted to spend his Saturday morning. Alex slammed his front door, angrily stomping down to his basement. Zack, Rian and Jack would be coming round at some point for band practice and he just wanted to forget about the asshole that is Matt Flyzik. He slammed open his basement door, only to see his three friends already sitting on the sofas. To be honest he wasn’t surprised that they were already here. He could always count on his friends to be there for him.

“I hate my life,” Alex, flopping down on the sofa next to Zack.

“What’s wrong now?” Rian sighed.

“Worst fucking date in the history of the universe. I’m never seeing him again,” Alex exasperated.

“That bad, huh?” Jack giggled.

Why was Jack laughing? This isn’t funny!

“That dickwad Flyzik thinks love letters are bullshit. It wasn’t him that wrote them! After all that fucking effort I put in trying to get him to like me. I hate him. I hate romance. I’m burning the fucking letters,” Alex ranted.

Rian inhaled sharply, as did Jack. Zack just looked pissed off.

“Isn’t that a bit brash?” Rian said weakly.

“I don’t give a shit. I’m burning the fucking letters as soon as I get to school on Monday. I give up on romance,” Alex grumbled.

Without another word, Rian left Alex’s basement. What was his problem?

“You are such an asshole,” Jack snapped, before following Rian out the room.

Alex’s jaw dropped. Never had Jack spoken to Alex like that before.

“What the fuck is his problem?” Alex frowned to Zack.

“You’re kidding, right?” Zack scoffed.

“Uh, no? First Rian throwing a tantrum, now Jack, and soon you…I have enough to deal with without you guys throwing your own shit about!” Alex exasperated.

“Oh my fucking God, Alex! You are so fucking blind!” Zack yelled.

Alex gritted his teeth at Zack’s raised voice.

“Excuse me?” Alex asked as calmly as he could.

“Jack and I promised not to say anything but you leave me no choice. It’s Rian. Rian’s been writing you those love letters, the whole fucking time,” Zack spat.

“W-What?” Alex choked.

Rian? Rian wrote the letters?

“Yes, Rian Dawson, you’re best fucking friend. He’s loved you for years and you’ve never fucking noticed and he was running out of ideas! He’s the author of those fucking notes, not Matt fucking Flyzik, and you saying that you’re going to burn them over that dick not being the writer completely destroyed him. You’re so fucking blind! How can you not notice how in love with you Rian is? He would go to the moon and back for you without question. Fucking hell, Gaskarth. You don’t deserve him,” Zack said angrily.

Alex’s jaw dropped at Zack’s words, only closing it again when Zack left the room. He couldn’t believe what he’d just heard. Rian was his secret admirer?!

Rian Dawson, his best friend.
Rian Dawson, the boy that’s always been by Alex’s side, through thick and thin.
Rian Dawson, the boy that was such a romantic at heart.
Rian Dawson, the boy that’s always protected Alex.
Rian Dawson, the boy that’s always put Alex’s happiness before his own.
Rian Dawson…the boy Alex didn’t know was in love with him, but really fucking should have.

How could he be so stupid?

Alex ran up the basement stairs, bumping into Zack at the top. Zack just narrowed his eyes at Alex before nodding towards the living area. Alex felt a pang of sadness run through him at the sight of Rian crying into Jack’s shoulder on the sofa, Jack whispering soothing words in his ear.

“Go to him,” Zack murmured.

Alex looked up at his burly friend, before swallowing heavily and nodding. Alex waited until Zack had walked back down into the basement to walk over to his other two friends. He didn’t expect to be met with such a glare from Jack though.

“Go away, Lex,” Jack said firmly.

“Zack told me everything,” Alex whispered.

Rian froze, as did Jack, before Rian whimpered. Alex winced at how hurt Rian sounded. Jack sighed.

“If you’re going to hurt him more, I suggest you just leave, yeah?” Jack said.

“I just want to talk to Rian,” Alex insisted.

“Fuck no,” Jack scoffed.

“I need to,” Alex pleaded.

“Fuck n…”

“It’s okay, Jack. Might as well let him get this off his chest,” Rian mumbled.

Jack narrowed his eyes at Alex, before nodding and walking away. It almost hurt that Jack, the boy that had been Alex’s closest friend since forever, was siding against him. Alex sighed and sat down next to Rian.

“Rian, I…”

Alex trailed off, chewing his bottom lip. Where to start? Alex put his hand on Rian’s shoulder, only for Rian to shrug it off, making Alex frown.

“How could you be the letter writer? I was so sure it was Matt,” Alex said softly.

“It was never Flyzik. He doesn’t have a romantic bone in his body,” Rian grumbled.

“But I was so sure!” Alex whimpered.

“How could you not see it was me? I’ve always loved you, Lex,” Rian said sadly.

“But…you and Jack made jokes about the letters!” Alex protested.

“I made jokes to hide who I was,” Rian mumbled.

“You were never around when I got them!” Alex said.

“I was never around because I made sure I posted them really early before school before driving to pick Jack up,” Rian sighed.

“When Matt was ill with flu, the letters stopped,” Alex

“I was ill with flu too, remember?”

“And when I met Matt, the letters increased! I thought he was sending me a hint!” Alex whimpered.

Tears pricked at Rian’s eyes. “When I realised you liked Matt, I wrote more letters to try to steer you away from him. How could you be so fucking blind, Alex?”

“I just…I would never have guessed it was you,” Alex said quietly.

“Why? Because I was just the smiling sidekick? Because I was never your first choice to snuggle with? Because I’m not an obvious flirt?”

“Rian, I didn’t mean that, I…”

“I have always been there for you, Alex. I’ve always had your back when guys have started on you for being such a flamer. I’ve always let you copy my homework, even when it took me forever to do. I always let you have the last pop-tart, even though it’s my house and I wanted it. I always let you choose what game we play on my Xbox, or what DVD we watch. I always look after you when you get wasted drunk, making sure that no-one takes advantage of you. I’ve always cared for you, more than anyone else has, and you never fucking noticed,” Rian ranted.

“Rian…”

“No, I’m not finished, Alex. I have watched and waited for years, seeing you go through girl after guy after girl. You’ve never liked them like I like you. You’ve never cared for anyone like I care for you. Maybe that should’ve been a sign. Maybe I should’ve given up long ago, before I could get so attached to you that even being around you talking about someone else hurts. Maybe I should’ve noticed that you’d never be able to love me like I love you,”

“Rian…”

“Fuck you, Alex. Burn the fucking letters for all I fucking care. I don’t want anything to do with you anymore. I’m done. I’m fucking done. And don’t worry, I’ll forget my pathetic crush,”

With that, Rian stormed out the living area and out the house. Alex just sat in silence as Jack glared at him, following too.

“I’m sorry, Rian,” Alex whispered, a tear trickling down his cheek.

“Lex?”

Alex turned his head, smiling weakly when he saw Zack walking up from the basement.

“Rian and Jack left, huh?” Zack sighed.

Alex just nodded, resting his elbows on his knees and covering his face with his hands. Zack sighed again and sat down next to Alex, wrapping his arms around the skinnier boy.

“He’ll come round, Lex. Rian will calm down and he’ll be back. Then the two of you can talk properly,” Zack soothed.

Alex just shook his head. “He’s never going to talk to me again, I know he won’t. I’ve never seen Rian so angry or so broken, Zack,”

“Then why didn’t you talk to him just now?” Zack sighed.

“He wouldn’t let me. He just went into a rant and then interrupted me every time I tried to talk. I never even got the chance to say that if I had known it was him I would never have gone after Flyzik,” Alex said miserably.

“You what?” Zack gasped.

“He’s Rian. He’s my best friend and he’s special to me. I would never have chosen Matt Flyzik over him if I had known,” Alex exasperated.

“You should tell him that,” Zack said firmly.

Alex shook his head again. “He won’t listen to me, let alone believe me. I’ve fucked everything up for good, I know I have,”

“You’ve got to keep trying, if that’s how you really feel!” Zack insisted.

“No, it’s not use. I’ve fucked up and I’ve got to accept that,” Alex said sadly.

Zack stared at his friend, before shaking his head. Zack didn’t know how to get through Alex’s thick skull that Rian would never stop loving him, no matter what he said.

Rian would never stop.

*

Spring Break. The week and a half (counting both weekends) at the end of March and beginning of April that’s all about fun and fucking about, right? Well, for Alex, this year was the complete opposite. He barely even left his room, only to eat occasionally and shower once when his mom forced him to. He didn’t go outside, he didn’t talk to anyone, hell he barely even looked at his phone.

Not that anyone was talking to him other than Zack. Zack came over every single day, trying to get Alex to stop crying and to come out and party. But Alex was hearing none of it. All he wanted to do was bury himself under his duvet and pretend like his whole world wasn’t crashing down around him.

He begged Zack to just leave and have fun with Jack, Rian or any of his Towson friends. But Zack refused, saying that he couldn’t have fun if he knew Alex was this upset. It was noble, but dumb. There was no way Alex was going to be able to be happy this Spring Break. He’d hurt the only person who truly cared about him, and there was nothing he could do to fix it.

“Morning, Lex,”

Alex grunted a reply to Zack. Zack sighed and pulled back the duvet to reveal Alex.

“You should really shower, dude. I’m pretty sure you’re starting to rot,” Zack grimaced, taking note of Alex’s greasy hair, pale skin and dark circles under his eyes.

“I’ll shower soon before school starts again,” Alex muttered, trying to pull the duvet back over his head.

But Zack held on firmly, not letting go until Alex gave up fighting.

“Good. Now, get up and get showered. I brought over pizza, double pepperoni with extra cheese, just how you like it, and we’re going to go downstairs to your widescreen tv and watch horror movies all day. Whether you like it or not,” Zack announced.

“I don’t want to,” Alex sighed.

“I don’t care,” Zack retorted, staring him down.

In the end Alex did get up and got showered, dressing in a clean pair of sweatpants and an old t-shirt and hoodie, dragging himself downstairs to sit on the sofa. He didn’t look up as his mom walked through the room, smiling appreciatively at Zack, but he did look up as Zack shoved a piece of pizza in front of his face.

“Eat. I know you haven’t eaten since I last forced you to,” Zack said firmly.

Alex sighed but nodded, knowing it was better to just do what Zack said when he was in a mood like this. To be honest, the pizza tasted like the best thing he’d ever eaten, so he mentally thanked Zack for that.

“You feeling better?” Zack asked, passing Alex a second slice once he’d finished the first.

Alex nodded weakly. “Why are you doing this?”

“Because you’re my best friend?” Zack offered, raising an eyebrow.

“Besides that,” Alex sighed.

Zack smiled slightly. At least Alex’s stubbornness hadn’t disappeared. “Because you need someone right now, Lex. You’re in a funk and you need help. I’m here to help because I can and because I want to,”

“I’m in a ‘funk’ for a good reason, Zack,” Alex grumbled.

“For a reason that you can easily fix,” Zack pointed out.

“Yeah fucking right,” Alex muttered.

“I’m serious. Go up to Rian when school starts up again and talk to him. He loves you, Lex. He can’t let go of that so easily,” Zack said.

“Oh yeah? And how do you know that?” Alex scoffed.

“Because Jack’s been doing the same thing I’ve been doing. Rian’s a wreck, dude. Jack’s struggling to get him to stop crying and to get him to smell human just like I’ve been doing with you. You two need to talk this all out. It’s as simple as that,” Zack said.

Rian was a wreck? He’s been hurting just as much as Alex? That thought made Alex’s blood run cold.

“You really think it’s that simple?” Alex mumbled.

“Yeah, I do,” Zack nodded.

Alex chewed his bottom lip, thinking over Zack’s words. Could he really just go up to Rian and make him listen like that? After a brief silence, Zack cleared his throat.

“Now…Night of the Living Dead or Saw?” Zack asked, holding up the two movies.

*

The day that Alex got back to school after Spring Break, he knew what he had to do. Ignoring all the gossip about glamorous holidays and who hooked up with who and what was the new scandal, Alex searched high and low for Rian. It wasn’t until just before the first bell that he found him at his locker with Jack.

“Rian, I need to talk to you,” Alex announced.

“About what?” Rian muttered.

“You know what,” Alex said firmly.

“Hmm, no, can’t help you there, sorry,” Rian mocked.

Jack rolled his eyes at Rian’s attitude, leaning against his locker to pass the time.

“Why are you being such a dick? I want to talk to you about the letters, why is that such a problem?” Alex said, starting to get angry.

“Because you wanted nothing to do with them after you realised Flyzik wasn’t the author, remember?” Rian shot back.

“But when I found out you were the writer…”

“You wanted to burn them even more? Forget it, Alex. I’m done, remember?” Rian said angrily, interrupting.

Rian slammed his locker shut and stormed down the corridor before Alex could even get another word in.

“For fuck’s sake!” Alex growled, slamming his fist into Rian’s locker.

Okay maybe that wasn’t the best idea. Alex cradled his throbbing fist to his chest, but was confused to find Jack standing in front of him, smiling sadly.

“Zack told me what you said to him, y’know,” Jack said softly.

Alex’s face paled. “What do you mean?”

“He told me that you would’ve picked Rian over Flyzik, if you’d known,” Jack said.

Alex whimpered, only making Jack look sadder.

“Don’t give up, okay? Rian has loved you for years – give him time to calm down and everything will be okay,” Jack soothed.

“You really think that?” Alex said hopefully.

“Yeah, I do,” Jack nodded.

That was the best news Alex had heard since this whole ordeal started.

“Thanks Jackalope,” Alex said, smiling weakly.

“Any time, Gaskank,” Jack smiled back, before turning around and walking after Rian.

Alex let out a deep breath he didn’t realise he’d been holding. At least he’d got Jack back. Next step, Rian.

*

Alex sighed, slamming his locker shut after another bleak day at school. Rian still avoided him in every class. Rian still refused to talk to him. Rian still wanted nothing to do with him. It had got to the point where Alex had to sit with some of his other friends at lunch (hyperactive Kyle Burns and cheerful Caleb Turman) to stop Rian glaring daggers at him. It’s not that he didn’t appreciate his other friends not questioning his newly formed lunch habits, but it just wasn’t the same. They just weren’t Jack and Rian.

He hated it. He hated the tension, the anger and the frustration. Alex didn’t know what the fuck to do. Jack still sent him encouraging smiles and Zack still sent encouraging texts, but to be honest Alex was losing the will to keep fighting.

Why hold onto Rian if Rian wasn’t holding onto him?

So Alex had decided to do one final thing, one final leap of faith. He’d taken the shoebox of love letters out of his locker and walked out of school with them, waiting a bit after last class to do so. There weren’t many students hanging around still, so he didn’t get any strange looks. As soon as Alex unlocked his car to put the box in the trunk though, he felt a hand clamp down on his shoulder and spin him around. Rian?

“What are you doing with that?” Rian said angrily.

“With what?” Alex frowned.

“The fucking letters in the fucking shoebox, Lex. What are you doing with them? Why have you taken them out of your locker?” Rian demanded.

At least Rian didn’t hate him enough to call him by something other than his nickname.

“I don’t want them in school anymore,” Alex sighed.

Rian’s anger faded immediately. But to shock.

“W-What?” Rian choked.

“I said I don’t want them in school anymore. Did you not hear me?” Alex said, raising an eyebrow.

If Rian could be rude, so could Alex.

“B-But…”

“I thought you didn’t care anymore, huh Rian? Why are you asking if you don’t care?” Alex asked, his voice cracking at the end.

Alex didn’t wait for Rian to reply, and just slammed the trunk shut. He couldn’t face Rian right now. He couldn’t face Rian knowing that if he looked into those big brown eyes any longer, he would burst into tears. Alex got into his car and started the ignition, not looking into his mirror until he was pulling out of his parking space.

And he immediately wished he hadn’t looked at all. In the mirror he could see Rian, just standing helplessly, watching Alex drive away with tears rolling down his cheeks. All Alex wanted to do with reverse back up to his best friend and tell him he was sorry, but just as his hand reached to change the gear, another car pulled out behind him, blocking off his view of his broken friend.

So all Alex could do was drive, hoping that he’d be able to fix things, even after this.

*

Alex got into school the next day with a heavy heart. He was up most the night reading all of Rian’s letters, over and over again, crying at the heartfelt words. He couldn’t believe he’d been so blind, so stupid. How could he not have known the person who knew him best, the person who was such a romantic, was Rian? Alex barely had any sleep after this, waking up feeling drained, but he knew he had to go into school. He had to see Rian.

He ended up getting to school later than usual, still before the first bell though. Where could Rian be? Alex wandered the corridors, straining for any hints of Rian or Jack’s voices, knowing they’d be together. And he was right, of course. They were together. Just not how he imagined it. Rian had his back to Alex, crying to Jack who was standing there looking helpless. Alex walked closer so he could hear what they were saying.

“He burnt the letters after all, Jack. I saw him taking that fucking shoebox out of school. Why else would he do that if he wasn’t going to get rid of them?” Rian sobbed.

Alex knew right then that he was going to put an end to this mess once and for all.

“I’m sure he didn’t destroy them,” Jack sighed.

“Yeah fucking right, I…”

Rian stopped speaking when Jack’s eyes widened, staring over his shoulder. With a frown, Rian turned his head, only for his back to be slammed into the wall. Rian saw a flash of Alex before a pair of lips pressed firmly to his own.

“I’m going! I’m going!” Jack muttered, running down the corridor.

Rian snapped out of his frozen state as Jack disappeared, pushing Alex away from him. Alex still pinned him to the wall though, breathing heavily, his eyes dark and serious.

“What the fuck was that?” Rian growled, wiping his cheeks dry from tears.

“I was trying to kiss you,” Alex said firmly.

“I don’t want a pity kiss, Gaskarth,” Rian said angrily.

“Shut up, Dawson,” Alex spat back.

Rian didn’t have time to reply before Alex kissed him again. Alex moved his lips against Rian’s frozen ones, trying to encourage a response. Come on Rian, damn it! When Rian finally gave in and kissed back, Alex could’ve moaned. In fact, he did moan. Only quietly though. Alex kissed him fiercely, determined to show Rian just how much he did want him, creating a friction between their mouths that set fire to his blood. Rian whimpered at the aggressive kiss, his hands clutching at Alex’s hips, squeezing them so he’d never let go, so he’d never forget this moment.

It was when Alex’s hand slid into the back pocket of Rian’s jeans that Rian parted his lips, letting Alex’s tongue tangle with his, a soft groan tearing from Rian’s throat. As the kiss got rougher, more lustful, angrier almost, Rian found his blood starting to surge downwards. And when Alex’s hips pushed against his own in dirty little grinds, Rian’s blood definitely surged downstairs, making Alex grin against his lips when he noticed the growing bulge in Rian’s crotch.

It was that grin that brought Rian back to his senses, and he gently pushed Alex away, breaking the kiss. Both of them stood staring at each other for a few seconds, no sounds heard but their heavy breathing. Rian swallowed heavily, trying to understand why what he had wanted to happen for so long actually happened.

“W-Why?” Rian stammered.

“I needed to show you what you wouldn’t let me say last month,” Alex said softly, his hand rising to cup Rian’s face.

Rian let out a shaky breath at Alex’s touch, fighting not to lean into it. Alex swallowed heavily, fighting not to grin as Rian didn’t push his hand away.

“It’s really been a month?” Rian managed to ask, not believing they hadn’t spoken for that long.

Alex nodded sadly. “You kept interrupting me. You wouldn’t let me speak. I know you were hurt and angry, but you didn’t let me explain,”

“Explain what?” Rian asked.

“If I had known the letters were from you, I would never have picked Matt over you. Zack knew that. Jack knew that. I would always have chosen you,” Alex said, repeating the words he’d said to Zack back on that horrible day.

“But why?” Rian whimpered, “Why would you have chosen me?”

“Because you’re Rian. I don’t really know how else to say it. You’re Rian. You’re special to me. You’re one of my best fucking friends and you’ve always been there for me. I can trust you with my life, Rian, and that’s important. If I hadn’t been so stupid and not thought about the fucking obvious, we could’ve been past this by now. We could’ve been…together,” Alex said softly.

Rian’s breath hitched in his throat. T-Together?

“A-Are you saying you like me?” Rian choked.

“I wish I’d realised it sooner. But as I read over your letters, over and over those beautiful words, I realised just how much I care for you too. I was stupid, Rian. I’m sorry,” Alex said seriously.

“I thought you burned my letters. When I saw you taking the box out of school, I thought you burned them, just like you said you would,” Rian murmured sadly.

Alex smiled, shaking his head. “I could never burn them, Rian. I knew you were a romantic, but never this much. How could I ever burn something you wrote for me?”

Rian felt tears come to his eyes all over again, making Alex chuckle.

“Do you forgive me for being so blind?” Alex asked, his thumb rubbing softly over Rian’s cheekbone.

“Yeah, I do,” Rian sniffed, nodding.

Alex grinned and leant forward once more, pressing his lips to Rian’s again. Their kiss was a lot softer this time, their movement gentle, tender almost, like it was a kiss to last a lifetime. Rian sighed happily into Alex’s mouth, letting Alex’s tongue slide past his lips to gently toy with his own, a sweet kiss that made both their skin tingle in contentment rather than lust. Alex couldn’t help but to press his body completely to Rian’s again, wanting to be closer to the slightly younger boy, closer than he’d ever been with someone before. Rian’s warm blush on his cheeks was all it took to make Alex smile.

“Guys! Sorry to butt in but you’re gonna be late for class,”

Alex broke the kiss with a growl, glaring at Jack for interrupting.

“Jack, fuck off so I can fuck my boyfriend, yeah?” Alex growled.

Jack squeaked, his eyes going wide. Rian just blushed.

“Too much detail! Did not want to know!” Jack yelped, running away again.

Alex looked back at Rian, smiling at his still-present blush, and pecked his lips again. Fuck, it felt so good to kiss him, it really did.

“Why did you say that?” Rian asked softly.

“Say what?” Alex asked, cocking his head to the side.

“Why did you say that I was your boyfriend?” Rian said, blushing again.

“Because that’s what I want you to be. My boyfriend. Y’know, if you still want to,” Alex smiled hopefully.

All Rian could do was nod. Alex fought not to pump his fist in the air in triumph. Instead, he pushed Rian firmly against the wall again, their foreheads touching.

“I was serious about us fucking, by the way. Although…I’d prefer it if you fucked me,” Alex said innocently.

Rian’s jaw dropped slightly, before he composed himself.

“A-Are you for real?” Rian choked.

Alex grinned and cupped Rian’s crotch with his hand, squeezing gently to show how serious he was.

“Wanna get out of here?” Alex smirked.

“As if I’d want to be anywhere else,” Rian laughed.

*

“Are you sure you want to do this? I don’t want to rush you into anything,” Alex murmured, his fingers toying with the button of Rian’s jeans.

It had taken Alex the whole car ride back to Rian’s, the make-out by the front door, the make-out by Rian’s bedroom door and for both of them to take off their t-shirts to remember that Rian didn’t sleep around like Alex did. It took Alex that long to remember that Rian thought sex was something special to be shared between two people, not just a fuck-and-chuck fun run. Not that this could ever be a fuck-and-chuck, but still. He wanted to make sure.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Rian nodded, a little breathless, running his tongue over his slightly swollen lips.

“I mean it, Ri. I know sex is special to you so…”

Rian pressed a finger to Alex’s lips to interrupt.

“You are special to me. No, don’t grimace, it’s true. Sex with you is special because I…I like you,” Rian murmured, taking his finger away once he’d finished.

Alex couldn’t help the grin that spread across his lips. “I like you too. Fuck, I never thought I’d actually get to say that to you,”

“Well…now you have. Can we fuck?” Rian asked, cocking his head to the side.

Alex laughed and nodded, not wasting any more time in unbuttoning and unzipping Rian’s jeans, and pushing them down to the floor along with his boxers. Rian blushed a little, realising this was the first time he’d been fully naked in front of Alex, but stepped out of his clothing, leaving himself bare from Alex to see. Oh and did Alex see. Alex’s breath hitched in his throat as his eyes travelled greedily over Rian’s body, taking in every muscle, every dip and every angle. Fuck, he was beautiful. And his dick! Alex couldn’t wait to have that buried deep inside him.

“C-Could you get naked too?” Rian asked nervously.

Alex smiled softly, not realising that Rian was so nervous, and pressed a short but slow kiss to his boyfriend’s lips to calm him down. Once Rian smiled back, Alex slid his own jeans and boxers off, not taking his eyes away from Rian’s at all, watching his reaction intently. And Rian didn’t disappoint. As soon as Alex had stepped out of his boxers, Rian’s eyes dropped to Alex’s own erection, his eyes going wide with want and almost-black with desire. Alex felt his skin buzz at that very look – he’d never seen anyone covet him like that before.

“You are so beautiful. I don’t deserve you,” Rian breathed.

Alex quickly shook his head. “It is I that doesn’t deserve you, Rian. You’re beautiful,”

Rian blushed as Alex guided him backwards onto his bed until his legs hit the side and he fell onto his back, Alex falling on top of him. They both grinned, not wanting to waste time laughing, Alex pressing his lips eagerly to Rian’s instead. Rian couldn’t help but moan as Alex lowered his body down, their hard-ons rubbing together in a way that made Rian’s head spin. Alex pushed his tongue past Rian’s lips as the kiss got more heated, tangling their tongues in a battle for dominance which Rian eventually won, Alex settling for grinding his hips in slow circles.

Rian broke the kiss with a groan.

“Such a fucking tease,” Rian growled, looking up at Alex with lustful eyes.

Alex just grinned, circling his hips one last time before crawling down Rian’s body, watching how his boyfriend’s eyes grew wide in shock and lust, even more so when Alex pressed a kiss to Rian’s leaking tip.

“Fucking Alex,” Rian moaned, throwing his head back into his pillows.

Alex chuckled, kissing the tip again before running his tongue over his lips. He wanted to make Rian feel good. He wanted to make up for the years that Rian had kept his feeling hidden. He wanted to make sure Rian knew just how much he meant to Alex. He wanted to give Rian the best fucking blowjob of his life.

Rian let out a strangled cry as his dick was engulfed in a warm wet heat, his hands immediately threading through Alex’s hair and tugging gently. Alex moaned softly at the soft pull. He liked the pain. It was no secret that he was a bit of a masochist. Rian tugged gently again as Alex’s moan sent pleasure shooting through his veins, Alex just bobbing his head repeatedly and hollowing his cheeks eagerly, only wanting more pleasure for his boyfriend.

But Rian had to stop him as he felt a warm ball start to form in the pit of his stomach.

“N-Not yet,” Rian breathed.

Alex pulled off his dick with a grin, liking how he could tear Rian apart at the seams so easily.

“Where are your condoms and lube, babe?” Alex asked, crawling back up Rian’s body.

“Top drawer,” Rian moaned, squeezing the base of his dick to control himself.

What? Alex Gaskarth was naked and hovering over his body after sucking his dick, would you be under control? Thought not.

“I’m gonna stretch myself, okay?” Alex said softly, grabbing a silver packet and a half-empty bottle.

“If you want to,” Rian shrugged.

Alex smiled and coated three fingers in lube before reaching behind himself and spreading his cheeks. It had been a little while since he bottomed during sex, so he expected it to hurt, but Alex knew he could take two fingers straight off the bat. He always could. Rian’s breath hitched in his throat as Alex pushed two fingers inside himself, Alex’s jaw dropping open at the burning sensation.

“Fuck, Lex,” Rian gasped.

Alex just smiled and started to pump his fingers, scissoring and twisting them to make sure he was prepped enough. Rian felt his dick throb even more as Alex pushed in a third finger, a moan tearing from his throat instead of a wince. Fuck.

“I can’t wait anymore,” Rian said suddenly.

He ripped open the square foil packet and rolled the condom down his erection, squeezing the base of his dick again to make sure he wouldn’t come too early. Alex’s eyes widened his surprise but then he grinned, pulling his fingers out.

“Mm, someone’s eager,” Alex teased.

“I’ve been waiting 4 years for this, what do you think?” Rian retorted.

Alex chuckled and pressed a kiss to Rian’s lips before leaning back and lowering himself down on Rian. The moans spilling from Alex’s lips were almost enough for Rian to come to right then and there, but he forced himself to calm down, waiting until Alex had lowered down fully to let out a deep breath.

“So tight,” Rian grunted.

Alex just laughed softly.

“You’re thicker than I thought. I feel so full, so good,” Alex moaned.

Rian had never heard Alex speak like this before, but now he wanted to hear it every moment of every day. It was so fucking hot.

“Only move when you’re ready,” Rian said softly, although every fibre of his being was telling him to just pound into Alex.

Alex took another minute or so to get used to the intrusion before he lifted his hips, pulling nearly all the way off Rian, slamming them back down again. Rian moaned loudly, as did Alex, the smaller boy throwing his head back in pleasure. Alex repeated his actions over and over again, Rian waiting until Alex found a rhythm to start bucking his hips too, only intensifying the ecstasy.

“Fuck, Rian! Harder!” Alex cried out.

Rian gripped Alex’s hips tightly, so tight he knew he’d leave bruises, and bucked his hips wildly, feeling that ball of warmth start to form in the pit of his stomach again. He noticed that Alex’s movements were getting a bit sloppy, so he flipped them over, Alex laughing once in surprise when he landed on his back.

“Now, where were we?” Rian grinned.

Alex didn’t bother to answer, just letting Rian started thrusting like an animal, his moans getting louder and louder. Rian smiled and pinned Alex’s arms above his head, threading their fingers together as he continued to thrust, a sheen of sweat forming on both their bodies. Alex tilted his chin up and caught Rian’s lips in a hot messy kiss, tongues dancing and teeth clacking, the kind of kiss that only lovers can share.

“So close,” Alex panted, breaking the kiss.

Rian unlinked one of their hands and balanced on his other arm, reaching between them to wrap his hand around Alex’s throbbing dick. Alex cried out as Rian roughly jerked him off in time with his thrusts, not taking long to shoot his seed all over their chests, yelling Rian’s name as he did so. Rian groaned as Alex clamped down tightly around him, his release so close but still so far, his thrusts sloppy and uneven.

“Come for me baby. I want to feel you inside of me,” Alex breathed.

And that was all it took for Rian to tip over the edge, coming harder than he had in a long time. Rian pounded out his high, waiting until he was spent to pull out of Alex, and rolled onto his side so they were lying next to each other.

“O-Oh my fucking G-God,” Rian choked, panting desperately to catch his breath as he carefully pulled off the filled condom and tied it, throwing it in the general direction of the bin.

“So good,” Alex moaned, pushing his sweaty fringe from his face.

Rian managed a tired smile in agreement, leaning down to kiss Alex softly. Alex smiled into the sweet embrace, before pulling away slowly. And then rolled onto his side to reach over to Rian’s bedside table.

“Lex, what are you doing?” Rian asked, confused to why Alex would be writing something on a piece of paper now of all times.

“Ssh,” Alex murmured.

Rian raised an eyebrow as Alex kept writing, but left him to it, content with just tracing patterns in the light sheen of sweat on Alex’s bare back. Why would he complain about this view when he’d been craving Alex naked in his bed for years? A minute or so later, Alex rolled back over to face his boyfriend.

“Here,” Alex said shyly, passing Rian the small piece of paper.

Rian opened the note Alex passed him, his lips spreading into the widest smile ever as he read the words.

We’re finally together,
Although I took my time,
I have never felt happier,
Because I now call you mine.

Beautiful Rian,
My words here are true,
I hope you still love me,
Because I love you too.

“I wanted to see what all the love letter writing fuss was about,” Alex said simply, although he was blushing furiously.

“To think, I would never have got you if it wasn’t because of those letters,” Rian said happily.

“I can’t believe I fell for fucking love letters. So embarrassing. So worth it though,” Alex mumbled, nuzzling his face into Rian’s neck.

“You are so fucking adorable, you have no idea,” Rian laughed, wrapping his arms around the smaller boy’s waist.

“Don’t think you’re getting any more though. I don’t do that mushy shit for just anyone,” Alex grumbled.

“It’s a good thing I’m romantic enough for the two of us, huh?” Rian mused.

“Mm, whatever you say, love. Now…round two?” Alex asked hopefully.

“You read my mind,” Rian grinned.